Anecdotes and News from Jack Moran

28 January 1999

I want you to know that Kevon is very brave and peaceful about all of this . . sort of a this is what I have to do next attitude.

He and I had one of our little talks (Dad's Coggerisms) he calls them.

I reminded him of a time when he was 12 years old, visiting his Grandmothers house in my home town.  He was already taking to water like a duck.  He had been learning to dive from the "high" board, a full flip too!  One afternoon he summoned me to meet him up at the pool.  From the "high" board, he announced that he would attempt his FIRST one-and-a-half!  Then he DID IT! He beamed as he climbed out of the pool and I congratulated him.  I ask him, "Son, weren't you scared?  He said sure! But I wasn't terrified. I knew that if anything went wrong you would just jump in and catch me or come get me, so I did it anyway.  He laughed with me as we shared the memory.  Then I told him, "Son, this is kinda the same thing.  He said, yeah Dad, I know. Its kinda scary, cause I've never died before -- like doing a full one-and-a half.  I said, I know, but Jesus is there to catch you too, even though I can't be.  I'll just love you and hold on to you until he reaches out and takes your hand.  Kevon said yeah, that'll work.  That is kinda how I expect it to be.

My friends, Kevon truly has such a wonderful Saint-like peace about this! As close as we are, as much as I have prayed about this, as brave and courageous as I know him to be . . .  I stand awed and amazed at the power of his witness and the Peace that Passes ALL Understanding.

He is still very comfortable.  His BP is 109/47.  That is about all we monitor now.  He sleeps a lot.  When he is awake, he still smiles and jokes. The folks from Life-Flight came in today and told him that they had it all arranged to do a fly over for him, when the time came.  He said, "You may have to take it pretty high to fly-over me, but I appreciate the effort . . and I'll try to wave."

Thanks for all the email.  He is still with us.  He wants me to bring some up to read to him.  Send him a few.  Sort of a "send-off" or something like that.

I am My Son's Very Proud Father,
Jack M.

27 January 1999

I will send more in the next day or so. Our valiant Gentle Warrior is failing. Kevon has fought (and continues too) fight such an honorable struggle, but the end is near. I have neglected to write to you, both out of pain and from the roller-coaster tide of the battle. He has stared death down a dozen times sense the summer.  Fought the nausea and pain of chemo. Also with the wonder sweet and caring spirit that has become his crest and badge.  No complaint, except for the care and pain of others, and the inconvenience or burden he might become.

The is so much, so many wonderful things I will tell you.  The Honors and excitement, and the good times.

He is in West Florida Regional still, and for all of you who know the meaning of this; his H&H is like 5.5 ; His Creatine is like 5.5; his WBC is like 95,000.  His edema is horrific.  He is intermittently conscious and not very lucid.  He tells of his dreams of swimming in his sea, and his flights to rescue.  He is a Born-Again Christian, to those who understand.  He is the epitome of St. Stephen.  His passion is for one last swim and one last rescue.  His sorrow is that he is afraid that his friends will be left sad by his absence, and that he never got to start his dream of and International LifeGuard / EMS Competition on Pensacola Beach USA.  (We are working on that, however for him.  We have agreed (and with him several months ago, that when this time came) to stop pulling blood work and transfusions.  His PCA pump and other comfort and pain management is being very carefully monitored.  We pray for God's Mercy.

In November, the EMS Council of Florida held its annual convention at Orange Beach near Pensacola.  They made Kevon the Guest of Honor, dedicating the convention to him, and he was able to attend all three days.  The Convention and Attendees (over 500) established in his honor, the Kevon T. Moran Paramedic Scholarship Fund.  At this time, it now has over $9,000 in it.

On a sadder and tougher note, West Florida Regional Hospital (Columbia/HCA) and their insurance carrier did not extend notification to Kevon and Alexa that he must begin private pay of his life insurance until after the expiration date for that privilege had lapsed.  We are appealing that, but we still have to pay Kevon's final expenses.  We have most of the money raised.  His final expenses are being kept to a bare minimum at his wish. The total cost will be around $8,000 to $10,000 US. Any money above that amount will be donated to the Scholarship Fund or the American Cancer Society (your choice).  As a passing remark on a lesson learned here, I would suggest that you might consider discussing with your employer and insurance carrier a wavier of premium for both hospitalization and life insurance.  Such a wavier clause would have prevented the thousands we have had to spend on COBRA Co-Payments and premiums, and the loss of his life insurance under these circumstances.  EMS people don't deserve this kind of emotional and financial burden under these or any other long-term or catastrophic circumstances.

I will write more and also notify you of the arrangements (date and time). At his request, Kev will go to the grave side in an Ambulance.  He will have a Color Guard of EMS, LifeGuards, Sheriff's Deputies and Park Rangers, with full Honors.  His sight will be at Bay View Memorial Park, Pensacola, Overlooking the Water.  It is so damned hard to write this . . . .

Here are the addresses:
I will send the address for flowers later.

Final Expenses Trust:
The Kevon T. Moran Memorial Trust
Whitney Bank & Trust
C/o Lisa G. Killinger, CPA -- Trustee
PO Box 12744
Pensacola, FL 32575-2744

The Kevon T. Moran Paramedic Scholarship Fund
C/o Shebbie Shields -- Foundation Executive
Pensacola Junior College Foundation
1000 College Blvd, Building 23
Pensacola, FL 32504-8998

You may E-mail me.  I am OK now, with the end in sight.  I will respond to you all.  I am sorry for being away so long.  We had a   WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR.  On Jan. 2 1999 he had to be hospitalized.

Thank you all for your love, comfort and prayers.

I am Truly and Always,
My Son's Proud and Loving Father,
Jack M.

2 September 1998

Dear Friends,
One of Kevon's dearest and best friends, Jeremy came to visit this week.  It was an excellent respite for Kev.  He and Jeremy just did a few guy-things and "remembered" stuff.  I am doing a short story about a canoe trip we all went on when they were 13.  It was a great week at a time when Kev needed one.

He had a really bad one week before last.  You get those with chemo and Dr's who try to be "TOO" truthful and "NOT-TOO" tactful, and a health insurance system that seems like Alice-in-Wonderland.  Kev starts another round of chemo this week.  He gets one application per day for a week; then one every other day for a week; then one twice a week for a week; then one, once a week -- each dose progressively stronger.  The last application is really "kick-butt-toxic" as Kev says.  "The label says - "NO SKIN CONTACT - POISON" - and I am putting this stuff inside me.  Kinda scary . . . no, REALLY SCARY.  You just never seem to get used to that.  It makes you feel like you are dying, whether you are or not.  Sometimes it makes you wish you could.  But Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do!

I hope you all will continue to email Kev and support him.  I know it "gets old" and wears you down, but It means so much to him and to me.

I remain, my Son's Very Proud father,
Jack M.

5 July 1998

Now, more than ever, Kevon needs our love, support and prayers.

Dear Friends,
As the old saying goes; we have good news . . . and we have "not so good news".

The Good News is that Kev has exceeded ALL expectations of the Orthopedic Team as Shands Medical Center for his progress regarding the use of his leg. Ten weeks after his surgery, he is walking with a cane and without a locking knee brace!  The lead surgeon Dr. Berry was astounded at his progress, exceeding his expectations by literally years.

Other good news is that Kev is ON THE NET. He has WEB-TV now.  His address is:
[email protected]
You can email his direct now . . . and please do!

Other good news is that Kev is STILL THE WARRIOR, strong, vital and determined!

The "NOT SO GOOD NEWS" is that the cancer has spread.  He has a tumor in his lungs, and another on his hip.  The latter is in the center of the radiation field and yet seems little touched by its effects.  Normally, his type of cancer is treated best with radiation, but in his case that does not seem to be true.  Normally, his type of cancer does not respond well to chemotherapy, but the first treatments seemed to have had a powerful effect on the original tumors.  The plan?  He will begin his chemo again on Wednesday.  What we need is a LOT of the FACTOR that the physicians CANNOT MEASURE.  Your LOVE and PRAYERS!!!  Kevon is now not only fighting (very bravely) for his very life, but with limited TIME.  The longer it takes us to beat this thing, the harder it is to fight!  Please(!) If you pray, or know someone who prays, ask them to pray for my son Kevon!!!
Our family crest carries the slogan "LUCENT EN TENEBRIS", translated as "LIGHT FROM DARKNESS" or "THOSE WHO ILLUMINATE DARKNESS" or "HE WHO ILLUMINATES THE DARKEST HOUR".  Kevon said "Dad, If I have just the least glimmer, even just a 1% chance of beating this . . . I can fight on . . . I can win!"

I am my son's biggest fan,
his very proud father,
Jack M.

14 June 1998

Dear Friends,

Thank you all for bearing with us.  With cancer, there are some things you can do quickly, especially early on in the struggle against cancer; however, the fight back is always a slow, painful and frightful process.  Winning a war against cancer is never a quick or easy process, it takes years.  Not only is there the physical pain, there is the emotional pain.  You agonize over whether your next checkup will be a reprieve or condemnation.  Rather like being on trial for your life -- every three or four months, sometimes for the REST of your life.

