Chaper 1

Washington DC 2007

Rolling over for the millionth time tonight, Mac glanced up at the clock. She didn’t know why she bothered, she knew full well it was two o’clock in the morning. Flailing around alone in the big bed was really starting to get on her nerves. She hated sleeping alone. All she wanted was to roll over and find Harm nestled beside her.

Giving up on the idea of getting any sleep, Mac threw the sheets off the bed in one sweeping motion, and practically sprang up. Making her way into the kitchen for a drink, she looked around. She might as well be productive. She wasn’t in the mood to clean, though she did have plenty of laundry she still hadn’t folded. It had been a crazy day. She’d had a list of errands as long as her arm to run from one end of town to the other. If that wasn’t enough to cram into a single day, with Bud on a camping trip with the boys, and Harriet on the tale end of a stomach flu, Mac found the words ‘I’ll pick up the twins on my way to the grocery store,’ tumbling out of her mouth before her brain could stop her.

So now she sat restless and exhausted on the sofa, staring at an enormous mound of laundry, and what looked like an interesting old movie. Noticing Claudette Colbert’s tear-stained face, Mac found herself mesmerized with the actress’ heartfelt performance.

“Why am I always the one crying?”

Now didn’t THAT sound familiar! Raising the volume just a tad, Mac scooted to the edge of the sofa ignoring the unfolded laundry.

“You’re not. Trust me,” Fred MacMurray’s voice resounded from the TV. His arms tightly wrapped around Claudette Colbert.

Even though Mac was staring at a tall man’s back, she’d recognize Fred’s voice anywhere. If only Harm had said something like that to her in his office all those years ago. Maybe things would have been different, easier. Couldn’t she make a fortune if she could find a way to bottle and sell hindsight before it’s needed?

Startled to see Fred pull away from Claudette in a crisp military khaki uniform, Mac raised the volume again. Good grief, I should have watched this movie years ago. Harm may not have flown off to World War II, but gees. This is my life. Shoving the laundry to one side, she stretched her legs out on the sofa and settled back to watch the old flick.

By the end of the movie, Mac was struggling to keep her eyes open. All she could think about was how good Harm looked in a leather jacket. Fred couldn’t hold a candle to him, even with the Hollywood induced romance of the war. As the final credits rolled, so did Mac. Shifting on the sofa, she turned over and closed her eyes. What a happy ending…

Opening her eyes, Mac looked around, stunned to find herself fully dressed and standing in the middle of an office, her office. How did she wind up at headquarters? Walking slowly around the room, looking at the sparse furnishings, she paused at the baby seal poster. This always was my favorite, she thought.

“Major. Glad you’re in early. The Admiral wants to see us in his office ASAP,” Bud popped his head into the room, completely oblivious to Mac’s startled expression.

Major? Was Bud having a moment of senility? Wait a minute, his hair should be gray, and Admiral? What happened to General Cresswell?

“Go ahead, Bud. Tell the Admiral I’ll be right there.” Mac tried to smile reassuringly, her brain scrambling to make sense of the situation. Okay, what’s going on here? The last thing she remembered was trying not to fall asleep while watching Claudette Colbert and Fred MacMurray. That’s it! This was nothing but a dream. She wouldn’t be at all surprised if Fred MacMurray walked into the office instead of Harm.

Feeling better, she tugged on the hem of her shirt and stiffened her shoulders. She could do this. It might even be fun to see what she was going to dream up.

“Hey, Mac,” Harm called to her as she stepped through her doorway. “Glad I caught you. Wanted to let you know I’m taking Teri to the ariport.”

“Has anyone told you you’re much better looking than Fred MacMurray?”

“Excuse me?” Harm’s eyebrows crinkled curiously.

“Sorry. That’s great. Tell Teri I said bye, and thanks. This case meant a lot to everyone.”

“Will, do.”

Mac watched him walking away. Much better looking than Fred MacMurray.

“You’d better not keep the Admiral waiting,” a voice calmly noted from inside her office.

Mac’s head snapped around in the direction the voice had come from, but she didn’t see anyone. She definitely heard a voice. It was loud and clear. Surely this wasn’t going to be one of those dreams?

“I’m right here.”

Scanning the room again, Mac took a short step forward, surprised to see a friendly older woman sitting in her seat. A Brigadier General. You don’t see many of those. What was a female general doing at her desk?

“Ma’am.” Mac snapped to attention.

“You’d better hurry. It’s not smart to keep a two star waiting. I’ll be here when you get back. Then we can have a nice long chat,” the woman smiled.

“Yes, ma’am.” The woman was right. You don’t keep a two star waiting. Not quiet sure how the general managed to get into the room without her noticing, Mac shook her thoughts clear and hurried to the Admiral’s office. This was a dream after all. The rules of reality shouldn’t be expected to apply.

Knocking softly on the Admiral’s door, Mac waited for the expected “enter” before making her way into the large office.

“Nice of you to show up, Major.” Admiral AJ Chegwidden gestured towards the empty chair in front of him.

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. I had an unexpected…visitor.”

AJ stared at Mac a moment. “Everything taken care of?”

“Yes, sir,” Mac nodded.

“Then I can expect your full attention?” AJ had already noticed a distracted air about Mac.

