March_Goal_Beckons

March 16
The countdown really is on! I am now 178.2 lbs. which leaves me only 4.2 lbs. from goal and 1.4 lbs. away from my 75 lb. magnet.
All the time I tried to visualize this, I couldn't quite see it. It was like looking

at something through a foggy window.
Why is it I'm so frightened then? I somehow feel like a big fraud. I really am the fat lady, but I am disguised by this thinner body. The fat lady is still inside and she's waiting for an opportune time.
She's waiting for me to take down my guard, to blink my eyes for a moment, to look away - and then she's going to hop right back into my body with a vengence.
I hate her!
OK, maybe I don't hate her - she is ME after all, but I hate what she's done to me. I hate her opportunistic feeding, the ugly, pitiful thing that lives on worry, fear and old baggage.
I thought once I had this body that she would find residence somewhere else. But I now know that she will always be a part of me. Lurking, breathing, scheming, wanting!
I wish she would go away, but I know she will always be there.
Contemplating this, I wonder if that really is such a bad thing. I mean, if she was gone

it probably wouldn't be that long before she was nothing more than an awful memory.
And maybe, just maybe, I don't WANT to forget she was ever here. Maybe it's a good thing that she will always be there mocking me, waiting.
Maybe, instead of letting her be my weakness, I can force her to be my strength. I can make her be my allay.
Come fat lady! Show your face so I can remember and never forget! Come on fat lady - I want to see your pain! Show me how bad it hurts. Show me what I never want to be again. Wanna play?
I remember once again why I am here today. Why I am slimmer, why I am happier.
I remember those other, awful times.
And I remember that I am stronger than her. I have proved it every day, every hour, every month for well over eight months now.
I'm soothed by that thought.
The fat lady has set me free. She's my friend.!