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Certain groups, namly PETA are pushing for Animal rights. | |
Petting zoo (please do not touch or
feed the Ingrid Newkirk)
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Is that like how slaves wanted their rights? Does this mean employers can't choose who to hire based on species? I’m personnally not against animal rights. Given the choise between hitting a dog and driving between the lines on the high-way, I’d probably let the dog live. Heck, I own a cat and a dog and they eat better and more often than I do. |
| I don’t thinks aminal should be pointlessly abused or ground up in a painful process to make paper, but some animals wearing people masks are taking it too far. Particulary a certain group called PETA, (their co-founder and one of her ridiculous quotes can be seen in the petting zoo in figure 3.1 above). But they give the tasty flat bread a bad name. Let me tell you what these anti-human animalists have to say. I am, of course, rephrasing thier statements and inserting my own opinions, but I'm not changing thier opinions. You'll see why thats bad in a moment. In the meantime, Electrode Cat wearing Electrode Hat! is the coolest superhero in the world!, he fight for peace and justice in Tokyo-opolis 3000b! Moving on... |
| This group doesn't want you to eat meat, which is not a serious offence. I can’t resist having a big juicy steak at least everyweek, and a school-food-meat-substitute on a daily basis, but some people are vegetarians for their health and that’s fine. Vegtables are healthy and prevent heart desease and growing extra limbs. But, while I like hambuger, PETA loves cows. |  |
They love cows so much, they don’t want you drinking milk. No, I’m not making this up, they are strongly opposed to milk. <sarcasm> I too agree, breeding cows to provide us humans with healthy calcium (to make our greedy bones and killing teeth stronger) requires COWS to be milked. Oh the horror. </sarcasm> They back that up with the claim that milk causes most everyday illnesses. |
| Below: Figure 3.3, Real Propaganda | Electrode Cat wearing Electrode Hat! | Right: Figure 3.2, Real Cool Superhero |
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Feel sick? I bet you drank milk in the last 24 hours (along with the rest of earths population.) Even vegetareans drink milk. Not drinking milk is possibly the most unamerican thing there is. (And for all my multi-national readers: Not drinking milk is the most unworldpeace thing there is. For all my extraterrestrial readers: Welcome to earth, we have crazys here! For my AOL readers: milk iz gud 4 U!!!!!!!!!!!! ; ) P.S. Get off my site. For all my readers who are cows: Moo! You are out of job! You now have no reason for existance. Moo!) They want you to try drinking rice milk instead. RICE milk. |
[pause for gagging]
| They also would rather you not bond with your buddies/son/wife/other during a fishing trip (bonding going on in figure 3.4, to your right, but to my left if I was inside your computer screen. Assuming that your computer screen is facing toward you, if you were not to be looking at your computer screen, or the moniter is oddely configured, the directions presented above may be slightly innacurate). They do not want you to fish. Fish hurt too, they are capible of higher mental funtions, just like us rotten fishermen. No wait! Its been scientifically proven, fish aren’t really all that’s smart! They’ve also concluded that that story in the bible, the one with Jesus eating fishes, was false. Wow, PETA is helping rewrite history. |  |
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That’s what they said, I’m not making this up. I wish I was though. You might be asking yourself, that’s next, Plants? No, but the clothes off your back are going next. Their revelation: "Leather is a dead skin!" That means…no! Cows and other aminals lose their skin to the vile plans of Dr. Skinacow Killitdead?! A bunch of cultivated animals that have an IQ of downwards of nothing have to give up their skins so I don’t freeze to death?! DAMN ME! And thier bred only for the purpose of giving thier fur?! DAMN MEx2! If it wern't for them giving up thier fur, they woulden't have a reason to live. Outlaw fur, no one feeds, looks at, or cares about sheep. Coronel Sanders would rise from his grave to wreak his revenge on humanity is he knew that the cursed institution (PETA) was against tasty chicken. True fact from their webpage (reinterpreted): Chickens, although they display no ability to learn or reason are on the same level as cats and dogs, which do! And what is their solution to the flesh-eating mongrels that make up the thinking population? (Flesh eating mongrel wearing sheep's hair in figure 3.5, to the right) A tax on meat! A nation wide tax on meat. Really. Score! Down with vitamins, minerals, and taste! |