“Yes, sir.” At least she hoped so.

Twenty minutes later Mac was scurrying back to her office, not sure at all of a single word the Admiral had said, and not sure it really mattered. Coming to a screeching halt at her office door, she was almost surprised to see the woman still sitting at her desk patiently waiting.

“Close the door Sarah, and take a seat.”

It seemed odd to be sitting in front of her own desk.

“Have you not figured out yet why I’m here?”

Mac shook her head, “Not exactly.”

“But you have an idea.” The corners of the old woman’s mouth curled up almost smugly.

“This is about that movie last night.” What else could inspire such an odd dream? She hadn’t eaten anything spicy. She’d hardly eaten anything at all the last few days.

“Partly. You seemed to think changing your goodbye when Harm returned to flying would have made life easier.”

“And?”

“And… this is your chance.”

“My chance?”

“To change your life. Your life with Harm.” The General’s smug grin turned to a warm smile. There was something familiar about it, only Mac couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Blinking a few times, focusing on the nametag, her jaw visibly dropped. S. MacKenzie. Was this her future self and her past converging into one insane dream?

Before Mac could force her mouth to form words, with the same unexplainable ease with which she appeared, the older woman had vanished. Mac couldn’t resist looking around. She even bent over to check under the desk. This dream had all the signs of being one hell of a ride.

Chapter 2

Sitting at her desk, she was amazed at how clearly she could remember all the details of the cases before her. Working busily she hadn’t noticed how long it had been since Harm had left earlier that morning. Before she knew it, they were standing awkwardly in front of his desk.

“Hey, want me to water your plants while you’re gone?”

“I don’t have any plants.” This was so much harder than Harm had thought it would be.

“Damn it! I have so much I want to say but I can’t… I can’t find the words,” Mac sniffled.

“I know.” Harm couldn’t resist any longer, gently he leaned forward and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Wrapped in Harm’s arms she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. This was it. The pain of his leaving was as unbearable now as it had been all those years ago.

“Damn you. Why am I always the only one crying?”

As she had done all those years ago, Mac some how found the strength to tear herself away, to go about the rest of her business, to pretend that this wasn’t the hardest day of her life, that her heart wasn’t breaking.

Watching him step into the elevator, from the corner of her eye, Mac spotted her older self once again seated at the desk, staring intently at Mac. Well, if this dream was supposed to show her how things would change, she’d only be encouraging the definition of insanity if she expected a different response from the same action. Edged on by an overwhelming confidence she’d never known regarding Harm, Mac found herself rushing towards the closing elevator doors.

“Harm, wait!”

Harm stretched his one arm out to stop the doors, almost dropping the box he was now juggling on one arm. Overcome by the sheer joy at seeing her hurrying towards him, he struggled to make his mouth move.

“Mac?”

“I can’t let you leave like this. Maybe the words will come easier if we’re not at work. Come say goodbye, tonight, my apartment. Please?”

Harm’s heart was still stuck in his throat. Leaving JAG was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Leaving Mac was most definitely THE hardest.

“I’ll be there.” His words barely reached Mac’s ears when the elevator doors closed again, allowing him only a short moment to register the small smile that spread across her face.

Mac’s apartment
Georgetown

Nervously, Mac paced like a caged lion. This wasn’t how it happened. He left. They never said another word. A short email here and there. She never even told him about her promotion until she was sent to the Henry for the Buxton case. What in the name of heaven was she supposed to do or say now?

Stopping short by the dining room table it suddenly hit her: What difference does it make? This is only a dream. This won’t really matter. Once again she was filled with the same confidence she felt when Harm stepped into the elevator, she braced herself and took a deep breath just as Harm knocked at the door.

“Glad you could make it.” Mac tried to hang on to her waning confidence.

“I don’t have to leave for the airport until 0600.” Harm entered the apartment slowly. He couldn’t ever remember a time when he felt more out of place at Mac’s. Out of nowhere, his mind was filled with memories of the time he’d come to her door for help after his brig break. He’d warned her if she let him in she’d be harboring a fugitive. All she asked was did he do it, and without reservation she let him in and came to his aid. This woman was always there for him, and now he was leaving her behind to follow a lifelong dream. He swallowed hard forcing himself to remember this was something he had to do. He wouldn’t be any good to any woman if he had to live the rest of his life feeling flying was taken away from him. He needed to give it up freely, hopefully for a greater passion.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“No, thank you.” Harm sat down in the nearest chair.

Nervously, sitting on the corner of the sofa, Mac drew her knees up against her chest.

“Are you sure you don’t want a drink?” She wasn’t sure she could do this.

“Glass of water would be nice.” All afternoon Harm had wondered what might happen. Would he finally find the words to let her know she wasn’t the only one crying? Only now, he was surprised to have even found the words to ask for a drink.

“Great.” Mac sprang from the sofa, practically jumping out of her skin when she heard Harm’s voice softly beside her in the kitchen.

“Is something wrong? You seem edgy.” Standing behind her, slightly to one side, Harm let his hand fall lightly on her shoulder. Surprised to feel her stiffen beneath his touch. “Mac?”

“I still can’t find the words,” she mumbled, determined not to cry again.

“Would it help if I started?” Tightening his hold on her shoulder, he moved his other hand around her waist to turn her towards him.

