I am doing the best I can to see every tv show/tv movie appearance John has made. Thank God for syndication! These appearances are harder to catch, but you can keep an eye out for upcoming appearances on my News page. Check here to see if something is actually worth watching.

Movie/Show

Overall Rating/5

John Time

Sweet Poison (1991, TV)

Comments: This movie is full of some of the most annoyingly insipid characters I have encountered. That being said it does star Edward Herrmann, who's always cool, and of course John Hawkes is in it, so I guess it's kinda sorta worth sitting through, for the first 30 minutes at least. Anyway, an escaped convict takes Edward Herrmann and his ANNOYING wife (Patricia Healy) captive, and the MORONIC wife falls for the convict. Have I mentioned how much I really dislike the wife? Anyway, John H. plays a fellow escaped convict at the beginning of the movie. He's a very gun happy fellow. That's about it. He puts a lot of enthusiasm into his character, but really, it's not a big enough part to really have layers, if you know what I mean. Anyway, don't fret if you don't catch this movie. It's really not that good.

Northern Exposure: Do the Right Thing (11/30/92)

Comments: John plays "Jason, the Health Inspector" who comes to inspect Holling's restaurant. He has a crush on Shelly (Holling's wife). But don't worry, his integrity will not be compromised. Another of his very cute, very sweet, somewhat dorky characters. Not a very big role, but big enough to make it worth catching, I think. He's a very convincing health inspector (I'm serious). The other plots of this episode include a guy who claims to be ex-KGB who sells dossiers to the inhabitants of the town, and Maggie trying to be nice to everyone, and developing an ulcer as a result. It's a cute episode.

Wings: Business or Pleasure (10/7/93)

Comments: Helen has to go on a date with a seemingly seedy business man so he'll give money to Joe to help his troubled airline. They go to a crab house, where their waiter is none other than John Hawkes. The first of his two appearances on this show, and the smaller role of the two. He's the goofy comic-relief (can you have comic-relief on a sitcom? Anyway...). Not in it very much, but it's worth catching if it's on tv.

The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr: Showdown (10/29/93)

Comments: I put three stars in the "John Time" column for this one not because of his amount of screen time (not all that much), but because he's just too damn cute in this. He plays a cowboy - more specifically, the manager (for lack of a better term) of a gunman hired to kill Brisco County, Jr. (Bruce Campbell). I don't know what the hell is up with his accent, but I really like it. Very funny. And I lurve the little wire-rimmed glasses he wears. This whole show is tongue-in-cheek, and John fits right in. I definitely recommend trying to catch this, although I was disappointed that we didn't get to see John riding a horse, but you can't have everything, I suppose.

Wings: Roy Crazy (4/14/94)

Comments: Cute. John plays Mark the waiter, aka "Helen's Crab Boy." He's a doof with a big crush on Helen. He follows her around and talks in a very spaced out way. He's very cute, in a dorky sort of way. He's also pretty funny. He's in the episode throughout, although his isn't the main storyline (that would be the one about Roy). This is the second Wings episode he was on, playing the same character. I recommend watching out for the reruns. Worth catching, I think.

Touched By An Angel (2/11/95)

Comments: John plays a peeping tom/would-be rapist. Unfortunately, he's not the one whom Roma Downey is touching. That would be the pill-popping cop who's trying to arrest John. John's not in it too much, but his part isn't miniscule either. And this has to be my favorite hair yet, and we all know it's all about the hair (kidding! kidding!). His performance is good, even if all he has to do is act slimy. I really liked the way he throws his gun down in resignation at the end. Yeah, good stuff.

Promised Land: A Leap of Faith (10/29/96)

Comments: Cheesy spin-off of Touched by an Angel, but actually not too painful. John plays Jake the DJ in the A-Lee-In cafe in Roswell, N.M.. Gerald McRaney and family get stranded there for the night whilst traveling around the country. And it just happens to be the night when all the area freakos converge in this particular diner. Anyway - John's part is cute. His character is semi-obnoxious, but he brings charm to the role. His is the second biggest guest role in the episode - after extra-special guest star James Brolin. There's not too much to say about this episode without giving away the whole plot. John has a few cute scenes, and the overall tone of the episode, while shmaltzy, isn't unbearable. And for the record, I was born not too far from Roswell, and I am not a freako. At least not in that way. Just so you know. That's it. Try and catch this if you get the chance.

Millennium: The Judge (11/15/96)

Comments: John gets to portray pure evil. Cool. Frank Black has to investigate the mystery of who is mailing body parts to random people. Turns out it's this "Judge" who is passing judgement on people (go figure). I'll have to rewatch to see why exactly he's doing this. Anyway, John plays Mike Bardale, who's "The Judge's" Executioner. The long greasy hair makes an appearance in this one. As does John's bare torso. I just wonder which make-up artist got to put all those tattoos and scratches all over his body? Um, anyway, it's pretty good, but bleak, just like you expect Millennium to be. John's in it pretty much throughout, though he's not the main star or anything.

Nash Bridges: Lost and Found (9/19/97)

Comments: Ooh, John plays a bad-ass! This time with no redeeming qualities at all. Some sort of plot about Nash and his partner (Don Johnson and Cheech Marin) teaming up with some undercover woman cop to bust these car thieves who stole a car full of FBI weapons. Or something. I must admit, it didn't hold my attention too well. John is one of the two thieves. He and his partner are by far the least annoying characters in this show, and when they took the woman cop and the FBI guy hostage, I was really hoping they'd just kill them already. Alas, this is tv world, and everything ends happily. Keep an eye out for this just to see the outfits - whatever the costume designer is on, I want. Oh, and dig John's long greasy hair!

