| GOAL |
| Dear Mom, Your birthday is only in two weeks. I remember as a child searching for just the right gift - something which would demonstrate how much I loved you. Each year I would get what I thought was the perfect gift, and each year I would watch your face as you opened my gift to you. That smile, or a look of pleasure was YOUR gift to me, and you never failed to gift me in the way that only mothers can. This year, I have the gift I know you'll love. It is the gift of me. The real me. The me you gave birth to. Well, sort of. I've grown older, and I've grown wiser (I hope). But I've grown. What I mean is this mom: after years of abusing my body - that body you created, I |
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| am finally all that I can be. I am honouring you mom, by honouring my body. Yes, I know our spirit, heart and soul are part of the package - and I am working on that. But today I come to you with a body that has looked into the jaws of hell, and which is now well on the way to redemption and recovery. It's a body which houses a more humble person, a wiser person I hope. You see mom, even though you're no longer with us in body, I know you were watching last night, and crying tears of joy along with me when I reached my Weight Watcher's goal. You've always loved me, fat, thin, inbetween, but I know there had to have been times when you worried about me and my health, about me wasting my potential, or dying young. But you didn't know how to approach me, or what to say, did you? And I always remember you saying, "Karen does everything in her own time." I know it took years mom. Years of obesity, shame and frustration, but you always knew I would get past that and take control. Too bad I didn't know it. I'm smiling too at your joy in this, and I know you were up there giggling when I ripped off my T-shirt so I could lose the four ounces to make goal. I think I would have died if I had to go home with only four ounces to lose. I didn't think about it mom, I just tore that shirt off my body, threw it on the floor, jumped back on the scale, peered at the scale and saw 174 - GOAL! Quickly jumping off the scales I said to the leader, "Did you see that?" "Yes," she answered with a huge grin. "Well mark it!" She did, and now I'm finally here. I can't say the words often enough. Goal! Goal! Goal! The tears are flowing mom - all day in fact. I guess you know I'm not sad, just filled to the brim with emotion and gratitude. I wish I could have had you there to hug, or to call. In fact, I almost did call you.....but then I remembered...... So, my dearest most beloved mother, this is for you. This is to let you know that I thank you for believing in me, for loving me through thick and thin, for showing me in a million ways that anything is possible if we want it bad enough. It's for the many times you told me you loved me, when I thought no one else did - or could. It's for the many times you looked into my face and saw beyond the fat and bloat. It's for letting me know that my life has value, that I am special and not defined by my weight. It's for believing in me, when I didn't believe in myself. Happy birthday mom. I love you with all my heart. April 8, 2002 174 lbs. 77.8 lbs. lost |
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