Blinking tightly, Mac nodded her head yes before looking up into his beautiful green eyes. Staring into their depths, she felt a shiver run up her spine at the intensity she found in them. Had that been there this afternoon? Was she so lost in her own pain that she didn’t see it?

“You weren’t the only one crying.” There, he’d said it.

“No?” Mac swallowed hard. It had been there.

“No.” Harm’s hand slid down her arm, stopping above her elbow, drawing tiny circles with his thumb. “I…I tried not to…but, leaving you is going to be…harder than I…than I thought.” It was Harm’s turn to swallow hard. This was the closest he’d come to laying his heart on the table. Much more so than even the baby deal he’d offered just a few days before.

“It is?” Mac could hardly find her voice.

“Uh huh.” Harm wanted so badly to pull Mac into his arms. The thought of tasting her sweet lips was beginning to block all rational thought. His mind lingered on how soft her lips looked just slightly separated, hanging open after her last words.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to order a pizza without asking for half veggie. If I can enjoy a burger without you teasing me about dead animal, but most importantly, I know I can’t bear the thought of walking into the office and not finding you there tomorrow.”

“Mac…” Harm struggled for the words. They simply weren’t there. Nothing could clearly express what he was feeling. There were no words. In what felt like incredibly slow motion, he dipped his head until his lips captured hers in a sweet, soft, tender kiss that lasted just long enough to convey the depth of his feelings, but not long enough to give room for the passion heating inside him to erupt.

All too soon, she felt his lips pull away from hers, leaving her almost pained from the break. Opening her eyes, she mourned the loss of what had been the sweetest ten seconds of her life. She’d felt this once before on a dock in Norfolk, but this time there was no doubt who he was kissing. Now she was all the more certain that life without Harmon Rabb would never be the same.

“Can we try that again, only, maybe sitting down this time?” Without realizing it, the tip of Mac’s tongue slipped out to moisten her suddenly dry lips.

“I…I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” The sight of the pink flesh slowly bathing her moist lips had just turned his inner heat level up several notches.

“I see.” Mac pulled away. The nearly impermeable walls she had spent years building around her heart, quickly slid back in place to protect her.

“No. I don’t think you do. I still have to leave tomorrow.” Lifting his hand to brush the back of his fingers along her face. “I don’t want to make that any harder for either of us, and quite frankly, I’m not sure I could settle for just one more kiss.”

“Are you telling me my kiss is like a Lays potato chip?” Mac bit her lower lip holding back a giggle.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Drowning in the hunger he saw in her dark brown eyes. Her beautiful dark brown eyes, Harm pulled Mac tightly against him. “Oh, Mac.”

“Do you think you could maybe just hold me for a little while? Until you have to leave?” Her face buried in his chest, she batted back the tears. Damn it. She promised herself she wouldn’t do that tonight.

“Until I have to leave.” Only those who knew Harm really well would have heard the slight crack in his voice.

Kissing the top of her head, he stepped back. Reaching down to take her shaky hand in his, he followed behind her into the living room and settled heavily on the sofa beside her.

Flipping on the stereo with the remote control, Mac snuggled into his shoulder, completely warm and safe, cocooned in his arms. Neither one was willing to risk the magic of the moment with words.

Closing his arms more tightly around Mac, the words ‘until I have to leave’ echoed in his head. This was only making things harder. How was he supposed to find the strength to walk away now?

Chapter 3

They had fallen asleep on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms like a couple of teenagers. Harm barely managed to get back to his place in time to pick up his bags and catch his flight to Pensacola. In a way, the rush made leaving much easier. Neither one would have handled a long good bye very well. With barely a peck on the lips, Harm practically flew out of her apartment.

June 29, 1999
JAG Headquarters

Time had just whizzed by since Harm had returned to flying. He’d spent almost a month training in Pensacola before meeting up with his squadron. If you’d asked Mac what had happened the last several days, she wouldn’t have been able to give you any details other than to repeat what was in the emails she’d received from Harm.

Spotting the waving icon. She clicked on her mail, keeping her fingers crossed that at least one would be from Harm. Her heart leapt at the sight of the first address on the list, tomcat64 at hotmail.com

‘I think I’m finally getting used to my name. At least I don’t feel quite like I’ve been dropped in from Lil Abner. Lol. It’s taking a little time, but I’ve definitely won Tuna over. If nothing else there’s at least one person on this ship who doesn’t think I’m too old to be flying. Well, two if you count Skates.

I can’t help but wonder. Were we really ever ‘that’ young? Was I ever that young?’

Mac continued reading the email over and over until she finally heard Bud tapping on her door.

“Sorry, ma’am, but I need the Dawson file. You said it would be ready this morning.”

“Oh, sorry, Bud, I was lost in thought.”

Bud smiled, “Yes, ma’am.” He could always tell when she was reading her mail from Harm. It was the only time he ever saw her smile a real smile. The kind that reached her eyes, and lingered.

July 25, 1999
Patrick Henry

‘I can’t believe it’s already been almost two months since you left.’

Had it really been that long? Harm shifted, sinking more comfortably in his seat. After reading every line, he’d close his eyes and just listen for her voice. God, how he missed her. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the lonely ache that must fill the men who left wives behind. He had only a dream of someday being together to look forward to, but so many had the memories of what they’d left behind to contend with.