Some days are better that others, some are worse.  Some nights you can sleep, some you can't -- more that you can't.  You take treatments, pray, and wait for the next judgement . . . and you keep trying to believe "I can win!  I will not be beaten!"  The ability to persevere, beyond the limit of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength, is what marks heroes. Whether Warriors or Healers, Preachers or Patriots it is that persistent, against-all-odds visionary that marks the high-point of humanity.  It is these people who set the measure for the rest of us.  Perhaps that is their greatest legacy.  Perhaps that is their purpose in God's plan, to keep us from loosing sight of what we can - could - should be regardless of the obstacles.  How could we possibly know one of these heroes and not be blessed AND challenged in our own life.  Well, if you accept challenges,

Kevon T. Moran just pushed your bar up one click!

On Friday, Kev told his Physical Therapist "I HAVE to WALK! I don't care how much it hurts, I want to walk today."

A week before, in a meeting with a new resident - recently out of medical school - the resident reviewed Kev's chart and proceeded in his BEST bedside manner to tell Kev that few, if any, ever survived cancer as massive and pervasive as his and that he should face that reality -- like we haven't.

The inappropriate comments hit Kev like a truck, almost like hearing for the first time those words "You have cancer".  He was really down for about a week.  It was Alexa who (God Bless Her!) lifted him up again, and his own guts.  Well, Friday the Physical Therapist wrapped a waist strap around him for safety, took his right hand for balance . . . Kev took the sturdy South African Buckhorn Cane sent to him by John Delport AND KEVON WALKED!!  Six weeks after coming home from having a massive tumor removed from his leg and a Titanium rod inserted Kev walked!  He said, "Dad, I am BACK in the fight!

I'll walk by myself by your birthday! (July 6).  The harder he gets hit - the harder he comes back.  But . . . judgement day, the next judgement day is June 30th (more or less).

I have to ask you to drop him a card or a note.  Please give him one more little push coming up on this next evaluation.  He goes back to Gainsville for a full evaluation the end of June.  You have all been such a Blessing! I do not believe we could have made it this far without your prayers, love and encouragement.  I know you all have trials going on in your own lives, we pray for you and for you to have strength and courage in dealing with those, but if you could write Kev a note or send him a card (especially to his house) it would mean a lot right now.

His address is:

Kevon T. Moran, EMT-I, LG-I
1149 Merrie Way
Pensacola, Florida 32514

Thank You -
I remain,
My Son's Proud father,

Jack M.

23 May 1998

Kevon and I are doing very well.

He is marching along with radiation and physical therapy.  His flexure is up to 60 degrees now, and he has developed a tiny bit of extension ability, that is from a heel down position being able to extend the leg from the knee by lifting the heel up.  Maybe an inch.  For those of us who have nearly 180 degree flexure and full extension, one inch isn't much, but he is fighting for 1/10th of an inch at a time, working out an hour to two hours a day. His Physical Therapist is amazed! He says he will walk with a cane before Christmas!  I believe that!

Kevon was invited to teach an Aquatic EMS review for US Park Service Life Guards at the Gulf Islands National Seashore here in Gulf Breeze FL this past week.  He managed complete two days of instruction there - I am amazed!  But he was radiant - in his element!  Another thing, he has been on morphine, and some pretty heavy dosages for a few months now for the pain, especially a few weeks prior, during and after surgery.  He has reduced his dosage to almost nothing, once a day.  The Dr. has to INSIST that he take it to help manage the physical stress from the pain he still has.  And I have a hard time trying to do with out coffee.  Where he finds the strength and courage, I don't know, but I AM PROUD OF MY SON!  God knows, the world can NEVER have enough HEROES, real ones with morals, character, courage, determination and a REAL sense of justice and righteousness.  Being the best at baseball, basketball, Thursday night TV, or politics does not a hero make, if morals, character and righteousness isn't there too.  Kevon is not a National Hero maybe, but I hope you can agree with me that he does push a small part of our critically thin National Character in the right direction, and those of us who have grown to know him are better in our own lives for it.  I know I am.

You may not know, Kevon was born and grew up in Louisiana.  He received (and sadly had to decline because radiation therapy is on-going)an invitation to be a guest at the Governors Mansion in Baton Rouge Louisiana for a reception of EMS Professionals, for National EMS Week, this past week.  In his RSVP, he said he would walk in on both legs for EMS Week next year!

My little company has been asked to start up and develop a Commercial and Industrial Finance and Investment Division for StateWide Mortgage & Investment Corporation, here in Pensacola, Florida.  StateWide is already a major lender in residential real estate.  The new division will provide all manner of business financing, merger & acquisition counseling and negotiation services, business development, crises management and public relations service in a five (SE) state area.

I have started rendering Kevon's Story into a book that I expect to finish about this time next year.  You are ALL in it!  Your support, faith and encouragement is the stuff movies are made of, good ones anyway.  I will keep you posted.

Here is a link I would like you to consider touching - a missing child.  The Cyber-World found Sam.  Here is another one.
http://www.primenet.com/~dawright/index.html

Thank you for all of your love and support.

I am my Son's Very Proud father,

Jack M.

13 May 1998

Sorry that I haven't put out an update on Kev recently, but I will give you a short-short.  I have been involved in both his recovery effort, and trying to start a new professional project with a local company.

Again we appreciate all of the love, support and prayers you have sent our way.

We had a bit of a scare with a swollen lymph node, that turned out to be just a lymph node doing what lymph nodes do.

He is taking radiation again, and has 28 days left on this round.  Then he will go back to Shands in Gainesville for an evaluation the middle of June. The pain is much more manageable now.  He will have to do one more round of chemo after that, as a precaution.

He is running 5 or 6 weeks ahead on his PT, pushing the envelop as always, and has like 56 degrees flexure in his leg already. He does about 150 yards non-stop on his crutches a day.  He is working with the Rangers at the National Sea Shore Park on EMS protocols for both Rangers and Lifeguards, and otherwise giving it hell!

His walking cane collection is growing with three entries from South Africa, including a new Buckhorn one on its way from John Delport (who manages the False Bay Lifesaving homepage).  I think the unique walking canes will become a trademark for both Kevon and his victory over this cancer.

Thanks for your interest, support and prayers.

As a post script, so many of you have encouraged me to try my hand at writing as a result of these notes, that I have written a short story.  I will finish it soon and will publish it.  You never know what doors God will open . . . or how.

Thanks again for your love.

I remain my Son's Proud Father -

W.D."Jack" Moran
**********************
If you know someone who also fights this battle, then check out
http://www.geocities.com/~keepinthefaith

27 April 1998

Dear Friends,

Kevon is doing well.  Everyday, he presses the envelope with his PT.  He hopes to be able to go to the Jr. College pool soon to assist with Lifesaving instruction.  His attitude is still strong and he gets physically stronger everyday.  We are all so positive, thanks in large part to your support.  We have just started the 5 year count-down toward being cancer-free, however.  That is a long road we take just one-day-at-a-time.

I am going to make this letter short, because I have attached another letter to it.  This is a beautiful letter from an the PROUD MOM of an 18 year old girl, EMT-B, who struggles with Accute Lymphocitic Leukemia.   (Mom is an EMT-B too!)

Please read this letter and share some of the love and support you sent to us, with Shalene.  I cannot tell you the VERY REAL effect your positive words and letters have had on Kevon and I.  Just the daily INFUSTION of positive attitude is like a transfusion for the spirit.

Catherine
[email protected]

Please do this.  I can feel the weariness in her, and she needs the blessing.

Kevon's Proud Father,
Jack M.

-----Original Message-----
From: Luv2Tlk2ya <[email protected]>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Date: Friday, April 24, 1998 4:09 PM
Subject: Daughter with Leukemia


Hello to you and Kevon,

I am the mother of an 18 year old daughter who I am also VERY PROUD of. In Jan of 95 my daughter was diagnosed with Accute Lymphocitic Leukemia. It was a huge shock and in some ways has been devastating to me. It has also had some very positive impacts on our life too. I am married and have 3 other children. We have all survived so far.

10 months into my daughters treatment, she had a reaction to one of the chemotherapy agents and as a result has some permenant brain deterioration. It has affected her small and gross motor skills. Less than 1% of children receiving this medication have a reaction like this, so we don't really know what the long term will be. She is unable to drive and that is probably the worst part to her. But she is alive. Each day that she wakes up is a blessing to us all. She is an incredible person. She has touched the lives of so many
people as I know Kevon has.

Shalene (my daughter) was planning on taking the EMT-B course this summer but is now unable to because of her slow response time. You see, I am an EMT-B. I have received my certification since my daughter was diagnosed. Her diagnosis made me realize that life is to short to take any chances with it. We should all do what we want to do regardless of the trials and tribulations that go with it. I'm sure you can relate to those feelings.

