Top Ten Things to do with a Chakrum
10. Just hold and look dangerous
9. Balance on finger
8. Magic tricks!
7. It's a picture frame
6. Back-scratcher
5. Use as a hat
4. It's a pond skipping stone!
3. Use as a veggie cutter
2. Frisbee!
1. -Censored-

Xena's Top Ten Reasons to go Fishing!
10. Cause the world can save itself for one day without you
9. Who needs a reason?
8. So you can save Gab from drowning and give her mouth-to-mouth
7. Yum, seafood
6. This space intentionally left blank
5. As an excuse to get all wet in very skimpy outfits to attract male viewers
4. For fun
3. It's fish, who doesn't love fish?
2. The power... the passion... the danger
1. There are lots of reasons, but obsession has nothing to do with it

Top Six Reasons why most Xena Top Ten Lists don't have a number Six
6. This list has no #6 for no reason
5. Cheap way to have one less number to write
4. Because 6 is "evil"
3. Mass Evil Warlord Conspiracy
2. Because Xenites can't count
1. How should I know? Most of my lists have a #6

Top Ten Songs Xena and Gab listen to when they aren't saving the world
10. REM- It's the end of the world (Ok, so maybe they listen to this while saving the world)
9. Metallica- For Whom the Bell Tolls, ok I just can't help myself, it's the name of an episode (but you all knew that...)
8. Nirvana- Here she comes now (Miss Amphibolis), hehe, ok, ok, I promise I'll stop
7. Live- They Stood Up for Love, note: subtext-friendly song
6. U2- Sunday, bloody sunday, Just strikes me as a Xena song, EVIL Xena song ;)
5. Bush- A Tendency to Start Fires (Oh, wait, that's Callisto's favorite song)
4. Metallica- Wherever I may Roam, not much to do with anything but they sure do roam alot....
3. Eric Clapton- Change the World ("Her courage will change the world")
2. Blue Oyster Cult- Don't Fear the Repear, cause let's face it, death in the Xenaverse is sooo temporary
1. Girls just want to have fun, I've so gotta stop writing these late at night....

Zeplerfer's Top Ten Excuses for Writing Bad Top Ten lists
10. Devil made me do it
9. Xena cut off the flow of blood to my brain!
8. Distracted by Shiny object
7. Had Henbane
6. Is evil
5. Possessed
4. Went cross-eyed, again...
3. Too busy being Lazzzy
2. Angered New Gab, is now residing in dungeon
1. The Voices Said So!

Top Ten Changes if Xena ruled the World
10. New Zealand changed to New Xealand
9. National Languge? Kiwi...
8. Henbane legalized... hehe
7. Every day is an adventure, as compared to the boring lives we currently lead
6. Number 6 banned from Kingdom
5. End of crucifiction as excution method, too many painful memories
4. Start of new excution method: Herc reruns, over and over and over
3. Two Words: Bardic Immunity
2. Just to keep life interesting, everyone has to change their hair color once every season
1. She'd destroy Nebraska! Yay! (I'm from the middle of nowhere... aka nebraska... trust me, it needs to be destroyed...)

Top Ten Reasons For Xena to destroy Nebraska
10. Most Nebraskans don't see the subtext
9. Most Nebraskans don't even watch Xena!
8. Most Nebraskans are ultra-right conservatives who think Gab and Xena's relationship is Evil
7. And they think that the fact that it has Greek Gods in it is Blasphemy(They want to see Xena burned at the stake...)
6. Only thing nebraska does right, no number 6...
5. Nebraska has nothing to live for...
4. Two Words: Amendment 416 (The amendment that banned Gay marriages)
3. Hicks, please, get rid of all the hicks!
2. Well, there is lots of moonshine, imagine how well it would burn... ~smiles evily~
1. The world would be much improved if Nebraska was removed from the face of the earth

Top Ten Signs it's Halloween in the Xenaverse
10. Polls on whether the site owner should go as Gab or Xena...
9. Pumpkins with ying-yangs carved on them
8. Ying-yangs on sites are now orange and black...
7. Who needs ghost stories when we have Joxer stories?
6. Xena's line: Treat or I put the pinch on you!
5. Did they even have Halloween in ancient Greece?
4. Hmm, go as witch, warlord or as Callisto?
3. Outfit of choice: Hope's Blood-Red Demon-Cult coat...
2. Xena's war-cry changed to "Gimme-Candy-Gimme-Candy!"
1. Xenites coming out into the "real world" to show off their favorite characters costumes in a socially acceptable way...