‘The Admiral called me into his office today. It seems he had second thoughts after all and put my promotion back on a fast track. The next time you see me, I’ll be a Lt. Colonel. Okay, you can stop laughing now.

I don’t suppose you’ve always had a thing for Lt. Colonels?’

Harm felt the heat flush all the way to his ears. If he’d never had a thing for Lt. Colonels before, he certainly had one now. At least for one particular brown eyed Lt. Colonel.

Closing his eyes again, Harm remembered back to that night in her kitchen. If he pressed his eyes shut really tightly, and thought really hard, he could almost feel her soft body pressed against his. He could just about taste the sweet savor of her lips under his. With a will of its own, his mind went over every inch of the kiss and even dared to dream on. As his mind drew pictures of the things he had wanted to do to Mac but hadn’t dared, he was interrupted by the loud clanking of the door as Tuna came stomping into their room.

“Marine mail again?”

“What?”

“Every time I come in here and find that shit eating grin on your face, you’ve been reading mail from your Marine.” Tuna couldn’t help but laugh. Harm had it bad, real bad.

My Marine, Harm repeated silently. Oh, how he wished ‘that’ was true.

September 8, 1999
JAG Headquarters

Mac had been waiting three days for an email from Harm. It wasn’t like him to go so many days without at least a quick note to let her know he was fine. When the icon flickered and she spotted the familiar name, she was washed with a wave of relief as powerful as any force of nature. She had been telling herself there was nothing to worry about, but she didn’t want to admit how worried she had been until she recognized just how relieved she was to finally hear from him.

‘Hi Mac. Or should I say ma’am? LOL. Sorry, couldn’t resist. It’s been one hell of a few days. The good news is you’re now talking with the new wing leader. The bad news is Buxton didn’t take being replaced well. He just about got himself killed. It was bad enough when he decided to make the grand gesture the other day of letting me gas up after I swallowed a seagull, leaving him bingo fuel to land with. Of course he claimed his superior piloting skills eliminated any risk - keep in mind this is the part where I try not to laugh out loud at him. Anyhow, today, he totally ignores me and goes after a Mig. Any pilot worth his salt knows those guys travel in pairs. Sure enough. Mac, He’s reckless and arrogant, but the worst part is, if he would just lose the attitude, he could be great. I told him he’s confusing his scores on the greenie board with reality. He really thinks he’s a king.’

Mac tried not to read between the lines as she finished the email. Mig was a word she wasn’t fond of. It usually meant some sort of unfriendly interaction, and at Angels 30, that thought didn’t make her any too happy.

September 28, 1999
Patrick Henry

Harm was really starting to lose patience with Buxton. Harm may have been a bit arrogant and cocky once upon a time, all young pilots are, but Buxton was pushing the limits. Now he was trying to ruin his plane captain’s career for something Buxton himself should have caught if he’d inspected the pod properly. That was really the crux of the problem. If Buxton never felt anything wrong was his fault, then he would never learn and would be doomed to repeating the same mistakes. Harm had no way of knowing when or where, but some day, another one of Buxton’s mistakes would get another somebody killed.

It had been a grueling few days. And now, with this Russian dignitary snooping about, Harm had just about had it. He thought he had left JAG behind, but as wing legal officer, the stack of files on his desk made him wonder if he had really left JAG or just moved his office.

“You should get some shut eye.” Tuna poked his head out from his rack.

“I will, I just need to finish up here,” Harm grinned back at Tuna.

“It’s got to be quitting time in DC. Just check your email so we can both get some sleep.” Tuna shook his head. Yup, Pappy was definitely a gonner.

Who did Harm think he was fooling? He’d been waiting all day hoping to hear from Mac. It was nearly end of day in DC. If he didn’t hear from her soon, he’d do as Tuna wanted and call it a night. Just about ready to give in and shut down, he spotted incoming mail.

‘Hi, I thought I’d never get five minutes to myself. It’s been a madhouse. Brumby is a nice guy, but he’s starting to get to be a bit much. The guy simply doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. lol. I bet him dinner at Calistos that I’d beat him on this case. It’s a slam dunk. Maybe winning will teach him to back off.’

Grunting quietly, Harm wasn’t sure what was so ‘lol’ about the guy not leaving her alone. He never did like Bugme. The man should have stayed in Australia with the kangaroos.

‘On the bright side, we’ve got a new office manager. The place seemed to be falling apart with Harriet on reserve. He’s a Marine Gunnery Sergeant. You’d like him. Cares about the truth more than a cushy civilian job. He should fit in well.

I’ve got more good news. At least I hope you think so. It seems the Admiral has decided to send me out to the Henry to investigate Buxton. For a minute there I was a little worried he wasn’t going to let me go, that maybe he thought my knowledge of Buxton through you would be prejudicial. I know, I was being silly. I just want so badly to see you again. I can’t believe it’s been four months already.’

She’s coming. The rest of the email was lost in a blur of anticipation. She was going to be here on the same ship with him. This isn’t quite the same as their apartments. There would be no privacy. Any displays of affection would be completely inappropriate, not to mention hazardous to their careers. Their careers. Mac was now his superior officer. Oh, boy. This could get hairy, but that thought didn’t linger. She was coming. Nothing else mattered.

