This just in: Earlier this evening, tragedy struck Wayne Dinning Hall. Jennifer, Satan�s Little Helper, dust bunnies 1, 2 and 25, and the half dust bunny were sitting at a table, conversing and eating �dinner.� According to one witness, the conversation went as follows:
�This is food?!� exclaimed Jen.
�Whatever gave you that idea?� asked Satan�s Little Helper.
Dust bunny 25, who was a mute, just looked up and snickered.
Dust bunny 1 was taking a sip from a glass of blue �juice,� when the half dust bunny remarked, �Look, it�s Smurf piss!� causing dust bunny 1 to snarf the �drink.�
�Blue?� asked dust bunny 2, playing Devil�s Advocate as always. �Wouldn�t it be green?�
�Green?� asked the half dust bunny, �Why would it be�oh.�
Dust bunny 25 continued to eat his �pasta.�
Jen, giving up on her �food,� had moved on to �dessert.� �This �cookie� is as hard as a rock!� she exclaimed, throwing the �cookie� across the room in frustration. The �cookie� landed in the middle of a table of ditzy female sheep-students who were also eating �dinner.� The �cookie� broke the table in half, and trays full of �food,� and �drinks,� splattered all over the trendy sheep. The sheep, in turn, ran out of the dining hall wailing about their messed up hair and broken nails.
Meanwhile, back at the Beacon staff table, conversation continued as �normal.�
�Once again, I have been deceived into thinking this is food,� said Satan�s Little Helper bitterly.
�Why do we keep coming back here?� asked dust bunny number 2.
�Because they have a larger selection of poison than the Student Center,� answered the half dust bunny. Everyone realized that this was so, and continued attempting to eat.
�This pepper looks awfully strange,� commented dust bunny number 1. To which all present (except for the mute dust bunny number 25) replied, �That�s not pepper, it�s an alien pod!� in perfect unison, as the alien pepper levitated and floated off toward its home planet.
Just then, dust bunny number 25 was quizzically poking at his �spaghetti,� when disaster struck. The �spaghetti� began to move, and then, before anyone could stop it, the pasta had coiled around the fork like a boa constructor and lunged the fork directly at dust bunny number 25�s face!
And--*This article has been censored due to graphic content. *
Disclaimer: All, well ok, most, of the dialogue herein is real and accurate. However, no tables were harmed in the incident. Really�Honest! And that dust bunny? Well, he had a long history of pasta abuse. It all started with his macaroni and cheese when he was just a child. He had it coming.
(Written by Jennifer Sinclair, Satan�s Little Helper and a hardworking staff of 47 �er�46 and a half dust bunnies).
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