Top Ten Bumber-stickers Inspired by XWP
10. For the last time, I don't need a pychiatrist!
9. Evil and proud of it
8. In my past life I was a sexy blue-eyed warrior
7. Today is such a beautiful day for a bloodbath...
6. I brake for Centaurs
5. Bite Me (The bacchae's favorite...)
4. The last person who called me that spent eternity in 5 pieces...
3. Subtext = Maintext
2. Warning: Psychotic Blonde Driver
1. Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi!

Top Ten Things that Piss New Gab Off
10. Tapert
9. Any boy-interests of the girls
8. People who don't sign the guestbook (hint, hint)
7. How the show ended
6. Tapert
5. Hicks (But I just said that above didn't I?)
4. Scenes without Gabrielle!
3. Tapert
2. All episodes that in some way insult Gabrielle
1. And can you guess... Tapert! (Hey, the title did warn you I'm obsessed...)

Top Ten Costumes Xenites Wear For Halloween
10. Rabid Bunnies!
9. Who goes trick or treating when there's Xena to watch?
8. As Xenites (Give me Candy or I hurt you!)
7. As a Chakram
6. Ninjas... with chakrams!
5. Witches aka Alti
4. Bitc**s aka Levia/Eve (Very scary...)
3. Tapert (Even scarier than Levia/Eve)
2. As Xena
1. As Gabrielle (Gab was put at #1 instead of Xena so NewGab doesn't hurt me... Also, easier costume to make, just take a sports bra and dye it green, voila!)

Top Ten Dishes Xena and Gab Eat for Thanksgiving
10. S'Mores! (Not exactly Thanksgiving, but hey, with all the campfires they have...)
9. Cranberry Stuffed Trout (Yum...)
8. Eels sliced with a Chakram for that crisp, deadly taste
7. Turnips (Click here for clarification, Warning: Subtext)
6. The Horde's Dish-O-Suprise...
5. Chakram Cookies!
4. Slashed Potatoes, chopped with a sword for that "Kill Me Now!" taste...
3. Fish: sliced, diced, chopped, baked, fried, it's all good...
2. Pumpkin Pie, cause what's Thanksgiving without Pie?
1. And you guessed it, henbane-laced nutbread!

Top Ten Things Xena and Gab Do on a Rainy Day
10. Play charades
9. Play in the rain
8. Bubble bath!
7. Read Gab's scrolls
6. Eat Nutbread!
5. Curl up in their bedroll and keep warm
4. Wink wink, nudge nudge...
3. Watch as Gab's outfit shrinks another inch (She really needs preshrunk outfits...)
2. Have Xena invent the umbrella
1. Did I mention playing in the rain?

Top Ten Things Gab says at Solstice Time
10. Fruitcake? But I wanted Nutbread!
9. What I want for Solstice is an outfit that will actually keep me warm!
8. Hey Argo, want some fruitcake?
7. Xena! (What, you thought she stopped saying it at Solstice time?)
6. Gee Joxer, another really skimpy outfit, how thoughtful...
5. Snowball fight!
4. Get your hands off my nutbread!
3. I love you Xena
2. Eve, give me a present by shutting up!
1. Yay! Nutbread!!

Top Ten Ways to Kill Akemi
10. Make her listen to Eve go on and on and on about Eli's message
9. Does it really matter so long as she dies?
8. Make her watch barney constantly until she turns into a vegtable
7. Battle to the death with Eve (Perferably both of their deaths...)
6. Unleash hampsters with sharp toothpicks upon her!
5. Give her to the anti-lesbian people who hate WXP, they'd give her a painful death...
4. Make her into an arrow pincusion!
3. Can you say crucifixion?
2. Toss her into a pit of lava! (Can you tell we hate Akemi?)
1. Cut off her head!

Top Ten Resolutions of XWP Characters
10. Eve: I will not be a total b*tch, however I will continue to annoy all, after all, I gotta take this one step at a time...
9. Joxer: I will not come back from the dead. (Yay!)
8. Callisto: I will come back from the dead and kill Eve, that damn goody-2-shoes me... (Yay!)
7. Hope: I'll get a better wig (Evil has to be beautiful you know)
6. Argo: Neigh!
5. Auto: I will not steal everything that I see, I'll just steal everything
4. Borias: I'll get rid of my crazy accent!
3. Akemi: I'll.. ack please don't kill me! Noooo! Ahhhh....!
2. Xena: I will not die, I will not die, I will not... oh shit!
1. Gab: I'll get a complete shirt (Nooo!)

