Author: Inca
Feedback: Cause they got into my happy place - [email protected]
Rating NC17
AU Liam/William
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: AU
Summary: Risen from the ashes, as an Angel
Authors notes: Much melancholy. And the song Will is listening to at the end is 'Feels like Rain' � the Adrian Neville version.
***
�Dr Telleck...� The sympathetically soft voice murmured from the doorway. �Maybe you should go home.�
He looked up blearily to see Sally in the doorway, holding a small nurse�s bag. He smiled like it was nothing and shook his head, shifting in the uncomfortable seat.
�I�m fine.� He said. Ignoring how much black was under his eyes and the yellow sick hue to his skin underneath the stubble that he'd seen when he went for a coffee four hours ago.
Sally shrugged and walked in, perching on the bed, and pulled out a little flashlight. �Any change?�
Will looked at Liam on the bed, still crying silently, mouth open and closing around silent words that had no voice behind them, still shuddering in the confines of the straps, still trying to tug his arms out of the straitjacket.
�No. Not much.� He admitted quietly. �He said a whole sentence this morning.�
�Well that�s good.� She said reaching over Liam�s twisting body gently and opening his eye, shining the light in. She made a disappointed face. �If there�s no change we�ll have to give him major sedatives to put him on an IV.�
�You can get him to drink every now and then.�
She nodded. �Yes, but he needs vitamins and � �
�Daddy?� Liam asked, in a scared little boy voice. He let out a low howl and fidgeted more when the response wasn�t what his body was used to. His face was crumpled up in pain, and he�d go to sleep soon, after he tired himself out from pulling at the bindings.
�Still asking for him huh?� Will averted his eyes. Sally continued on unaware. �His father always upset me. He came a couple of times and sat in the visitor�s room with this � look � on his face. All angry and sick and disgusted. But Liam was always so happy to see him anyway.�
Will smiled sadly. He was so exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. �He died, didn�t he?�
�Heart attack. He was the only one left from Li�s family.� She pouted and tested his blood pressure. �I heard Liam�s wife�s side of the family cause a big problem when he turned up at the funeral, yelling and then into fist fighting �� She shook her head determinedly. �I don�t care what the jury said. Liam couldn�t have done those things.�
�I don�t think he did.�
Sally looked at him, eyes wide, surprised that he was agreeing with her. �Really?� She said, pulling her stethoscope out of her ears and sitting on the bed.
Will was too tired to think about dodging and ducking and saying things subtly and tactfully. Liam�s gaze rolled over him blankly before returning to the ceiling.
�I think three other people did it to his family.�
She laughed a little shocked laugh. �Really?�
�That�s what I believe.� He said firmly.
�What � what are you going to do?� She asked, blinking in surprise.
�I�m gonna try to get him out. Out of prison, into a carers supervision maybe.� He looked at Liam and bit his lip. �He doesn�t belong here.�
�Well I�m glad someone with the know how finally sees that. All the nurses and guards here love Liam. He couldn�t have been playing us all this time.�
She smiled hopefully and it lifted Will�s spirits.
�I�ve never seen a doctor so involved with his patient.� She said.
Will looked at her quickly and saw only admiration on her face. That�s alright then. He breathed out. �I care about him, yes. Because I don�t think he deserves to be here.�
She nodded and looked sympathetically down at Liam still squirming and useless on the bed. �Take a break Doctor.�
�Just came off one.� He lied. �I�m fine, just a little sick.�
She looked at him for a moment and then left it, leaving the small musty room, letting the door shut behind her. As soon as it clicked, Will�s hand went back to playing with Liam�s hair.
�Daddy?� he whimpered brokenly.
�I�m right here baby. I love you so much and I know you�re coming back. You�re so brave, Pet.�
He hadn�t wanted to push so hard. He didn�t think that asking for one night would cause� this � this empty�
He scratched out the growing unease and closed his eyes against the painful sight of Liam twisting around possessed, his eyes rolled back in his head demonically.
�I�m sorry Pet. I just needed to know. I thought if I had all the little pieces � I could finish the puzzle and make you whole.� He opened his eyes and gazed down at him, skin pallid in the dark room. �I�d take all of it back if I could.� He whispered.
Liam shifted in the straitjacket and whined.