I read the story of Kevon and was very touched by the support and the love that I read. As hard as the diagnosis is and as horrible as the treatment is for our children, it is also as hard (in a different way) for us as parents. When the doctors told me that my daughter (then 14) had leukemia, I felt like my world had just exploded around me. It was like someone had put a knife through my heart and was proceeding to cut it out. But I didn't have much time to deal with any of my feelings because I had to be strong for my daughter. It has been a rollar coaster ride ever since. =)

Shalene finished with her active chemo (after 2 and 1/2 years) last July. It has almost been a year now. She is at a very high risk though of relapsing and so, as i said before, each day that she wakes up "ok" is truly a blessing to me. She has to get through a total of 5 years without a relapse for them to say she is cured. We have made it through 9 months, and we are still counting.

Cancer is a horrendous disease and every little victory is remarkable. When my daughter was diagnosed she was at an immediate high risk because of her age and it has now been 3 years and 3 months and so far we have made it. She just turned 18 last month. What a victory that was. =)

Please give Kevon a huge hug and tell him my family has him and his wife and you in our prayers. This is not an easy thing to live with but that positive attitude goes such a long way and of course faith in God. Shalene has had an incredible attitude through it all as I am sure Kevon has. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Keep the faith and know that there are a lot of people out there that are in your corner.

I would love to hear from you but I am sure that you have alot of mail to deal with and I know it is impossible to answer all of it. Take care of each other and always remember the victories.

Sincerely,
Catherine Schnebelen  EMT-B
Ft. Lewis, WA

15 April 1998

Kevon is BACK HOME!!

Dear Friends,

Dr. B. Hudson Berrey, Jr. M.D. , Chairman of the Dept. of Orthopaedics at UWF Medical Center in Gainesville, FL headed the surgical team for Kevon. He is a grand man.  Large, powerful, charismatic, both physically and spiritually.  The surgery lasted nearly 6 hours, plus nearly two in pre-op and three in recovery, a marathon day.

The tumor and the involved muscle they removed was the size of two large cantaloupes or a small melon.  It took three of the four quadriceps muscles. They were able to save one.  That one will give him approximately 25% to 35% function in the leg.  They also removed a small tumor from his groin/pelvic area that had been identified.  The surgeons were VERY pleased with the outcome in every regard.  The future looks good at this point.

Kev may require one more round of radiation and perhaps one of chemo as a precaution, we will know in about 6 weeks.  His recovery will take 4 to 6 months, and he will probably have to wear a prosthetic brace on his knee from now on.  Life Guarding is probably out, but he is confident that he can still find a niche and a role in the field, and continue as an EMT.  He counts it as 1.5 out of 2, not a bad batting average.

He has one incision on his leg and one on his abdomen.  The leg incision run from about 4 inches below the center of the knee to the leg crease at the groin.  The one on the lower abdomen is about 8 or 9 inches long.  It is giving him the most problems, with pain and movement.

He is at home, walking on crutches, and WANTING A NEW PAINTBALL GUN!  I am trying to talk him into surf-fishing as a hobby and he still wants to do paintball.  What can you say.

After an ordeal like we have experienced, you can feel entitled to some dramatic license regarding the surf of emotions you find yourself standing in.  Here I am, back after Kevon's surgery, awash in that surf, wanting to thank each and every one of you for this victory you have helped Kevon achieve, and to somehow express to you, as passionately as possible how important you have been to his success.  No doubt, this experience has changed Kevon, Alexa and I forever, and no doubt we are all stronger and greater for it.  We hope you are too.

I had a lot of time to reflect during the post-op recovery time.  Alexa (Kev's betrothed) and I took turns being with him at the hospital.  I have reflected  on how to thank all of you for your support and share with you my feelings.

I think there are two sides to the Golden Rule.  The front side, most are familiar with, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  The other side I think says something like, "Allow others to do unto you, as you would do unto them" -- a Giving side, and a Receiving side.  Kevon & I have mostly been on the front side, giving, and I must tell you it is difficult to "turn the Rule".

It IS a lot more difficult somehow to allow someone to " . . . do unto me . . .", than it is for me to "do unto them".  The Giving is an outpouring of compassion.  Receiving is yielding, accepting in faith, with no-strings-attached.  Making the choice to give up control, be vulnerable, and even feel obligated.  Obligated to what?  How do you pay back a prayer, or a loving word, tears of thanks and appreciation. What is the current interest rate on prayers or love?  To whom are they paid back?  You can't. I know I can't.  I can never do or say enough to pay YOU back.  Your love and God's Grace has given me back my son's life, and even his leg.  You have given the positive encouragement that has helped him meet each challenge.

All I can do is say thank you, as a wiser and more humble man,
and turn the Rule . . . over again . . .
and do unto others as I would have them . . .

I remain, my Son's proud father,

Jack M.

P.S.: Kev says "ATTITUDE TRUMPS AFFLICTION!"

6 April 1998

Kev and Jack leave for Gainesville
and
REMEMBER SAM?
He's Home!!

We sent a link to the FindSam homepage sometime ago, Well Sam is Home! The Care-Net folks have scored another victory!  Speaking of Victories, Kev. Alexa and I leave for Gainesville in a few hours.  Thank you for your prayers.  We will let you know how Kev is as soon as we can.

Love,

Jack M.

-----Original Message-----
From: Abby <[email protected]>
Date: Sunday, April 05, 1998 9:53 PM
Subject: SAM'S HOME!!!!


GREAT NEWS!!!!!  Many of you already know by now - Sam is home - safe and sound!!!  He was located in Houston on Sunday, March 29, 1998.  There is more information at the website http://www.findsam.com

Your support, concern, help, love, prayers and friendship have helped me through the most difficult time in my life.   I wish I could find words strong enough to express how I feel about each and everyone of you!!! You helped me find the strength and hope I needed.  If you ever need me I'm only an e-mail away.

Sam says, "I don't know any of you, but you are very very nice!!!!  Thank you for helping me and my mom!!!"

>Friendship and Love From,
Abby & Sam
[email protected]

NOW THAT SAM IS HOME AND WE KNOW HOW POWERFUL THE INTERNET IS -
LET'S HELP THIS CHILD......
http://www.namca.com/USA/us-0061.htm

THANK YOU!!!!!

2 April 1998

A Letter from Kevon

Dear Friends & Family,

EVERY DAY, I AM OVERWHELMED BY THE NUMBER OF LETTERS, GIFTS & EMAILS I RECEIVE.  Please don't misunderstand, I love receiving them!

I have to say, "I am my father's proud son . . ." , having the best father in the world!  I am a Life-Guard, and an EMT-I.  In December I was diagnosed with a very rare, high-grade cancer in my left leg.  My father wrote a very special letter about me and put it on the Internet.  He asked for prayers and letters to help me through this tough time.  Your response has been huge . . . and wonderful.

I have to say that through the chemotherapy, and getting radiation therapy 5 days a week, to be able to go to the mail box, open the door and find it STUFFED, even falling out at my feet, or the mail man having to bring it to my door because it wouldn't even fit into the box IS A GREAT FEELING.  Not just because of the gifts of caps, patches & tee-shirts I have received, but because so many of you and my fellow rescuers cared enough to send prayers and words of encouragement.  I have read each and every letter over and over again.  Hearing all of the encouragement and those positive words, feeling all of that LOVE and CARE, over and over again has given me the strength and a positive attitude I needed in this war, just like letters to the troops I guess.  I just want to thank all of you.  I can't possibly do that one at a time, so I asked my Dad to send you this letter.  I feel that your help has been one of the main reasons that my treatment is been so successful to this point, and will continue to be.

I still have a long hard journey ahead of me, but God knows it will be a lot easier, thanks to you, my friends, and my EMS & Life-Guard families.  This war is not over yet, but I HAVE won some major battles.  The prognosis looks better & better every day.  My hair is growing back, better than ever. My next fight comes up next week when I go to Shand's Medical Center in Gainesville, FL for surgery on my leg to remove the cancerous quadriceps muscle.  Then I can get back to school, and on with my plans.

I would like to add a special note to the many cancer survivors who have written me, and to those of you who like me, struggle in your war with cancer.  "FIRST GOD, then a POSITIVE ATTITUDE!  I have found the cure . . . I have found the cure! "

FIGHT ON, FIGHT ON!
Thanks again for your support!

I am my fathers proud son,

Kevon Moran, EMT-I
Pensacola, Florida

30 March 1998

The Countdown has Started

Dear Friends,

All is quiet . . . the count down to surgery has started.  We will leave to go to Shand's Medical Center in Gainesville, Florida a week from today.  Kev will have his surgery on Wednesday, the 8th.  He will be there 4 to 7 days, and then return to Pensacola for rehab.  At the present time, there is about an 85% to 90% chance to save the leg.  (We are thankful for the miracle of saving the life!)

The planned surgery will remove the quadriceps, the large muscle on the outer front quarter of the leg.  It runs from the top of the knee to the hip.  This muscle controls the ability to lift the lower leg (as in leg extention) and to swing the whole leg forward as when walking.  We have found out that the plastic surgeon will be involved.  I do not know yet if they will do a muscle replacement.  They hope to be able to replace some of the lost muscle with strips of muscle from the inside of Kevon's abdominals.

