A Last Appeal

He had thought that the arrest of Edmond Dant�s would erase the man�s presence in his life, but even months after the young man disappear Fernand could still feel his presence. In every look Merc�d�s cast out the window, every sigh that fell from her lips, the lengthy hours she spent nurse old Louis Dant�s, now on his deathbed. He thought he could win his lady with the rogue safely out of the way, but now it was worse than before. All her heart had room for was Dant�s and Fernand was growing sick at heart with waiting.

An opportunity had presented itself in the form of military service � a chance to flee Merc�d�s�s hurt looks. A reprieve from the guilt budding in his breast. If only she would consider�reconsider� him as a possible life mate, they could both be happy, he a prosperous fisherman and she his adoring bride. If only...

Behind him he heard the door creak open as Merc�d�s returned from another marathon session with old Dant�s. He turned to see her, silhouetted in the light of the dying sun � she took his breath away.

The arrest of her beloved Edmond had sparked the virtue of hope in Merc�d�s heart. She knew him to be innocent of any wrong doing, knew he would return to her soon. But Edmond did not return. The days turned to weeks. Weeks slowly turned into months. And each passing day caused a bit of hope to die within her heart. She could not understand how he could be gone for so long with no word. No one had heard of Edmond since he was taken away; it was as if he simply disappeared.

Merc�d�s sighed as she climbed the small hill to her home. Every step was an effort now. Tonight she had been at old Dantes' for much longer than usual. The poor man likely wouldn't make it much longer, she thought. Just as her heart broke a little more with each passing day, so the old man's strength and will to live seemed to give out.

Sighing with exhaustion as she opened her door, a figure caught her eye. She gasped, then realized who it was.

"Oh! Fernand. I would not have expected to find you here this late. Is something wrong?"

Months ago she may have asked if he had received word of Edmond. But that hope was long since dead, and Fernand's visits, although frequent, began to focus less on finding Edmond and more on Merc�d�s herself.

Fernand rushed to her side and placed a supportive arm around her shoulders as he lead her to her chair. "You must be exhausted. Sit," he murmured as he sat her in the chair, helped her out of her shoes, and messaging her tired feet. "At this rate you'll kill yourself, dearest!"

He was avoiding her question. How could he say, marry me or I must leave you because this situation is killing me? It would be gauche. "How is the old man?" he asked, stalling for time.

Mercedes made no argument as Fernand helped her to a chair and massaged her tired feet. She collapsed against the back of the chair, her sitting limply in her lap. "Oh, Fernand," she sighed. "You are so good to me." Perhaps too good? His terms of endearment had become more frequent. When he looked at her, she began to see in his eyes the same thing she used to see in Edmond's. Or was she seeing it merely because she missed it so?

She shook her head sadly at the question, crumpled curls coming undone from her already lose bun. "He is not well. He seems to be weaker every day. I cannot understand it, Fernand. It is as if he no longer wishes to live." She sighed again. And could she not understand that? If it were not for the love of Edmond that still lived in her heart, she would have wished for death long ago!

�The old man has nothing else,� Fernand replied. But you do. �You are good to care for him and be with him. It is that tender compassion that endures you into the hearts of so many�� It was the beginning of the proposal, how did the rest of it go? He felt the saliva dry up in his mouth. �It is that compassion that has made you dear to my heart. It pains me to see you each day as that beautiful heart of your withers away� I cannot be Edmond, but I can love you as well� I do not expect your love, but perhaps it will grow in your heart with time.�

Mercedes felt her heart beat faster as Fernand's words began to change from talk of the old man. Somehow, she knew was he was going to say! If only she knew how to respond! She looked down to her hands in her lap when Fernand finished his proposal. "Oh, Fernand..." she sighed sadly as tears came to her eyes. "You are so very good to me, so patient. No one could ask for a better cousin." Any girl would be happy to have him for their husband! But...she wanted Edmond! "I...it...it seems so soon," she whispered, her heart pained with the memory of Edmond and yet wishing to move on.

For all the remorse in her voice, the answer was still no. She would rather spend her days in morning than to spend them with him. Bitterness filled his heart as he looked up at her again.

"I understand," he lied, then rose abruptly going to the window. "I will see to your needs before I leave." A distinct note of finality in his voice.

