The Mexican should have been titled The Mess ican. Five years ago Jerry, played by Brat Pitt, ran a red light causing a wreck between his car and a car driven by mob leader Margolis. Unfortunately when the police arrived they discovered Margolis had a witness to one of his crimes, still living, but not for much longer, tied up in the trunk of his car. As a result, under threat of death, Jerry, a complete and total bungler, has been forced to repay the imprisoned Margolis by running errands for his mob during the five years Margolis has been in prison. For his last job Jerry is ordered to go to Mexico and bring back a valuable, and supposedly cursed, antique pistol called The Mexican. Jerry's shrill girlfriend, Samantha, played by Julia Roberts, breaks up with Jerry when she learns he's going to Mexico instead of Las Vegas as they agreed, but is promptly kidnapped by Leroy, one of the mob's hitmen, to ensure Jerry brings the pistol back as he has been told. Will The Mexican result in the death of Samantha or Jerry or is their love enough to overcome its curse?

This is a bad movie. I mean really, really, really bad. I mean so bad that my wife and I both looked forward to it being over so we could leave the theatre and put it out of our minds. How on earth Julia Roberts could go from Erin Brockovich to this tasteless, humorless piece of dreck is impossible to understand. Out of all the films I've seen during my life I have only walked out of one before it ended, the completely offensive Payback, but I came very close to getting up and leaving The Mexican long before it came to its slow and unentertaining end. Imagine a Quentin Tarratano film, such as Reservoir Dogs, starring the Three Stooges and you'll begin to understand just how bad this movie is. This was a romantic adventure comedy that had very little romance, a dull adventure and no humor. None of the characters were sympathetic; in fact, the most appealing character in the film is a junkyard dog. The one exception to this is the brief appearance of a character, played in an uncredited role by one of the most talented actors in Hollywood, who manages to bring the entire film up to tolerable levels, but only for the ten or fifteen minutes that he appears.

No offense intended to our neighbors South of the Border, but The Mexican is a perfect argument for buying American.