| There was an old tart from Baroda Who built an erotic pagoda On the walls of the halls Were festooned all the balls And the tools of the fools who bestrode her! |
| A flea and a fly in a flue Were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea "Let's fly!" Said the fly "Let's flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue. |
| A prestigious fat man from Kings Cared not for whores and such things His height of desire Was a young boy in the choir With a bum like jelly on springs. |
| There was once a man from Sparta The world's most magnificent farter On the strength of one bean He'd play "God save the Queen" And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata." |
| There was once a lady from Eeling Who had a most wonderful feeling She lay on her back And opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling. |
| There once was a lady from Exeter So pretty men craned their necks at her Once was even so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at her. |
| There once was a lady called bright Whose speed was far faster than light She set off one day In a relative way And returned the previous night Miss Bright to her friends was known to chatter I have learned something new about matter My speed was so great Much increased was my weight But I failed to get any fatter |
| There once was a man from Madras Whose balls were constructed from brass When they jangled together They played 'stormy weather' And lightning shot out of his arse. |
| There once was a man from Nantucket Whose prick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin Whilst wiping his chin "If my ear was a c**t I would f**k it." |
| There once was a man from Bombay Who fashioned a c**t out of clay The heat from his prick Turned it into a brick And chaffed his poor foreskin away! |
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| The form of the limerick's so easy That the rhymes appear quite breezy But the lines of the wit Are so oft flavoured with shit That they arouse the qualms of the queasy. |
| There once was a man from Thermopylae Who never did anything properly They said "If you choose To boil your eggs in your shoes, You cannot remain in Thermopylae." |
| A vice most obscene and unsavoury Held the Bishop of Balham in slavery With maniacal howls He rodgered small owls Which he kept in an underground aviary |
| A handsome young monk in a wood Said "My dear, you should cling to the good." She obeyed him, and gladly. He rebuked her, but sadly, "My dear, you have have misunderstood." |
| There once was a Rabbi from Leithe Bit off foreskins with his teeth It wasn't for leisure Or sexual pleasure But to get at the cheese underneath. |
| In the garden of Eden lay Adam Complacently stroking his madam. He was loud with mirth For he knew that on earth There were only two balls and he had'em. |
| A worried young man from Stamboul Discovered red marks on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic! And wipe off the lipstick, you fool!" |
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| There was a young man from Glengarridge the fruit of a scrofulous marriage He sucked off his brother then buggered his mother and ate up his sister's miscarriage |
