What once was in my grasp
my future that I see
is now just a vision
with no reality,

It came without no warning
and tore my heart in two
the perfect life I thought I had
was nothing without you.

My eyes are wet with sorrow
my body filled with pain
the life I’d planned for you and I
could never be the same,

If life would have no limits
and I could turn back time
I’d do my best with all my might
to keep you always mine

HIDDEN HEART

From the first day we held hands,
to the last day we said goodbye,
i'll never forget those momets,
i'll never forget those times.

No matter how bad you hurt me,
I stood by you,
no matter how much you lied,
I said they where the truth.

I wish I never knew you,
I wish all what happened wasnt true.
But it is
and i did.

Sometimes I think what life would be like,
if I had my whole heart,
if i never told you how much i cared.
it's hard to imagane,
how simple my life was before,
knowing you.

52 CARD LIFE
Life is like a deck of cards
You take what you can get
There is a little secret though
That I hope you'll never forget

It's not how many good cards you have
It's how you play the bad
And if you fold to soon
You may loose something good you had

To put this advise in other words
To say again what it means
Don't ever give up on anything
Especially your dreams

A DREAM OF LOVE

What I want most is what I fear.
The dream I’m supposed to follow I don’t believe in.
I’m not strong enough to hold back that one tear.
There’s too much going on under the skin.
Emotions are conflicting everywhere inside,
Creating a disastrous war.
This pain is my choice to hide.
I forgot who I’m dreaming for.
The skin is just the physical protector,
But what protects the fragile heart,
When the body is just a specter,
And the hurt keeps you far apart?

I don’t deserve what I want,
Yet I’m powerless to stop this dream.
Spirits from my past continue to haunt
And I feel I will never be redeemed.
But this resilient dream is too strong.
Maybe I’ll gain hope once again.
And even though it might be wrong,
It could be worth it, my friend.
So take my hand and come with me.
Together we will face tomorrow.
Although not all dreams come to be,
The dream of love is worth our sorrow.

INSIDE

She's always yearning for something that's not there,
That goes beyond the makeup and hair.
To find the true me,
That even I don't see.
An absence inside her mind,
Hoping oneday somebody will find.
Being insecure,
And her heart is hurt and sore.
Tired of getting put down,
And always leaving the conversation with a frown.
What's the use of trying anymore,
She's just going to find another locked door.
People don't realize how hard it is for me, (she says)
It's just another side that no one else sees.

A MOTHERS QUEST

In Heaven I hope that there will be
A special place for Mothers... We'll see...
Wake up each day, is there time to pray?
Lord, help me get through one more day.
Coffee made, breakfast started
Already my mind and I have parted.
Get them dressed and on their way
Dear Lord, convince me that there is a way.
Eat your lunch, take your nap.
Dear Lord, around me, your arms please wrap.
It's practice time, where's your hat?
And don't forget your baseball bat.
Dinner will be a little late.
Mind yourselves, I'll be home at 8.
Pick up your mess and take your bath.
You really don't want to face Mom's wrath.
Say your prayers. PLEASE! Go to sleep!
(They don't understand that I'm dead on my feet.)
Meals cooked, morning, noon and night
Settling every little fight.
Making it through the daily grind
Trying not to lose my mind.
Help each with work from two different schools
Teach them about life- how not to be fools.
I try each day with all my might
Just to make it through 'til night.
As I lay down upon my bed
So many things run through my head.
What to get this one for her special day?
How to help that one- there's GOT to be a way.
I'm so alone I really feel this way.
Oh, Lord, help me make it through one more day.

DEEP DOWN

As I search deep down inside myself,
For a wholeness I will never know.
I close my eyes and cry,
I start to think of you more and more.
As tears roll down my cheeks,
I ask myself what went wrong.
I love you dearly and always will,
But days, weeks, and months have passed.
But I must move on,
My heart is wounded and still I mourn.
I see you and pass you everyday,
I smile and nod but tread no farther.
I hope that one day we might be able to pass words,
And in many ways I fear what you have to say.

THE ONE!

God took the best thing
That happened to me!
The one woman in my life,
The one that fed me,
The one that clothed me,
The one that sheltered me,
And most of all the one that LOVED ME!
But up in Heaven is her home,
I loved my mom from head to toe,
But I guess up in heaven
The Lord Jesus Christ
Needs the BEST!

CHILD

She doesn't smile,
she doesn't play.
She lies there alone
almost everyday.

