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| I Take Control..... |
| January, 2001 I look at Nicole, my co-worker, as she sits in the staff room eating her salad and fruit and think, "Yeah, more power to you. Let's see how long this lasts this time." |
| February, 2001 Nicole continues on her diet. I continue watching her - checking out her breakfasts, lunches and snacks. I wonder who she thinks she's kidding - eating all that food! But I notice that she does seem to be losing a little weight. She explains to me that on Weight Watchers there are no forbidden foods, that as in life all things must be done in moderation. She also explains that all foods have a "point value", and each WW member is allotted a specific amount of points per day depending on their weight. Low point foods include things such as vegetables and fruit - mainly low fat, high fiber foods. High point foods include things such as crackers, chips, pasta, etc. A voice whispers in my head, "Maybe this is a diet you can live with Karen." But who am I to know? At about 260 lbs. I have never tried dieting in my life. People either like me as I am, or they don't! Besides that, I am not fat - I'm big-boned! I'm chunky! I'm pudgy! I'm solid! I am not fat! |
| March, 2001 Did I say, "I'm not fat?" Then who is this person staring back at me in the picture? Surely that's not me! Look at those double chins, look at that huge stomach. Someone, anyone, please tell me I don't really look like that! It can't be true. Everyone says the camera adds 10 lbs. That must be it - the camera - the angle the picture was taken! "But the person in the picture is a lot more than 10 lbs. overweight," whispers a voice in my head. I take the picture and stuff it deep in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind I am not fat! |
| April, 2001 Darn those cheap clothes made in China! You wash them a couple of times and they shrink two sizes. But that annoying little voice in the back of my head has returned. "Let's face it Karen. You're fat, and you're getting fatter by the day." It bothers me to see Nicole eating her meals. Why is that? The truth of the matter is this: I see her body and mind changing. She getting thinner, more beautiful. And a confidant woman is emerging. Oh my God - she's stunning! The voice whispers, "You can do that too Karen." And I finally admit - I am fat! |
| May, 2001 Nicole is flat out beautiful. I admire her determination and bit by bit I begin asking her about Weight Watchers. The voice whispers, "Just do it Karen. Do it!" With hesitation I ask her where the meetings are, how much it cost, how much she's lost to date. The questions pour out of my mouth. A dam has broken. I set my start date for June, and tell my sister-in-law, Doris. Ever the practical one Doris suggests I might want to wait until after my anniversary July 2. I agree with her. So, July it is. But in the meantime, I begin eating less and working my way towards better health. I set my mind that I will do this. I promise myself that if I do well on the program, as a reward I will allow myself to eat whatever I want after weigh ins or on the weekends. |
| July 9, 2001 Look at all these fat people! Lord, I've never seen so many fat people in one room at one time. I turn my head, giggle then step forward to the receptionist. "Hi, my name's Karen, and I want to join," I say with false bravado. I purchase 12 weeks worth of the plan and she points me to another room. "You will have to go weigh in," she says. Weigh in? OK, I admit I knew I would have to weigh in. But I had shoved that thought to the back of my mind. I was afraid that if I examined it too much, I would never join. Besides that, I can't remember the last time I was weighed. In high school maybe? At 48 years of age, it's likely I hadn't been weighed in 30 years or so. I step up to the scales, slip off my shoes, paste a smile on my face, extend my hand to the person who was to weigh me and say, "Hi, my name's Karen." She looks at me, boredom evident. "OK. Step on the scales." She looks down at the digital read out, frowns, and begins scribbling on my card. I strain to read the upside down writing. She hands me back my card. There in black and white are the irrefutable numbers. 251.8 lbs. I cringe, my heart drops to my chest, tears sting my eyes. A huge lump forms in my throat and I walk away. I'm stunned. There must be some mistake! After I sit down I look once again at the card. Maybe I read it wrong? Please Lord! 251.8 lbs. The rest of the night is a blur and I wonder how I am ever going to lose 100 lbs. |
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| The Journey Begins (July, 2001) |
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| August - Boulders Along the Way |
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