|
|
|
 |
|
The Two Faces of Xtian Kookery |
Netnoise Triple Feature |
Life's Surprises |
|
From opposite sides of the
Christian spectrum come these two nuggets of joy:
Digi-Dilemas and
Poke-Problems - How Digimon and Pokemon are
brainwashing youngsters into being Satan's legions.
Is Harry Potter
Demonic? - An article(?) that starts off a chat log about HP's
"demonic nature" and ends up highlighting several examples of Christians
embracing Harry Potter. WAY too closely... |
From the depths of internet
came these three:
"Dying
Millionaire Whispers Secrets" - a generic "I know the secrets of
making millions. Send me money to find out how" spam-mail.
"TOP CONFIDENTIAL OFFER" - a version of the
omnipresent Nigerian Bank scam.
"AND ANOTHER KB CARTOON ENDS WITHOUT ROMANCE"
- a stream-of-consciousness ramble from recc.arts.animation. Which just proves
that even spam is good for something... |
Take characters from Dragonball Z, Sailor Moon, Ronin Warriors, and
The X-Men, sprinkle in cameos from a half dozen other series, tie together with
an author-created character (yes, the dreaded
Mary-Sue),
and wrap the back end of it in a afterschool special and you get the gist of
this story. Basically, Dragonball
Z big bad
Freeza is coming to Earth, and the world's fate is in the hands of... A
13-year old mutant/martial artist/sister of one of The Ronin Warriors.
Actually reads better than it sounds, but still infinitely riffable! |
|
Sweet Beginnings |
Violence Aimed Even At Preschoolers |
Stealth Wedgie |
|
You
want to know what WAFFY means? Then look no further than this flowery little
tale. Here we have Keith and Princess Allura of Voltron
fame spending their wedding night on a luxury spaceship and debating (for
about ten seconds) whether or not to consummate right then and there. |
An MSNBC article in
which a mother worries about her three year old son, in a culture
that peddles violence to a increasingly younger audience.
Unfortunately, young Mrs. Hall goes off the deep end of the
paranoia pool and comes across more neurotic than Woody Allen
ever thought about being. |
A weird, logic
twisting, little tale in which Voyager is terrorized by invisible, wedgie-wielding
invaders. Made all the creepier by the fact that, with a little cleaning
up, this could have easily been done as an actual Voyager episode. |
|
|
WWF.Com Smackdown Recap: April 6, 2000 |
|
|
|
The first MSTing I
ever did. Basically, it's the WWF's show recap. Long on bombast
and exclamation points, short on detail or depth. Even goofier if
you're a knowledgeable fan of wrestling. |
|
|
|
|
|
Captain N: The Cavern of Fate |
Voyager: S-Space, Part II |
Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon |
| A
"novel" approach to lemon scenes, Captain N and Princess Lana duck out of a
Mother Brain ambush and end up in the Cavern of Fate. Their fate?
Sex. Also features a
fight scene the likes of which makes Stephen Ratliff look like Ang Lee. |
The
continuing adventures of Voyager in that "weird area of space" - now delving
fully into thinly-disguised fem-dom territory: Janeway spanks a naked Kes in
the middle of the crew lounge, and B'elanna, Harry Kim, and a random female
crewman have "fun" in the Captain's ready room.
And still no sign of The Doctor
or Chakotay... |
Here is a trio of the nastiest
Sailor Moon lemons you'll find:
Sailor
Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch - an adult Sailor Venus gets beaten
up, kidnapped and raped by the Red Skull and Crossbones.
Chibi-usa's Lover - Mamoru (Tuxedo Mask)
decides to get busy with a teenaged Chibi-usa - whether she wants to or not.
Chibi-usa's Lover II - Chibi-usa
returns the favor from the previous fic, while dressed in random pieces of
lingerie. |
|
School Girls |
Brightheart The Cub Sitter |
Voyager: S-Space |
|
in this
corner, Taylor Hanson and his pregnant girlfriend share the miracle of
birth. In this corner, Zac Hanson and some hoochie he picked up in a school parking lot have
drunken sex at a party. Apparently written by MST3K's own Torgo. |
Proving why Care
Bears fics are pretty rare, and why Care Bears lemons are nearly non-existent. In this little script based toilet log, Brightheart
babysits the world's most articulate toddler twins. Then proceeds
to introduce them into the wonderful world of pedophilia.
Biologically impossible, logically implausible, and just plain
bad! |
Allegedly written by
a woman named "Pussy Willow", a stereotypically bad
lemon in which Voyager flies through "a strange area of
space." Said space apparently turns Janeway into a sadistic
nympho, Kes into a virtual sex toy, Paris into a horny voyeur,
and gives Tuvok (called Tu'vok through half the fic) a nipple
fetish. Preceded by "A Secular Condemnation of Anime,"
a short piece of Usenet flame bait decrying the cult-like nature
of anime fandom. |
|
|
Scooby Did |
|
| |
The first time that I
actually went out and looked for a fic to MST. This'll teach me
to read something all the way through before beginning to MST it.
