| Well, Tony grew and left us women on our own at the age of 19 and joined the Air Force. He also got married to Tammy at the same time. The girls and I continued on our own... Raising the girls became tough. They gave me nights I wouldn't wish on anyone. Nights of prayers and asking God to help them through the bad times...their time of finding themselves and peer pressure. I spent many a night sitting on the sofa waiting for them to come home. Even though I was here for them , they still had to go through the times of discovering life for themselves. I stayed close to them and stayed home unless I was at work. But for the teen years, all you can do is pray every day , that God will watch over them while you are not there. I was so scared when they went out with their friends, or on dates,- afraid someone would hurt them. It is a fear of being a parent, I guess. And yes, drugs became a part of some of those years... The evil almost caught one of my girls... And I cried to sleep many nights,.. But these are the times when I learned to give the things in my life I can not control to God. I had to since I could not control their lives... That was hard for me to do... Giving control over since I knew I could not control this part of my life and their lives. I started learning that all I can do is live One Day At A Time, and trust in God. Some nights, I cried so hard I felt as though my heart would cease to beat. I was so alone. During this time, my life started to take a turn ... My girlfriend's husband started a new job selling real estate. Within a year, I was doing paperwork to become a home owner. ME a woman, who knew nothing but work , raising children and trying to keep up with paying bills. Also within this time , I changed jobs ... To work with people who have a disease known as Addiction(Drugs and Alcohol). I knew when I started working in this field ...This is were I belong , as far as work. I felt as though God was handling both my career and my personal life and it was happening so fast that I didn't have enough time to think. Within the first few months of living in the house... then hurricanes came ...Mother nature and all her fury. But within this time, and the seriousness of mother nature, it gave us time to become a family unit again. The girls and I sat and talked that night. While the wind blew and the trees fell, the girls and I talked and prayed for the safety of our home and the tree we planted in the front yard, ( the tree is a symbol of God's love to the girls and I ) Through it all, time made us feel strong as women and as a family. I expressed my fears as a mom and as a person that loved them more than life itself. I told them about how I was raised and how I went through so much pain as a child inside of me that no one knew. We talked about what it was like being a teenager and how I wanted to help them not hurt their lives. They listened and talked also. Now , I am not saying this solved the problems but it was a start. With each step , and each day came more problems... the drug problem continued, to the point of me having to use tough love . Tough Love was taking my heart out and throwing it out the door...along with my beautiful child. All I had was prayer. Prayer works. It doesn't happen over night and maybe not when you wish it would ..but it works. Because now, I have a relationship with the girls and they are both my friend. But other things happened during this time ... I met a man. After being alone for 11 years... I met a man. To be continued... written June 15, 2001 ... |
| Together... we have walked. Together ... we will climb. |
| This picture hangs above my mantle in our home. It symbolizes where we are going as a family. Each family struggles. And when one crisis exits another will surely follow, in time. Faith is your only strength. When life gives you tears ...look for the lesson within. And offer your fears to God . You have to let it go and let God handle the dirty work. Or the tears will continue without end. ...It is the only true path to take. God is your only true Friend. |
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