Chapter 4

Harm stepped through the door, patted the passing airman on the back and waited on deck. He could see the COD landing up ahead. She’d be on it. It had been four months, four very long months. As soon as the arriving COD set wheels to the ground, trying very hard not to look like an overzealous schoolboy, Harm made his way to where she’d be. The moment she stepped off, his heart leapt at the sight of her.

Keep this professional Harm. A simple hug. She’s a buddy from JAG, a fellow officer. No need to let the entire carrier know you’re in love with her. The sound of his own voice in his head almost stopped him cold. He’d known it for a long time, but he’d never admitted it to himself in quite those words. A slowly consuming warmth rose inside him. By God, he was in love with Sarah MacKenzie.

“Hi, stranger.” Mac struggled to keep her voice steady. She had to make this sound simple, casual, something among old friends.

“Good to see you.” Harm convinced himself the greeting couldn’t be considered too revealing. He’d have said the same thing to Bud after four months. Of course, it wouldn’t have meant the same, but he would have said it none the less.

Once inside the bustling carrier, Mac turned to Harm as he pulled his helmet off. “I could use your help.” She hesitated wondering if this was going to go as she remembered. Last time he didn’t know about her promotion. This time it wouldn’t be a surprise.

“I’ll do my best to obey any lawful order, ma’am.” Harm kept his words politically correct for the circumstances, but he couldn’t hide the twinkle in his eye.

“Thank you.” Mac struggled not to melt on the spot under the power of that gorgeously sexy stare of his. “I have to report into the Captain. Meet me in my cabin when you can.”

“I have a plane to fly, but I’ll find you when I get back.”

In no time at all Mac had met with the Captain, requested all necessary copies of reports and tapes she would need to get a handle on the situation, and managed to make herself as wanted on board as a leper.

Flipping through another tedious file, she jumped slightly at the sound of knocking on her door.

“Come in.”

“You asked to see me, ma’am?” Harm announced loud enough to be heard, hopefully not so loud to sound conspicuous.

“Yes, thank you, Commander. I could use some help on this, especially deciphering some of this information.”

Carefully, Harm closed the hatch behind him. Taking two long strides in Mac’s direction, he stopped short in front of her, suddenly unsure of how much of a greeting would be welcome.

Standing awkwardly only a few inches away from Harm, Mac heard the voice of her older self, repeating in her head: “This is your chance.” Closing the final gap between them, a saucy smile on her face, Mac spoke in almost a whisper. “I’ll try and make all my orders lawful ones.”

“Permission to speak freely, ma’am?”

“Granted.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.” In a breath, Harm’s lips had descended on hers. His arms weaved around her, pulling her as close to him as humanly possible.

Instantly lost in the flames rising around her, Mac managed to grasp the passing thought, this was certainly better than the way it had really happened.

Not wanting to waste a single moment, her arms rose around him, her fingers raking slowly through his short hair, her tongue playing tantalizing games with his luscious lips.

Knowing he had to keep a lid on this, and yet wanting so much to taste what he hadn’t dared the night he left, Harm’s lips parted accepting the invitation to dance, his tongue desperate to explore every nook and cranny of her sweet, moist mouth.

Oh, Lord. This was better than anything his meager imagination could have conjured up. Harm knew immediately he was in serious trouble. He wanted Mac, he wanted her badly, but this wasn’t the time or place, and yet he wasn’t sure if he could stop himself from needing more, from asking for more.

This was dangerous territory and Mac knew it. She’d been down this path before, having a relationship with a senior officer. Only this time, she was the senior officer and her bunk in the visiting officer’s cabin was no where near as comfortable as any bed back home. She needed to stop, or at least slow down, but she wasn’t sure she could. After three years of a slow smoldering heat, being in Harm’s arms was like striking a match on gasoline and dry kindling. An out of control fire was the only logical reaction.

As if of one mind, Harm and Mac toned down the intensity of the kiss, grudgingly putting more distance between them until Mac was wrapped casually in Harm’s arms, his mouth whispering soft words and gently nibbling on her ear, “I’ve waited so long for this moment.”

Once again Harm was driving her wild with want and all he had done was kiss her and whisper in her ear. She was going to have to put more distance between them, or figure out how to fit Harm’s large frame into that miniscule bunk before she lost her mind completely.

“Harm,” she managed to murmur.

“I know.” He really did, he was trying desperately to let go of her, to give them some much-needed space. His body just wasn’t cooperating with his mind.

“How are we going to do this?”

For a split second, Harm wasn’t sure if she meant let loose or reign it in, but in his heart he knew.

“The same way we always have. Mind over matter, and just in case, always make sure we’re chaperoned.” A hint of that flyboy smile tugging at his lips, he kissed her sweetly on the forehead, and put just a few inches more between them.

“Mmm, chaperones, huh?” The way she felt, they were going to need a platoon of marines.

“Have you had any chow yet?” Harm took a deep breath. What they needed right now was a diversion.

“No. I was waiting for you.” Mac knew he was right. A room full of people would be a good thing for them right now.

“Then follow me.” Stepping back, Harm opened the door letting Mac pass by him before stepping in front and leading her to dinner.

