Dead Baby Jokes...
they are just jokes!

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream and one scoop of DEAD BABY!.

What's worse than 12 dead babies in a trash can?
One dead baby in 12 trash cans.

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What do dead babies and computer programs have in common?
Bugs.

Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time.

Why can dead babies never get enough?
Because they're spoiled children

What is more fun than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
Having to rip it off.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

What is worse than a pile of dead babies?
A live one in the middle eating its way out.

What is worse than that?
When it gets out, it eats its way back in again.

What is white and red and pink and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing razor blades.

What is white and red and pink and green and sits in a corner?
The same baby two weeks later.

What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed floaties.

What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
The same baby three weeks later.

What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.

What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A baby in the microwave.

What is red and swings back and forth?
Dead baby on a meathook.

How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
By the footprints on the baby's forehead!

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman on a children's playground.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender face first?
So you can see it's feet pulling up into tiny little fists!

What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
Make a coffee table.

Whats more fun that spinning a baby on a clothes line?
Stopping it with a shovel.

What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
Getting it out of the tires.

What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
A baby with a javelin through its head.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

Whats red and white and screams?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What is red and hangs around in trees?
A baby that was hit by a snow blower.

What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A baby run over by a lawn mower.

What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.

What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.

How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
Gouge its eyes out.

What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
Tying them to your tires and skidding.

What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
With an axe.

What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

What's charred black and smells really bad?
A baby playing with a blow torch.

What's more fun than a dead baby in art class?
Pinning it up on the bulletin board.

A woman is lying in her hospital bed after an intense C-section. The nurse comes into the room with the baby in her arms. All of the sudden, she throws the baby on the floor, and starts kicking it and steps on its' head! In terror, the mother screams, 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!' The nurse quicly replys with, 'April fools! He was already dead!'

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