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| My name
is Toi (pronounced toy). I am a 34-year-old wife and
mother. There's a catch though. The wife part is sort of
up in the air right now. My husband of 10 years came to
me one day and said that he couldn't do it. He couldn't
pretend to love me anymore. Talk about flabbergasted,
floored, surprised and shocked! I NEVER saw it coming. If
someone would have asked me to place a bet just the night
before on weather or not Steven and I would grow old
together, I would have taken that bet, and I would have
been completely sure that I was going to win.
Now, my husband may say I didn't see it coming because I am naive, but I say it's because I have faith. Faith in God, faith in myself, faith in other people and faith in him. And just for the record, I still have faith in all the above mentioned, including him. I also still, and will forever, love him very very much. That has not changed, not even while I felt like he was ripping my heart out and grinding it to dust.
Okay, I digress. Let me give you a quick synopsis of what happened. Okay, so maybe not that quick, but a synopsis none the less.
About 1 1/2 years ago, out of the blue, my husband wanted to leave me. I came home from work one day, and all of his personal items were packed up. He told me that he did not think that he loved me as a husband should love a wife. Of course I cried and asked why. He told me that he's had a conversation with his Godmother and aunt regarding our finances. She asked him why he did not have money to buy cigarettes. He told her it was because I controlled the money. This is true, mind you. My husband has never paid a bill in our life together, which is 14 years. I have just always handled the money. The only reason he did not have money for cigarettes was because he told me he wanted to quit, so I removed the smoking money from the budget and basically said tough luck. Well, he didn't know the reason, or remember it during this conversation, and his aunt asked him why he didn't talk to me about it. He told her that he felt I would get mad. She in turn told him that was no way to have a relationship, that we should be able to discuss things. And she is right. But I never thought we couldn't discuss things. So, with that seed planted in his mind, he began to question our relationship to himself. Mind you, he never said anything to me. Until 3 days later (Yes, 3 days) he packed up his stuff to leave.
The catch here is that he never left. We talked and cried together, and he finally said to me "Can I stay?" I said "Of course! But do you really want to stay, or do you feel guilty?" He said he wanted to stay, because he finally saw how very much I loved him and he loved me. I was over joyed. He unpacked his things, and we talked and talked and talked. We made arrangements to attend a marriage encounter, to enrich our relationship. We had a wonderful time, though it was full of tears. I exposed my soul to him in a way I never had before, and he poured his heart out in what they referred to as "Love Letters." We came home, and I thought everything was fine. We never had big fights. We bickered like all couples do about dumb things, but never anything earth shattering. We had no issues with each other. He didn't drink, or hang out too much, or act abusive in anyway. Same with me. We had the kind of relationship that others admired. I took great pride in that (which, Biblically speaking, is a no no, but more on that later). We were good as far as I was concerned... but I was wrong.
Please sign my guestbook and let me know you were here! Thank You!
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