Oh, how her heart sank when Fernand raised his eyes to hers! She must have hurt him, for she so so very much in his eyes. Hurt, grief, anger...

She shuddered at the very sight of it and her face contorted with grief even as he rose and moved away from her. "Oh, Fernand..." she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

His next words took her by surprise.

"Leave?" she cried, standing up, wringing her hands. "You are leaving? Where are you going, Fernand? Why?" she took a step towards him, fear coursing through her body. Had she hurt him that badly that he would wish to never be near her again?

�I have enlisted,� he said, keeping his voice under control, yet still not looking at her. �The army has been actively recruiting for some time, and it is not the first time I have thought to join. I can make my fortune out there more assuredly than staying here.� It was a partial truth, by the words themselves were true.

Mercedes shook her head in confusion at Fernand's words. "But...I don't understand! It's so sudden, Fernand. And it hardly seems like you to wish to join the army." She licked her trembling lips and took another step towards him, trying to catch his eye. "You would go and leave me here alone? What am I to do in your absence?" Guilt stung at her heart. Was it because of her that he was leaving? "You're...you're not leaving because of me, are you?"

Fernand took a deep breath, but continued to look everywhere but at Mercedes. "I have been mulling over this decision for some time. It is the chance to make my fortune..." ... and prove to you my worth. He wanted to continue, but held his tongue. "You will be provided for, I will send money when I can. I have offered you everything that I can afford to provide for you in this place, but it give you no solace." He shrugged, "I can't bear to see you sink further into misery and you will not allow me to fill that void... so what else can I do?"

She still could not understand. How could Fernand just up and leave her? What was she to do without his support? What if...what if something happened with the search for answers about Edmond's fate and she needed his help?

Mercedes took another step towards him and placed a trembling hand on Fernand's arm. Would he not look at her? He was surely breaking her heart! "Oh, Fernand. But you have helped me in so very many ways! I do not know what I would have done without you in this time of sorrow and uncertainty." She was tired. Tired of fighting and worrying and crying.

"Is there nothing I can say to make you stay?" She asked with tearful pleading eyes.

Mercedes exhaled a shaky breath. The proposal did not make her feel like other girls would at such words. It made her blood run cold and her head spin. It made her long for Edmond. And it made her curse herself for being weak enough to even consider it for a moment.

"Oh, Fernand..." she sighed, lowering her tear filled eyes. "I-I don't know what to tell you."

Part of her wished to refuse him and to yell at him for even thinking to ask her such a thing. And yet, part of her wished to give in and give up. It had been months since Edmond had been taken...and there was no word from him. And hadn't Fernand been good and patient with her? Was he not a good man? She was so very tired of fighting within herself, of living on nothing but dying hope.

"I do not know if I can give you an answer now," she said quietly, fighting back tears. Curse her weak heart! "B-but soon."

Would that answer be enough for him now? Would she ever really be able to answer him?

Fernand sighed, he had suspected the answer before he'd given it. "Very well, I will give you time. Plenty of time to think and consider. While I am with the army I won't be looming over you to affect your decision." There was a note of bitterness there, of disappointment. He had done much to obtain Mercedes� love and now he would be leaving empty handed.

Mercedes sighed sadly, seeing that she had hurt Fernand. He had been nothing but good to her, and she couldn't even given him a straight answer. "I'm sorry, Fernand. I wish I..." she stopped and hung her head. If she were a stronger person, she would simply be able to refuse him. She could wait faithfully for Edmond...whom now she believed would never return. But she was not. She was weak and scared and cursed in her uncertainty. "Go with the army if you must. I...I will not say I wil not miss you, for I will. Terribly." She sniffed and lowered her head further until it almost rested on his chest. "I will have an answer for you..." In her heart, she already knew what the answer would be....but she could not yet face it. Could not give up that last shred of hope...

Disappointed, frustrated and weary beyond words, Fernand turned away. It wasn't supposed to be like this. All he wanted was her and now... and now he was going to walk away from the mess he created. No, not he. Dantes.

He didn't say a word as he collected his hat and walked out the door. It was too much to even look at her now. She would have time to think and reconsider, let her feel aloneliness to gain prespective, just as he, Fernand, would gain perspective as he travel to foreign climates. But Dantes would gain nothing, if there was any justice for Fernand Dantes would be rotting in a cell in misery.