Thanks to my buddy Rob at work for passing this along to me, its too good to not share....
One day I remembered a phone call I needed to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man said, "Hi" I said, "May I speak to Robin"? Suddenly the phone was slammed down! I couldn't believe anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's number and called her. She had changed the last 2 digits. After I hung up, I saw the number still lying on the desk. I decided to call it. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "you're a jerk" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the work "Jerk". Every so often I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You'r a Jerk"! It cheered me up.
Then the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hi"."This is the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID?"He Said, "No!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "Thats because you are a jerk!" A few days later an old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I though she is finally leaving. All of a sudden this black camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that Buddy. I was here first!" He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I though to myself, this guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I saw he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car, and I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, I'm home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 722-4822 and yelling, "You're a Jerk" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I notice the phone number of the guy with the black camaro lying on my desk. After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello" I said, "Is this the man with the car for sale?"..."Yes it is"...."Can you tell me where I can see it?"..."Yes, I live at 1802 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked out front." I said, "What's your name?"..."My name is Don Hansen"...."When's a good time to catch you, Don?"."I'm homeevenings."..."Listen Don, can I tell you something?"..."Yes."..."Don, you're a jerk!"And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while life seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had 2 jerks to call.
Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up it just wasn't enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought. First, I had my phone dial Jerk # 1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello"I yelled "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up. The jerk said, "Are you still there?"I said, "Yeah"...He said, "Stop calling"...I said, "No"He said, "What's your name, Pal?".I said, "Don Hansen.""Where do you live?"..1802 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black camaro's parked out front.".."I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."..."yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up....Then I called Jerk #2....He answered, "Hello"....I said, "Hello Jerk"...He said "If I ever find out who your are"...."You'll what?"...."I'll kick your butt" ..."Well here's your chance. I'm comming over right now Jerk!" Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 34th st. After that I went to 34th street to watch. There were 2 guys fighting. The police arrested them and took them away.
A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of 2 guys charged with disordely conduct. It was the same 2 Jerks. I might have infulenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, "We the jury find the defendants guilty, and a couple of jerks!"
Ok. So the ends a little hard to believe, but it's great nonetheless, hope you liked it.....