Top Ten Reasons NewGab doesn't Write Top Ten Lists
10. She'd rather read fanfic
9. She's busy trying to write fanfic
8. Like we need more top ten lists?
7. She does, but they get lost among all the fanfic
6. #6 was a very logical reason, but logic isn't allowed on this page
5. Why torture the poor visitors even more when I'm doing such a good (bad) job of it?
4. She'd rather curse the producers
3. It all stems from listening to bad top ten lists as a child...
2. She found a Gabrielle picture to stare at
1. Like everything else in the Xenaverse, there are no good reasons.

Top Ten April Fool's Day Tricks Xena and Gab Play on Each Other
10. Gabrielle dyes Argo a bright pink
9. Xena dyes the BGSB... any color other then bilious green ;)
8. Gabrielle pretends she's in love with Joxer
7. Xena pretends her and Gab are "just friends"
6. Gabrielle replaces the chakram with a coiled eel
5. Xena slips said coiled eel into Gab's (and hers too) bedroll
4. Gabrielle preforms the usual "OMG, is that Callisto AGAIN? Hah! Made you look!" trick
3. Xena preforms the usual "OMG, Gabrielle... your eyebrows actually match!" trick
2. Gabrielle tells Xena she's going to become a Hestian Virgin
1. Xena says she will too :)

Top Ten Signs You've Been Bespelled by a Goddess
10. Weird things start happening (Course that could just be a sign you're life is a tv show since a tv show about real life would be about people watching tvs)
9. Goddesses start falling out of the sky
8. Time repeats (Could be a sign you're in the reruns... again)
7. You've recently bugged, insulted, or otherwise annoyed a goddess
6. Squirrels start talking to you (No, I'm not crazy. Yes, I read too much fanfic.)
5. Normal people start acting crazy
4. Crazy people start acting normal
3. The producers are using lots and lots of funky special effects
2. That "Zapp"-ing noise
1. You take a sudden interest in fish, femmes, or gemmes.

Top Ten Disturbing Winter Sights in the Xenaverse
10. Callisto creating a snow man... and then burning it!
9. Argo with reindeer antlers glued unto her head and the ornaments hanging from them (she's *not* a happy horse)
8. The way everyone pretends that "winter solstice" isn't just a little trick of the producers to sneak christmas into the program. (Now, I know they aren't known for historical accuracy, but winter solstice is really more of a Celtic/Gaulic sort of thing while the Romans would have celebrated Saturnalia and the Greeks one of the birthdays of their many hero-gods)
7. Joxer's poem-gift to Gabrielle (Begins "As cold as snow thou art to me, but I shall warm thy frosty heart..." and then gets much, much worse)
6. Eve giving Eli a birthday party, because you just know his birthday is December 25... *eye roll* (this goes under disturbing sights because a b-day party for a 30 something man is very disturbing, hell, Eve is pretty disturbing just on her own)
5. Eve ;)
4. All the crosses hanging around (they give Xena and Gab very bad memories)
3. The naughty "Mrs. Claus" lingerie that Xena gave Gab
2. Pregnant Xena in said lingerie. *shudder*
1. Joxer with a mistletoe stuck to the top of his helmet/pan

Top Ten Most Likely to be Returned Gifts
10. Hope: Barbie dolls, with the exception of Grim Reaper Barbie
9. Callisto: the book "Reducing Pyromaniacal Tendencies for Dummies." Of course, she wouldn't return it, she'd burn it ;) She would however keep "How to Win Friends and Kill your Enemies" but she'd only read the second section
8. Argo: anything that isn't an apple
7. Joxer: a joker's outfit. Very funny Gab.
6. Ares: Anything pink
5. Aphrodite: Anything that *isn't* pink
4. Auto: a nose hair trimmer. Hehe.
3. Eve: a Skeptic's annotated Bible or a Jesus... I mean Eli Barbie
2. Xena: a fishing rod. She appreciates the sentiment, but that's just not her style
1. Gab: a regular shirt. Of course, it's Xena who'd be doing the returning ;)

Top Ten Reasons Why the Cast of XWP Would Have Put on a Better Half-Time Show
10. Well, it wouldn't have had "P Diddy", isn't that reason enough?
9. I don't know, I didn't actually watch the half-time show
8. Callisto wouldn't have worn the flag she would have burned it!
7. Lucy can actually sing unlike some other people
6. There would invisible sixes all over the stage
5. Argo! Watch her sing her own duet!
4. Gabrielle would show off her warrior skills (and abs) and Xena would suddenly become a hippie and Argo would launch her singing career in a punk rock band called BGSB and oh wait that's the plot to my next fanfic... (pretend this never happened, which I'm sure you're doing anyway)
3. Half-naked women (and men) fighting
2. Did I mention they were in leather?
1. If Lucy flashes an audience she does it right ;)
0. Free nutbread (the good kind) for all!

Everything I Ever Need to Know I Learned From XWP

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