Her dark raven hair,
her eyes pale green.
She's the oldest child
I've ever seen.

I watch her and think,
Don't look so sad,
whatever it is,
can't be that bad.

But that's not true,
I learn with my ways,
that sad little girl
is dying of AIDS.

Four long years fighting
a battle she lost.
AIDS is a game
and life is the cost.

She rises with the dawn
of each new day,
hoping it's the one
where she will pass away.

She lies in her bed
and stares up at the sky,
saying, "Please God,
just let me die."

I'VE LOVED YOU FOR SO LONG

Why can't you ever love me,
When I've loved you for so long?
Perhaps you could just try to see
That maybe I belong.

I might bring smiles to fill your day
And words to fill your songs
If only you would come and stay.
I've loved you for so long.

Vainly you search else where to find
The love you everseek.
Touch and take this love of mine,
A love that's yours to keep.

WISTFUL
If I had a million bucks
I'd split it up between us two.
If I could track down lady luck
I'd gladly send her straight to you.
If the world were mine to give
You'd have it on a silver platter.
If I could steal the stars the sky's filled with
They'd shine for you only, no other.
If I could, I'd be your shelter
To make sure you're safe from harm.
And I would be the softest cover
Always there to keep you warm.

MY NEW BEST FRIEND

Today I met a great new friend
Who knew me right away
It was funny how she understood
All I had to say
She listened to my problems
She listened to my dreams
We talked about love and life
She'd been there, too, it seems

I never once felt judged by her
She knew just how I felt
She seemed to just accept me
And all the problems I'd been dealt

She didn't interrupt me
Or need to have her say
She just listened very patiently
And didn't go away

I wanted her to understand
How much this meant to me
But as I went to hug her
Something startled me

I put my arms infront of me
And went to pull her nearer
And realised that my new best friend
Was nothing but a Mirror

WHERE?

Were did my childhood go
Lost in a time of blackness
I do not remember the fun
I do not remember the games
All I see
When I look back to my past
Is a blackness of hatred
A nightmare that hurts
I will never recover
I will never be sane
I am lost in the world
My memories are pain
Were did my chilhood go
I will never be sane

SIGN

This feeling, that is deep inside me,
this feeling that leaves me feeling so sad,
this feeling that makes me feel the world is such a dread,
this feeling that makes me want to sit down and cry,
this feeling that makes me crazy,
that makes me feel like everything is wrong,
that everything is just not right,
I feel so mad, at myself, at him, at everyone,
at all those people who seem to have a perfect life,
all those people, that seem to have what I don't have,
all those people that make my life seem so.......

I can't even say it,
I don't know how to describe this feeling that is in my chest,
Like a big empty space that I can't fill,
a big empty space that hurts, that makes me sad,
makes me want to give up and die.
I need something....hope...that everything will be ok,
I need some sign that tells me that time will get better again,
that I will be happy again, I just need a little sign,
just one, that is all.
I just want to know, that it will be ok,
that my tears will stop and my laughter will follow,
just one sign....God if you are listening please hear me out,
all I ask is for a sign, just one,
please please just one sign...

NO REGRETS

Never regret the things you've done
For when you did them,
it seemed such fun
Now in this place and time
Maybe a new life you've chosen to live
New friends who wouldn't accept the things you did
A new boss whom all your respect and aspirations go
The things in your life would crumble,
if that past life would somehow unfold
Upfront and honest is the way to live your life
Trust in your instincts, have faith in Jesus Christ
And never have uncertainties or feel bad about the things you've done
If they like you now,
they must respect who you were then
Because you were only having a little fun

Why do you shame her and treat her this way?
Sir are you listening or have nothing to say?
Do you think of all the good times?
Do you stay up and cry at night?
Sir why do you hit her, when you know it's not right?

IF YOU ONLY KNEW

If you only knew what you mean to me
The world would be a brighter place to be
Where the sun shines all day long
Where people all play and get along

Only you can put a smile to my face
So soft and pretty, So elegant like lace
Where the flowers grow and everyone knows
That you are a true Angel Face

What would the world be like without you?
So dark and gloomy , where everyone's blue
Where people are glad and people are mad
But without you, I'm only sad

If you only knew.

