Let's begin at the beginning,
just when the world began,
the total population -
one woman and one man.

The man was know as Adam,
the woman's name was Eve;
their tab - The Garden of Eden,
'till they were forced to leave.

Without the help of Mary Quant,
Eve brought in "nude look",
went starkers 'til she stole a leaf
from a nature-study book.

The Eden lease contained a clause,
an emphatic one, to boot,
that tenants were forbidden
the joy of stolen fruit.

Against this strong temptation
Eve sorely failed to grapple,
so several tons of wrath came down 
when she knocked off an apple.

Immediately a serpent served
a firm eviction order,
then forthwith chivvied both of them
across the Eden border.

But times have changed an awful lot,
for now we never link
temptation with an apple
but diamonds and/or mink.

When Adam grew to know his wife
they had a son named Cain
and then a son named Abel
when he knew her again.

Both sons were farmers -
'twas Cain who tilled the ground -
Abel's skill at keeping sheep
was locally renown.

Both of them made offerings
and Cain became most cross
when Abel's was commended,
and his a total loss.

Abel, swallen-headed,
treated brother Cain with scorn,
called him a swede-basher -
said all he talked was corn.

These brotherly ill-feelings
grew higher, higher, higher -
Cain's culminating action
proved where there's smoke there's fire.

Cain said "Abel step outside"
with firm intent to do him
and when he met him  in the field
he rose then up and slew him.

Abel was soon sadly missed -
on questioning the reaper
all he did was shrug and say
"Am I my brother's keeper?"

Then Cain went to the land of Nod,
of seed became a sower -
his wife produced him Enoch
when he had come to know her.

History then repeats itself
for ever after that
everyone - but everyone -
begat - begat - begat -
that's why we here today,
begatting the same old way ...

Noah reached five centuries,
and in there still was batting -
then set an all-time record for
some fabulous begatting.

Noah at this ripe old age
gat Japeth, Ham and Shem -
the fact we're on this earth today
is really due to them.

The world was in a wicked way
and more so daily growing
the people who on earth did dwell
would reap what they were sowing.

A plan was mooted at that time
to destroy the whole creation
but Noah who was good and just
got inside information.

To make an ark of gopher wood
and ensure without a doubt
that was soundly pitched within
and soundly pitched without.

It had to have three storeys,
thus was Noah told,
so two of everything on earth
that ark would surely hold.

It rained for forty days and nights
a matter much deplored
so Noah (then six hundred) rose
and took his kids aboard.

The animals came on two by two
elephant - leopard - goat
and as the last pair were embarked
the ark began to float.

The waters on the earth prevailed
a hundred and fifty days
all who lived upon it
were destroyed in devious ways.

Then there came a mighty wind
which made the waters drop
and the ark fell on Mount Ararat
with a really jarring plop.

Did Noah take a peep outside?
he did as he was told -
he and all that were on board
stayed battened in the hold.

In order to discover if
the earth were really dry
Noah then loosed forth a dove
which spread its wings on high.

Was the flight successful?
Did it find land? No ways.
So Noah had to bite his nails
for another seven days.

When he sent forth that dove again
it returned to base elated 
with a pluckt off olive leaf -
the water had abated.

So Noah and his aged wife
his sons and their wives too
and each and every animal
set foot upon the goo.

Noah's kids had had no kids
though aged a hundred years -
kept busy feeding animals
no time to begat - poor dears.

The Philistines and Israelites
were spoiling for a fight
and taunted one the other
morning noon and night.

After shouts of "Chicken!"
and "You are just has-beens"
the initiative was taken
by the Philistines.

They sent forth Goliath
their local reigning champ
who said he'd challenge anyone
from the Israel camp.

Goliath was a heavyweight
a giant of a man -
broad of shoulder and in height
six cubits and a span!

When they saw the size of him
the Israelites were dismayed
in point of fact it's true that they
were really sore afraid.

Saul says "Step forth from the ranks
a man who has no fear"
but sad to say he did not get
a single volunteer.

It so happened at that time
there came a shepherd lad
who'd brought his soldier brothers
gifts and comforts from their dad.

He said to brothers Eliab
Shammah, Abinadab
that at vanquishing Goliath
he would like to take a stab.

His brothers called him "Big Mouth"
and ugly names like "Creep" -
they said it would be better
to go back to his sheep.

But David took no notice
and with prompt dispatch
sought out further details
of the pending match.

Young David was a careful chap
thus he enquired about
what was in it for the guy
who knocked Goliath out.

The promoters then told David
if Goliath he could slaughter
he'd get great riches from the king
and as a perk his daughter.

David said the price was right -
in fact not bad at all -
so they drew up a contract
and took him unto Saul.

Saul took one look at David
 and said "Let's face the truth
against a champion like Goliath
you can't match this puny youth".

David, far from backward,
told Saul right then and there
of a past experience
with a lion and a bear.

It appears that once when herding
his father's flock of sheep
a great big lion and a bear
upon him up didst creep.

They took not the slightest notice
of his shouts of  "Scram"
but forthwith went amongst the flock
and runoff with a lamb.

This so incensed the little chap 
he braved the lion's claws -
got his hooks upon its prey
and wrenched it from his jaws.

Then he grabbed him by the beard
and smote well and true
for good measure then he gave 
the bear the treatment too.

Saul was truly most impressed
with this glorious feat
and felt Goliath after all
might turn out easy meat.

He felt that now the Israelites' hopes
were actually far from thin
and said to little David
"Get in there boy and win!".

Saul gave him his own armour,
his personal suit of mail
and handing him his own gum-shields
said "Boy you cannot fail!".

But David shrugged his shoulders,
the armour he forsook
and went and chose five pebbles
from a nearby brook.

When David came upon him 
Goliath laughed a laugh
for he thought that little David 
was armed but with a staff.

What he would do to David
he then began to brag
not knowing that the little lad
had something in the bag.

David took a pebble
and put it in his sling
this missile at Goliath
did well and truly fling.

The smooth round stone sped well and true -
hit Golly on the forehead
and when it sunk right into him
the result was really horrid.

He gave the most unearthly yell
he grunted and he groaned
then with a thud he fell to earth
well and truly stoned.

The Philistines all shouted "Foul!"
unjustly it was felt
for little David's knock-out blow 
was way above the belt.