Marriage Traditions: Folded Potato Chips, Golf Sex And Other Ideas
By Sheryl Kurland
In his famous song in Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye bellows to Golde “Tradition!” The melody rings easily for many of us and for some, the lyrics slide right off the tongue. While Tevye and Golde found meaning in life by practicing “traditions,” in our age of modern technology and our go-go-go pace of life, traditions are becoming extinct.
What's a "tradition?"
Conversations with couples happily married 50 years or more reveal that “traditions” are a key to their long-lasting, fulfilling love. Husbands and wives convey that traditions are part of the foundation of their relationship, and they enrich and deepen the marital bond.
Long-married couples also say that traditions serve as an anchor, particularly when rough seas are in their midst. During difficult or challenging periods in their marriage, continuing these special practices or rituals have provided the “glue” for their union to remain sturdy. Traditions provided assurance that they were still a partnership journeying through life together.
A simple misunderstanding
Now you may be thinking, “Oh we have plenty of traditions in my family.” Whoa, there. “Family” traditions should not be mistaken for “couple” traditions. Family traditions are easy to come by. Your family may have Christmas rituals at the family feast or when the children open their presents. Or, perhaps, you own a condominium at the beach, where the family migrates during summer weekends. Maybe the family takes karate lessons together one night a week. These are purely “family” traditions; they reinforce the “family” bond. While all are wonderful, they do not qualify as a “couple” bond.
A head-scratching challenge
Step back and ask yourself, “What do my spouse and I do for just the two of us on a regular basis that gives special meaning to our relationship?” If you’re like most couples, you draw a blank!
With our 50% divorce rate and even higher failure rate for subsequent marriages, the advice of our elder generation is worth heeding. Start your own tradition – today.
Now you may be scratching you head, wondering, “What can my husband/wife and I do to create our own tradition?” Although the traditions of Tevye and Golde are relatively outmoded for 2007, there are many opportunities for you and your spouse to create new ones.
Ideas to create your own relationship traditions
The following array of traditions practiced by other couples will help you and your mate spark some ideas for your own relationship:
• Maureen says, “I love ‘folded’ potato chips. When Jerry and I eat potato chips, at home having lunch together or at a restaurant…He never says a word about this…He just smiles, picks out the folded chips, and hands them to me. Each one of those potato chips is a ‘love note.’”
• Mike and Lillian have a rock garden in their backyard landscaping. Every trip they take, they bring home a rock, write on it where it came from and the date, and add it to the rock garden. Over their 60-plus years of marriage, the rock garden has grown substantially; it's a garden of their special memories.
• Harriett and Jeffrey attended the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta a few years ago. They loved the egg-salad sandwiches purchased at the concession! Although they haven’t been back to the tournament, every year, during the weekend of the event, they commemorate it with a picnic with egg-salad sandwiches.
• Robert enjoys golfing and is a mediocre player. His wife gives him great incentive to better himself. For every birdie he makes, she rewards him with a very special love-making session.
• Matt writes a never-ending poem to his wife, Sarah. Every morning, upon rising, he pulls out his pen and paper from his nightstand beside his bed and writes a verse. Over breakfast and coffee, he reads Sarah the new addition to the poem.
• Laura and Gene have a “secret” numerical code that’s engraved on their wedding bands. Laura explains, “We use it in notes, emails, cards, etc. It’s morphed into a secret hand signal that we give each other. He’s in a field where he is sometimes on TV and in front of the public, so he’s given me the signal across a crowd or on TV.”
The clock is ticking
Sit down with your spouse and brainstorm "tradition" ideas that fit your relationship and personalities. Pick one or two and start today. They'll make your relationship more exciting and your bond deeper, better and stronger for years and years to come!
http://www.EverlastingMatrimony.com -- An elegant coffee-table book comprised of interviews with 75 couples married 50 years or longer, husbands and wives speaking separately. Visit the web site and sign up for free, weekly email "relationship" tips from couples married 50-plus years!
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