A Scooby-Doo lemon in which the obligatory creepy, abandoned
mansion turns out to be some secret frat boy hazing house and
love nest. Starts off harmlessly enough, then delves into rape
(hint: Ain't Daphne), Autoerotic sitophilia (Food fetishism
– guess who?), and bestiality. In that order. |
|
|
|
|
My wrestling-centric
MSTings, originally done for (and with) my pal Maple Leaf
Mickey's wrestling site, the (now defunct) DCCMM. Basically me and the other Usual Gang
of Suspects (the wrestling group who meets every Monday at
a Hooters in Memphis) who've been kidnapped and placed aboard the
Satellite of Pain by Vince McMahon, Mark Madden, and Fred (A
former UGoS member.) and forced to read bad wrestle-related stuff
until we apologize for not praising McMahon's every move on our
site. In keeping with the theme on DCCMM (and the personalities
of the real life UGoS, the language is a bit more liberally
vulgar than my other MSTings. |
|
Salior (sic) Moon/WWF Crossover |
Danielle Fishel & Lacy Chabert At Smackdown |
Chris Hyatte's "And Another Thing": September 25, 2002 |
|
A MSTing so big, I
had to spit it into two parts.
A crossover fic - played WAY
too straight - Sailor Moon and company join the WWF (Via "Tough Enough", run
afoul of the "evil" Right To Censor, and Serena falls in love with Chris
Jericho.
That's it, that's the plot. All
70kb of it.
Part 1 | |
Part 2 |
Ever wonder what really
goes on backstage at a WWF show? Apparently, it's orgies with barely legal
TV stars. This reads like the author decided to insert his favorite WWF
superstars and his favorite female celebrities into his favorite porn scene |
Written with
"Maple Leaf" Mickey Alderson, and Mike "Cleveland
Fred" DeGeorge, it's my first group MST!. Chris Hyatte (the
internet wrestling world's answer to Howard Stern) took exception
to some net writers stating that they're tired of Bret Hart's
frequent laments about the state of wrestling in general, and how
bad it's been to him in particular. What's so bad about that? The
"holier than thou" attitude would be bad enough,
without the added fact that Hyatte's columns are usually equal
part cheap shots, gay jokes, and the same "Shut the hell
up" attitude he decries in here.
|
|
|
|
New Beginnings |
Legolas:
Back To The Future |
Columbine's Most Wanted |
|
I'm actually in the editor's
seat for this collaboration with fellow Legolas MSTer Chan-wu Yi.
The sequel to "Life's
Surprises" brings us the further adventures of über gurl, Krista Hashiba, as
she adjusts to life under Frieza's rule, makes friends with mind-blowing
ease, suffers the slings and arrows of sexual harassment, and carries on a
passive-aggressive courtship dance with formerly evil Zarbon. |
There's just no way I can encapsulate the sheer
inanity that is L:BTTF here. So here's the
rundown by fellow
MSTer Keith Palmer.
Written with River City Random
and Typewriter Monkey (Editors), James Bond, Dreelyn, Chan-wu Yi, Bryan
McGucken, Keith Palmer, Rebo Valence, and Juliet A. Youngren.
|
It's Peter Guerin - Essay style.
Here Peteykins rails against those critics and media types that would try to
connect Daria with the tragedy at Columbine. And in classic Guerin
style, it's short on facts and references and long on "Daria suffers in high
school as I did."
Written with Dalty Smilth (Editor), Tonberry King, Keith Palmer, and Rebo
Valence. |
|
Royal And Prime
Directives |
Love Bites |
|
|
My first taste of
the Marrissaverse. Enterprise is sent to investigate a a feudal age type-planet run by a
Starfleet captain and crew, who crashed there 20 years ago. Short on actual
Marissa, long on plot holes and bumped-off royalty.
Written with Bill Livingston (Editor),
Matt Blackwell, Doug Gale, Joseph Nebus, Phantom, Michael Pullman,
Chris Ratcliff, and Dalty Smilth |
"Weird Al" Yankovic and Hal Sparks
(Formerly of "Talk Soup") get turned into vampires. Wackiness
ensues.
My first "official" group MSTing - written with Rebo Valence
(Editor) and a cast of thousands (Specifically - Chris "Frobozz"
Angelini, CDM, Darth Kirby, Alicia Ashby, Trey Tackett, Glazius Falconar, Justin Golden, NotReallyHere, Amanda Van Rhyn, Tanuki, Kenny Blackwell, Michael Wallen, rJak, Justin Rau, Tim McLees, Antaeus Feldspar, Stratovox, Steve
Sul)
|
|
| |
|
|
|
