The Universal Nintendo Game Manual [Uncovered from the failed concept file buried deep within the corporate filing system of Nintendo] Congratulations, Nintendo game owner! We applaud your choice in purchasing one of the many (circle one) fantastic/mind-blowing/super-neato games developed for the Nintendo console system. Since many game owners tend to lose individual game manuals, we've taken the liberty of creating this simple universal game manual. Think of it like a universal remote. We feel that this will answer all your Nintendo game questions. Have fun and enjoy your (circle one) RPG/Fighting/Racing/Shooting/Pokemon game. Getting Started: Plug cartridge into the cartridge slot. Now remove cartridge and blow dust from inside to make game work. Turn Power On Turn Power off, go back to store, and buy memory pack Turn Power On Understanding the controls: Button A - This button attacks, shoots or throw things. Use often Button B - This button special attacks, reloads, and uses inventory. Use Sparingly C-Buttons - These buttons control camera angles and side stepping. Most often used in tight situations to cause annoying deaths. Shoulder buttons - These buttons rarely attack or shoot. Use only in the case of extreme emergency. Vibration - If you feel your controller shaking either you failed to read the epilepsy warning, or the Rumble Pak is operating correctly. Know your enemies: If it's cute - Jump on its head If it has fire - avoid it If it has spikes - Don't jump on its head If it talks - It is a boss. Do whatever makes it angry three times. If it has a gun - Shoot it Know your power-ups: If it has a picture of your character - Free Life If it is a coin, or a coin-like object - Collect 100 for free lives and prizes If it has a question mark on it - Don't ask questions If it talks - It is not a power-up (See Storyline explanation) Know your levels: If it's a moving platform, jump on it and ride to the next platform If it's shaking, jump on it and jump off quickly If it's locked, find more stars/coins/monkeys If it's inclined, prepare to do some sliding Know your hazards: If it's lava, stay away (jumping fire creatures) If it's water, go swimming (watch for killer fish) If it's ice, start sliding (watch for penquins) If it's a cave, go exploring (watch for bats and dragons) Know your visuals: If it's fuzzy, your GameCube Unit is operating within design specifications. If it's blurry, it's a feature If it's high resolution, beware of slowdown. Know your codes: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, A, B, Select, Start. (This is the only code you will ever need to know.) Know your storyline: The evil bad guy has stolen a princess (or secret satellite info). You must kill hundreds of weak bad guys and a succession of ever-tougher bosses to reach a massive but disappointing final boss in order to rescue the princess and/or satellite info. Know your Nintendo News: If Nintendo makes a news announcement, it is simply lying (See countless Nintendo Press releases for example) If Nintendo sets a release date, add two years (See original Nintendo launch dates for example) If Nintendo promises a big announcement, suspect Pokemon/Game Boy non-news (See latest Spaceworld news for example) We hope you enjoy your new Nintendo game.
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