As the legend goes, one warm, August night, Greg and Carl decided to head out in the paddle boat and try their luck fishing. Feeling adventurous, the guys headed into a dark, secluded cove. The mist was very thick that evening and it was difficult to see.
Greg was the first to hear the noise. A strange, raspy voice....singing. "God, what the hell is that, eh?" Greg asked Carl. "I don't know, but that's one horrible sounding song," he replied.
They followed the strange song through the fog until they came to the shore. There, sitting on a log, smoking a pipe, and sporting a gruff, grizzled beard, sat an old, soggy fisherman. The boys were too afraid to speak, so they sat and listened some more. His voice and melody were terrible, but the lyrics were nothing short of beautiful. Just then, the old man looked up and spotted the two. He began to reach for his gun, but Carl spoke out. "Whoa, WHOA!! We didn't mean to startle you there. What was that song you were singing?"
The old man spoke, "Oh, it's a song I wrote a long time ago. Did you like it?"
"No, not really, it was pretty God-awful," replied Greg. "But those lyrics really touched me."
The old man explained to the boys that he never could write a good melody, but the words would always just flow when he wrote his songs. Carl thought about this for a minute and came up with a brilliant mediocre idea. "You know, me and my friend here happen to be musicians. How would you feel about us taking your lyrics and writing catchy music for them, eh?"
The old man liked this idea very much. The thought of his lyrics reaching the ears of millions of people sounded very enticing.
"The name's Hinkly Rodney D. Let's talk business."
"Keck and Carl, pleased to make your acquaintance."
They shook hands and thus, the Keck and Carl Revue was born.
What you are about to read is the origin of how The Keck and Carl Revue's most famous song came to be. Be warned though, it is not for the faint of heart.
As the three fisherman rounded the west side of the island, they were well on their way to becoming completely hammered. The situation was simple enough. Carl and Steve manned the helm, paddling with their feet, steering with one arm, and drinking with the other. Greg was situated in the back, fishing pole in his left hand, a beer in his right hand, and a smoke in his other hand. Fishing had been slow that year, and he was damn determined to catch something that night, or die trying!
Before they had set sail, their friend Mac had advised them not to fish too close to the rocks. "You can fish anywhere you want, but make sure to steer clear of the rocks. Once there, you run the risk of catching the dreaded..............(dramatic pause).........ROCK BASS!!! Yes, the Rock Bass infest those shallow, rocky waters. Don't let their size fool you. They can bite through a small, moist cracker. Their sharp fins can almost puncture your flesh. And their slimy scales can leave a midly discomfortable rash on your skin. If you develop this rash, you must go to the doctor's office so he can prescribe a cream........but it doesn't come cheap!!! The cream is $29.95.............PLUS TAX!! And they only give you a little bit, so you always have to refill the bottle. Then you have to go all way to the drug store and wait an hour to get more cream. OH, but don't go if Kathy's working......she takes forever! And she's always going on and on about her little 3-year-old son, Frankin. She never shuts up!! I just pretend to listen to her while I read a magazine. Magazines aren't as good these days. Especially Rolling Stone.......it's all ads, and the articles are way too short. And that's another thing........what's up with The Niner Boys being on the cover this month? I mean, I know they have a new show coming out or something on the WB, but they're soooo yesterday....."
Mac kept on talking, not realizing that his friends had left the island hours ago. They choose not to listen to Mac's words of wisdom. "Rock Bass are just an urban legend," thought Greg. "I'm gonna catch me a sweet-ass Trout!"
For a whole half hour, nothing happened, not even a bite. Then, Greg decided that maybe he should try baiting the hook. Just then, he felt a gentle jerk on the line. The tug grew and grew until it became a small pull, then a medium small tug. Soon, Greg had to put down his beer and reel the fish in with his ENTIRE hand. The battle between man and fish raged on for seconds! A little bit of water splashed onto the side of the boat, and Greg almost broke out into a sweat! When he finally pulled the beast from it's watery domicile, he quickly brought it over into the light, so he could get a better look at what he had caught. Much to his complete and total horror, it was none other than the dreaded..............(longer dramatic pause)........... ROCK BASS!!!!!!!!! "Oh GOD!!!! Help me!! I don't want to develop a mildy uncomfortable rash!!! I don't have $29.95 for special cream!!" screamed Greg. From the distance shore line, he heard Mac yell out, "......plus taaaaaaax!!!"
Just then, the fish fell off the hook and landed in the back of the boat. Chaos ensued. "The fish is in the ship!!!" yelled Carl. "It looked at me!!" cried Greg. "Don't let it get to the booze!!" pleaded Steve. A vicious battle erupted in the back of the paddle boat. This rock bass kept it's cool, flopping on the floor, trying to slime Greg, or almost puncture his skin as he screamed and cried like a little girl. Finally, the men decided it was hopeless. They were in his domain, the fish had the home court advantage. They did what any noble, honorable fishermen would do and jumped ship. Steve loaded his pockets with as much booze as he could carry without drowning and jumped. Carl and Greg were close behind. The three swam to shore, where Mac and Jeremy helped them out of their murky prison. Greg, thinking quickly on his feet, knew that the paddle boat was soaked with alcohol from their excursion. He grabbed the nearest Roman Candle, lit it and fired at the ship. It instantly went up in flames, with the Rock Bass still floundering on the deck. The five friends watch in silent awe as the boat sank into the briny deep.
But was it really the end of the Rock Bass? Could it have reproduced and created an entire army of Rock Basses? Does anyone still care?? Perhaps we will never really know the answers to these questions. But I, for one, still think "it's" out there, somewhere, waiting for that next group of drunken college students to go up there on vacation......and fish.
OH right, the song!! Well, after all that happened, Carl and Mac wrote a song about it, or something. I'm sketchy on the details.