Kev still has "flashes" of fever from the tumor and "stinky-sweats" from the chemotherapy.  He will spend today getting scanned and MRI'ed.  We don't expect any return of the cancer, but please keep praying . . . the longer we go, the better.  Kev is already making plans for when this is over; getting back in to nursing school, AND with his brows knitted, his jaw set and a steel-hard tone in his voice says - " . . . learn and train to run again . .
."  Who can say NO?  He still drives to the dream; being a Lifeguard/Nurse-Paramedic for the Gulf Islands National Sea Shore! What can you say?  Just . . .

GO KEV!

I am My Son's Very Proud father,

Jack M.

24 March 1998

Dear Friends,

Kev's surgery has been moved up.  It looks like now, it is scheduled for the 8th of April.

We will leave here on the 5th or 6th to go to Gainesville.

He is READY!  He wants to "Get it done, and get on."  He says he has " .stuff he needs to do . ."!

He is glad the radiation treatment is over as of last Friday.  He was having to do that twice a day, morning and afternoon.  The leg causes him a good bit of pain, especially if he stands on it for an extended period of time. It also tends to swell pretty badly.

His spirit is REALLY strong.  He just wants to get it (the tumor) OUT of his body.

The original letter I wrote was printed in the March issue of EMS magazine, and Kev has been getting another round of caps, patches and tee-shirts.  He is getting about a dozen or so letters a day now.  The mail helps his spirits a lot, but he feels guilty that he cannot answer all of them, or the email for that matter.  We both cannot possibly express to all of you our thanks for the prayers, and support via mail and email!  I can tell you this.  It has made a world of difference I think.  He has always had the courage and spirit, but like lighting a candle, both he and I needed a spark . . . and you all gave us that spark!!!  You really did!  God Bless You! Especially those of you who are suffering with their own cancer, accident disability, and personal losses.  All of you who have been through this before us, and have won . . . thanks for the hope.  We still need your prayers and love.

Thanks!

I am my Son's proud father,

Jack M.

14 March 1998

Walk For Nathan to help Kevon

Dear Friends,

I just got back from seeing Kevon.  He is OK.  There are a lot of changes, that I have to think about to know how I feel about them, but all in all -- things are very good.

He was amazed that he had to shave this week!  His facial hair has started to grow back, much thicker and darker than before.  He was actually kinda smirking about his budding mustache -- I have had one since I was his age. He said, "Dad, I'm just glad to have hair anywhere."  Then he added, pointing to my head, " . . . but I think you are too."   His head still has some blank spaces, so now he shaves it.  The effects of the chemo seem to be receding pretty rapidly.  He is loosing some of the puffiness and shallow color too.  We pray that the cancer remains contained.

Kevon was very excited about his mail again.  He received a package (out of the Blue) from Stu Segal, the producer of the TV series, "Pensacola"!  Among the "goodies" was a "Pensacola" (the series) baseball cap, autographed by James Brolin!  The timing could not have been better.  The radiation tends to tire Kev out a lot, and the pain from the tumor seems to be getting worse, although the tumor it self seems to be shrinking -- maybe.  He seems in many ways stronger, but much less stamina.  The chemo affected his heart some, it does that; but now his resting pulse rate is beginning to drop more toward normal.  Before this started his resting pulse was about 58, now it
is 90.  It had been over 100 during the latter stages of chemo.  The Dr. said that if his heart had not been so strong, he would not have tolerated the chemo like he did.

He is having to work about 32 hours a week, to keep his health insurance active and in force.  I don't understand that, but that seems to be the way it is.  It doesn't seem quite fair, but we are just glad that he can work some.  It seems to be good for his spirits, and his friends are helping him as much as possible.  I don't want to get started on health care, its politics or reform.  I worked as a consultant in health care for over 8 years, but that is another story.

I must relate this to you also --

Today, Kevon was taken to the point of tears by a story that appeared today in the local paper, about a 5 year old from Milton Florida, who has Leukemia.  His name is Nathan Blair.  He is a Cincinnati Reds fan.  He loves to play with Legos.  He collects Beanie Babies.  He attends kindergarten classes at Berry Hill Elementary School.  Nathan is in the hospital taking chemotherapy.  Kev cried talking about him.  Nathan really touched his heart.

This Saturday, tomorrow, they are holding a walk-a-thon for Nathan.  His family (Kim & Elton Blair) has no health insurance.  His father is self employed, but has been by his side, day and night at the hospital while he undergoes chemo -- missing work.

Kevon said today, "I wish I could walk for Nathan".  Kevon can hardly walk himself at work.  Kev said, "Dad, I have to do SOMETHING for this kid.  I know what he is going through!  But I don't know what or how."  I told him, Yes you do know.  I thought about it all the way home.

Well, here is what Kevon and I want to do.  We haven't asked for any kind of financial support for Kevon.  I think we are going to be OK, God willing. It is a struggle for Kev to keep his health insurance, and we have a few close friends who have given us some support, for which we are eternally grateful.  However, I would like to see if any of you who can, make a Nathan Blair Walk-in-Faith-and-Spirit contribution as though Kevon were walking for Nathan.  Kev DOES Walk-in-Spirit with Nathan.  When I suggested this to Kevon, he said "That would be neat, Dad; but could you ask them to give him some of the prayers they are saying for me, too."  So, if you can't or don't feel comfortable making a financial contribution to Nathan, make one in prayer.  Kev also said that your support has meant so much to him, he feels more than ever, that he needs to give something back.  I think this can help both Kev and Nathan, even if it is just a buck or two.  Also, you may send me any email for Nathan, and I will bundle it up and deliver it to Mr. Neustaedter.  I think it would be neat if Kev could help Nathan and his parents feel the spirit of support that he has felt.  It has been a literal life-saver for Kevon and most especially me.  As I have said before, Dad's are supposed to fix-it, or explain why.  I couldn't do that.  The frustration and sense of aloneness was what was tearing me apart.  Mom's are supposed to make it feel better, too.  It hurts when you can't.  It is scary when you are paralyzed with shock, and even guilt -- the money doesn't matter . . . until it does matter, because you still have to live and eat. Please do what you can. . .  in any case, please pray.
The Address is:

c/o Terry Neustaedter, Principal
Trustee Nathan Blair Fund
Berryhill Elementary School
4900 Berryhill Road
Milton, Florida  32570

__________________________
Lemon Aide -- 5 cents a glass -- half-empty or half-full -- Its all the same price!

I have also  received a number of neat stories from many folks.  Here is one from Mr. Scott Thomas,  I would like to share with you.
>  =========
Giving Blood

Giving Blood Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital,  I got to know a little girl named Liza who was suffering from a disease and needed a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease
and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.  I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liza."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks.  Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.  He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give her all his blood.
   ======================

Thank you for your love, care and support --

I am my son's VERY PROUD father,

Jack M.

5 March 1998

Dear Friends,
I apologize for being somewhat late with this update.  My neglect of my responsibility to Kevon and to you, his friends and supporters has not been from any lack of passion or sense of mission on my part, but a more a lack of hours in a day and the way things seem to "stack-up" that sooner or later must be dealt with.

Kevon is doing O.K.  He is receiving radiation twice a day, an exhausting experience.  Twice a day, he is reminded of what he is struggling to cope with.

God has given all of us (some more than others) a wonderful gift -- that of denial.  A way to block out that part of our live which causes pain, fear, anxiety and a dozen other things that would otherwise drain and sapp out strength and the power of our being to exist.

Some use the gift in a negative way to avoid responsibility, to justify greed, or to selectively deny the rights of others.  Some use the gift in positive way, as a haven and respite, while they rest and regain their strength for the next battle, or to deny impending personal consequences of discomfort, material loss, and even peril or danger while surging ahead to "do the right thing".

Somehow, we seldom see the gift being used both ways by the same person.  There seems to be a character difference between the selfish and selfless, as to how they use their ability to deny -- others, or self.  I have, during my years - especially my younger years, used this gift in a "less than positive" way.  Now I find myself being given a lesson by my son, a lesson in selflessness.  The twice a day radiation-reminders of his situation and condition -- that he has a serious, massive and very deadly form of cancer, gives him virtually no opportunity seek a haven or respite in denial, to simply rest and not think about it for a while.  Most would be angered by the constant pressure, terrified by the incessant fear, and frustrated by the enescapability of such a destiny; but he rises above it.
He grows more caring of others, more sensitive to the stress and pain of others with every day.

Could I be as strong, as courageous?  I don't think so.  I stagger over bills.  I whine about frustrations in business deals that don't go the way I think they should.  But, I know this; at 55 years of age, I am getting a lesson about growing up from my 24 year old son -- and in a strange way, I am thankful . . . because I could not have gotten through this without him.

_____________________________________

Friday, we received a call from the offices of Jeb Bush, who is beginning his campaign for Governor of Florida, saying that he would be making a swing through Pensacola and would like to meet Kevon.  I don't know what your political affiliation may be, and it doesn't matter, because neither friendship nor cancer is a political thing.

Jeb Bush has been a close follower of Kevon's situation since near the beginning.  He has responded, despite of his packed schedule, to every update, and has written Kev letters and sent him cards.  He has been a part, a caring part of what Kev often calls his "adventure" for some time now.

