MEN CAN'T WIN

                      If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from
                    the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
                  If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy 
                  If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
                    If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
                    If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is
                    exploitation.
                    If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should
                    get off  your ass and find something better.
                    If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she
                    gets a  job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
                    If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If
                    you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
                    If you cry, you're a wimp.
                    If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
                    If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a
                    chauvinist.
                    If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a
                    liberated woman.
                    If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's
                    domination.
                    If she asks you, it's a favor.
                    If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're
                    a pervert.
                    If you don't, you're a fag.
                    If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape,
                    you're sexist.
                   If you don't, you're unromantic
                   If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
                   If you don't, you're a slob.
                   If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
                   If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
                   If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
                   If you don't, you're not ambitious.
                   If you're totally beat after a hard day's work, you don't give a
                    darn about other people's needs.
                   If she has a headache, she's tired.
                   If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
                   If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
                   If you don't, there must be someone else.