ER: Ambush (9/25/97)

Comments: Decent episode, bad John footage. Well, not really bad - just not enough. This is the infamous "live" episode of ER. A film crew is filming the ER team at work. John plays a production assistant who's in it for about 2 minutes total (if that much). The rest is your basic ER episode - tension, blood, excitement, etc., etc.. I'm assuming you already know if you like this show or not.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I Only Have Eyes For You (4/28/98)

Comments: I must say, this show, in general, turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would. I hereby take back any snide comments I may have made about this show in the past. I admit it - it's good, real good. As is this episode. A sad ghost story involving people getting possessed by a boy who committed some murders and then killed himself, many years ago, all in the name of love. There's also some Buffy back-story that non-regular viewers probably won't get, but I don't think it's totally necessary to enjoy this particular episode. John plays a janitor in the school who also gets possessed by the ghost. He gets to yell "Don't walk away from me, bitch!". It's a good scene, although John's role is a little small for my liking. Still, overall, a very good 44 minutes of television.

Fantasy Island: Secret Self (10/24/98)

Comments: Decent enought episode. Not that I'm a regular viewer. But it provided entertainment for an hour. Two plot lines - a woman wants her own talk show; and a man wants to lose his conscience in order to be more successful in the business world. John plays the man - Arnie White. He starts off as a sweet guy, and gets more and more evil as the show progresses, eventually turning into the Devil himself. The Devil makeup is a little OTT, but John gives a very good performance. And he has good rapport with his dog. And he makes out with a red-head (shades of X-Files). Keep an eye out for this.

Brimstone: Executioner (12/4/98)

Comments: This was better than I expected. I'd never heard of this series before, but apparently it's about a guy (Peter Horton) who has been returned to life after being sent to Hell, and now he has to fight demons on Earth that have escaped Hell. Okay. So this episode deals with some strange guy going around electrocuting bad guys. Peter Horton has to solve the mystery. Pretty interesting, actually, and not too gruesome considering the subject matter. John plays Willy, the sweet mail-room clerk at the D.A.'s office. He's in it more than you expect for a mail-room clerk. Be sure to check out his last scene!

The Crow: Stairway to Heaven: Death Wish (12/18/98)

Comments: Really not very good at all. With the exception of John and the guy who plays The Crow (and maybe the little girl), the acting on this show was horrible. I mean, really bad. Anyway, John plays a motorcycle daredevil about to make what will almost certainly be a fatal jump. And guess what - he's neither a psychotic killer nor a hopeless geek in this one! So, the Crow guy finds this little boy ghost wandering around a cemetery, who's worried about his still-alive dad, who turns out to be John. The Crow guy has to find a way to communicate this to John. Awww. Insert many angst-ridden moments here. Actually, these are quite good, and the only reason I gave this two stars instead of one. It would've been even better if they hadn't managed to make the kid even more annoying than young Anakin Skywalker. I kinda had to wonder why John's character even missed him. But I digress... John's in this one quite a bit, and he does have some very angsty moments, and his acting far outshines every one else's, so I feel forced to recommend this one despite it's other flaws.

Martial Law: Substitutes (1/23/99)

Comments: Eh. You get what you expect with this show. Sammo Hung and Arsenio Hall are L.A. cops who kick ass martial arts style. In this episode, they are after a bad guy who's back in town to take his son from his ex-wife. John plays the bad guy's sleazy lawyer. He's really slimebally. He's in it pretty much through out the episode. Watch this if it comes to a tv near you, otherwise don't sweat it too much.

The X-Files: Milagro (4/18/99)

Comments: No, not the best episode of the X-Files ever, but still darn good. John's performance is just wonderful. He is in the entire episode, and he manages to make a very creepy character both sympathetic and charismatic. He plays Phillip Padgett, an unsuccessful writer obsessed with Agent Scully. Scully finds herself strangely drawn to this man. Unbeknownst to her, she is the subject of the novel he's working on - about a "psychic surgeon" who removes people's hearts from their chests with his bare hands. Much more moving than it sounds. Do whatever it takes to see this.

The Practice: Death Penalties (4/9/00)

Comments: Very good. I'd never watched this show before, so I don't know how this episode rates as compared to others, but it kept me interested the whole hour. Two story lines - one, Dylan McDermott defends a guy who shot his terminally ill wife; the other, Camryn Manheim is helping the mother of a man on death row try to prove his innocence. John is the guy on death row. He's only in this episode for two short scenes, but as he's in three episodes total, I assume his part will be fleshed out more in the later episodes. Pretty overwrought stuff, but recommended nonetheless.

The Practice: 'Till Death Do Us Part (4/30/00)

Comments: Another good one. John's storyline features more prominently in this episode, although he himself only has one short speech. But he does a lot of non-verbal acting, if that makes any sense. I love his expression at the end when the judge announces her decision. The other story line revolves around an elderly couple whose marriage is facing annulment. Of course, there is a twist. I'm definitely looking forward to next week's.

The Practice: Liberty Bells (5/7/00)

Comments: Wow. That was really good. Only complaint - you'd think that since John's storyline was spaced over three whole episodes, he'd have more than 20 lines total. But other than that, this was really compelling television. In this episode, Camryn Manheim's character has one last chance to maybe get Stuart Donovan (John) off of death row. Don't worry, I won't tell you what happens. The acting in this episode was particularly good, even if all John really gets to do is sit and look scared/depressed/sad. Not a complaint - he does that very well. There isn't much more to say about this episode, but I definitely recommend trying to catch it sometime. Very intense.

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