Mac thought she’d spotted her older self, standing in the corner, nodding approvingly, but when she turned around to look more closely, there was no one there.

Of all the things she’d expected, Mac hadn’t expected her dream to once again have Buxton claim Harm as his lawyer for having given him legal advice. Surely her imagination would have cut her at least a small break. She had no idea if this was a good thing or not. With Harm as opposing counsel, there was no way they could spend anytime alone together, especially not in her room. The best she could hope for would be a few well-chaperoned meals.

On the bright side, at least she didn’t have to work with Brumby. She wasn’t sure which had her more concerned, Harm and Brumby simultaneously contradicting each other at every turn, or poor Bud wallowing over his lack of relations with Harriet since AJ’s birth.

More quickly than she would have thought, the days passed by. The case progressed as she had remembered, she was doing a fabulous job of presenting the obvious, when as usual, Harm pulled his impassioned closing statement out of a hat and swayed the jury to see things his way. At least he had agreed that Buxton was a menace to the Navy with his hotshot ways.

With the case over, this would be her last night on ship. She stood out on the fantail and watched the activity on deck. Harm was out, and it wouldn’t be long before his tomcat returned to the carrier. She’d thought of waiting in her room, but this made her feel somehow closer to him. When she saw the first bird coming in for a landing, she released the tight grip she’d had on the railing and headed back to her room. She was sure he’d find a way to come looking for her.

Chapter 5

As soon as the canopy opened, Harm’s thoughts turned from flying to Mac. She’d be returning to DC tomorrow morning. Having her on the ship, working together, even on opposite sides, reminded him of all he’d given up. He loved the law, and even missed the courtroom, but he was born to be a pilot. He belonged here, that was one thing of which he was very sure. He wanted to fly, and he wanted Mac.

In a way, his flying made more sense. There was no way they would be able to continue working together at JAG if they were to have any kind of a personal future. Yes, they could date for a time without creating too much of a ruckus, but he wanted so much more. He knew that now, too. Besides, having different designators made the rank issue even less of a point. Not that it would really have been a big deal even at JAG, but still, this way could be perfect.

Looking at his watch, he calculated quickly how long it would take to get out of his g-suit and debrief. It was late, but not too late to go see her. He couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving in the morning and not having seen her again, even if only for a few short minutes. He needed to let her know how he felt, and he couldn’t do that in an email.

Mac paced the small space waiting for Harm. Maybe she should have stayed on deck and watched him land. Surely he knew she was leaving tomorrow and would want to see him. There hadn’t been much time for personal conversation, but he had to know. After that wonderful kiss her first day here, he just had to.

When she finally heard the tapping on her door, she felt a thousand pounds of worry roll off her back.

“Enter.”

“Evening, Colonel,” Harm greeted her casually, closing the door behind him and moving to her side.

Before she knew what hit her, she was scooped in his arms and melting at his touch. Her knees were definitely too weak to hold her. She felt his arms tighten around her waist, offering additional support as she wobbled heavily against him.

Harm had no idea how he had managed to restrain himself over the last few days from taking her in his arms in front of the entire crew. Even in marine green, she looked so damn sexy. He’d never allowed himself to accept that, and especially not to dwell on it, but now that he’d admitted to himself he was in love with her, he simply couldn’t see her any other way.

He felt her weight leaning against him. Pulling her more tightly in his arms, he could feel the curves of her body molding to his. The heat surging within was beginning to cloud all thoughts. Dropping his broad hand lower down her back, he let it fall on her six, pressing her even closer to him than he would have thought possible.

Every cell in her body was tingling with need. Even through the miscellaneous layers of uniform between them, she could still feel his body’s reaction to their close proximity. Her heart rate soared at the simple recognition that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. She wouldn’t even let herself think that any man on a carrier would react to a woman on board. This was different. She could feel the same soul-deep need in him that she felt within herself.

A slim flicker of rational thought clawed its way through the raw desire to the forefront of his understanding: this wasn’t why he was here. This wasn’t a liberty port, and she wasn’t some ordinary streetwalker to be manhandled by a horny, drunken sailor. There wasn’t enough time, or space, to do this right. The light of reason grew stronger in his mind, despite the need threatening to spiral out of control.

“Mac,” he murmured into her hair, grudgingly pulling his lips away from hers.

Oh, Lord. Of all the things she loved about Harmon Rabb, this wasn’t the time for the Boy Scout in him to emerge. She wanted this too badly. She couldn’t let him stop now.

“Harm…” she started.

“No. Please, let me say this. I have to tell you.” Harm placed small tender kisses on the top of her head, hoping to ebb the tide of desire still rising inside him.

“What?” She dropped her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms snugly around his waist.

He needed a little more space between them, just a little distance. Stepping back, he took hold of her hand and walked her over to the bunk. “Sit down a minute.” Recognizing the panic in her eyes, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Please.”

“What is it, Harm?” Mac let her free hand fall on his lap when he sat beside her.

Closing his eyes a second, forcing his heart to slow with deep breaths, he tried to ignore the fire that shot through him as Mac placed her hand so gently, and so close, to the center of all his desire. No, sitting down had not been a great idea. With one long stride, Harm was standing in the middle of the cabin again.