After a while he calmed a little. Or had tired himself out. He seemed to fall into a fitful sleep as Will still stroked back his hair. �I thought I�d just pet you again, and we�d play and you�d be fine.� He confessed, still trying to smile, laugh it off. He felt like he�d tried to push Liam too close to the sun and his wings had melted and now � he was plummeting.
�I�m sorry. You�re more fragile than I thought. I didn�t mean to hurt you.�
Liam shook in his sleep. He�d been doing this for about three days now. He slept for a few minutes or a few hours and he�d wake himself up and be just as scared as he was before. Will didn�t know how longer he could take glassy eyes and painful faces and noises like animals being shoved towards shiny biting meat grinders.
Liam whimpered in his sleep.
�I�ll look after you this time. Properly.� He stroked his face. �I won�t ever make you do anything you think you shouldn�t. Never anything you don�t want to. Never again.� It was almost a vow.
Liam slept on, but was fidgeting more and more.
It wasn�t �sposed to be like this.
�I�ll take care of you.�
Liam opened his eyes like he�d been slapped and started whining, the tears falling from him eyes again, his face wet and puffy.
�Shhh, shhh, it�s alright.�
�Da��
�Right here sweets.� His other hand coming up to cup Liam�s jaw and run his thumb across the shaking lips. �Don�t feel so bad, come back and we�ll draw together. You can draw Bucking�am Palace for me.�
Liam whimpered.
�Remember that baby? You were so happy when you saw that. Changing of the guard and all that bugaboo.�
�Mmmfff�� he mumbled, his eyes looking like they were trying to see Will but couldn�t, reaching his face and then propelling away before sliding back.
Big scared doe eyes.
�I�ve been thinking about it. I think I fell in love with you that night, that first night you gave me all those drawings.� He felt like he was going to be crushed by the weight of everything pressing hard against his chest, crushing the life and the hope out of him with every breath. �I could tell everything about you by those little pictures, luv, everything. This hills from your window, but with no fence, like you�re free inside, the birds that looked so curious, like you put yourself into the feathers, the baby chicks in the nest - sweet and ageless inside as you are. How you see me, messy haired and young looking though I try not to be � you see me, more than most people do. A damn sight clearer than most. Innocent sight, the things you see and hear, you don�t have a bad bone in your body. And the chapel that you �ave here, warm and inviting. The things you draw are so � you, and I saw it that night. Saw into you, past all the stars in your ears and the colours in front of your eyes, and I fell in love.�
Liam closed his eyes, his head continually jerking on his pillow. His hair was sweated and dishevelled over his forehead.
�I didn�t admit it then. But I do now. I love you. I love you with all my heart, and if you stay like this �� he bit his lip, �Then I�ll just have to stay right here as well, because I�m never gonna let you go.�
�Never.� Liam whispered softly.
A flood of tears leaked out Will�s defences in less than a second, so relieved at the almost proof Liam could hear him.
�Never. Never ever.� He said faster, �Come back from the wild woods or that night or that apartment with the monster on the wall. Wherever you are in that pretty head of yours. Please? For me?�
Liam looked peaceful for a moment and Will held his breath, huge and burning his lungs.
Liam started twisting again, animal noises escaping when he found he couldn�t free himself, glassy eyed and vacant.
Will exhaled.
And let the tears run.
**
�Yes.� Will said, completely not listening. With some effort, he turned his mind from Liam and focused on his session.
��And they�d just � they were all just � asking for it. I�d see them at the school and my fingers would itch for it, man.� His patient rambled like a junkie.
Will quietly sighed. He detached. �Why were they asking for it, what was it about them?� He asked, looking at the man�s big hands scratching at the desk, scrabbling against the plywood. He was twitching as he talked.
Crazy as all fuck.
�They were just � too clean.�
�The children were too clean. Does that mean adults are dirty?� Will asked.
Liam wasn�t doing any better. He had been moved to the sick ward and placed on sedative drugs and an IV. The worrying thing was that Liam had to be taken off most of his normal meds for the heavy sedative. He hoped it wasn�t affecting him too much.
He hoped he wasn�t having nightmares.
�Well, yes.�
�So why is it a bad thing to be clean?�
�Because its not natural!� He yelled and Barry�s hands came down to settle on his shoulders, a reminder to calm down.
Will breathed in and doodled on his clipboard. Lots of sharp, triangular squiggles. He scrutinised it as the man yammered on about the cleansing of flames and tried not to roll his eyes at the fact the man was burning the children because they were too clean in the first place.