We always tend to be impressed by the folks whose mission in life demands that their vision encompass such a vast, huge picture; and yet they seem to be able to see from their heart, with spirit-like eyes, one single individual.  We are impressed that someone like Jeb Bush can have the compassion, and he is willing to give that compassion such a priority, to take time to stop and reach out from his heart and touch someone, like Kevon.  Jeb had his mother First Lady Barbara Bush with him.  He introduced Kevon and I to her in a soft voice, set apart from the crowd that surrounded us all.  The gracious introduction was a private one, and not for public or political consumption.  The jest of the introduction was; Here is a father as caring as mine, and a son that is as courageous as I hope I can be.  That is what I heard from his words.  (I wish I had recorded it somehow).  We were able to have several photos taken, that I know Kev and I both will appreciate for years to come.

The thing I appreciate most perhaps, is there were no sound-bites, no show, no intent of taking his meeting with Kev anything but one friend meeting another, and introducing him to his mother.  Sort of like neighbors.  Thank you Jeb and Mrs. Bush!

. . . and thank you all for your continued support of both Kevon and I.

I am my son's proud father,

Jack Moran

25 February 1998

Dear Friends,

Our Gentle Warrior is doing pretty well under the circumstances. He is now struggling with pain management, and taking radiation treatments twice a day for the next six weeks or so.  The tumor has apparently been contained to the quadricep muscle.  That is the large muscle of the thigh that accounts for about 1/3 of the muscle mass of the front of the thigh. It lies on the outer-front quarter of the leg.  The surgeon says that he will have to take out that whole muscle, probably.  However he expects to be able to replace a portion of it, in a subsequent surgery with muscle tissue taken from the anterior abdominal obliques in Kevon's stomach.  He expects this to give Kev a majority of functional use of the leg.

Right now, he has a lot of pain from the tumor.  Cancer is noted for the pain it causes.  Regulating the pain medication is the thing.  Not enough and the pain wears you down.  To much and it makes you sick.  He says that the pain medication has made him sicker than the chemo did.  Except for the pain, he is doing OK.  The radiation is a picnic compared to the chemo, he says.

He has really lost all of his hair and his eyebrows now.  A couple of his Black friends in EMS asked him (enviously) how he kept his head so smooth. Kev responded that he did it the "hard way", next time I would rather just shave it.

______________________________

I would like to bring a matter to your attention here.  I receive the
following link from one of Kevon's supporters in Switzerland.  I have
struggled with the POSSIBLE loss of my son, and with your help and prayers,
we are prevailing.  In the situation I bring to you now,  these folks HAVE
lost their son Sam -- he was ABDUCTED!  God help those who loose children!
Especially from villainous acts!  My son's cancer is a stroke of nature,
chance . . . what ever; but Sam's abduction was a willful and knowledgeable
act.  Please go to this site and become aware of this situation.  Offer your
prayers, like you have done (and I hope continue to) for Kevon.  Link this
sight to your web pages, pass it on to your contacts.  THE INTERNET IS A
POWERFUL MEDIA!!  It has made a LIFE & DEATH DIFFERENCE for Kevon and I.  I
know it can for Sam and others too.  http://www.findsam.com/main.htm

We really appreciate your love, care and support.  I know Sam's family will too.

I remain my Son's Proud Father,
Jack M.

19 February 1998

Good News

Dear Friends,
The power of Prayer, Love, Faith, Fellowship and Unselfish Caring never ceases to amaze me!
Kevon met with Dr. Berry at Shands RMC in Gainesville, Florida yesterday. After an extensive review, the Dr. did not feel like the node on Kev's hip above the large tumor was of a sufficient threat to disrupt his treatment plan with removing it, or for that matter even a biopsy, at this time.
There was no evidence of vascularity or anything else to indicate that it is cancerous.  His lungs, abdomen and groin are completely clear as well.

Kev got back to Pensacola late last night, and slept in a bit this morning, an exhausting trip.

The plan is for him to meet with the Radiologist on Friday, get mapped for radiation therapy and start the first part of next week.

The additional good news is that the large tumor seems to have sort of turned-around and directed its growth up and out, rather than down or around, shaping itself toward the surface of the leg.  It is now lying between two layers of muscle near the surface, and seems to be tightly and neatly contained.  There is no evidence that it has involved any significant or major nerves, veins or arteries.  Dr. Berry seems to think that surgical removal will be a " . . . piece of cake"!

Currently the plan is to do the surgery sometime between the middle of April and mid-May.  He expects Kev to be hospitalized in Gainesville for about 4-5 days, and working out in Pensacola within a week!  The plan is to insert a thin steel rod into the femor for strength, and to use sections of abdominal muscle grafted to augment lost quadriceps thigh muscle.  No soccer or tackle football, says the Dr. -- at least for a while.  Kev went down there prepared with the strength, conviction and determination that if necessary, to leave the leg.  You may remember his comment, " . . . I don't have to run races on the beach, I can race wheel chairs!"  Well, he may be tested again, but for now, it looks like he gets to not only live but KEEP THE LEG TOO.

Alexa gave him (them) two tickets for his birthday, to LORD OF THE DANCE, which came to Pensacola on the Tuesday he had to be in Gainesville.  He had looked forward to going since before he was diagnosed with cancer, a real treat for a descendent of the Great Irish Warrior Kings, Clan Wallace (Brave Heart), and The House of Stewart on his Mothers side.  He had to miss the concert, but said; " . . . I don't mind.  I'll trade those tickets for this kind of news any day.  I just feel bad for Alexa, she had to work so hard to get those tickets."

This afternoon, he taught a CPR class.  What can you say.  Hell of a man!

We all love all of you so much!  Remember, "it ain't over till its OVER!", SO PLEASE DON'T STOP THE PRAYERS AND SUPPORT.  We just have the upper hand now, by the Power of Faith, Prayer and Grace.  This thing STILL weighs in at some TWO-POUNDS, and is potentially just as deadly as ever.  We can't let up!  Please!

Thank you all, and God Bless you all!!

I am my Son's Proud father,

Jack Moran
PS.  A special thanks to Jeb Bush for his letter to Kev and frequent email support!  A very busy man who still finds the time to be a good one.

13 February 1998

Just got a call from Kev on the situation.

The result of the scan is this - A lot of GOOD NEWS, but some not so good
news.
GOOD NEWS - NO spreading into lungs, body cavity, or groin.  All Clear.  The
tumor has only grown from 19 X 7 cm to 20 X 9 cm!

Not so good news - They did not scan his pelvic area prior to this scan.  On this scan, they found a small tissue mass/node slightly less than 2 cm, near the outside of the pelvic wall, at the iliac crest (for those of you who know what that means).  Basically I think on the outside of the hip, just above the hip-thigh socket, above where the tumor is now.  This will need to be biopsied to determine if it is cancerous, OR what.  His white count has risen back to over 35,000.  He will probably have to go to Shands Medical Center in Gainesville in the next couple of days for this procedure.

Thus, we are about 85% relieved that the cancer has not spread to the most likely areas, nor has it grown to any degree!  Praise God, and THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT.

WE ARE STILL IN THE FIGHT!

I will let you know more when I do.  Kevon's spirit is good, but he is
emotionally exhausted from the tension and the wait.  PLEASE keep up the
prayers and support!

I remain, my Son's PROUD father,

Jack

13 February 1998

Dear Friends,   Well, we wait . . . to hear about the scans, hopefully tomorrow.  The worry is taking a toll on poor Kev.  He is courageous enough, but the waiting is a terrible burden.  He says he can live with out the leg . . . as long as he LIVES!  We are of course praying mightily that it has not spread to his lungs . . .   The leg is hurting a pretty good bit now.   We had a great lunch.  He had a steak and grilled shrimp, which he consumed with large grins and gusto!  I recounted to him a memory (codgerism, he calls them) of when he and Kerry, his twin were about four years old.  We lived in a rural suburb, in the rolling pine hills of north central Louisiana, in Ruston.  Behind our house was a pasture and a couple of hundred yards away, a dense wood.  A neighbor had a watermelon patch in the pasture, not far from our house.  It seems that Coyotes love to turn ripe melons over to get at the tender white underside, which they eat away to get to the sweet inner heart.  The neighbor's dog would inevitably sound the alarm at the approach of the Coyotes each summer evening.  With Ol Shep's alarm, Kevon and Kerry would make their plaintive call, "Daddeeee" "Mommieeee".  Finally, I explained that Ol Shep, the neighbors dog was keeping the Coyotes away.  That when we DIDN'T HEAR Ol Shep, perhaps we should be concerned.  That worked well, until the melons were harvested, and then Shep didn't bark as much, and we had to answer the questions " . . . is Shep all right?".  The point is that we fear what we don't know.  When we don't know what or when or how or why things are happening, we become frightened.  I told Kev, that it is alright to be afraid . . . we have all been afraid.  I have had times in the military that I was so afraid . . . best not get too descriptive -- but the point is, its natural.  We just can't let it panic us, drain our sensibility or energy.  I reminded him that he was a lifesaver.  I asked when did he ever feel fear, leaping from his stand, running to plunge into chilling, head-high surf, swimming into shearing rips he knew were there.  He said maybe a little, but I was too busy doing my job to get scared, and now all I have to do is think about it.  That, my son is the danger here.  Not the fear, and to some extent the cancer; but to what they make us do to ourselves.  How they try to strip us of our will, focus and determination to win.  Then I told him, "Son, I am so proud of you!  I could not be more proud if you were a Lt. of SEALS!  You could not be more courageous rappelling from a SAR 'copter onto a sinking sailboat, than you are today.  You are my son, in whom I am well pleased!"     I took this photo today.  Perhaps you can see the tumor on the outside of his left leg. The temp at the beach was about 65, but there was a good breeze that was chilling. (LG Services Cap - Very Proud, and a San Diego Fire Department shirt!) We couldn't stay long.  He said the beach and the smell of salt ALWAYS makes him feel better.  He is a bit pale.  The tan is gone.  His red blood count is down a bit, but his spirit is still strong, and his faith is holding up.  I have him his email.  He gets about 25 or 30 a week now.  This was a good week for email, with the birthday cards and everything.  Below is a photo of he and TAZ-Medic, who came to visit from KY last week.  Her name is actually Kerri.  She is a KB (Kick-B__) ParaMedic.  Kev was very impressed with this lady.   Again, Thanks for your care and support.  Please keep emailing us.  We both appreciate it more than we can ever tell you!  . . . and we wait . . .   I am my Son's Proud father, Jack Moran     

