• Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.
  When did you first notice this problem?
  What problem?

• A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea".

• Q :Why did 18 fools go to a movie?
  A : Because below 18 was not allowed

• A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you have a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

• What do you call a guy at your front door with no legs or arms?
  Matt!

• You're so dumb you took a ruler to bed to see how long you slept.

MORE COMING SOON