| The Man... |
| Now, it had been a long time since I had been out on a date much less a relationship with a man... Each time I thought about another relationship, my mind went to the hurt I felt with the last one.� Not being able to tell what he was doing and realizing I never even knew my husband, after 10 years.� Going through that time in my life tore me apart and also my family had no strength due to my being unable to handle the emotions sometimes.� To be able to control my life since then I was determined never do it again.� I never knew there was that much pain a person could take.� But I learned , I didn't have a choice...� And no man was going to do this to me or my family again.� I was the rock in this family and I was going to do my darnest to make us continue and stay strong as a family. So......when a man came into my life I ran.� I had beautiful girls and no man would ever hurt them in my house or have the chance for that matter.� I ran on fear.� I became strong even though I didn't want the man's part of the family relationship.� But I was all they had and I worked and we went without a lot to survive. When I met this man , I was not easy with him.� He was shy but always seemed to be there when I turned around.� He, too, was poor and a lot of baggage from his past.� He was in recovery,� a AA member. Bringing him home was hard for me...I only have one daughter left , who would even take notice of a man around the house. This had been a womens' place and men were allowed in only once in a while and sent on their way.� The girls and I used to laugh about this cause my girls are quite beautiful and have plenty of young fellas at the door.� When the fellas came in the house they were subject to girly things and having to make sure they put the seat down after they used the restroom.� It was quite a funny thing to see...Now, here comes the man and with him starting to come over a lot now he is learning that this is a woman's house and is adhereing to protocol, cause Trish schools him all the time.� He seems to fit in here when he is here.� He is really handy with making things and he had added life to the walls and outside of the home.� He lives with his uncle at this time near by, so he is over here a lot more often. The girls are on different terms with him...They like him but they keep their distance.� They don't really know how to act since they haven't had a male figure around to watch before.� He truly wants them to accept him and since we have been together they have been coming to depend on him when their cars break down or something needs fixing.� He does it , without a word.� He is a good ol' boy from North Carolina and has had a hard life.� But he is loving and wanting a family and someone to love him.� He is kind and tries to be what they need but stays to the side most of the time cause he knows he is the outsider. My son accepts him and admires him for the crafts that he can create and he makes things like adding rooms and putting in porches , easy work, but we all know we could never do it ourselves. He was here when my dad passed away ...He just stood by me and tried to make things work normally around this house , because I sure wasn't thinking right.� I was lost when my father passed away and I felt like someone took my heart out and that piece would never be replaced.� He held me , and told me he would never leave me.� He helped us just by being there to handle everyday life while I walked in a fog for a long time.� Losing a parent is like losing one of the biggest parts of yourself.� But I was learning thatthe man was becoming my best friend and it was happening so naturally. I still have a great fear of the hurt from the past husband.� I have never been able to let go of the crying that took place and the part of me that died in those times.� It was like I had died at times or wanted to die.� But I knew I had to go on so the shield went up and I promised myself I would never hurt again. He has asked me to marry him ....� What do I do?� Should I live as I have been???� Alone and afraid?� I am engaged to this man now.� We have been together for 3 years.� He is my best friend.� But the fear still lives....I don't know if I can now share the burdens of my family and life completely with this man.� How do I learn to trust again?� Divorce is like a death.� I lived through hell after the divorce but my faith and God gave me strength back to survive on my own with my children...Can I really give up a part of that to share with another man who might hurt me again???������������������ |
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| Meet The Man |
| to be continued........... |
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