“This cruise should be over by December. I’ll be back at Pax River with the squadron until the next deployment,” he started.

Mac smiled at the thought of Pax River. She’d thought he’d be stationed out of Pensacola while the ship was docked. Slowly, she got up from the bunk and walked over beside him, so enthralled in the moment, she hadn’t realized she’d moved until she felt Harm flinch when she laid her hand on his arm.

“That’s not very far from DC,” her grin grew even wider, despite his odd reaction.

Turning to fully face her, his eyes met hers. “That’s what I want to talk about.”

“Talk?” Mac let her fingers run up his chest.

“Yes, Mac.” Harm stilled her hand in his. “Let’s get married.”

Mac felt her jaw drop open for a fraction in time before the words tumbled out. “Oh, yes!”

In a flash, they were fully engulfed in another all consuming kiss.

“Does December sound like a good month to you?” Harm practically panted between kisses.

“Winter wedding sounds lovely.” Mac found herself undoing the zipper on his flight suit as her lips toyed with his.

Harm was once again lost in the tantalizing taste of her kiss when he realized Mac was pushing his suit off his shoulders.

Stopping her arms by pulling her even closer, he dragged his lips away from hers and whispered in her ear, “We can’t.”

“Why not?” She dipped the tip of her tongue into his crooked ear.

Swallowing hard, Harm caught her hands in his. “You mean besides what getting caught breaking regs can do to our careers?” He was amazed he’d managed to make such a coherent statement in his currently incoherent state of mind.

“I don’t care about regs. The man I love just asked me to marry him.” Mac leaned in for another kiss.

Harm pulled back slightly and stared at her hard. He’d never heard her say that before, and it hit him with almost shameful awareness that he hadn’t told her how he felt.

“I love you with all that I am, and the woman I love deserves more than hotbunking in a rack three times too small for what I have in mind.”

“I don’t care. I love you and I have every intention of showing you exactly how much.” Mac shoved the zipper down further with a force that dared him to argue.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Chapter 5.5

Taking two steps back towards the bunk, Harm sat down and immediately began untying the laces on his boots. “These aren’t exactly like taking off a pair of loafers,” he smiled up at her.

“I wonder if it’s the Navy’s way of keeping you in line,” Mac moved over beside him.

“If that were the case, they wouldn’t have put so many zippers on this thing.” Harm pointed with his nose at how the pants could be unzipped fully from his leg up to his chin, easily stopping anywhere in between, when his face suddenly blanched at what he’d just admitted to. “I mean…”

“Never mind what you mean,” Mac grinned saucily, waiting for the second boot to drop. “Just show me.”

In a split second, Harm had pulled her down into his arms. Turning to lay her beneath him, he ignored the sound of his back bumping along the wall. His mouth worked its way lovingly across her chin and down her neck, taking more time than he should, but less time than he wanted, his fingers adeptly undoing the buttons on her shirt at the same time. His heart pounded wildly as the reality of having Mac, the woman who had always held his heart, now in his arms.

Mac tugged on the rest of the zippers, desperate to feel his hard muscles underneath her fingers. Pushing the flight suit off of him, she shuddered at the loss of Harm’s touch as he paused to roll the clothing from his shoulders and pull his arms out of the sleeves. She had never longed for anything in her life the way she did this man. The sheer depth of raw emotion in his eyes was enough to make her come completely unglued. She’d been wanted by men before, maybe even loved in a shallow sort of way, but she’d never felt such a deep sense of belonging, devotion, and unconditional love as she felt when Harm’s eyes spoke to her soul.

In a single swooping movement, Harm lifted his weight and shoved his flight suit to his feet, kicking it away. There was little time to spend on the subtleties of slowly undressing. It wouldn’t be long before Tuna would begin to wonder why Harm wasn’t back. Once Tuna figured it out, the entire squadron would know. Shifting again to lift Mac up enough to remove her blouse, he cringed slightly when he accidentally hit the wall again more loudly. This was going to be harder than he thought. The last thing they needed was to alert the entire ship to what they were doing.

“This isn’t working,” Harm whispered in ragged, frustrating breaths. “I’m not going to screw you like a dog in a heat.” He loved her too much to turn this into just sex. Stepping out of the bunk, he reached up and pulled the empty mattress from the top bunk away from the wall, and tossed it on the floor.

Mac watched him climb off of her, not sure of what was happening. When she saw the mattress land on the ground, she realized what Harm was thinking.

Pulling her away from the bunk, he kissed her lightly on her exposed shoulder, unconsciously letting out a quiet moan. “Did I mention how much I love you?” Harm asked, before pushing her desk aside and leaning back to grab the mattress from the bottom bunk.

Mac could only nod her head. Her heart was stuck firmly in her throat.

Placing the mattresses snugly between the bunks and desk, Harm kneeled down on one leg and reached up for Mac’s hand. Lightly tugging, he urged her to join him on the makeshift bed.

Mac dropped to her knees beside him. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around him as they lowered themselves the rest of the way. “I love you,” she murmured, rolling his t-shirt up and over his head, pausing only to place wet, noisy kisses on his now sweaty skin.

