God's Boxes

(A different approach or, a pun on the Original)
 

I woke up early this morning
To find, at the end of my bed,
Two rather strange looking boxes,
One coloured White the other Red.

I asked the wife if she knew
How the boxes had come about,
But she didn't know nor had she seen
Anyone come in or go out.

Puzzled, and in deep reflection,
Trying to fathom this mystery,
I heard a voice calling my name,
Though there was no one next to me.

The voice then said to me :"I'm God,
And the boxes My gift to you.
Put your good deeds in the White,
Use the Red for what else you do".

So I looked around the bedroom
And to the ghostly voice I said:
"Who the hell gave you permission
To come in and drop 'em by my bed?"

God said He was doing a survey,
 Had dished out lots of them before,
But He was sorry He intruded
And would not do it anymore.

I then told Him that I didn't mind
In helping  HIm with this survey,
But in future He should ask first
And not just to barge-in this way.

So I followed His instructions
And found, to my amazement,
That while the White got heavier
The Red stay'd light, as the days went.

Curiosity got to me
And I open'd the Red box wide,
Only to find that it had a hole
In the middle of its lower side.

So I called the Lord "collect"
And asked Him why this was so?
And He told me my good deeds
Would stay with me here below.

My "not-so-good-deeds" however,
Were sent to His filing cabinet,
And keep safe until the time
When He'd blow the Last Trumpet.

He told me that He wasn't prepared
To leave things to the last moment,
And wanted all His files in order
Long before the Last Judgment.

As accommodation in Heaven
Was limited, and at a premium,
He would make quite sure that quotas
Were kept to a bare minimum.

Only those whose files were thin
Would be allowed to go in;
He wasn't going to take the risk
Of infecting Heaven with sin.

So, my friends, treat with suspicion
Any empty boxes by your bed;
Return them to sender unopen'd
Or Hell be your home when you're dead.

Empangeni, 2000.
 

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