9 February 1998

Foreign Correspondent
Inside Track On World News
By International Syndicated Columnist & Broadcaster
Eric Margolis
CHERCHEZ LA FEMME
BY
Eric Margolis 29 Jan 1998

Guadeloupe, French West Indies - Cross France with a tropical paradise and you get Guadeloupe. that's what the tourist brochures say. They are half right: the island abounds with excellent restaurants, elegant French tourists, and gorgeous vistas. Signs advise the standard charge for being lifesaved is $12. Don't go swimming or boating without cash. Hotels range from basic to uncomfortable. Service is stunningly incompetent. Most of the locals alternate between being sullen or surly. Smiles are rarer than a Chateau Lafite 1929.

9 February 1998

Dear Friends,   This past week has been busy, and I have been a bit under the weather. Kevon has done very well.  He has been trying to get as much "stuff" done as he can before his next chemo, which is tomorrow -- his birthday.  If you can, send him a card, note or email.  He will be in the hospital, but I will take him his email tomorrow afternoon.   I think that this is the tough time.  This is the last chemo for this round in the plan.  The next step is evaluation and then radiation.  Kev says it is sort of like taking a test.  You think you have tried hard and studied everything you are supposed to study, but until the grade is posted . . . you just don't know.  Scary!  Please, now is no time to slow up on the prayers or support for this guy!   Kevon appreciates all of the cards, letters and notes, but especially those from those of you who are cancer survivors, or are fighting the same fight.  For you, here is one of my favorites:  

The Gladiator

The credit belongs to the one who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. — Theodore Roosevelt

9 February 1998

Well, here we are again . . . and I don't know what to think!   Kev went to the Dr. this morning for his pre-chemo check-up.  Here is what happened and what we were told:   Because of his youth and strength, they have been giving Kev MASSIVE DOSAGES OF Adramiacine (with another chemo drug) in a super chemo cocktail.  Remember, over 2 gallons a pop, to get the tissue levels up to stop the cancer from matastizing, if possible.  The Adramiacine is rarely used in this fashion, but in his case -- with his strength and attitude -- they tried it.  His response has been truly AMAZING!  Approaching the third chemo, they have some concern about his toxicity level, although he still shows strength and seems to be managing the symptoms. (?????)  It seems they don't know how he is not a lot sicker, or perhaps he is a lot sicker that he looks and acts!  (???)  The chemo level in his blood is so high, they would rather not give him another round unless they have to.  The measurements of the leg are somewhat smaller than last (three weeks ago)????  He has been lately, having some throbbing pain in the tumor (????).  The ????? means that nobody seems to know what that means!    The broad opinion is that the chemo has probably stopped the spread, but radiation will do more to stop the tumor itself, and they want to start that as soon as possible.  That the chemo was never supposed to actually stop the tumor itself, just the spread.  The Dr. is ordering CT scans of abdomen and lungs to check for spreading, and an MRI to check to see if they can tell what is going on in the tumor.  The scans will be done here in the next couple of days, probably.  The Dr. says if there is any sign of spreading, he will do the additional chemo, but he does not think it has, because of the high levels Kev has been able to tolerate and the kind given.    Kevon says he is not afraid -- well, he may not be but I am, for him -- DAMN!  He says without the leg, he can still swim and win wheel chair races, he just wants to GET IT ON!   We should know the schedule by this time tomorrow, and the results by the end of the week!     PLEASE keep up the support and prayers!!!!  The one big point I heard the Dr. express was this:  This is all highly unusual . . . the way this is all happening, but it was unusual that someone his age would have sarcoma to begin with. (????)   Thanks for your LOVE!   JACK 

4 February 1998

Dear Friends,   We had a great time yesterday!  A new "Internet-Friend", Blondie-aka-TAZ, from KY came down on a vacation to visit family & friends in Crestview, FL and had lunch with Kev and I.  TAZ (as in TASMANIAN-DEVIL) is a Paramedic in Glasgow, KY, USA.  You can find her at http://www.geocities.com/~tazmedic  .   She is a wonderful person.  She brought Kev a bag of patches and hats.  I felt a little left out, actually.  They talked EMS talk and war-stories over LUNCH.  I ate anyway.  We sat next to a table of volunteer fire-people, with scanners going like mad.  They too full of "war-stories".  These EMS/Fire/Police/Rescue/Lifesaving people are a culture unto themselves.  The speak their own language, and live in their own world.  They have their own values and bond.  They rush into situations a sane person would run from.  They LIVE their work.  They take care of their own.  That's why and how we have all of the support for Kev that we do.  It amazes me.  The do it for love -- out of care.  Most of them don't hardly make a living, for risking their lives.  Truly AMAZING.  SALUTE!   Kevons red-cell count is down.  It was expected.  Anemic.  He may have to get platelets by transfusion.  Chemo does that, I am told.  His white blood count is still very good, and his immune system is doing ok, so he gets to go out and do lunch and stuff.  That is an indication of how good he is doing.  He gets up to the Pensacola Junior College Pool to help with Lifesaving Training about twice a week, when he can.  The low red count affects his stamina, and energy.  He plans to go to see RIVER DANCE at the Civic Center on the 17th.  Says he wouldn't miss it for the world.  Things are slowing down now.  Not as much stuff in the mail, fewer visitors.  Now is when the "grind", the boredom starts.  Please keep on sending the email.  I take it to him about two or three times a week, and it mean so much to him.   Kev has written an article for SORTIE magazine, an international publication for Surface to Sub-surface Public Safety and Rescue Operations.  I will keep you posted, and when it is printed, try to get permission to post it on a web site or by email.  Also, his poem LIFEGUARD, is appearing in a Feb. issue!  Our Man is now a published author!  Congratulations Kev.   Thank you all for your care love and support -- for all of us.   Jack          

1 February 1998

Hey Gang! I have gotten some more of Kevon's photos scanned.  I am sending them to John Dalport at , http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Arena/1134/   for him to post.  Check 'em out.   Kev is doing EXCELLENT!  His Dr. is still amazed, and is stepping up his treatment.  His Next chemo will be sooner, like Feb. 10th, HIS BIRTHDAY!!!  The Dr. caught him eating lunch his last day of chemo . . . he had 3 chicken breast, 4 biscuits, 2 pieces of cake, and 32 ozs of coke.  Dr. said he was most likely running the chemo into the toilet, he is supposed to loose his appetite on that stuff.  Kev said that the three days AFTER is when the sickness is really BAD, and he was stocking up before it hit him.  The Dr. said if he can eat like that, and keep his blood work up like he has, he is going to step up his treatment, kick-it-up a notch!  GO KEV!  He is so PUMPED-UP from the hats, patches, cards, letters and email, he is putting up one hell of a fight!  He told me he wants his REGULAR birthday present -- All I want Dad, is my annual Baskin & Robbins Ice-cream Cake -- all to my self . . . I told him he deserved it.  He will get it on the 9th, the day before, chemo is on the 10th.    There is a "Rest of the Story . . ." here, that you haven't heard yet, but I think you need to.  Three years ago, Kevon was working for the US Park Service as a Surfguard at Ft. Pickens.  That year, a young woman joined the Surfguard Team, named Carmen.  She and Kev became close friends, intensely close, like brother and sister.  The next year, she again made the team and the friendship continued, although they were assigned to different beaches, several miles apart.  This girl was tough, a great competitor and an excellent Surfguard.  She had numerous "saves" to her credit, and everybody loved her -- dark, quiet, classy.  In mid summer of that year, she confided to Kev that she was frightened.  She had noticed a small grape sized mass under the skin, just below her sternum.  Within 10 days it was the size of a lemon, before she could get a Dr.'s appointment.  The diagnosis was rabdomyosarcoma, the same kind Kevon now has.  She died about nine months later, there was little that could be done -- mostly because of the location.  Kevon was her constant companion.  He visited her EVERY day.  He carried her out to the beach in his arms, when she couldn't walk -- but wanted to go.  They would sit for hours and talk about lifesaving and EMS, and share sunsets.  Kevon told me; "Dad there is no way I could have faced this with out Carmen.  She had more guts than I will ever have.  She didn't let ANYBODY, not even me, hear her ask 'why-me' or see her cry -- not once.   I always knew that there was some special reason for me to know Carmen.  Maybe, if she had to die, the way she did; maybe I needed to be there to learn from her -- if not how to die, how to fight to win.  I think she is helping me win this."   Son, I think so too . . . God Bless Carmen too.   I am my son's PROUD father, Jack Moran 

