The Pub

NIKKI K

Where we sit in a corner booth and make fun of the locals

Sami thinks she can see a glimmer of human life in the robot's eyes. Alas, it was just the reflection of the Fourth of July fireworks against his unseeing retina.

Jennifer demonstrates the art of tantric elbow massage on a very pleased Jack.

Since there really wasn't much of a SHOW this week, what with all the flashbacks and Wimbledon preemptions and all, I thought I would find some great pictures for the Photo Bin. So I did what I thought was an efficient image search for "Days of our Lives". Have you ANY IDEA what qualifies as DOOL pics? Let me enlighten and fascinate you.

I found the following images when I typed "Days of Our Lives" into the search string:

A) Does anyone remember this guy? Didn't think so. "Franco Kelly", aka Sami's now very dead fiance. You know, the one Lucas shot and then basically made everyone think that Sami did it. What a very noble thing to do.

B) A picture of Cookie Monster, complete with #1 hit song title "C is for Cookie". Did anyone ever notice, however, that none of the cookies would actually end up in his mouth? Perhaps that's cause it was SEWN SHUT.

C) This picture entitled (and I kid you not) "Boring photo of rolled up newspaper". The caption is ten times more dull than the picture itself!

D) Oh yes, that's John Stamos (aka Uncle Jesse from Full House). Where's Rebecca, John? Oh, that's right...probably somewhere DOING JERRY O'CONNELL. You know, the former fat kid from "Stand By Me"? Ha.

E) I don't know what "Days of our lives" and "Worker Dead at desk for five days" have in common. But I'm intrigued (and horrified)) to say the least. Come on, co-workers! There must have at least been a slight odor or some flies or something.

F) Saddam Hussein....fresh out the hole! This actually had the caption "Days of our lives" underneath it. Maybe for YOU, Saddam, but that's sure not what MY days are like!

I did find some other interesting actual DOOL pictures (you know of characters and stuff), but I'll post them in the Photo Bin section for your viewing pleasure.

Galore

Carrie tries to take a quiet walk, but she can't shake the feeling that she is being watched.

The gloved hand demonstrates a crowd favourite shadow puppet: the human heart

Hello friends and DOOL-lovers! I haven't been watching much lately, what with all the working and housework and wedding planning and such (Oh, who am I kidding?...I'm just drunk at the beach trying not to turn into a melanoma). However, from the few shows I HAVE watched over the past couple of weeks, this is what I have pieced together. Facts, schmacts, you might say. Screw you, then. You don't have to read it (Ed. note: Actually, please do. We enjoy when people such as yourselves visit our website and then tell all their friends about it. It gives us a sense of power. Delicious, delicious power.)

Fact 1: Escaping a jail sentence hasn't changed this girl one little iota. She's still being a skank. And a poodle haired one at that. That is the WORST KIND OF SKANK!

Fact 2: This man is yummy. I would gladly hold his sweat towel at the gym, and perhaps he would return the favor in the locker room showers.

Fact 3: This picture illustrates her true feelings about "Pukas": "Why the HELL did I marry this boring rich kid? I mean Austin's boring too, but at least we had chemistry. Plus, Lucas' appendage is TINY in comparison......"

Fact 4: I would let these two work on my car. They are the two hottest wrench jockeys of all time. Although they may not get a lot done with Chel-slut being all up in their greasy faces all the time.

Fact 5: Mimi needs to not wear so much makeup. She should use my "Glam-o-meter" to decide where and when that kind of make up is called for.

FACT 6:"But I took a home pregnancy test...it was POSITIVE! How could I never have been pregnant?" There are SO many things wrong with this storyline...not so much ethically as technically and MEDICALLY. I won't bore you with jargon. However, I loved the line "My OB/GYN didn't want to see me until 10 weeks (gestation)". Firstly, if she wasn't even supposedly 10 weeks yet, why did EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG keep saying...."Gee, Carrie....why aren't you showing yet?" You don't show until like 4-ish months or so. Unless you're a heifer and eating a lot. Then your other baby starts to show: Cellulite. And secondly, why doesn't Carrie just drop the "lettery OBGYN" crap and just call it what every self respecting woman does: "The COOCHIE DOCTOR".

Perfect for:
A night of clubbing and drinking.
A girl's night in, doing the spa thing.
Hallowe'en.
A special event, or gala.

Not so perfect for:
Getting your eggs harvested at University hospital.
Getting ready for your shower in the morning.
Confessing your sins to Father Jansen.
Getting a hasty abortion.

See? It's an easy step-by-step guide to not looking like a ho bag!

Which leads us to the moral of the story and fact 7: Never EVER watch Nascar.

Nascar Phil before

Nascar Phil after

Fact 8: I see Aust-dumb is still deep in thought since last I watched.

Fact 9: My stupid VCR (yes I said VCR...Tivo is for rich bastards) is acting up and will only rewind in play mode...so basically I watch the show backwards without sound FIRST and then forward WITH sound after. And guess what? IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME, my friends!

GALORE