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| The Gayest Movi Angel: Heyyy!!! I was in that movie!!! Spike, Inca and Ness: Hence it being gay... Angel: Heyyyy!!! |
| Ok, so this movie starts with a Valentine's Day dance at a primary... or "Elementary" school, and it shows some geek loser asking really ugly little girls to dance. And there's a cherub dancing in the background. Spike: WHAT? Angel: I'm not ugly! She didn't say you were, she said you were the loser. The girls were ugly, unless you're a little girl, Angel? Angel: Heyyy!!! Spike: Cherub? Yeah, it just is. Anyway, all these girls turn him down, except one who's nice and she tells him later. Then the fat girl makes out with him. Spike: Score, a fat chick! Angel: Shut up, it wasn't even me, it was some other kid playing me. Oh, you're so smart Angel... Then these other boys beat him up for being weird. And he gets sent away or something. Then it cuts to 2001, and all the young ugly girls are older ugly girls. There's a girl eating dinner with Jason, who is so odd. Isn't she that girl from Roswell? Yeah, I think so. Anyway, she tells him he's weird. And then goes to the college morgue, but that makes no sense, coz college students aren't allowed to cut up cadavers without teachers around... None of the movie made sense, and you're picking on this? Angel: Heyyy, it made sense!!! Spike: He's no angel... Angel: How did you know about that?! Spike: I heard Inca and Ness paying it out. You're such a joke, peaches. God, always bickering! *Cough*LOVERS QUARRELL*Cough* Then she dies, she gets a creepy VALENTINE first. Hence the name, Valentine. Not Angel. Then they go to the funeral, and they ask LILY how she is, but no one else. Oh, oh, oh!!! And Angel's there, but his name is Adam in this movie. And he's a drunk!!! But trying to be sober. All but Angel: Hahahahahaha!!! Then comes the obligatory B-grade movie shower scene. You always can tell when a movie is going down the shitter, they just shove a naked scene in. Angel: Ours was classy... Spike: Wait, were you naked? Nah, we were disappointed too. Angel's a frigid bastard. Angel: It wasn't in the script!!! Or maybe it was cold and you were afraid of shrinkage? Spike: Hahahaha, loser!!! Oh and then she ran out of water. Oh it's a girl showering, by the way... the main girl. Kate. And she sticks her head in the toilet coz there's no water and she has shampoo in her hair. Angel: That was important? Well, that was the only bit of the movie that was funny. Oh and when Denise Richards died. That was good too. Angel: Did you like any of the movie? No. Angel: Why did you hire it? Coz you were in it. I saw it at the movies coz you were in it. You let me down, mate. I was hoping to see some Angel booty. Frigid bastard. Spike: Wait... what? Sorry... anyway, then they went to see Lily's boyfriends bad art, and Lily got trapped in the art. Oh we should probably note, that Lily, Paige, Kate, Dorothy and Shelley (the girl who died first) were all the girls who turned him down. Except Kate. And Dorothy was the fat chick. And we should also mention that he'd sent them threatening Valentines. Oh and she didn't get trapped in the actual art, this isn't like a fantasy novel, it was like a walk in tv screen thing with all porn stuff, which was kinda disturbing - ALRIGHT! I'm taking over! Spike: Thank god. Told you that you were a bad storyteller. Good vampire. Then he shoots her with an arrow. And he's wearing the cherub mask, which makes no sense. Oh, oh oh!! I know something!!! When Kate left her apartment with no water, the cherub mask was blocking the elevator door, which made no sense, coz he's used the elevator, but they don't move without the door being closed. Which is just another hole in this - ALRIGHT! I took over, remember??? Bitch. So a few other people die, and Dorothy has a party. Oh she has a boyfriend who takes her money, and he gets killed as well. You think you're better at this than me? Yes. You're not. It's my turn now. So Adam is drinking, even though he said he wasn't anymore, and Kate gets angry and asks which of the 12 steps it was. This is meant to be his alibi, by the way. Angel: You're giving the storyline away! Wasn't hard. So then, some more people die, and there's a blackout. Oh and before this happens, Paige pours wax on some guys dick. Anyway, the blackout happens and wait, no, Inca tells me that she dies and then... oh Paige dies... and then there's the blackout. Oh she dies in the spa. Paige. Not Inca. It's really good. I loved it! The best scene EVER!!! Then because he electrocutes Paige, the power overrides and everything goes dark. That's a blackout. Shut up, anyway, when it's dark, all the people have left. Then Kate wanders around and sees the dead detective... oh by the way, there was a detective. And she'd been on the phone with him a few minutes ago. Movie time. And the detective was bald!!! Angel: This is not important! You've left out big chunks of the story! Yet it makes more sense that the actual movie. Um then Kate sees Adam, and he's talking all crazy... Spike: There's a big surprise. Wait, hadn't everyone left? Why is Adam still there? And where did everyone go so fast? And why is the dead detective at the party? Don't know, we couldn't work it out either... Then Kate works out that he's the killer. Coz one time in the movie, at the start, Adam gave Kate a lollipop and she gave him a piece of paper in return, povo, saying "IOU TLC". And then she found that paper in the pond. Spike: Pond? Where the detective was. Pay attention! So she works out Adam is a killer. The killer, really. Then she runs around when Adam chases her. Oh yeah and all through the movie they'd all been saying "Why couldn't Adam be Jeremy Melton." Spike: Who's Jeremy Melton? Inca and Ness: The little loser boy. PAY ATTENTION!!! Then Kate runs around and finds all the dead people. Then for some reason, Dorothy attacks her wearing the cherub mask, and the suit. Then Adam shoots her. Dorothy. And you think... wow! It's not him! Then his nose bleeds. Oh and that's what signifies the killer. I had no idea what the fuck was going on in this movie!!! Then he hugs Kate. Before the nose bleed, and Adam says "All I can think is when someone is that lonely or that angry they can learn to hide it. But inside, it never dies. It just stays there. Eats away at you. Until one day, you have to do something about it." And this apparently justifies murder. Angel: It shows how emotionally fragile he is! Spike: Wait, why was the fat chick in the costume? Why did she want to kill her friends? And where did she find it? Inca and Ness: Come on Kate! You've always been the popular one, and Shelley was always the brainy one, and Lily was the fun one, and Paige was the sexy one, and I was the big, fat one! And as far as you're concerned, that's exactly the way that it is. Well, you know what? Screw all of you! Spike: So this bird was jealous? Of Denise Richards. This movie sux! Angel: Wait! It's really good, I swear it!!! So then it ends. With Adam's nose bleed. And you realise it was him. And you realise you wasted an hour and a half of your life. Angel: Not wasted. Not wasted! Yeah, that's what you claimed in the movie too... So that's the end. And it leaves you confused, asking a million questions about the plot. Or lack there of. Left me feeling pissed off. In fact, I'm now angry because we had to remember this shitty movie. I'm leaving! Spike: I'm leaving too! Well I'm not staying here... alone with Adam. Creepy drunk. Spike, Inca and Ness leave the room, slamming the door behind them. Angel moves forward to the camera. Angel: Hire it, it's really good. And by the way, they don't know what they were talking about... I... I mean Adam, dressed Dorothy in the suit and cherub mask and threw her down the stairs at Kate, only to shoot her. Spike sticks his head in the door again. Spike: Oi, poof! You dressed the fat chick? Ha, Inca, Ness, come here this, you'll never believe what the sodding nonce just said... Spike leaves again and Angel looks around. Angel: Please hire it... |