Hi, Shevette-
This is [name maimed] again. Now where was I?
Oh, yes- many thoughts & feelings formed while bouncing about your website.
This may be scattered, I am writing as I think of them.
But first, because it needs to be said:
1) I give you full and complete permission to use anything I ever send or say to you in any way shape or form you see fit. Post it on your net, talk it over with Ava Chris & j, flush & forget, whatever.
2) None of the things I say should be taken as judgements of you, your site, your lifestyle, or whatever. I am no way better than you nor looking to prove myself "right" about anything. These are just my feelings. And nothing I say is meant to hurt, harm, or scare anyone.
I have been told that I tend to get carried away when I'm writing because I don't have another person's face or words to jump in and stop me before I say anything really stupid.
Likewise, you don't have my voice or face to read to know how seriously I am taking something. and I tend to get a little dramatic when talking about important things. Important to me, anyway.
3) In any return correspondence, you can feel free to say anything you want. I'm tough, I can take it.
Ok, we're clear? Here goes, in no special order:
1) I loved your site. Loved it, loved it. It's the kind of thing that gives me strength to keep doing what I do, just knowing there are people out there like you who keep doing what you do. It's very strange but the nicest people I have ever met work in the fields of
---A)writing horror fiction
---B)making country music &
---C)promoting BDSM.
2)What is your marital status? I KNOW you are not looking to start a new relationship, but I can't help but ask. I can't establish any kind of timeline for your site: at different points I see you looking for someone, seeing Rob (the male sub), and taking slave vows with Master Chris. I haven't seen everything on your site yet, and maybe the answer is in there somewhere, but I don't get it.
3) How old are you? At some point in there (I think you are replying to Ava) you say you are 32, and at peak sexual performance. But I don't know when that was written.
4) Where are you? At various points I see references to the west coast, NY, and the Bible Belt. and Ava is mysteriously "Somewhere in the Midwest".
5) WHat is j's current status? I didn't get to read her journal entries yet. Or the end of Ava's. I think I will send her a message next, if I have time.
6)Ok- enough grilling the hostess. Loved your artwork. I need a ruler to draw a straight line, so you're way better than I am.
7)Minor point- I always spelled them "stretched" and "ankle".
8)I am extremely fortunate in being able to use my real name, etc; for the following reasons: I am "out of the closet" to anyone who matters, those that don't already know about my "tastes", either had their suspicions or wouldn't be that surprised. Tales of my "outings":(oh, I am straight, I use "out of the closet" in the bondage sense only.)
*You say your boss knows about your "hobbies"? I got to handcuff one of my supervisors (female) at my current job, and use security ties to bind the wrists of my supervisor (male) at a previous job.
*I handcuffed my current supervisor when I brought one pair of my cuffs in to work to loan to a co-worker as a prop for a play. It was at her request that I cuffed her.
*My roommates know because we compared "porn" collections when I moved in- and while his was varied (but did include some bondage) mine was almost completely bondage.
*My friends who have visited my room may have seen a carelessly left
magazine, pair of handcuffs, or feather in plain view.
*My Father found a pair of my handcuffs in my car after I got my license. My mom found a "detective" magazine in my nightstand, and probably put 2+2 together.
*Just after I compared porn collections with my roommate, we were out with some other friends and My roommate said they could easily bait a trap for me, because my likes and dislikes are so well known: "We would need a lighter, because you like fire...we would need a cat, because you like puss...we would need some chocolate, something green..." and at this point one of my other friends said "...and the cat would have to be tied up, because he's into bondage..." My eyes must have gotten round like saucers as I looked at my roommate- because I hadn't said anything about my "hobbies" to this other friend.
Apparently word of my "hobbies" was making its way around. After everyone had left, I cornered my roommate and said, "Not that it's any big secret, but I was surprised when [another name maimed] threw in the part about bondage". He said it just slipped out in conversation.
But here's the thing: being unexpectedly "outed" was not the worst thing that ever happened to me. So some of my friends knew a "secret" about me that really wasn't any of their business. Guess what? No one treated me any different than they ever had. I wasn't mocked or scorned or teased about it.
