REDNECK IF.........
PART 3
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an'lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes, a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister and girlfriend, and only need to buy one gift.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
Your participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contes."
You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be' a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "misunderstood."
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is reffered to as "your senior year."
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
Your biggest ambition in life is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn...."
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alchohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have 5 cars that aren't mobile and house that is!
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jello-o mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You ahve a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis in your living room.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
You dad is also your favorite uncle.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was "Friends in Low Places".
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'holp, cause she has a flat tire... on her house.
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen.
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
A sign that says "Say no to crack" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collections.
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