“Oh, Mac.” The feel of her lips on his body was quickly sending him to his breaking point. Pushing her back against the mattress, he dropped his head down by her shoulder, gently sucking and kissing the soft flesh, as his arm wrapped around to undo the clasp on her bra. With a flick of his wrist, he’d managed to pull the unwanted garment away from her and toss it clear across the room.

At the same moment he took one breast into his waiting mouth, he felt Mac’s hand reach around the elastic of his briefs and slip inside, taking hold of his aching flesh. Inhaling her breast with a gasp, Harm clamped down hard on her sensitive flesh, trying desperately to muffle the moan that would have surely made what they were doing obvious to anyone passing through the hallway.

The feel of Harm’s hot, wet mouth sucking on her sensitive nipple was sending blood pounding through Mac’s body, but the surging desire between her legs became almost unbearable when he practically swallowed her breast whole at the feel of her hand around him.

She’d often allowed herself to daydream about throwing caution to the wind and having her way with Harm in the confined space of a carrier, but even in her wildest of dreams, she’d grossly underestimated what it would be like to have Harmon Rabb make love to her. Clenching her teeth, she swallowed the loud cry of pleasure that was now trapped inside her. Every inch of her body was on fire. Harm’s hands were roaming, caressing, and kneading her flesh into a sensual frenzy and she was only undressed from the waist up. Tired of the clothing still separating them, Mac reached down to unzip her pants, but froze at the feel of Harm’s hand grabbing forcefully hold of hers.

“Let me, please.” Harm captured her lips in a soft kiss, his tongue teasing and licking every corner of her mouth, playfully sucking and pulling on her lower lip. The entire time, his hands skillfully lowered the zipper and slid her slacks and panties down her leg. Finally needing to release her lips to reach further down, he kissed her soft shoulder and tender breasts as he shoved the pants the rest of the way off her legs, sending them in a heap across the room.

“You’re still overdressed,” she spoke softly, tugging on Harm’s underwear, urging him to lift up as she pulled the thin fabric down as far as she could, letting him finally kick them off.

This was it, what they had both been aching for, bare skin against sweaty, hot, bare skin.
Capturing her lips in his once again, Harm moved just slightly up and down, creating the tiniest bit of glorious friction between them. When Mac gripped his already aching arousal and began pumping in the same rhythm with which he’d been gliding along her body, he had to stop and take a deep breath to avoid screaming out her name.

Mac could feel his muscles tightening at her touch. She wanted to do so much more for him, but there just wasn’t time. The thought tightened around her heart like a vise. This was her only chance to be with him for months. Physically shaking her head, Mac brushed off the thoughts. She was only going to focus on one thing: loving Harmon Rabb.

“God, Mac. You’re killing me.” Harm reached down and stopped Mac’s hand from further movement. Placing his tip at her entrance, he reached over and swiped his finger between her folds, shivering at how she writhed beneath him at the simple touch. “Next time, baby. Next time,” he promised. He hated that he didn’t have the time to love her the way he wanted, but at this point, he didn’t think he could wait any longer to feel her around him.

With a slow push, Harm slid inside her. Her walls instantly tightened around him. She felt so good. Sliding out almost all the way, Harm plunged back inside her with more force than he’d intended. The feel of Mac’s teeth digging into his left shoulder, sent a fear he might have hurt her rushing through him. He was fully prepared to pull back when he felt the heels of her feet pressing firmly against him.

“More,” she mumbled into his shoulder, “Dear God, don’t stop now.” She sucked in her lower lip. She could feel all of him, deep inside her and it wasn’t enough. God help her she wanted all of this man. Bucking her hips at his hesitation, she encouraged him again, “God, I love you. Don’t stop.”

The sound of her desperate voice in his ear was the last straw. Thrusting inside her again, he began a pounding rhythm that had them moaning into each other’s shoulders, desperately stifling the need to scream out their pleasure. When Mac began convulsing erratically, whimpering into his shoulder, the spasmodic pressure of her walls contracting around him was pushing him to his limit. Trying to stroke her gently as she rode the waves of her orgasm, Harm finally couldn’t hold back anymore and exploded inside her, pouring out all of his love, and leaving a part of his soul.

They lay there quietly holding each other, both aware that he couldn’t stay, but neither wanting to be the first to move.

Kissing the top of her head, he murmured, “We should be docking in Naples for a few days in November. Do you think the Admiral would give you some leave?”

“I can ask.” Mac snuggled deeper into his arms. She didn’t want this moment to ever end. Two months seemed so long away. Just a few minutes longer…

She tried not to think about every second that ticked away. It had been over an hour since Harm had first knocked on her door. If he didn’t leave soon, people would start asking questions.

“Harm.”

“Yes?” He gently kissed her temple, instinctively tightening his grip around her.

“Shouldn’t you be…I mean, won’t somebody notice you’re not where you’re supposed to be?” She was proud of herself for not letting her voice crack, but she knew that if it was hard for her to bring up his need to leave, it would be even harder for the gentleman in Harm to hit and run, so to speak.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Whether or not Tuna is still up. I told him I was too revved up to sleep and I was going to spend a little time on the fantail.”

“Did he believe you?”

“Probably. I do it often after night flights.”

“So you can stay?” Mac tried not to let her voice sound too hopeful.

“For a little while, but I need to get out before the halls start bustling.” He really needed to be out sooner, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave.

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