He couldn�t be arsed pointing it out.
He tried to make his squiggles look like he was jotting notes.
��And I�d be telling them they needed the pain��
Will didn�t feel sorry he wasn�t trying to help him. He realised that was wrong � and also against his Hippocratic Oath, but he couldn�t give a fuck.
He wanted to be sitting with Liam. He swallowed the voice blaming him for Liam�s condition and just breathed. He was sorry. He hadn�t known this would happen to Liam. He was so sorry.
An overwhelming anxiety gripped him as he wondered if Liam had woken up. Scared and with tubes sticking out of him, tired and alone in the sick ward. He�d be wanting to see him and he was here, listening to some black excuse for a human being rattle off inadequate reasons for wanting to hurt children.
He gripped the clipboard tighter and forced himself not to give an excuse. They�d tell him if Liam had woken up.
� �And when I went home I�d have a coke.�
Will raised his eyebrows at the patterns on his page, saw a warning sign for any psychiatrist and unclipped a fresh sheet to start on. He clipped it over the angry frightened ragged lines.
�And how did that make you feel?� He answered on autopilot.
**
Will hadn�t been home to his apartment in weeks. He�d tried, but the memories � they ate away at him, speeding up the deterioration from the guilt. He had pretended he was going home a few times. Everyone believed him.
No one would wonder why.
He was sure all the milk had gone off in his fridge by now.
He lay down in his office bedroom, watching the midnight sky through the window. He�d only just left Liam and had a shower.
He missed his paintings.
A heavy sigh filled the room.
He missed his artist more.
He tried to get some sleep. He�d promised Liam he�d be back at six.
**~~**
Angel shivered in the darkness.
They�d gotten in.
He had always been so safe here, it was his spot. When he didn�t want to walk or talk and someone else too over him he was safe to hibernate here.
�Liam�� Harlen�s voice echoed through his head. Through his happy spot...
He was broken and torn.
Lying in his spot.
It was his spot. His safety, his protection against the world.
They�d turned his place from the nice cosy cave and bed it had always been to a sightless texture-less nothing and it was hell upon hell and Angel was dying in it.
�Play with me Liam. You�re mine.� Harlen�s hand rubbed up his back. He choked out some vomit into the nothingness. �Pretty boy.�
He tried to call for Will, like he had so much since he�d gotten stuck in the black, but he had no voice. No sound at all, only sad noises.
Harlen�s hands holding his hips but he couldn�t see a thing. He looked around wildly for light, any light at all.
He was trapped in emptiness and he couldn�t get away, Harlen�s hands were all over him and Will was nowhere.
He tried to get away again and called out for his Daddy, but Will didn�t swoop in with the stars to save him.
This was his existence now.
He screamed.
**~~**
Will settled into the book he was reading about vampire hunting prowess, hidden carefully behind the much larger �101 Defences: How the mind shields itself�.
A Britney song flicked on the radio and Will frowned. He changed the channel. Liam had been tortured enough.
His gaze rested on the man in question, lying limply and drugged out on the hospital ward bed, mouth moving slightly and eyes staring sleepily scared out the window.
Still no active responses from him.
He decided to try. �Like this station Angel?� He asked of the easy listening station.
No response, just the same silent words and same vacant stare. The sun was setting peacefully behind the hills and Liam�s face was lit dark yellow by it. He was still beautiful.
A song started up on the new channel. Familiar and bittersweet like tears, not his type of music � but he knew the song anyway. A song his mother used to listen to a lot.
Will smiled and turned the radio up.
Down here the river meets the sea
In the sticky heat I feel you open up to me
Love comes out of nowhere, baby, just like a hurricane
And it feels like rain
Will crooned along unafraid, knowing Marge had knocked off early for the night. He imagined Liam would smile and purr at the next lines.
Lying underneath the stars right next to you
Wondering who you are baby
Will sang and smiled, the bottom of his sight starting to cloud over with wet distortion.
Oh, the clouds roll in across the moon, and the wind howls out your name
And it feels like rain
He reached out and grabbed for Liam�s hand. A tear slipped out and he brushed at it angrily.
Looks like we're in for stormy, stormy, stormy weather
That ain't no cause to leave
Liam remained staring out the window. He blinked slowly but didn�t notice Will�s singing. This was Liam�s third month in an unresponsive state.
Let it wash away the pain�
And it feels like rain
Back to Inc's Fic Chapter Fifteen