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Book I'm currenty reading: Les Miserables Music I'm listening to: Essential Ella, U2 Compilation, Sarah McLaughlin Mirrorball E-mail your comments or responses :) | thoughts: Feb 5, 2003 I was just watching the Creed Video "My Sacrifice". There's a ending image of a man aging and he leaves the scene with a smile reflecting peace. I couldn't help but think about all how I have been studying aging in my courses this term. You know, I have such a heart for the elderly. I think they have so much life to live! That might contradict societal perceptions of aging as heading towards the end of life. They way I see it, the past years of living can make the future years of living so much more rich and full of unrealized meaning. Seinors have so much potential in their life to live it fully! My heart is here, with them, in their losses in their loneliness but also with the unending hope knowing for certain I can help to make it better! Sigh..wow.. so exciting! "May it be when darkness falls Feb 4,
2003
My one day trail with using an external blogging site is over. Sigh.. so much for that. I think I like being able to post pictures and a bit more freedom to make changes easily. However, I've decided to change the a few things, mostly transferred from ideas I was going to do for my blogger site. My housemate Gil just got back from coffee and dessert with a friend from CCF who is dating a young Christian. She shared about how in this relationship and in her past relationship with another guy who was also a Christian, she has been the one that initiates spiritual growth in the relationship and this initiative has lead to conflict. This got me quite riled up! I think I have certain ideals and expectations of guys, especially Christian guys, to take initiative, plan and nurture the spiritual growth within the relationship. This might be through, prayer, studying the Bible, worship together and accountability. I feel upset when not only does the leadership have to be one sided (lead by this girl) but also that the guy doesn't seem to appreciate her vigilance and perseverance. Grr.. what is this world coming to. Come on guys.. step it up! God gave you this place of leadership in marriages, please show responsibility to answer the call. I'm trying to keep in mind that maybe my expectations are too high, and that my past experience leading my fellowship in Guelph, and a variety of other groups and councils in the church puts in my mind an even higher expectation of the kind of leadership I expect from a spouse that I would consider an equal or a mentor. I'm sure that sometimes opportunities pass me by for me to take initiative in spiritual leadership in my relationships as I wait and wait for guys to step up. As constructive criticism for myself, I should probably be more expressive of my expectations, share my frustrations and ideas for service, ministry, and growth to pursue together rather than passively keeping it all inside while feeling disappointed at what I do not see. Gil also brought up a good point. As women, we usually have more mentorship like relationships with other women, and more opportunities to share our spiritual challenges and spur one another on stretching to reach to deeper spirituality. Perhaps guys don't have the same comradeship, accountability and opportunities to be expressive and as a result they are less expressive and less sensitive to the spiritual churnings in their hearts. So maybe this deficiency lends it self to supporting the argument that there should be less expectation on guys to be spiritual leaders in the ways that I describe. (if anyone has feedback, please let me know.. this is definitely a thought/theory that is still in process) Feb 3, 2003 (from blogger) This is my new blog. I got tired to posting from my web page, so I've decided to jump on the blog spot band wagon hoping that everyone is having good results with Blogger. (fingers crossed). One two three.. JUMP! (splash) Work robs me. Of all the things I love doing. My music, my reading, even my solitude and my prayers. As I dive into my growing sea of work, I give up the things that give me breath. I feel sadder, more antisocial. sigh. Help! What's that on my shoulder?!?! oh it's just you green frog :), my dear friend and faithful companion. I love the way you sit on my shoulder when I study and sometimes even on my head as I try to balance you walking around the house. Green frog keeps me young and silly! :) Jan 23, 2003 Reflecting upon what was happening to me around this time last year, I realized how much as changed. Not simply things that have changed around me, in my family, or in my friends. But even in my own attitudes, my heart. The things that I was overflowing with passion for last year have changed. I still love being in the OT program, but my excitement has been tempered and tamed somewhat. Perhaps this is normal.. but it makes me a little sad. Perhaps I'm just having one of those melancholy weeks. On a sadder note, the past week or so has been so very cold. The first day of my cold spell, my housemate came in and warned me of the impending cold should I step outside. My first instinct was to rummage in my closet for the thickest warmest clothes I might possibly own. Then I stopped... and remembered.. what about all the homeless people.. what will become of them tonight? I wonder how many lives have been lost simply because of the unbearably cold temperature. Every morning I call out to Him to have mercy, provide shelter, that somehow some way this group of people would find refugee from the storm. At times I think of selling all the I own, and giving it all to whoever needs it, and then I try to remember that certainly, there must be a reason for the privilege that I am blessed with that builds to actualizing God's plan for me. I hope that this conclusion is not my sad excuse for running from giving all that I can, but it is prayerfully and thoughtfully being a steward of the blessings that God has provided, to know the way He has intended. Jan 22, 2003 After a very long sabbatical, I've come back with much in my heart to write about. As many of you know I'm in the Occupational Therapy Program. Part of our studies include case scenarios about potential issues and illnesses. The one that I have been currently working on is a woman with HIV. I'll be the first to admit that I have my own stigma and biases on this issues and those that suffer from the problem. But it is through education and knowledge that these are disbanded, and so I begin my research. What I found was both shocking and frightening. I studied the cycle of the virus, the intricacies and ingenuity of it's life cycle and was fascinated. I read and looked at pictures of the side effects, of the skin diseases, muscle wasting, and could hardly glance at the pictures without looking away. Then I looked at HIV world wide and my heart fell as I read statistics and reports on the situation of AIDS around the word. My heart whispered a prayer as read on "God have mercy on your people". The Bible calls us to have compassion, love and hope for all people both those locally and globally. The difficulty I have is when I try to empathasize and internalize the despair. I feel as though my heart is breaking and a huge lump forming in my throat. To learn more, be informed and pray specifically see the website below. http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=Country (click here for previous entries) This page was last updated on 02/05/03.
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