HURT

A poisoned girl with hate and anger
Who has nothing left to live for
Looking in all the wrong places for love and acceptance
Drowning her pain and sorrow's in alcohol and drugs
Coming to us with broken dreams, and lost hope
Many lovers' she has had
But none who really cared
To them she was just a good lay
Nothin they would kill for
With them she thought she had found the acceptance
But all she found was another pain
She became the holder of another life
She hated to do it
But she knew she couldn't care for another, when she couldn't even care for herself
When she had at last found a love
They looked at her in disbelief
"How could you be like that, so unclean, and un-pure?"
They scream at her
With hate in her heart, and hate all around her
Where does she go to be free, to be happy?
Killing is no longer the answer
Many times she has tried, but failed
No one in this world cares that she is human to
Will they ever understand?
I guess we'll never know
I guess we should finally let go of the hate.

FOREVER
Forever can't always be forever
Rainbows can't always be bright
The day can't last forever
For sometime there has to come night

But a dream can be always
As long as it lasts in you heart
For a dream that you believe in
Will cause your forevers to soon start

POEM OF DEATH
I wake upon this grave I sleep to see my boyfriend bright as day,
he says I love you, miss you, need you, on one knee I never betrayed you,

Heart of love, picture of fight he set it down on the ground I lay,
what happen to thee I do not see, I only have a memory,

Please bless my boyfriend's face for he truthful and grace was not at this place,
the twists and turns then through the mists my memories now do not exist,

My mother screaming my dad in tears and in the hallway the bloody fears,
who did this to thee, we do not see, until we hear I now rest in peace.

FALLING IN LOVE

At night I sleep and think of you,
Why oh why do you make me so blue,
I think of the old days but they have changed,
Why oh why did they go away,

I sit and wonder what you feel,
Why oh why does your smile kill,
Your touch is so soft your voice so sweet,
Why oh why do I fall in deep sleep,

The memories make me break down and cry,
Why oh why can’t I hold it inside,
I want to be a player play then go home,
Why oh why is it so hard to be alone,

No worries for him I wish he could know,
Why oh why can’t he feel my pain deep within my soul,
He can’t feel others and makes fun of the years,
Why oh why does he cause me great tears,

Deep inside I know you care,
Why oh why don’t you let that share,
It’s time to end this story above,
Why oh why did I fall in love.

SORROW

At night I cry myself to sleep and in the day time I just sit and think,
I wish I may ,I wish I might, wish upon thoughts stars tonight,
my wish is always true, a wish I made for me and you

I love you yes, I love you most and only dream about holding you close,
your love is what you mean to me,
a perfect image in my mind that shows me all our good times,

I forgot about thee but still I see you walking down the hall,
I moved on to another body in my soul,
that body dropped my soul did go back to you to make you fall,

You're always in my heart and I'll never forget that spark
but the day I see you, the night I don't,
and only wish I could hold you close.

SECRETS

You said you'd keep my secret safe cause your the only one I told,
but you let it slip to far away that shows how much you know,

My only love I trusted you, you said we keep in touch, no hi, hello,
how are you did I hear for only months,

We made a promise together the night you asked me out to stay as
close as friends just like before we made that vow, you broke that
chain of love, the promise I did keep, I held it in my heart and
only felt my heart break, it shattered on the floor I wish you
would have seen the pain your love caused a sweet thing like me,

Now I only dream of memories and the nights are oh so sad,
I sit and pray you will return to make me oh so glad,

I only wish happiness for who ever you are with
but I hope you know how much I love and care about my closest friend.

CONFUSING VOICES

Voices of sorrow flow through my mind,
Thinking wondering when is the right time,
Feeling loneliness knowing it's true,
Sitting in the darkness without a clue,

Thoughts of evil cross my path,
When I see you I take a glance,
Memories in the past make it seem like it will never last,
Hoping it will come really fast,

Dreamer forever,
Devil below,
Dances in the rain it all seems too slow,
Questions are asked,
Answers are told,
Things are hidden deep in our souls,
Lightning strikes then it all shows,

Words that were said were took to heart,
Actions performed without a spark,
Promises made all around me,
Lying down confusion surrounding,

Softly whispers in the night,
Things are crossing in our minds,
Sitting here wondering why,
Voices of sorrow come alive.

LIFE

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed.
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have.
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you go to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blond, red, black or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everyone else thinks you are
Or how smart standardised tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in
Or how good you are at a sport.
It's not about representing your whole being and see who will accept the written you.
LIFE JUST ISN'T
But life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
Its about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you say and what you mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumours and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgements you pass and why.
And who your judgements are passed to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about fear, jealousy, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner love and hate, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all,
It's about using your life to touch or poison other people's lives
in such a way that could never have occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.


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