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| >>>Articles>>>Are cell-phones rotting you mind? |
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 Yet another carcinogen discovered by the pleasure police! Let me start by saying, I'm no friend to cell phones, I think outside of emergency use, they're just a way for society to bother us, and another excuse for real human-to-human interaction. But for as much as I have against them, I'm afraid I have to stick up for them in the latest controversy people are talking about over their cell phones. |
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This man is going to die. It is now believed by paranoid individuals that not only do cell phones cause you to randomly hit and kill people when driving, the radiation given off by the anntenea of cellular-phone causes brain cancer. You can see in figure 1.1 (above) the direct effects of this. With only a few moments of use, the man's sideburns have mutated and are on thier way to smother his face! Later he will ejaculate fully grown worms as a result of his reckless use of a communication tool. |
| It is now official: Nearly everything is dangerous! You remember when they said that coffee was dangerous. Then it was eggrolls. Someone, somewhere is determined to find something dangerous in everything. I don't know who, but who ever they are, someone, kill them. Apparently, someone thought that thier brain cancer was related to thier use of a cell-phone. They must have wrote some mean letters because hardcore studies have been done as simulated falsely in figure 1.2: |
Figure 1.2:
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The results are... Envelope please... There is no link, duh. People, or rather, sheep wearing people skin, are afraid of what they are told to be afraid of. Paranoid News Weekly reported that the low level microwave radiation that cell phones use to send cellular signals, could heat up brain tissue, stimulate cancerous growth, or accelerate the growth of small tumors. People who have brain cancer have used, sure, but most cancer patients have not. I bet most stalkers use a cell-phone, But does that cause me to stalk Madonna? Hell no! I stalk her because all her song are telling me to. |
| Thats a crock of bull shit, that tiny-ass anntenea on most cell phones doesn't seem at all powerful. Also, even if the little thing did spit lethal radiation, its only enough to nuke the person useing the phone. If I hear anyone say anyhing about second-hand cellular radiation, I'll kill them on the spot. With the offending phone. Sideways. Sure, there is a link in radio frequency radiation and cancer in lab rats, but get this, the lab rat were either treated in a cancer causeing substance, like WhiteOut(tm) brand correction fluid, or exposed to radiation in excess of 22 hours. If you are using your cell phone in excess of 22 hours you deserve the cancer to get you out of the gene pool. Even the government is jumping on the stupid ship and useing tax money that should go to my education and doing a study to please these over- protective soccer mom's afraid they'll get brain cancer while they drive and talk on the cell phone. As seen in figure 1.3 (right) |  |
| you can clearly see, that driving and talking on the cell phone may cause funny face expressions and a deep phobia of cameras, but it does not cause brain cancer. This is the same as the joke that cell phones cause gas stations to explode (they don't. They's no way they could, and don't give me that "they use electricity, that means sparks" bull-shit. So does the cash register, and the gas pump itself. It is safe to use you phone at a gas station, dumbass) and the one about people being on-the-whole smart. Who ever keeps jumping at every opportunity to prove something is wrong needs to step out of thier hermedically sealed environment and live a little (just a little, we don't want you out here too long), then die. Stop trying to ruin it for the rest of us. The End. |
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