Check out this Japanese DVD set! (Thanks to The Digital Bits for the heads up.) It's "only" 29,800 yen. That's approximately $280 for those of us in the US. Place your orders now!
Ye Olde Archives
Well LOTR cleaned up at the Oscars. Too bad the Academy felt obliged to wait until the last film before begrudgingly giving all involved their due. Still, that's better than most fantasy/sci-fi films used to get away with...which probably speaks of more members growing up in the seventies and eighties than anything else. The younger crowd is more accepting of such films than those who came of age in the fifties and sixties. I found it ironic that Diane Keaton was wearing her "Annie Hall" garb: the film that took all from Star Wars at the '77 fete. One can't help but think George Lucas and crew are eating their proverbial hearts out because of Peter Jackson et al's success now. (While sitting on a mountain of cash in Marin County sure, but still eating their hearts out nonetheless...!)
Check out this Japanese DVD set! (Thanks to The Digital Bits for the heads up.) It's "only" 29,800 yen. That's approximately $280 for those of us in the US. Place your orders now!
Is it just me or are Katie Couric and Matt Lauer two of the most banal talking heads on TV today? Oh wait...I stand corrected. The winner by far is none other than Mr. Stone Phillips and his ventriloquist dummy head: One that is stuck in perpetual disconcertment. Way to go NBC! Do you raise these people in petrie dishes or what?
The pig hath returned...and this time he's set in style, digitally! Green Acres debuts on DVD this month with a spanking season one box set. Break all your furniture then head on down to Best Buy and pick it up.
Hey! In its debut weekend, Freddy Vs. Jason grabbed $36.4 million. Bet New Line was happy. Maybe now the other Hollywood suits and bean counters will wake up to the fact that America is ready for more 70s/80s horror--sans the teen models and bad jokes of the Scream-laden 90s. Its Two-disc set debuts this month as well. Grab a partner and make her (or him) sit through all the Hooterville antics and Messrs. Voorhees and Freddy at once. (This would make a sterling episode of Blind Date.)
BTW, it you enjoyed the film, check out one of Ronny Yu's HK films, The Bride With White Hair. It's a flick both you and the significant other can enjoy!
The Santo DVD Box Set is nearly here! If you've ever wondered how a Mexican Wrester cum Superhero would take on Dracula or the Wolf Man, well here's your answer! (And who among us doesn't allow his or her thoughts to drift to such sublime concepts?)
Chinet has this dopey new commercial that features several upper-middle class mules holding up Chinet plates like they're fine silverware or something. Note to marketing division: THEY'RE NOTHING BUT FRIGGIN' PAPER PLATES, FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD! (The 2004 Mercedes-driving people shown in this particular advert wouldn't even own these things anyway.)
What the heck is it with Hollywood's doe-eyed adoration of Smash Mouth's opus, All Star? First the song's in Mystery Men (okay, it worked well with inherent themes of the film); then in Shrek (uh, did anyone at Dreamworks realize that it was prominently featured in a recent movie from a competing studio...?); then in a Doritos commercial (hmm...is the band behind on a few mortgage payments or...?); and then a Toyota commercial--paralleling the aforementioned chip maker endorsement, nonetheless. (Which am I supposed to buy first? Should I eat the Doritos while driving a new Corolla and listening to the band's CD, or...?)
Finally, just when I thought the madness had ceased, I caught Rat Race last night on cable. Not only is that blankety-blank song featured most conspicuously once again, but this time the band themselves show up to blurt it out to the masses. And to top it all off, it's still in the Shrek II trailer! What's left? An infomercial for pet hair replacement...?!!? If you catch any more sightings, drop us a line and share your pain. (And I'm not unduly ragging on the band. I actually liked the song the first 100 times I heard it, but give it a rest and put out another CD fer gosh sakes.) June 22, 2003 An update at long last! Sorry
lads and lasses, in the immortal words of Dolemite, "But baby, I been biz-zeeeeh!"
And dat be the truth: Since last we spoke, I've completed a book, which
ever-inquisitive eyes can check out here, as
well as starting pre-production for Twelve
Twisted Tricks. Our film managed to snag the coveted Golden
Trailer Award for "Best Trailer, No Movie" back in March.