30 January 1998

Dear Friends,   Just like the Energizer-Bunny, he just keeps on going.  Just 5 days out of the hospital, after 100+ hours and something over TWO-GALLONS of chemotherapy, he is almost back to his smooth, poised old self.  He is still short on energy and stamina, but he manages to "slip-out" and get over to the Pensacola Junior College pool, to help teach & coach Lifesaving.  He has worked there for five years as of this spring.  What can you say.  He just won't back down.  Good for him!   We are still amazed and "filled" by the warmth and continued out-pouring of love, care and compassion from all of you!  In this day and age it is comforting to know that there are people like you all in this world.  As I get people who write, email, and phone me from all over about Kevon and how he is doing, I am continually amazed by what has happened here.  I want you to know that your care for my son has been a miracle for him, but it goes much farther than that.  A group of professional web designers has seen what has happened here.  They have looked at the web pages that have taken up Kevon's support, like John Dalport's Excellent False Bay Page in So. Africa, (That is where you are now)  ,  The TAZ-Medic Page in Glasgow, KY, USA    http://www.geocities.com/~tazmedic/kevon.html  , The Latvian (Russian) Marine Rescue Page  http://ssrs.mrcc.riga.lv/  and several others.  It seems like this may have been the first time the Internet has been a way to provide this kind of support.  Without it, it would simply not have happened.  They are looking into a way to make this available to many others, both care-supporters and patients!  Wow!    I thought I would include a couple of photos, one showing a side of Kev you may not have seen, but those who know him well think is the real Kev!  The Clown . . . and the Pro!     (These pics are on Kevon's Picture Page)    Thank you for making this happen! 

We love you all.  

Kevon's Dad, Jack 

27 January 1998

Dear Friends,  

I visited Kevon again last night.  Damn!  How can I complain?  He is the one going through it!    I remember my first real survival swim.  I had to tread water for 4 hours, then swim 10 miles.  I can still remember fighting back the panic, fighting back the instinct to breathe or swallow, just so I could breath, when I knew I had to hold my breath one-second more . . . or choke!  I remember the last two hours it, getting darker and darker, and wondering if I would ever find my way back to the beach.   . . . but  . . . if I pulled my consciousness out of my body, and listened carefully . . . I could just barely hear the boat quietly following me a short distance away.  I knew they were there, but I knew I had to do this alone . . . they couldn't help me.  They were there just to watch over me, to make sure I kept going.  I had to concentrate on one breath at a time, one stroke at a time . . . no mistakes . . . rest a minute . . . go again.  It must be like that for him . . . in a sea of chemo . . . toxic damn chemo.  What a nightmare.  God Help Him!  You guys are his boat!  Thank you!  Last night, he crawled into my lap, just like when he was 3 years old.    It was then when we made a deal, the whole family, when he and his twin sister were about three.  Sibling rivalries were promoting little attention getting behaviors, some of which were less than good behavior.  The deal was this, when anybody felt alone or anxious, rather than acting out or getting angry, that person would simply say "I need a hug" to another family member.  These key words carried a sacred obligation, a key to whom they were said; You had to stop what you were doing, no matter what, and give the hug.  Give it honestly, with the love, sincerity and care of family.  That tradition continues.  Last night, Kev said, "Dad, I feel so bad.  I need a hug."  What a flood of memories.  What stunning reality.  Thankfully, he and I have not missed many hugs, thanks to our family's "I need a hug" deal.  Thanks for sending Kevon YOUR hugs!  

Jack

26 January 1998

Dear Friends,
Kevon is having it pretty  rough this time.

Due to a late "bag-hanging" this dose got dragged out to about 100 hours.Last time he only got a "little" sick, and that was kinda sudden and for arelatively short time.  This time he says it has been creeping up on him forthe past couple of days.  He said that Sunday, he could hardly lift the TVclicker during the Super Bowl.  I know, I can tell how sick he is, but hestill has that spark in his eye and that John Wayne stoic even-ness to hisvoice, just like always.  It is just kinda like he is standing back in hismind and simply letting the chemo happen to his body, and trying not to getpersonally involved.
I am here to tell you, if it were not for all of YOUR support, this would bebad.  It is tough enough as it is.  I really don't know how he does it, God love him.  He sure has me beat.  Please keep the support coming and keep up the prayers for our Kevon.  He is doing great with this, it is just really hard on him right now.

He said, "I will be fine when some of this stuff drains out."   I will be seeing him later today, and will keep you posted.
Thanks again for your care and support.
W.D."Jack" Moran

24 January 1998

Dear Friends,

Well, they are sockin-it-to-him.  By midnight tonight Kev will have taken in some 7,000 ml (7 liters) in chemo-solution.  He says its bad stuff!  I can't imagine, I know it is toxic.  He says when he is quiet and still, he can feel it.  "It feels like - YUCK!"  He goes home tomorrow to rest up.

Now, I am not just saying this because this guy is my son.  I would say it if he was just someone I knew going through this, but -- what I am seeing here is simply pure, raw courage!  I had a friend many years ago in Hong Kong.  An English chap, doing service in HM Black Watch.  His name was John Gavin.  John said to me once, " A man's character shows more when he stares death in the face, than at any time in his life.  A REAL man stares him down, with no bravado or complaint, then walks away -- quietly."

John Gavin would call my son A REAL MAN!

____________________

By the way, Kev has a birthday coming up, his 24th, on Feb. 10th.

____________________

Thank you all for your prayers, sentiments and support.

____________________

I am my son's father,

W.D."Jack" Moran

23 January 1998

Dear Friends,
Kevon is doing exceptionally well with his second chemotherapy.  He is excited about his mail and care-packages.  "They just make my day!"  He takes great delight in bugging everybody about, " . . . is my mail here yet . . . is my mail here yet . . .

Today he received the following letter from a new friend in South Africa. It was so excellent I thought I would share it with you all.

"A Question of Attitude"

Thank you for all of your daily support.

Jack

21 January 1998

I know you all appreciate that it is impossible for Kevon to personally respond to each of you individually.  The shear POWER and IMPACT of your response to his need has been a phenomenal in and of itself!  Not a small miracle!  When I went to the hospital to see Kevon yesterday, (he will be "hooked-up" taking second round of chemo will last through Friday), he gave me the following letter to post to you.
___________________________________

Dear Friends & Lifesavers,

I have spent most of my teen and adult life saving lives & helping people in one way or another.  I guess this is the first time I have had to depend on other people to help and take care of me.  The help and support I have received is overwhelming, not only from my own EMS & medical "family" here in Pensacola, but the many Lifesavers and EMS caregivers world wide who have sent prayers, letters, tee-shirts, caps and gifts.  It allows me to hang on to the profession I grew up in and love so dearly.  My lowered immune system will not allow me to work in the emergency room or drive an ambulance like I had been, so right now there has to be other alternatives.  Although my energy is lower, I have been able to continue to teach Lifeguard Training at the local Junior College.  Being able to teach and help some makes me feel better.  Health wise, I am doing great and tolerating the chemotherapy very well, thanks in large to your support and the Grace of God. Undoubtedly it is due to your many thought & prayers.  Thank you for being there for me!

Your Friend in Life-Saving,
Kevon Moran, EMT-I, LG-I
_________________________________________

I am my son's father:

W.D."Jack" Moran

20 January 1998

Dear Friends,

Kevon just got back from the Dr.'s where he went for his "pre-chemo" exam. I am excited to tell you, the Dr. was amazed!  The tumor is still in his leg, but it is not growing.  His blood work was EXCELLENT!!!  The Dr. was " . . . Absolutely Amazed . . ."!! He has only had a few hours of "feeling sick", and other that his hair coming out (until he shaved his head), there have been no side effects to the huge chemo dosage he has received.  They X-rayed him, and there is NO sign of it spreading anywhere.  Now this was an X-Ray, not an MRI.  That will be done at the end of the chemo therapy.  But right now everything looks fine.  The Dr. measured the tumor, and declared that it had not grown since the chemo was started, again amazed.  It seems that this particular kind of cancer is VERY aggressive, and the one that attacked Kev had proven to be extremely so, but he (Dr.) was surprised that it had stopped growing with only one treatment!  One treatment and Prayers from 10,000+ Believers!  Thank You All!!  The Dr. is also amazed at how strong Kev is, and visibly startled to see that he had not lost weight, but instead had gained a little over 5 pounds in the past month!   He said, "I really expected a lot worse for the wear on you than this, son -- It usually is.  Usually, a lot worse!  I am amazed."

