My first sensations were of my form. What were to be my hands and arms were these chubby protrusions sprouting from my torso with the beginnings of stubby fingers. There was no ability to move them yet and I don�t even think there were real bones formed. My head was like this enormous bulb compared to the rest of my form and my neck hadn�t even become well defined. I had no legs that I was aware of, just this long protrusion which I would have to relate as a tail. Somewhat like a tadpole I guess. It�s pretty strange having a �tail� let me tell you. This in itself doesn�t say much to validate the experience. But then I began sensing vibrations. As I played over the experience these vibrations began to take shape into what I would come to know as sound. I suppose my mind was able to translate those vibrations somehow as I examined the memory as an adult since I don�t think I had developed ears yet at that stage. The sounds started taking shape, hollow and muffled at first, but eventually I began making out voices and background noises. My mother was in a doctor�s office. Someone asked her to fill out some forms. I will omit most of the details to keep it short, but I will point out the more interesting facts. She was talking to someone else (the doctor, a woman) and all the while I could feel myself jostling about as if I were suspended in a bowl of Jell-o.
I felt a disturbance in my surroundings and felt something foreign graze against the right side of my forming head. It was painful as it pushed against the forming flesh. The doctor soon told my mother that she was indeed pregnant and shortly afterwards my mom began crying. I could feel her sorrow as she wept but as this newly developing life, had no understanding of what that emotion was. She left the doctor�s office and I translated the sound of a vehicle moving for a time, and the distinct feeling of her walking up stairs after getting out of the vehicle. Then after closing the door to the house she met with another woman who sounded like my aunt Alice. They had a long conversation and the memory faded from there.
So when I told my mother all of this, needless to say her jaw hit the table. Of course I shared with her many more details than here. The doctor was indeed a woman. During the examination they found that I was positioned quite low in the birth canal which gave them cause for concern. Care was taken when this was discovered. And when I think of it, if this event is true, then this may be why the bones in my right ear are malformed and why I am deaf in that ear. My mother became deeply concerned and regretful when explaining to me that just because she was crying and sad when she found out, it didn�t mean that she didn�t want me. It was just for the thoughts of financial burden and other factors in her life at that time which would have been greatly affected by having a child. I already understood this and put her mind at ease by telling her so. After talking about it we both found it completely amazing and it actually helped bring us closer together in my opinion. It seemed to strengthen the mother-child bond between us.
This memory was experienced when I was 29 years old in the spring of 1996. It was experienced through the application of a form of retrogressive therapy known as Dianetics. And just to set the record straight, I am not a Scientologist and in no way follow that religion. But the tool of Dianetics, I must admit, is an excellent tool to uncover repressed memories and deal with them on a conscious level. Much better than any other form of therapy I had undergone. I wouldn�t expect anyone to take my word for it that this experience is true, but it is my experience that I freely share for those who wish to understand my journey better. It is born of Truth to the best of my own knowledge and ability and the choice is yours on how to take it.
Any other memories that I have before I entered Kindergarten are fragmented and few. Most revolve around moments of physical or emotional pain, stress or trauma. Such as the time when my tricycle was stolen by some neighborhood twin boys. Or the time my father brought home some fish from a deep sea fishing trip where I reached in to touch them and painfully cut my finger on the teeth of one of them. Also my first backpacking trip. I was the youngest one to go and kept falling behind. My father kept saying he was going to leave me behind and I cried terribly at the thought of abandonment and from the fatigue of the rigorous trail.
My more solid memories of this life did not really begin until I started going to school. My conscious will and intellect began taking flight around that time and this is when my life as a truly conscious being really began. This era is discussed in the next section.