(Finally, we're able to start rectifying that latter part about "no
movie.") Look for it next summer --
heading to one of the finer theatres near you! (And check back here for more
timely updates--promise!) November 7, 2002 Politics, smolitics! So the big
midterm D.C beg-a-thon is over. Who cares? Winona Ryder (n�e Horowitz) is
guilty! Let the punishment fit the crime; I say she should be forced to relive
three other sinful acts of hers, Mr.
Deeds, Autumn in New York, and Lost Souls, over and over again, until
her medulla oblongata explodes in protest. (This should happen around the third
screening, if not sooner.) October 25, 2002 <rant> Have any of you seen
those asinine life insurance commercials that feature a dopy narrator
introducing us to a nuclear family? In one, the company asks, "How
much do you think it will cost 'John,' a 35-year-old non-smoker to receive
$250,000 in coverage? $100 a month? $75 a month?" No, I think it will cost $5,000 a
month! How stupid do they think we are? Does anyone really believe the
average policy would be 100 frickin' dollars a month for this person? Am I
supposed to be incredibly shocked when I hear it's "only" $17.95 a
month? The funny thing is that you can easily find a policy a few dollars
cheaper than this. Too bad 100% interactive TV is still a few years off. Maybe
then we won't hear so many fatuous rhetorical questions! </rant> October 15, 2002 Revisionist filmmaking: Is it an honest attempt to better a movie through the latest technology or just a
lame excuse to extract more dollars from a public weary of the studios latest
crap machine?
The definitive answer? It depends. I'm all for spiffing up the sound and
picture, as long as said spiffment is not accompanied by some goofy CGI effects,
e.g., the 1997 Star Wars rerelease and The Exorcist -- The Version You've
Never Seen. (If only it could have remained that way!) At least Speilberg came
to his senses with the DVD release of E.T. You'll no longer need to
mortgage the house for the $70 "collector's edition" just to see the
film sans cuts or hamsters replacing hand guns. Read all about it here. September 23, 2002 Wanna see pics of the recent
Chinese Mid-Autumn Moon Festival? How about naked pics of Jennifer Aniston
mud-wrestling an XBox console? Well, we'd all like the latter, but you can see
the former by pointing your mousey-poo and clicking here. August 29, 2002, Wonder what the above
banner is all about? Click it and edify thyself! July 22, 2002 What's with all those commercials
that feel they must go to the most extreme scenario possible to point out that
using their product/service is better than going it alone? Take Orkin: One ad
features a robot with flame-throwers, buzz saws, and ice picks welded onto it.
Its operator is futilely attempting to use it as his own ersatz roach eradicator.
Of course hilarity ensues as he begins to not only burn his kitchen, but
himself. With a premise as subtle as this,
it isn't difficult to see where it's heading from frame one. "Want to get
rid of unwanted pests?" the narrator smugly asks. "There is a better
way!" Really??? You mean there
actually is a better way to rid my home of "unwanted pests"--as
opposed to all those "wanted pests" I have--than nuking the place? You
mean I don't need to burn the entire house down; summon forth demons to devour
every living thing in sight; or try to ram the planet Jupiter into my kitchen--just
to kill a few roaches??? Geez! What a relief! I'm off to schedule an
appointment right now! The overall message of these
commercials? Orkin obviously feels that its average consumer must be a total
NITWIT for trying out all of these other ridiculous ideas first. Why don't say
what they really mean: "Hey, stupid! Stop being such a moron and call us!
You obviously couldn't tie your own shoes without help, much less kill a roach!
So call us right now--ya idiot!" Makes you want to give them all
the business you can, right? June 5, 2002 And another thing...! (why
does seems as if I'm channeling the ghost of Andy Rooney here, even though he
isn't dead--but close enough.) Have you seen any of those
commercials that feature babies speaking to each other through the magic of CGI?