Actually, it comes in pretty handy having my roommate know about it- he's actually saved stuff from magazines and the internet for me, and come to get me when a "good scene" was on tv.
After that, there were 2 really big influences on me "coming out"- one was you, and the other was my hero, Jay Wiseman, author of S&M 101. He is so candid and up front about it, the way you are, that it's sort of inspiring to do the same.
I do use my code name of [codename maimed] a lot on the net- it's very
useful in places where I might not know who's reading. But I'm not really afraid of letting anyone who might read your stuff know who I am. If they don't get it- their loss.
**More about my other "outing" experiences later. I have to say this:
While I am very happy you have Master Chris (or whoever) and I am pleased about your site, at the same time it does make me sad. It is extremely rare that I bump into someone who "gets my drift". And every time I do, it seems they are with someone else. The things I read in your site make you sound like you were practically designed for me
(just as the smallest example: you feel most comfortable wearing jeans and keds while in bondage. I happen to think that is a very sexy combination. Seriously. I have always felt that someone who is wearing something they feel comfortable in, is more likely to relax and enjoy bondage, while often I feel the rubber or latex suits, the lingerie, the leather, the stiletto high heels- these things sometimes seem
artificial, forced, contrived. It's kind of like getting an operating room and full team of nurses just to pull a hangnail- it's not necessary. Now don't get me wrong: these things can all be fun, at one time or another. But I just don't think I would feel right getting all dressed up or having some elaborate apparatus ALL THE TIME).
WHere was I? oh, yes- anyway, it almost seems like you've gone out of your way to be perfect, and while I do like you that way, I also can't help but be sad that someone else got you first. And not just you, but every woman that I really like has already been tagged. I feel like I have a fork and a napkin in hand, and I am wading thru a sea of empty pie plates- someone has already eaten all my desserts! Sigh.
I am also sad, not just for myself, but for all those dudes out there who haven't even found sites like yours. Many sad deaths have come from people trying to do "self-bondage" and going tragically wrong. It can be a really private and lonely thing, not knowing if you're a freak or not, not having anyone you can really turn to about it.
So, that's kind of why I'm writing. I don't have a fancy web page or
anything, but I'd like to help you promote bondage too, and get some of
these people out of the closets. If you want to add my email addr as a
contact, or need help answering your voluminus "viewer mail" or whatever, I'd be happy to do whatever I can.
***
Bio on [name maimed]:
30 years old, single white male, gainfully employed, 4 days off a week.
Located in [city maimed], Ga. Devout Christian (but non-judgemental), non-smoker, takes the occasional [intoxicant maimed] but never from strangers and never ever in conjunction with bondage. Firmly devoted to safe, sane & consensual. Reads science fiction, horror, and fantasy, and likes some of the "Role-playing" aspect to bondage, and other role-playing games. Discreet, good listener.
And as long as I'm "outing" myself, I'm also a virgin.
Even my friends who don't know about my taste for bondage know that I'm a virgin. I can't help but be who I am- and I don't believe in sex without love. So when someone wants to talk to me about loneliness and not being understood- trust me, I've got some experience.
***
I think I have spent a lot of my life entering some very dark areas, to see if I can find my way out again. And I have spent a lot of free time getting into trouble to see how much is too much. And I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself I'm not crazy. Sometimes I'm successful. And I hope to live long enough to come to terms with the evil that's in me. If I can learn to love myself, it should be a piece of cake for everybody else.
****
Anyway, this may have hit the mark for "too much of a good thing". I didn't really mean to ramble like this (and I didn't say a tenth of what I could have) but you of all people should know that there's nothing like bondage to make people wax philosophical. I hope to hit every inch of your website. It may give me some answers, but more likely it will hit more questions.
*
Anyway, if you can accept love from a stranger, I love you. For everything you've tried to do here. God bless your little heart, Shevette. you know where to find me.
Greet all the strangers there by name. There is no eternal reward that will ever forgive us for wasting the dawn. -[full name maimed]
[phone number maimed]/ [email address maimed]
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