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1. Thou shalt procrastinate in every possible sitation: This means, if you have to study, procrastinate until after you eat. If you have to eat, put it off until after you watch some TV. And if you have to watch some TV, postpone that until after your nap, which of course you can�t take until you finish the laundry. Naturally, however, you can�t do the laundry until you�ve finished studying. And so on.......
2. Thou shalt be wary of any food served on campus. If you didn�t bring it from home or buy it from somewhere off campus, be very, very careful. Word to the wise: anything that came out of a box is usually safe. Cereal is good. And ice cream is okay too.
3. Thou shalt worship the God of the Mountain Goats. William Paterson is uphill. Not just part of it, ALL of it. You must come to realize that, on your way to class you will be walking uphill. Furthermore, on your way back from class, you will be walking uphill. You will tell your grandkids a million years from now, �Back in my day, I had to walk uphill, both ways!� And it will be true.
4. Thou shalt master the art of fluff. Ten page paper, says the teacher? Bah! Merely a one-page paper, with the same concept reapeated and rearranged creatively, ten times. Example: The boy went to the store. The store is where the boy went. The store had a boy that went there often. The boy had a store that he went to often.
5. Thou shalt not sleep. If you live on campus, you will not sleep. There are much better things to do with your time. Like sit online and rot on useless websites. And channel surf through your ten fuzzy channels. And run up your phone bill. Oh and one more thing; classes before noon don�t really exist.
6. Thou shalt regress back to childhood whenever possible. Stuffed animals are good. Copies of The Lion King and The Little Mermaid are essential. And Cap�n Crunch is once again your personal hero.
7. Thou shalt practice effective anger management. You should probably not throw your alarm clock out the window, no matter how much you�d like to. And even though that hammer is conveniently close to your computer, that may not be the best way to restart. And try to refrain from throwing things at your roommate more than once or twice a day.
8. Thou shalt learn and utilize new and advanced forms of profanity. There are bad words for every possible situation. As spontaneous, unexpected and random as many of the things that go wrong here are, I personally guarantee that they can be explained with many, many bad words. And if there isn�t a bad word for it yet, you�ll become creative enough to make one up.
9. Thou shalt become experienced in many science projects. Remember when you were in second grade, and it was a big scientific challenge to grow moldy bread? Well, now the challenge is to find something that can�t grow mold.
10. Thou shalt read The Beacon. Thou shalt write for the Beacon. Thou shalt read what you write for The Beacon, and what others write for The Beacon. And thou shalt convince others to read and write for The Beacon.