Angel: Can we stop "Nessa's ode to Eliza/Faith"?
Spike: Sounds like Peaches is getting a little jealous...
Angel: It's not that I'm jealous, it just has nothing to do with the episode...
Fuck off.
So Angelus bites Faith and drinks her blood, but we get a little flashback to see Faith injecting herself with Orpheus before hand... even though I don't like to say anything bad about episodes with Faith in them... can I just ask if Orpheus knocked Angelus out right away, as soon as he drank her blood, wouldn't Faith have had a hard time fighting for 5 minutes with it injected into her bloodstream? Holes, holes, holes everywhere.
Inca: Ah, but she's a Slayer.
A cool one at that. Buffy could never take Angelus down, the stupid tramp.
Angel: You know, she is the love of my life...
Inca: It's interesting that, isn't it? I mean, you claim to be in love with her, then she dies and you go to Tibet...
A good point raised by Inca. Not just a pretty face. Like Faith. Anyway... so Angelus is all knocked out and Wesley gets up and he's all "Are you ok?" and Faith's like "Kicked his ass." Then cut to the hotel. Gunn drags in an unconscious Angelus, and Wesley struts in with Faith in his arms.
Angel: I doubt he strutted.
Would you know? No, you were knocked out. So shut up.
Spike: Ooh, Angel's getting in trouble...
Inca: You shut up too.
So then Gunn and Connor lock Angelus up in the cage again... and -
Inca: You know, that's really unfair... him being in the cage...
Away from his patented "I'm evil so I wear them" leather pants...
Inca: And the eye-liner. Don't forget he didn't wear eye-liner... which kinda begs the question, how does he put it on? He can't use a mirror...
Holes, holes, holes everywhere. Anyway, Wesley puts Faith on the bed and Lorne notices the needlemark on her arm and he's all "Tell me you did not shoot that girl with junk and then feed her to Angelus." And Wesley is all "She knew the risks." And Lorne is all angry, because he's seen what Orpheus does to people... which I thought was nice, coz all these people care about Faith. And so they should.
Spike: You know, people might think you're strange coz you obsess over Faith.
Inca and Ness: Yeah, well some people don't like puppies.
And then of course we come to one of the shittest scenes... a Cordy scene. Yeah, I know you're preggers, Charisma, but that does not give you the right to stop using variation in tone. Use a little expression in your voice. For the love of God! Connor tells Cordy they have Faith and she gets all shitty... not important seeing as Faith herself isn't there.
Angel: You know, I haven't been mentioned in awhile.
What do you want me to say, that you're locked in a cage and lying there doing nothing?
Inca: Having a wank...
Angel: I'd rather I was doing nothing...
Inca: Like always...
Spike: Ooh, score one for curls.
Oh but before I move on from that scene... Cordy had to do it... she said "special". ARGH! That word now holds... NO meaning to me whatsoever. Special, special this, special that. All said in that stupid, smarmy monotone, like she's so much better than everyone else.
Angel: Ahem... this show is called Angel.
Inca: Wow, you're a genius...
Alright, so it's flashback time, and it's Angel's past after he'd first gotten the soul. Faith is there to be his guide, something like that, coz their minds melded through Orpheus. Strange, but hey, let it go... Faith figures it's her last task... babysit Angelus until they shove his soul back up his ass.
Inca: They're putting Spike inside him?
Spike: I'm topping?
Angel: Soul! Oh... it's because she said "up his ass", isn't it?
Inca: *claps* Well done...
Watch out Harvard. So, hey, flash over to the 20's outside some Jazz nightclub, and there he is. Our Dark Avenger, sitting on a seat, looking sad and mopey -
Spike: There's a change. Spent 100 years with that man and all he ever did was bitch and moan. And that's when he was soulless.
Inca: Nice to see some things never change.
Meanwhile, a puppy runs into the road and a car comes... Angelus starts freaking out as he watches Angel save the puppy. Faith, along with the viewers, finds it hilarious. But cut to the present and Lorne is sitting vigil over Faith and sings to her. Marcarthur Park -
Inca: Bloody stupid song... "somebody's left a cake out in the rain..."
Spike: That's the song? Oh Lorne, what are you doing, mate?
Inca: *makes Jezz face*
Spike: You alright?
Inca: *flips him off*
Angel: Can we get on with it? Shall I tell us what happened? Well, I was still out cold on the ground -
I don't think anyone said yes. And you're always out cold. But yeah, as Lorne sings, it was very moving, because he thought she was going to die.
So a flashback is in order! This time to the 70's and who walks into a coffee shop but... OH MY GOD! It's Angel... with long hair and a fringe.
Inca: Mmm, long haired Angel...
Spike: A fringe?
Angel: Yeah, it was a bad hair decade.
Spike: Try bad hair lifetime.
Angel: Bleach head.
Alright, before we get into a lover's tiff... so Angel saunters over to the jukebox in pornographically tight striped pants, and selects a song... and it's... MANDY! Ok, then Angelus tells Faith that he'll always exist deep inside Angel, he's the dark side...
Inca: Of the force.
Yes, of the force. He's the Darth Vadar of Angel. Anyway... Mandy is interrupted when a guy with a gun shoots the... coffee worker man, and Angel goes to help him, then feeds off the dead body and scarpers.
Spike: Hahahaha!
Angel: I was feeling remorseful!
Inca: Use the force, Angel.
Angel: What?
So then Angelus taunts Faith and tells her she's a murderer and she knows how good that "blurry line" tastes. And she starts to fade faster, and her struggle is evident in the real world. Connor goes to hold her hand but is interrupted by Wesley, who announces it's time. And who appears to help re-ensoul Angel? Why the only living person who has ever successfully done it. Willow!
Willow talks to Cordy, Cordy accidently gives Will an idea about how to get the soul while caressing a knife. Weird. But this scene doesn't have Faith in it, so we'll move on.
Angel: No, Willow arrived earlier...
Inca: How would you know, you were knocked out!
Ok, so a new flashback... Angel eating rats. Then in the real world, Willow and Cordy are having a magical fight. Willow wins, duh, and she starts the spell. Meanwhile, Faith is dying as Angel and Angelus see each other and fight. Angel is still pep talking Faith, with that stupid mullet wig on! ARGH!
Inca: Wig!!!
Cordy tells Connor he has to kill Angel to protect their family. *shudder* I hate preggers Cordy. Then Faith gets up to fight and she disappears from the flashback. Angel and Angelus are back together as one, and Faith wakes up and runs downstairs. And then... *excited* she stops Connor before he can kill Angel. And she says...
Inca and Ness: "Pick me up a switch son, there's about to be a whoopin."
Best scene ever! Faith beating Connor's ass into the ground and of course, Lorne running down with the classic "She's alive, it's a miracle!". Angel stops Connor and he's all "I'm back."
Angel: You know -
Spike: Peaches, if you're going to argue, I'll remind you that you were knocked out.
Then Faith decides to go to Sunnydale with Willow and she says her goodbye's, chiding Angel, saying he wanted a hug.
Inca: He did... but from Spike.
Spike: How romantic... my knight in... a hoodie. And a coat.
Angel: Leave me alone!
Then once Willow and Faith leave (after Willow thinks Fred is a lesbian... hehe) Cordy comes downstairs in her stupid gothic pregnant Halloween costume. It was the stupidest thing ever, all black with beads and straps, and then stiletto boots. What the hell was that about? And she confesses she's preggers.
Inca: She ate her baby.
Spike: Yum.
Angel: Yuck.
Shut up. Ok, so that was the end. Yay, Faith!
Angel: You should see someone about this obsession...
And you should see someone about your chapped anus.