I know the War is still in progress, but Battle #1 goes to the Believers!

Kevon goes into the hospital tomorrow to actually start the chemo.  The Dr. said if he tolerates the first day as well as he has everything else, he will send him home Wednesday to finish the 96 hour series.

Please Keep it up gang.  We Love You!  Thank You So Much!!!

W.D."Jack" Moran

20 January 1998

Dear Friends,

Kevon knew from the time when he was twelve, he wanted to be a Lifeguard. Then one day, he and a little friend of his road up to the corner store on their bicycles to buy a coke.  As the were leaving, a little old lady was run off the road by a teenager in a pickup truck hot-rodding around on the street.  She lost control, clipped a pole and ended up front-end down in a deep drainage ditch.  Kevon and his friend sprinted to her aid.  She was slumped across the seat.  These two were Boy Scouts, and had had their first aide training.  Kevon's friend went to call help.  Kevon turned off the ignition, but the motor continued to run.  He smelled gas, and feared it might burn.  With his Scout knife, he cut the ground cable to the battery, killing the engine.  Then he crawled into the window.  The lady was beginning to recover consciousness.  Kevon knew to keep her from moving, comforted her and told her help had been summoned.  Within a moment, in the little town, the Ambulance had arrived, the hospital was only about two blocks away.  When he came home, he was so pumped! I could see it in his eyes, and I knew he now had two loves -- Lifesaving & EMS.
Kevon came to me in January of 1993 and told me that he wanted to be a REAL Lifeguard on a REAL beach.  That he wanted more than the country club and the "Y".  He applied to the US Park Service for a slot at Gulf Islands Sea Shore.  At this time, he was Captain of his Swim Team, but only about 5'8" and weighed about 168 pounds.  However, he trained daily.  He would swim 3
mi and run 3 mi every day, and lift weights every other day.  He only took Sunday off.  When he went for the tryouts, he easily took first, second or third in every event.  The competition ended with a mile run.  Many of the other applicants who were much larger and stronger than Kev had "party'd" long and hard the night before, and others had not worked for three months to get in shape.  Kevon came in second on the run.  As I watched, I saw him back-down and coast in to a second place.  After the race, I asked him why he did not finish first.  He said the other guy really needed the job, and needed the first place points to assure a position.  It was his second year, and Kev knew he was up the the job, so he let him take first place.
. . . in whom I am well pleased!

W.D."Jack" Moran

16 January 1998

Good Morning!
I saw Kevon (someone called him Kevon-UP!) yesterday, and man is he up!  He got a super CARE-PACKAGE from the San Diego Lifesaving Club.  He was so impressed and excited!  He received a letter and patch from the Lifesaving Club of Great Briton,  (I don't know if I am getting all of the club names exactly right) and several cards and letters.  He said " . . . everyday is like Christmas!   Dad you have done a lot of stuff for me, but this has just about got to be the neatest thing you ever did!"  I told him thank you, but all I did was ask for help to help me help you, with something I couldn't handle alone.  I didn't do it.   I didn't do anything except send out a email letter.  God and the goodness in the hearts of all of these people are doing this.  It is pretty much out of my control, and has been sense I clicked the SEND button.

Still he is really UP!  And that is good, going into the second round of chemo on Monday.

Several of you have asked to be able to make financial donations for Kevon. I was reluctant to address this.  My main reason has been that I did not want some skeptic somewhere to infringe on the credibility of what is happening here for Kevon here.  That would crush him, at a critical time when he needs all of his strength and spirit for this fight.  I would never, ever do anything to knowingly or willingly dishonor my family, especially my son -- and especially during this time of such great stress for him.  It is so easy for these things to go astray.  I also realize that we are not wealthy, and although he has excellent insurance, there are expenses and will be -- especially if he loses his leg in this -- that will continue for many years to come.  That has also been pointed out to me.  I must make wise and honorable decisions regarding this, and handle it in the best possible manner.   I have to do what is best for Kevon.   I have several friends, CPA's, Bankers and Attorney's who have told me that I should consider a trust fund, and that they would sit on the Board of Directors.  We would write the covenants of the trust, regarding strictly how such funds would be held and spent.  I would not be involved beyond that, except to make recommendations.   The International Web Developers Group, a California Organization, has offered to write and publish a page for Kevon with his trust information, how to make donations, contact information, Directors, etc.  In the event that something tragic should happen-- God forbid --  and any money were to remain un-used in the trust, those funds would be used to fund an EMS/Paramedic Scholarship in his name, and yours.

I really want to know what you -- all of you who have cared to write and support us, think about this!  I just want to do the right thing, what is right in the eyes and hearts of those of us who care, love and pray for him, and for him.

Thank you for your continued love and support.

W.D."Jack" Moran

14 January 1998

I spoke to Kevon yesterday, and will see him today.
He has begun to receive some of the "Care Packages" of tee-shirts, patches, stickers, etc.  Wow!  was he excited! He was very concerned, however that he may not have the stamina to write personal thank you notes to everyone who is sending him things, much less responding personally to all of the email.  He is scheduled to go back to the hospital for his second round (96 continuos hours) of intense chemotherapy.  Each of these sessions is frightening, knowing that you are getting such toxic stuff put into you, but knowing it is something that has to be done.  "It just makes you feel like crap", Kevon says.

I want to thank all of you for him.  He is trying to write a letter of appreciation to all of you, that I will post here.  In the mean time, just know how much your prayers, love and support mean to both of us and his family.  His Mom is named Mary.  She lives in Louisiana.  He has a twin sister named Kerry and a half sister, Kim both of whom also live in Louisiana.  Kevon's passion was to move to Pensacola and become a "Real Lifeguard . . . on a Real Beach", so here we are.

During the course of the email we are getting, we get notes from people who are themselves fighting a battle with cancer.  I want to pass on their email so that some of you who may be interested can drop them a byte or two. Yesterday, I received one from Nancy Kelly at [email protected]
Nancy is in a battle with breast cancer, and still reaches out to Kevon with support.  Please include Nancy in our prayers too.

Thank again for your care and support.
W.D."Jack" Moran

13 January 1998

DID I MENTION THAT KEVON WRITES?  If I did, thanks for the encouragement. If I did not, then something big is going on here.  I don't think I did! Kevon took a journalism course in Jr. College.  His professor (and I ) told him that he had REAL TALENT!  That he just needed to practice and work on it.  He has kept a journal (off and on) sense he was in his mid-teens. Another of his talents is touching people, getting in touch with them.  In the hospital, on the beach, he never meets a stranger.  He seems to have an ability to recognize and uncover the importance and meaning in people, what they do, and the lives they lead or have lived.  They share their deepest emotions with him.  His humble and unassuming manner seems to lift them up as well.  He has, in his hospital discovered an award winning scientist struggling after surgery, war hero surgeon dying, and dozens of others.  He has made notes on most of these people, and I encourage him to write. 

I am so happy that you are doing the same.  Thanks from a grateful father.

Jack

Dear Friends,
Here is another one!  Kevon isn't the only one out there that needs the prayers, love and support!  John Kelly, like so many in his field (like many of you), rush forward ignoring your own pain, safety, even blood to help someone else.  John reached out to Kevon with this letter, while he himself copes with the same struggle.  Bravo John!  What a man!

LifeSavers, EMS, Firefighters, Police, SAR, and more -- these are Gods helpers  . . . "Earth-Angels". You get up every day, you put the energy and essence of your very lives out on the line, come home and reach out and give again to my Kevon and to John (please do support John too) and I am sure countless others -- It absolutely AMAZES ME!  Most of you do it for very little money and certainly not much glory.  Perhaps just the personal inner voice that says "You done good today . . .".  Well, maybe that little voice is Gods Voice saying that.  Please let me add my voice, small as it is to
His -- I Bless You All Too!  You DO make the world a better place.  Thank
You!
________________________________ 
9 January 1998

John's Letter to Kevon

I spoke with Kevon this afternoon.  He just can't stay put.  He had to get up and go down to the Pensacola Jr. College Pool to watch the Life Saving Classes (He is an Adjunct Instructor there).  He got pretty tired.  He is having trouble getting used to not having the physical stamina to keep up with his want-to.
I mentioned that Sunday, I sent out a "call" for support from his Comrade's in Lifesaving and EMS.  I am impressed, no deeply touched by the response. I have included most of you guys on this email list.  I cannot express how much Kevon and I both appreciate your support.  I cannot tell you what this has ment to Kevon!  Your caring has touched him also, very deeply.  This is going to make a big difference for him.  I wants to write each of you personally, to express his thanks.  This truly is a Brother/Sisterhood!  We have gotten responses from Singapore, So. Africa, Australia, Canada, The Deputy Chief of Operations of HM Coastguard UK! WOW!  Thank you so much!
W.D."Jack" Moran
The Moran Industrial Group
Small Business Development & Stabilization
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