Hmm��Well, today was an interesting day. Not good, bad or outside of previous experience, just outside the everyday. It involves a young gentleman I had chatted with online occasionally over the last several months. Before today we had only known one another through instant message chat and seemed to get along well enough. Saturday he asked when we would meet and I agreed to his request to come over, giving him directions. Things came up and he couldn�t make it Sunday, but came over today instead. The first thing I thought to myself was how much more attractive he looked in person than in his online picture. But don�t get the wrong idea, it wasn�t a sexual attraction (though he is a very sexy young man), merely an aesthetic appreciation from my perspective. Now if I were a little more �normal� in the desire department I most definitely would have felt differently. But alas, I am simply not geared that way.
As we sat and chatted through some preliminary conversation that any first meeting entails, there was the usual degree of awkward unfamiliarity. Nothing overly uncomfortable, just wading through topics to find things in common I suppose. One thing I was impressed with however was his direct approach. I must admit I wasn�t exactly expecting such candor, and though I may have been caught off guard a little bit I was not surprised by it, simply refreshed. I found myself somewhat flattered and perhaps even a bit amused as his questions took on a personal bent. And I do mean personal. Questions related to sexual preferences, physical dimensions and such things. And while I had no problems answering any of his questions I did not want to give him the wrong impression and made sure to inform him of that fact.
Now I�m not going to go into great detail of the course of the evening, but we went out for a bite to eat and discussed more along the lines stated above. When we got back to the house I was pretty sure of the possibilities at hand. And I am confident of what could have occurred had I pursued that, but I made sure to explain that for me, I just don�t move that fast. I have to get to know a person before getting overly intimate and it has to be built on a firm, inter-personal foundation. That is simply my nature. Had I been more typical in regards to sexual pursuits I am sure that things would have been different, for as I stated, he is a very attractive and sexy young man. Well, that is if you consider 25 to be young, and at my age I see that as still fairly young. :-)
Nothing intimate came of the day, most likely due to my lack of desire to immediately pursue that course of action. But I do find him amicable enough and I genuinely would like to know him better as a person. Where things might go from there I cannot say, but I think he will be like most others and lose interest in me over time, if he hasn�t already. But, who knows? As always I will simply stay the course, being true to my nature and see where the road leads. It�s the only thing I know how to do. Be myself that is.
Of course, I find myself wondering if there is something physically off with me, for example, low testosterone levels or something. For here I am in a situation where there is an attractive young man who is obviously interested in sexual pursuits and I have absolutely no physical response. Not that I could not have incited myself to such responses, but it would have been a force of will to inspire any sense of desire. Isn�t it supposed to be the other way around? When faced with a beautiful, sexy individual you find attractive aren�t the physical responses supposed to come first and then through force of will you refrain from moving too fast? Ah well, what can I say, I�m just not your average individual. But, that�s part of what makes me, me. And I like me, so what can I say other than �it�s all good�. :-)
