Coat_of_Many_Colours

The day started out so beautifully. Frank and I went to our niece's Girl Guide tea. This in itself is something of which I'm proud. I never would have ventured out of the house for such a thing. I mean, really, who wants to watch a fat lady stuff her face with cinnamon buns and coffee? Yes, I know people don't usually think that way - but worse yet, I thought that way, and I didn't realize until most recently how cloistered I had become.
Simply put, my self-esteem probably vanished somewhere around the 200 lb. mark.
But this was different!
Here I am, looking at the 170s, and only a few pounds from WW goal. Even better, Frank had surprised me the day prior with a gorgeous outfit, which I had to return because a size large was too large!
My heart leaped in pure joy when I exchanged the pants for a small, and the top for a medium. Even now it's hard to believe this is me.
It is isn't it?
The tea was great, and the compliments from people were flowing like beer at a frat party. I was on top of the world, and so it was no small sacrifice to immediately cut my cinnamon bun in half and donate it to my husband, who gladly gobbled my half and his whole bun.
How could I eat that whole huge bun where there I was sitting in all my 170-something pound glory.
I couldn't - and the best part was I didn't miss that half of the cinnamon bun at all.
After the tea we drove to a nearby city and parked in front of a store. There, in the window, was the prettiest jacket I had ever seen.
Yes, it had black on it, but it was alive with deep, wonderful primary colours - colours I never would have dared wear before, and with a pattern I would have avoided like a plague - after all, what 250 lb. woman wants to look like a kid's art project?
But the jacket called my name. Frank must have seen the look of pure delight and wistfulness upon my face, and he grabbed my hand and ushered me into the store.
A tall and slender store owner came over and asked if she could help.
"Uh, what size is that jacket in the window," I timidly asked, certain it was way too small.
"A small," she answered.
My face fell. A small? A small????
"Do you have a medium?" I asked.
"Sorry," she answered.
"But, you're smaller than I. Why don't you try this on?" she asked.
Me? Smaller than her? Smaller than her??? A size small??? NO WAY!
But she was insistent, and before I knew it she was helping me off with my jacket and into this impossibly small delectable garment.
As I stood before the mirror, I couldn't believe my eyes - there was this woman, wearing a gorgeous outfit, and when she put on the coat of many colours she looked slender.
It fit! Yes, it was a bit snug - but I still have 20 lbs. or so to lose before I reach personal goal, and so I knew it would fit within a month or so.
But then she said, "Oh, I do have a large"
Before I knew it she was helping me out of the size small and into the large, which fit! Yes, it was a little large, but that would be perfect for layering during cold spring and fall months - and I wanted that jacket so badly.
I could hardly tear my eyes aware from this stranger in the mirror. Surely that wasn't me?
I mean, this lady was slender, with slender hips, and shapely shoulders. Tall, and maybe with a few more pounds gone some might even describe her as willowy.
"We'll take it," said my husband firmly.
I stared hard at him. In my dreams! We had only planned on spending $50 for a jacket - not $160!
But he was insistent, and I was way to weak to object.
When we got into the truck I quickly slipped the jacket out of the bag and put it on as we headed towards the shopping mall.
I'm a fortunate woman. However, my fortune lies not in my material possessions, but rather in this wonderful opportunity to travel this path of discovery.
I am a newborn babe, seeing the world through fresh eyes, rushing headlong into life, embracing it with gusto and hope. These are my riches.
Yes, this journey has been hard, but my efforts are repaid 100-fold.
It is repaid in renewed wonder, in how I view the world, and how I live each day.
But more than ever it's repaid in what I see in my husband's eyes. This dearest, most loved man - my friend, my heart of hearts.
"I feel like a million bucks," I said to Frank as I leaned close to his ear to whisper my pleasure.
He stopped walking, put his arm around me and looked back into my eyes.
"And you look like a million bucks," he whispered back.
If I ever have doubts about keeping this weight off, I'm going to pull this gem of a memory out of my treasure trove. Surely it will be worn from handling, and warmed by my heart.
But it is these things which will keep me from ever losing myself again.