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These nuts don't stop to think that the result of all the aformentioned concepts is that millions of animals would be left to die, having no purpose. I’m not saying they’re wacky extremists but…oh, yes I am, because they don’t like the march of dimes. Why? Because the life saving research the march of dimes funds is done on lab animals. I shall again feign disgust and sarcastically imitate that PETA would (and actually does) say: Oh no, the march of dimes pays for EVIL laboratory expirimants to save children! |
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This is thier actual argumant they put forth, no poetic lisence taken, unfortunatly: "Why are they paying for expiriments on animals when it is, in fact, [dramatic pause like something brilliantly clever is about to be said] It's the children that need helping!" OOOOOOOOH! You really got us there PETA! Theres no responce to that rock solid logic. Except maybe that the labratories have to test thier lifesaving cures on animals before they try them on little kids. I don’t know if I’m just unneccesarily cruel, but I tend to place human above lab animal when it comes to preserving their life, so that’s maybe why I think testing on animals of justified if it cured cancer or prevents the government to have to test biological weapons on the general public. |
| I think that testing possibly dangerous drugs that may cure cancer on a human being would be a bit cruel, but that’s just me. That goes for cosmetic companies too, no more testing on lab rats to find out if your shampoo causes brain cancer, now just let people roll the dice, it doesn’t matter, at least no lab rats have to die! I'm not done yet. You think all the stuff I just went to is bad, just you wait, The good part is coming up. |
| The Good Part. |
| Certain members in this organization want
to make it illegal to own pets. Hey, owning someone is
slavery, right? And you can't descriminate against Toto
because he's a dog! Thats speciesist! "WHAT?!
speciesist? Where the hell are you getting that
Joe?" I got that from a PETA member talking on NPR.
The guy said that it was like racism and sexism,
descriminating on the basis of species. Let's also look
at the statment by Ingrid Newkirk on the very top of this
page (recreated through a patented process over to your
left in figure1.1 revist). She says that serious thinkers
don't think its logical to descriminate by species. Well,
following that thought, my cat will make the next
argument. o8888888';/;'l;. fcxh63wuilll. Wow. That makes perfect sence. I gave my cat a saucer of milk for it. Apparently Ingrid Newkirk doesn't believe there is a significant differance in the logic, reasoning, and mental funtions of animals, such as a cow, and humans, such as Eugene V. Debs. |
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| Perhaps there is no obvious differance between goldfish and PETA activists, but in the real world people are slightly more advanced than animals and should be placed higher in the quality-of-life-improvement list. That's not all, back to the guy on NPR, I will restate his intentiones: Make it illegal to own pets. What will that result in? Let me spell it out for you: If pets are forced to leave thier masters, who will feed them? They are the same as us, right Ingrid Newkirk? We'll just let them worry about how to feed themselfs. And along with them, there will be the total extinction of cows and chickens. Other than food, they searve no purpose, they would be left for dead. Many of the animals around us that PETA thinks we should let go are only around for us, as human, as food or clothing material. Otherwise the animal would be of no use to us and humans would shug off the species and let it die out. Like disco. I'm assuming that PETA doesn't really want to screw the environment over and evaporate several useful species, so they just must be stupid. Below Figure 3.7, it was going to be a guy having sex with a hourse, but that means I would have to find the picture, and I don't want to see that anyway. Instead, sheep. Hello sheep. |
| Again let me stress that all that I said the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals believed in, they actually do. I didn't make any of this up. Hell, Most of it I didn't even exagerate. I didn't need to. PETA really has these issues. They actually have a following of weakminded individuals and many well-known but dim-bulb celebrities as Pamela Anderson Lee, Tyra Banks, Kim Basinger, and Calvin Klien. |  |
This is the part when I tell you that if you value your wool coat, your hamburger, and if you like the fact that potential drugs are tested on lab rats instead of your first born, go vote, write letters or something so these crazy extremist don’t get a foot hold in the government or any other significant body. Do something. If you won't listen to me, then I suppose you'll listen to Electrode Cat wearing Electrode Hat. |
| "Backola
Prono! Voila to main page"
Disclaimer: Electrode Cat wearing Electrode Hat! picture has not been edited in any manner. No animals were harmed during the making of this article, exept for the ones in the pictures featuring hurt animals. This is an article for the purpose of expressing an opinion and review. |
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