I must stop thinking of death all of the time. I am alive to live and experience things. Death will come on it�s own. I must decide what I want and then take the proper steps necessary to accomplish my objectives. I know I have said that I don�t know what I want to do, but I must find out whatever I am good at and enjoy doing and then do it. I will no longer waste my life. I must now get the ball rolling. I must remember that life is to be enjoyed and you and you alone decide how you will make your life work and be.
~FIN
P.S. Notice how I do not acknowlege God at all in this short passage or any before it? Only referring to him as Allen's convictions? That begins to change even before his spirit touched my own as clearly seen two pages ahead from this point entitled Rebirth. I do believe though that these positive little notes to myself are the beginnings of his influence. The next entry titled Stagnancy shows the first signs of me acknowleging God in my life when I state that I asked him for something and actually thank him in closing. It only took eight months from the date of this entry. I did not yet know him but his influence in my life was growing. Sadly, I will have to face several more years of this depression period, even after having found God, as you will see in journal entries of the future.
