ERS
Evil Roomate/Suitemate Syndrome
At the beginning of every semester, and throughout the entire semester as well, (as I�m sure some RA�s will vouch for), there seems to be a serious epidemic on campus. The breakout I�m talking about is commonly referred to as Evil Roommate Syndrome (ERS).
Students suffering from ERS may exhibit the following symptoms:
1. Screaming loudly in frustration for long periods of time
2. Frequent meetings with the RA�s
3. A tendency to slam the door or bathroom door
4. Bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep
5. Phone calls home, often beginning with the words �GET ME OUT OF HERE!�
6. Partial or total social withdrawal from psychological trauma
7. Continuous physical ailments such as nausea, vomiting, headaches, unsightly blemishes, coma and sometimes death, as well as other side effects too disgusting to print that are commonly associated with stress.
Several severe cases of ERS have already been documented. I won�t mention any names so as not to stir up controversy (because we all know the Beacon shies away from that sort of thing), but you know who you are.
One student says �My roommate use to come in at three in the morning, shower, get on the phone and/or turn on the TV every night.� The pleas for beauty rest from said victim were blatantly disregarded, and taken instead as �personal attacks.�
Another resident explains, �While preparing for bed at 1:45 AM, my roommate came in with a member of the opposite sex, turned out the light, and crawled into bed. I decided it was time to move.�
One interviewee merely said, �Salsa. My room is the twenty-four hour salsa station,� and walked away trembling. Similar musical conflicts have been reported in regard to rap, classical, country, and �old-people� music.
According to another nameless source, �My roommate gets more incoming phone call than a sex hotline, I am treated as his/her secretary, and yet none of the callers will leave their name.�
As you can see, ERS is a serious and expanding problem here on campus. If you have ERS, or suspect anyone close to you of suffering from this affliction, call 1-900-0- S-A-V-E-M-E. Operators are standing by.
(Written by Jennifer Sinclair, her colleague Satan�s Little Helper, and a hardworking staff of 47 and a half dust-bunnies).
Contact Jen at [email protected]
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