Let�s start with the smallest creatures living in Middle Earth: the wonderful, life-loving Hobbits! This guide to the creation of the perfect hobbity boyfriend is brought to you by hobbit specialist and Shire expert Wendy, also known as Dee.

Feet: Large, hairy feet are probably the most important distinguised feature of the hobbits. A hobbit without them would be�erm�a small, naked feeted hobbit, which is utterly impossible, of course! Therefore the first bits of work are needed on this particular part of the hobbit anatomy. There are several different ways to get your boyfriend the Feet. First of all there�s the plaster method. Plaster is widely available, which is great, but the result would feel unnaturally hard and rough. Besides, the patient, erm, I mean boyfriend, would have a pretty hard time getting rid of it plus it would give the widely known broken-leg-idea.
Prosthetics made of paper or cardboard would fall apart during long walks and they would get soggy in rainstorms and snow, depending on how real you want to make your own version of LOTR. Of course there�s the final solution: breaking in at WETA workshop and stealing a pair of the one and only Feet. Even better would be to kidnap a fully dressed up Elijah Wood and take his pair, but then you would be having a hobbit under your spell already and this helpful piece of writing would be unnecesary.

Ears: Hobbits have pointy ears, although they are most of the time hidden under a bunch of unruly curls. �Course you can use the ol� knife trick but then it�d be impossible to change the shape in the future. Perhaps some work of your own imagination is needed in this case�

Hair: Since hobbits have long, curly locks and most modern men haven�t, there is probably needed some work here, too. Hair extensions and other helpful ways to make the hair longer are easily available at your local barbershop. Surely you can forbid your man to have his hair cut for about 1 � years but the chance is small that he will keep to it. When he finally has long hair (variating from a little past the ears to shoulder length) a perm is needed to get the original hobbity mob. It will be easiest to tie your boyfriend to a chair or bed during the procedure, he will possibly not like the idea to walk around a pub with his new hairdo.

Clothing: A hobbit�s clothes always appear slightly too small. Go shopping at the kids section in your local departmentstore or try to create something with fabric and needle yourself. The colours used for this are brown, green, grey and some other natural tinge. Cotton, wool, linen or any other back-to-basic looking fabric is good to use. Get yourself a few sheep for the wool, it will save you a lot of money.

Size: Pretty hard to do this one without the help of plastic surgery.

Shape: Hobbits are pretty sturdy so you must get your boyfriend to eat like a madman. Is he not able to gain the weight? Stuff five packs of cotton wool under his clothes and nobody will see the difference.

So, if you�ve followed all of the above instructions you will probably have a pretty realistic looking hobbit boyfriend now. Do you want him to be a hobbity character? Read these tips!

Frodo: blue, blue, blue contact lenses are essential. You might even consider an operation to get these unearthly eyes. Buy him a golden ring which speaks the Black Tongue and is able to make him disappear. Create a Sting which glows blue when orcs are near. Make sure he looks scared all the time for the right Frodo effect.

Sam: Pans. Loads and loads of pans tied to his back. Train him on saying �Mister� to even his closest friends. Let him fall in love with a pony named Bill. Get him eavesdropping near your neighbours house in the middle of the night.

Merry: Let him walk around eating an apple all the time. Get some fireworks (do NOT give them to him inside a building!). Teach him how to get his little cousins into trouble. Show him how to look angry all the time.

Pippin: Only for the not so intellectual ones. Get him a long, dirty looking scarf and make him wear it all the time. Explain him how to throw corpses down wells at every possible occasion. Let him talk about breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, supper.

Coming Soon! How to change your boyfriend into an Elf!