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Here is my collection of some
of the best jokes around! ... If you want more then subscribe to my mailing
list now! Click Here!
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "Can you name our nation's
capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC"
When asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added,
"Dot com!"
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Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear
jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start
running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put
on his running shoes. His partner says, "What are you doing?
You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't
have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"
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A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a
lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every
morning when the night shift workers passed through
his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make
sure that nothing was being stolen.
Things were going along very well the first night on the job until
a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspapers came through his gate.
Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up
what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper
only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting
strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.
"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I
go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown
away."
The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him.
The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week
after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow
of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always
check and find nothing. Then one night, about a year later, the
guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for
him telling him to report to his supervisor.
He walked into the supervisor's office and before he could say a
word, the boss said, "You're fired!"
"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did
I do?"
"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from
this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole
anything from this place while I was on guard."
"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you
account for the fact that there are 365 missing
wheelbarrows?"
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the
night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells
me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are
small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."
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A restaraunt customer found the taste
of the eggs very bad. He called the waiter and said angrily "Taste of these eggs ...... ! These are terrible !"
Waiter : Dont blaim me sir, i only laid the table not the eggs.
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A couple of Muscovites were
talking. " What would you do if the Soviet Union government opened the border so that
anyone could leave ? " asked the first.
" I'd climb a tall tree "
" What for ? "
" So i wouldnt get crushed by the crowd
"
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After a bit too much partying at a
Catskill resort, Arnold went down to the lake, saw a row boat and said to himself , I think I'll go to Montreal.
All night he rowed without noticing the 100 foot
rope that tied the boat to the dock and prevented him from going any farther then the
centre of the lake. He kept rowing. At 4.00 a.m his distraught wife went down to the
water, hoping to find her lost husband. " Arnold," she yelled . " Ar-nold!"
Still rowing, Arnold mumbled, " I wonder who knows me in Montreal ? "
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A farmer sent his nephew a crate of chickens, but the box burst open just as the boy started to take them out.The
next day he wrote his uncle : " I chased them through my neighbourhood's yard but
only got back eleven. "
Answered the uncle, " You did all right , i only sent six . "
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Four Friends met at a restaraunt for
lunch. For quite a while, no one said a word. Finally the first man mumbled, "
" Oh boy! " To which the next one said, " Its awful. "
The third
then muttered " What are you going to do ?
"
" Listen " exclaimed the last friend,
" If you guys dont stop taliking politics , i'm leaving! "
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Employee : " The stress my boss puts me under is killing me. I
have migraines, my blood pressure is extremely high, I can't sleep at night. I just found
out that i have an ulcer, and as long as i stay in this job, the only question is whether
i'll have a stroke or a heart-attack ."
Friend : " So why dont you quit ? "
Employee : I have a great health plan.
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