I don't really understand these abominations. I mean, are we as adults supposed
to go buy a car, or splurge on a new line of clothing, because of a
six-month-old's recommendation? I think I'll stick with the talking Gilbert
Gottfried duck instead. Clearly, his business acumen is unparalleled. May 29, 2002 Busy, busy, busy! The updates
have been few and far between of late, I know; however, like the mythical
phoenix rising from the ashes (or like Beetlejuice
pontificating profoundly after rising from his slumber--you choose
the simile of choice), I am back in the saddle again and very proud to unveil www.twelvetwistedtricks.com
to the world! The 35mm trailer is up and there'll be parting gifts for all. Drop by
and check it out ! April 6, 2002 March 31, 2002 A new twist on an old
favorite: CosmoWarrior Zero! February 13, 2002 The Academy Awards nominations
were announced yesterday, and once again REPTILICUS, Copenhagen's #1 tourist
draw, was slighted. Tsk und Task. On the brighter side, GHOST WORLD picked
up a nod for best adaptation from another medium (read: comics in this
particular instance). It likely won't win, but hey at least someone in Hollywood
saw it. And if, perhaps, you think comics offer nothing more than
callow fantasies about men in tights spouting egregiously written dialogue--well
90% of the time you're probably right. But for more on that golden 10%, check
out more about the man behind the source material here. February 1, 2002 We proudly present the Site
of the Year. (It's a bit of a "slow loader," so cut it some
slack. What with Pa out of work, and Grandma's rheumatism actin' up....) January 26, 2002 Mike
says there's three types of people you ought to avoid when doing drugs:
The police, psychiatrists, and psychologists. We think it's a good idea to
do what he says. December 9, 2001 Fun with calendars!
Hey-isn't that Ol' Tom?! November 29, 2001 Get your moody saxophone fix at Papa
Jazz in Columbia, South Carolina. Ask for Neil and tell him Hot
Stuff sent you. October 18, 2001 Hey Bert. Apparently he's
ditched his buddy Ernie and is running with the wrong crowd. See it for
yourself here,
and let's hope for a swift and painless de-conditioning. Meander over to Cafe
Press where you can buy neat-o stuff from the Deslar Soto line of
merchandise. September 22, 2001 Our Twelve
Twisted Tricks page is now updated and extra spicy. Thou shalt check it out. September 15, 2001 They've been around for a long
time and have done a lot to keep the world safe from wicked poltergeists and
other terrifying spirits. Meet Ed and Lorraine
Warren... If you visit Charleston, South
Carolina, the Low Country
Ghost Walk is a must-do for all of you fledgling ghost hunters. Ask
for J.C.
to be your guide. Let's walk! September 14, 2001 Gun play will happen. Go to
CHUD
for the
first ever review of Twelve Twisted Tricks. September 10, 2001 Added the link for the
"Sister Site," as opposed to a site on "Sister Act,"
primarily devoted to shooting amateur films. Do yourself and your cat a favor
and check it
out! September 5, 2001 Went to L.A. and saw billboards
advertising The Ananda Lewis Show. Why is it that literally everyone
seems to have a talk show now? More in-depth, meaningful conversation could be
had from a moss-eaten rock and a bag of potato chips. In-E-Way, saw the trailer to a
film currently in pre-production: Twelve Twisted Tricks.
Remember that name. Tattoo it upon your forehead and carve it on your neighbor's
furniture. Everything's jake. Stay tuned. August 22, 2001 What do you get if you cross a
Japanese monster, two redneck high school dropouts, and their demon spawn?
Well...we're not quite sure either but you can check it out for yourself here. August 19, 2001 Just watched the Fox Five Star
DVD of Die Hard. This begs the question: Alan Rickman--erstwhile
Shakespearean actor, or cool-as-silk leader of a dying planet? Hmmm.... August 14, 2001 $3.00 will get you into the UFO
Welcome Center in Bowman, South Carolina. Most great cities have at least
one good comic book store. Worcester, MA has the best: That's
Entertainment. August 9, 2001 Exclusive!! An essay by Thumper. August 8, 2001 Witness a monkey unlock the
mysteries of the universe; Ray Milland in one really inexpensive car wreck;
and imbibe thyself with the melodious tunes of Les Baxter---all for
your edification with independent film impresario Roger Corman's X The Man with
X-Ray Eyes. Become one with all music at www.lesbaxter.com. Like noodles before you skate? www.giantrobot.com Plate of shrimp. If you happen to miss that left
turn at Albuquerque and find yourself in San
Francisco's Chinatown (as opposed to Troutman, NC), plop down at Chef Jia's (Kearny at Columbus).
He's listed in Who's Who and will treat you right. Check out the
assorted vegetables with bean curd. Chairman Mao sez order it *spicy*! 
Rat Pfink sez: