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Setting is a pub scene. Penny and Lindsay are sitting down looking really miserable. Bob comes over with the drinks/lager looking miserable, too. He sits down, and as soon as he does, "the three new people" run in (Ewan, Damien, and Ben). They are joking around, and just being immature and stuff, and no one has noticed them come in. They all stop simultaneously, and look at Bob, Lindsay and Penny. Bob, Lindsay and Penny all sigh. They haven't touched their drinks.)

Damien: What's up? You all look like utter shit!
Penny: (Looks lazily at him) Mmmph.
Lindsay: I'm so bored! I just feel something vital is missing...
Ben: Cigarettes?
Lindsay: No. I don't even feel like one. (Lights up a cigarette without realising it)
Ewan.: Then why are you lighting one...?
Lindsay: 'Cause I feel like one!
Damien: Right...
Penny: Ugh, I'm going home. I have marking to do. Hopefully... Coming, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Yeah, why not... Bye everyone.
(All mumble 'bye' and 'see ya')
(Penny and Lindsay just look at each other and sigh miserably, then leave.)
Ewen: What was wrong with them, Bob?
Bob: I really don't know. Look, sorry to leave you like this, but I've... Uhh... Got to go as well... Bye.
(They don't bother to say goodbye. He shrugs and leaves)
Damien: (Kind of shocked voice) who wants a drink?

Scene changes to Penny and Lindsay in their house, watching T.V., looking bored. There is faint music coming out of the telly, and then laughing. Lindsay switches it off.

Penny: Hey! I was watching that.
Lindsay: No you weren't. You were staring into space.
Penny: Well if I was, so were you!
Lindsay: No, I wasn't. I was thinking.
Penny: (Rolls eyes and mumbles) For once...
Lindsay: I think I'm missing... Not something, but someone...
Penny: That fat guy off TV?
Lindsay: No... I don't know, it feels like I shouldn't really miss them, but I do, and I can't remember whom. Ohh, this is going to annoy me...
Penny: An old student?
Lindsay: (Clicks fingers is remembrance) BRIAN AND KURT! That's IT! I... (Shocked, as if she doesn't know why) I miss them...
Penny: Don't we all. I wish they were still alive.
Lindsay: What actually happened?
Penny: I think it was a car crash. Matt was driving.
Lindsay: But he's a really safe driver!
Penny: Yeah, but he got hit on the side. By a big lorry. Fell over a high edge on a road. They only found his body...
Lindsay: (getting up) I'm going to bed... (Wipes eyes as she leaves)
Penny sniffs and cries, but silently.

Scene changes to the road, next day. It's the bit near the school where you see everyone walking, and Simon (Series 1, 2 and a bit of 3) riding his bike. There are school children everywhere, and just being normal. It's wet and dull, and Penny and Lindsay are walking all wrapped up. The song playing is Basket Case by Green Day. The beginning lyrics are: Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything allowance. Penny and Lindsay cross the road, and continue walking. The camera is now facing their backs, and there is a note (like a "Kick Me" note) on Lindsay's back saying 'Wednesday'.

Short scene change to them walking through the gates, and the normal "SUMMER" of the "SUMMERDOWN" has been pulled off, and above the "DOWN" and "SCHOOL" there is a little ^ with "WITH" spray-painted on.

Music has faded out by now. Scene cut to the staff room, and Ben is about to drink from the "I (heart) MY TEA" mug. Penny and Lindsay come in, and notice.

Lindsay: (Shrieking) Don't drink from that!
Ben: But I always drink from this mug.
Penny: Not any more! (Snatches mug, and put it in her bag)
Ben: Err, Penny, there was TEA in that mug.
Penny: Oh, fuck! (Brings out bedraggled soaking wet books)
Damien: (titters) How come you are so uptight about that mug?
Lindsay: (quietly) It was Kurt's...
Damien: What? Speak up!
Lindsay: (louder) It was Kurt's!
Ewan: Who's?
Penny: You didn't know him. He was a teacher before you, and then... he died.
Ewan: Was he really old?
Penny: No.
Lindsay: Car crash. Don't want to talk about it.

(Carol comes is clapping)
Clare: Attention please.
(Talking continues)
Clare: ATTENTION!
(All silent)
Clare: Thank you. I'm afraid to say that today is the year 8's field trip to... Somewhere... So many teachers will be unable to teach their lessons, and you will all have to take some extra cover. Well, not all. Liz has drawn up the cover plan for today, so if you have any queries, bug her not me. That is all. (She leaves)
Damien: I hope I don't get any cover... (Liz hands him a cover plan) Ohh, shit!
Lindsay and Penny both take their sheets, and pull disappointed faces.
Lindsay: Oh no! I've got to cover 8F!
(Penny snickers)
(Lindsay glares at her, and picks up her bag and leaves)

Scene changes to the end of school. Damien, Ben and Ewan are all walking through the car park.

Lindsay: Pub, Penny?
Penny: Yeah, I suppose.
Damien: Though don't be so boring today!
Penny: What's that supposed to mean?
Ben: Well, you just left the other day, without an explanation. Well, see ya!
(They walk/drive off (don't know how they get to and from pub and school)
Penny and Lindsay gabber on, and their words are drowned out by Sum 41's The Hell Song (part of the sound-track, not anyone's stereo or anything). The scene switches to them still walking (but closer to the pub) and the music is still playing, then suddenly the music screeches to a halt and:
Lindsay: (screech) Look Penny! It's Brian!!
Penny: Don't be daft, Lindsay, they're gone now.
Lindsay: No, look, over there, in that car! That's him!
(Penny looks, and the camera looks with her. It's just a tall, pale bloke wearing a tracksuit, and looks a bit like Brain)
Penny: Lindsay, he looks LIKE Brian, but it's NOT Brain. I'm sorry, Lind-
Lindsay: And there's Kurt!
(Penny looks again, and so does the camera. A short Asian man in a black fleece is walking on the opposite side of the road)
Penny: Wow, that's weird...
(They continue walking down the road, and Save Ferris' Nobody But Me comes on (Save Ferris are a Ska band, so there are trumpets and saxophones, and it's quite lively music) and they start to see Brain and Kurt look-a-likes everywhere, but some are Asian and really tall, and some are pale and tracksuit wearing and small, etcetera. They reach the pub, and go inside.)
Ewan: It's your round, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Where's Bob?
Damien: Said he had "urgent business" to attend to.
Penny: Ah. Just a half please, Lindsay, I have marking to do.
Lindsay: Me too, actually. I can't really be bothered with alcohol at the moment.
Penny: Then what are we doing here?
Lindsay: Let's go, then!
Damien: (As they leave) hold on, what about our pint?

Scene changes to Penny and Lindsay walking just somewhere. It's quite dark, but we can still see them and everything. Song: Driftwood, by Travis.
Penny: I don't actually have any marking to do, you know.
Lindsay: Me neither. Do you want to visit the graves?
Penny: Yeah, we can, if you want.

Scene changes to the graveyard. Penny had two roses, a black and a red, and Lindsay has a white. They put them on Kurt, Brian, and Matt's graves (in no particular order).
Lindsay: It's hard to believe they're gone...
Penny: Not really. We all heard it, didn't we?
Lindsay: That doesn't necessarily mean it's true...
Penny: What do you mean?
Lindsay: Well, say if I said you were having an affair with someone, it wouldn't have to be true, would it? I could just be lying. But then again, the rumours about you having an affair with someone are nearly always true.
Penny: Humph. Well, I can see your point, but who would be so sick as to lie about Kurt and Brian's death?
Lindsay: Someone who was jealous, maybe...

Scene switches rapidly to Carol, lighting black candles in a black bedroom, with a really satanic grin on her face. That horror music (that kind of goes "De de de de!" then higher and higher, and is played by violins) is playing, and there are pictures of Kurt everywhere. Scene fast switches back to the graveyard again. Lindsay and Penny are in exactly the same positions as before, but shocked.

Penny: You don't think...
Lindsay: Carol?
A dark figure approaches them from behind. The camera is behind the figure, and Lindsay and Penny are just talking worriedly. Lindsay and Penny notice, and stop talking. The camera is still behind the female.
Penny: (squints) Susan?
Susan: (surprised) Penny?
Lindsay: (bewildered) What?

Scene cuts to Susan's house. She is not living at Jenny's house any more, just somewhere else. Penny and Lindsay are on the sofa, and Susan is on another chair.

Susan: So, Penny, how did you hear Brain and Kurt's death?
Penny: I heard they died in a car crash, and Matt was driving.
Susan: That's what I heard. But I don't think that's right, you know. Matt was such a good driver; it doesn't seem like him to crash.
Lindsay: They were hit by a lorry, and then fell over a cliff edge.
Susan: But then only found Matt's body...
Lindsay: When you put it that way, if does seem kind of unbelievable.
Penny: What was Matt doing driving with Kurt and Brain any way? He wasn't that friendly with them.
Susan: They only found Kurt and Brian's wallets. They didn't have necessarily had to be in the car. They might have only left their wallets in there.
Penny: Or Matt stole them.
Lindsay: So, the big question- what really happened to Brian and Kurt?

Scene switches to Penny and Lindsay walking home.

Lindsay: She's really nice.
Penny: She had the tolerance of a Goddess.
Lindsay: So what do you think really happened?
Penny: Well, maybe if-
(Two men jump out from an alleyway in bright clothes, and grab Lindsay and Penny, muffling their screams.)
First man: (gruffly) Shut up!
Second man: Don't you recognise up?
They let go. We don't see who they are (because camera is facing their backs), but we see one is tall, with black hair and the other is short also with black hair. Lindsay and Penny both squeal with delight, and hug them. The camera switches to the girls' backs, so we see whom the two men are.
Kurt: Y'see! I told you they would miss us. Pay up.
Brian: Can I pay you in lager?
(Kurt grins at Brian)
Kurt: No chance, mate.
(Brian grins back)
Scene switches to Penny and Lindsay's house. Kurt and Brian on the sofa, and Kurt is asleep on Brian's shoulder.
Penny: Where have you been? Everyone thought you were dead!
Brian: Dead? What?
Lindsay: There was a car crash. Matt was driving. They found his body, but only your wallets.
Brian: Ah, that was Kurt's fault. He forgot to pick them up. So Matt's dead?
Penny: Yeah.
Brian: Shit...
Penny: But what were your wallets doing in his care anyway?
Brian: We went on our annual holiday, but our car broke down, so Matt offered us a lift to the airport. We got on the plane, and Kurt realised he'd forgotten to pick up our wallets, 'cause we had to pay Matt for petrol, the tight bastard, and the woman on the plane wouldn't let us off.
Lindsay: So, where have you been for the past God knows how many months.
Brian: Since we had no money, we had to earn it in a restaurant. Neither of us knew any Spanish, apart from 'yes', so it was hard work. But we managed to earn enough to get home. We came home about an hour ago, got the bus from the airport, and tried to get in out flat. The bloody door's locked, and barred, so we came to yours, and met you half way.
Penny: We'll have to phone Susan.
Lindsay: We'll have to phone everyone!
Brian: Yeah, but first can we get some kip?
Penny: (disgusted) What, here?
Lindsay: Of course!
Brian: Thanks. We'll just sleep on the sofa
Penny: What, together?
Brian: (Worriedly) Correction, I'LL sleep on the sofa.
(He shoves Kurt off)
Brian: Get off, you lazy twat!
Kurt: (mumbling) What the fuck?
Lindsay: Good night boys!
Both: Night.
(Penny and Lindsay leave)
Kurt: Shove up, mate.
Brian: I'm sleeping on the couch. You've got the floor.
Kurt: Ah, no chance! Ah, come on, Bri, that's not fair.
Brian: Tough. Piss off.
(He lies down on the couch, but is curled up. Kurt thinks for a moment, then leaps on the sofa, on the opposite end to Brian.
Kurt: Night.
Brian: (Sighs) Night.

(All fades to black)

(All fades to light again to represent morning)

(Lindsay enters the room, in a silk dressing gown. Camera is behind her)
Lindsay: (yawning) C'mon boys, breakfast.
(They don't reply. The camera is still behind her, so we cannot see the front of the sofa, only the back of it)
Lindsay: Come on! Breakfast.
(still no reply)
(Lindsay walks over to the sofa. The camera follows her, and eventually we see Brian and Kurt curled up together on the sofa)
Lindsay: (punches Brian's shoulder) Up! Now!
Brian: What the fuck?
Lindsay: Sorry to spoil your 'moment'.
Brian: Oh, fuck off. (He pushes Kurt off, and he rolls onto the floor, still asleep)
Brian: Why the hell are we up so fucking early?
Lindsay: School.
Kurt: (Moans) We can't.
Lindsay: (demanding) Why not?
Kurt: We've only got our holiday clothes. We can't really come to school in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts, can we?
Lindsay: Well... You could always borrow some of mine?
Brian: They'd all be far too big!
Lindsay glares at him and growls.
Kurt: I'm not wearing women's clothes!
Brian: Why not? You have before.
Kurt: I was DRUNK.
Brain: Didn't seem drunk to me.
Kurt: Oh, fuck off.
Lindsay just stares at them with a freaked-out look on her face.
Lindsay: Well, Hawaiian shirt it is then.
Brian: No fucking chance.

Scene switches to the breakfast table. Brian is wearing a bright orange and red shirt with a leaf print (not marijuana, just like an oak leaf) and cr�me knee length shorts, and Kurt is wearing a florescent pink t-shirt with yellow flowers on, and � length cr�me trousers. They are eating toast. Penny comes in (she's dressed in dark clothes) and shields her eyes.

Penny: Someone get me a visor.
Brian: It's the only clothes we've got!
Kurt: Yeah, don't laugh. You've got to walk to school with us.
(He grins at Brian)
Penny: Ugh.
Lindsay walks in (dressed in dark clothes as well).
Lindsay: Maybe you'd have been off with some women's clothes after all, Kurt.
(Brian chuckles)
Kurt: Oh, fuck off. (He slams down his knife on the table, and camera zooms in on it. And usually where it is engraved "Stainless Steel" or whatever, it is engraved "Thursday")

Song: Hey, Hey by the Planet Smashers. Again it's Ska, so it's lively. Scene switches to them walking to school, and Brian and Kurt stand out really badly. There are people walking around them in dark clothes, and staring.

Lindsay: What are you going to say to Clare? Your story's not that believable.
Kurt: Just tell her the truth, I guess.
Lindsay: Are you sure you'll get your job back?
Brian: Yeah, sure.

Scene switches to the staff room. The Hardest Button To Button is playing by The White Stripes. Clare is talking to everyone, and just saying about bullying, and we only catch half her sentence. Brian and Kurt come in, and everyone's attention turns to them. She stops, and turns around.

Clare: Mr McKenna? Mr Steadman? Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Brian: There was some sort of mix up. Only Matt died, and-
Clare: Damn! (Music screeches to a halt) Well, see me later; I'm free period two, in my office. We need to talk.
Kurt: Well, what do we do for 50 minutes? We can't go home.
Clare: You can cover some lessons. Liz? Get the cover plans for this morning. (She whispers, but we can still hear) and change [insert random teacher's name here] and [ditto]'s slot with theirs.
Liz: (whispers back) Right.
Liz goes off to change the plans. Brian, Kurt, Lindsay and Penny and sit down next to Ewan Ben, and Damien.
Lindsay: Right, this is Kurt and Brian. They're supposed to be dead.
Kurt: Hi.
Damien: Uh, no offence or nothing, but why are you dressed like that?
(Kurt and Brian look at each other, as if to say, "What do we tell them?")
Kurt: Stag do. We got rat-arsed, then stayed over at Penny and Lindsay's.
Brian: Nice one.
Bell rings and everyone leaves slowly. Liz comes back, and catches Kurt and Brian before they go.
Liz: You forgot these.
(Hands over cover plans)
Kurt: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Liz goes off.
Brian: Quick thinking, mate.
Kurt: Even surprised myself. Must be lack of booze.
Brian: Yeah, probably.
(They walk out)

Brian walks in a random classroom. All are noisy, but sitting in their places.
Brian: Settle down.
Class are silent for about 2 seconds, then burst out laughing.
Brian looks confused.
Brian: What?
Girl: We're in England, sir, not the Bahamas!
Brian: (Hurt look on his face) There's a very good reason. (Sits down)
Class await reason, and Brian shrugs.

Scene changes to Kurt's class. The Shin's Fighting In A Sack is playing, but the first bit is only instrumental, so it's just quiet guitar playing. They are all really silent and staring at him.

Kurt: Have I got something on my face? (The lyrics kick in; "Just last night I woke from some un-coincidental dreams...")

Scene changes to Clare's office. Camera is facing Kurt and Brian's back, so we can see Clare in the middle, facing the camera. She is writing with concentration.

Brian: (Hesitantly) So, what exactly did you want to see us about?
Clare: Oh, what? Sorry, Brian. Ah yes, your jobs. (Camera zooms in slowly to a close up of Clare) As I'm sure you have guessed, a few teachers had applied to your jobs after you... died... So your positions have been takes by some other people. Mr Thompson now teaches P.E., and Mr O'Grady teaches IT. You can hang around for the rest of the year, being a supply teacher, and then see if the replacements want to leave or are sacked.
Brian: Will we get paid?
Clare: Yes.
Kurt: We'll do it.
Clare opens a drawer in her desk, and gets two pieces of paper out. She hands it to them.
Brian: What's this?
Clare: Oh, just legal stuff, insurance and that.
Kurt: It says here "Address". We, um, don't have anywhere to live.
Brian: I'm sure Penny and Lindsay will let us stay at theirs.
Kurt: Okay, then.

Scene changes to end of the day. Kurt and Brian are at the car park, with flowers behind their backs. Lindsay and Penny come out, and walk over to them.

Lindsay: Pub?
Penny: (suspiciously) What are you two hiding?
Kurt and Brian are both grinning like mad, and bring the flowers out, and Kurt gives his to Lindsay and Brian gives his to Penny. They both look suspiciously shocked.
Lindsay: What are these for?
Kurt: (Still grinning) No reason.
Penny: Why do I feel like I don't want these?
Brian: (Stops grinning) They're just flowers.
Lindsay: Aw, thanks guys!
Penny: (Still suspicious) Hmm...
They walk along the road, and meet up with the other three new people.
Ben: Are you going to the pub? Why do you have flowers?
Lindsay: So many questions.
Penny: Kurt and Brian gave them to us.
(Kurt and Brian smile at him)
Ben: But aren't you two...
(Awkward pause)
Brian: What?
Ben: Umm.
Kurt: What?
Ben: Doesn't matter.
Kurt and Brian shrug. Brian: Well, no, we're not going to the pub; we've got shopping to do.
Lindsay: Err, why?
Penny: (Suspicious) Buying more flowers?
Kurt: No, clothes.
Lindsay: Oh, of course, the people will have taken your stuff away, won't they?
Brian: And our car, bastards.
Kurt: So we've got to buy more stuff.
Penny: Shouldn't you be saving for a flat?
Brian: But we're staying at yours.
Lindsay: WHAT?
(Everyone stops)
Brian: Well, you're the only friend's we've got, you know.
Kurt: That's true.
(Lindsay and Penny look guilty)
Ewan: Well, see you there then. I'm not waiting any longer.
(The three go, and Lindsay, Penny, Kurt and Brian are left)
Lindsay: What about your parents?
Kurt: I don't speak to my parents.
Brian: Oh, they'll just try to fix me up with some stupid bitch-woman again.
Kurt: Well, I'll have her if you don't want her.
Penny: Right... Well, I suppose you can stay at ours for a bit.
Lindsay: But only 'till you've got your own place and stuff.
Kurt and Brian: Great!
Brian: Thanks for this.
Kurt: Oh, Brian, THIS is the part where we give them the flowers!
Brian: Ah, crap.

Scene changes to the pub, and fruit machines are tooting in the background, as normal. Penny and Lindsay walk in, and go to their table with "the other three".

Penny: Whose round is it?
All (but Penny): Yours. (They all hold up their glasses)
Lindsay: Ugh. (Takes glasses, and goes to the bar)
Ben: So what actually happened with Kurt and Brian?
Penny: They supposedly died, but our friend Matt was driving them to the airport, and then crashed. The police only found his body, but their wallets. Apparently Kurt forgot to pick them up.
Ben: And so they're best friends? Or more?
Penny: (laughing) Just frie-
She thinks for a second, then replies with an evil grin on her face:
Penny: More. They used to live together, before their flat was boarded up.
Ben: And now they're staying at yours. Where will they sleep?
Penny: Why all the questions? They slept on the sofa last night; I expect it will just be the same.
Ben: And you're okay with that?
Penny: Why wouldn't I be?
Damian: Well, I wouldn't want a couple of gays sharing MY sofa.
Lindsay comes back with a tray of drinks.
Lindsay: Hurry, they're slipping!
Everyone takes his or her drinks hurriedly.
Lindsay sits down.
Lindsay: What's the topic of conversation today? Sex?
Penny: Ben fancies Brian and Kurt.
Ben: I do not! I was just asking about them.
Lindsay: Did you answer everything?
Penny: (evilly) Pretty much.

Song: Rudie Can't Fail by The Clash. The scene changes to Kurt and Brian shopping.
They're just in some random shop, and Kurt is browsing an array of shirts.

Kurt: (Holding up a lime green shirt) How does this look on me?
Brian: Too bright.
Kurt: Brilliant.
Brian: Well, don't forget, we only have a limit of �100, so don't spend too much.
Kurt: All right. I'm done.
(They go to pay)
Kurt: What have you got?
Brian: (Holds up a few tracksuits, a pair of trousers, and a shirt, one by one.) Not too shabby.
Woman at till: �46.99 please.
(Kurt hands her money, says thanks, and they both leave.)
Brian: That leaves us with about �7 extra. We can buy something nice for Penny and Lindsay, to say thanks.
Kurt: Like what, soap?
Brian: I don't know, you're the one good at gifts.
Kurt: What about flowers?
Brian: Nah, Penny won't accept them, she'll just be really suspicious.
Kurt: Chocolate.
Brian: See? Genius.
Kurt grins, and they walk off.

Scene shifts to Penny and Lindsay's house. They are sitting of the sofa, and Penny is marking. We can just about hear the TV in the background (but we can't see it).

Presenter: So, where do you live?
Youth: In a barn!
Presenter: Don't you live with your mother?
Youth: She got squashed by a tractor!
Presenter: What about your Grandparents?
Youth: They got squashed by a tractor!
Presenter: Well, don't you have any aunts or uncles?
Youth: They got squashed by a tractor!
Presenter: Right. So, what do you do for a living?
Youth: I drive a tractor!
(Bell rings (not on TV) and Lindsay turns the TV off, and goes to answer it)
Camera follows her to the door. It's Brian and Kurt, with loads of bags.
Kurt: We really should have a key.
Lindsay: (Coldly) Don't push your luck.
Brian: Can you give us a hand?
Lindsay takes one small bag.
Brian and Kurt come in, heaving their bags along with them. They go to the living room (their bedroom), and dump their bags on the floor.
Penny: Hello. What did you buy?
Brian: Just clothes, mostly.
Kurt: And a little something for yourselves.
Penny: (Suspiciously) Not flowers, I hope.
Brian: No, better.
Kurt: (Brings out a box of chocolates) Chocolate!
Lindsay: Ah, I'm on a diet
Kurt: Fuck me!
Penny: No thanks.
Brian: But why?
Lindsay: It was a joke.
Kurt: Ah. So, you don't want them?
Lindsay: No, I DO, I was joking.
Brian: I'm confused.
Penny: (Sarcastically) That's a surprise.
Kurt and Brian sit down on the floor, and Lindsay turns the TV on. There is an awkward silence, where we can only hear the TV (so it's not silence, really...) then Penny gets up.
Penny: I can't concentrate. I'll be in my room if anyone wants me.
Brian and Kurt look up eagerly.
Penny: EXCEPT you two.
They look down again.
TV is mumbling in the background. We can't hear what is says. Lindsay looks at her watch.
Lindsay: So, I guess it's bedtime, right?
Kurt: (Looks at his watch) Shit! I lost track of time.
Lindsay: (sarcastically) Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?
She turns the TV off, and then leaves.
Lindsay: Night.
Brian and Kurt put up their hands in a small wave.
Both: Night.
Kurt: It's your turn to sleep on the floor.
Brian: What? We never took it in turns.
Kurt: Okay, well it's your turn to be booted off the sofa then crawl back on, then.
Brian: Fair enough.

Scene changes to the breakfast table. All are crowded round it, in their pyjamas. Song: Brain Stew by Green Day. The lyrics are really good for this scene: "I'm having trouble trying to sleep/ I'm counting sheep but running out/ As time ticks by still I try..." Brian is drinking coffee in a mug, and his elbow is smashing into Kurt's face.

Kurt: (Sleepily) Brian, get your elbow out my face.
Brian: (Sleepily and dopily) What?
Penny: (Smirking) Were you two up all night?
Kurt: Yeah.
Penny and Lindsay look up, scared.
Kurt: Not like that! It's just it's really small, and whenever Brian moves, I always fall off.
Brian: Well sleep on the floor then!
Kurt: (Meekly) But it's cold...
Penny: Pass the jam, Brian.
Brian falls asleep, and smacks his head on his plate (but is still asleep). Kurt passes Penny the jam instead. Lindsay: (Sarcastically) Well, this is an eventful and cheerful morning.
Penny: You can say that again.
Lindsay: (Sarcastically) Well, this is an eventful and cheerful morning.
Penny: I wasn't serious.
Kurt has been watching them like someone watching a tennis match, and then he falls asleep like Brian.
Lindsay and Penny sigh.

Scene changes to them walking to school. Brian and Kurt are lagging behind them, walking in a two, and are looking really washed out.

Penny: Hurry up you two; we'll never make it at this rate.
(They don't reply)
Lindsay: Ah, leave them, with any luck they'll fall asleep, and we can leave them.
Penny laughs. As they walk past, the letters "FRIDAY" appear on the wall.

Scene changes to school and they're in the staff room. Everything is normal, and Penny, Lindsay, Brian and Kurt walk in. Kurt and Brian go to the canteen/breakfast part of the staff room, and Lindsay and Penny go and sit down next to Ben, Ewan, and Damien.

Ben: What's up with them.
Camera swivels to Brian and Kurt as he points. They are just standing up, and looking blank. Kurt is pouring black coffee into a mug, but it's started to overflow.
Lindsay: Ah, they were up all night.
Damien: Doing what?
Penny: What do you think?
All three look shocked.
Brian and Kurt come over, and sit down. Ben, Ewan, and Damien all stare at them.
Brian: (Groggily) What are you staring at?
Damien: Enjoy yourselves last night?
Kurt: It wasn't too bad. Like every night, really.
Ben: So you do it every night?
Brian: Do what?
Ewan: Sleep toge-
Carol comes in clapping, and cuts off what he was saying. All attention to Clare.
Clare: As I'm sure you've noticed, there are less members of staff with us today. (Everyone looks around)
Clare: So, to cover all the lessons, Liz had drawn up a rota.
(Liz hands out rotas. Brian and Kurt are basically the only ones who receive them.)
Brian: Whoop, full house!
Kurt: Same here.
Lindsay: And you're happy about that?
Brian: More money for us, the closer we are to getting out own flat.
Brian and Kurt smile at each other.
Kurt: Well, see ya.
They leave, and all watch them leaving.

Scene changes to the class with Grint in. Brian walks in.

Brian: Settle down. Right, I'm covering for Mr Johnson, so this must be science, right?
Boy: No, sir, this is Chemistry.
Brian: Close enough.
Grint: (Puts up his hand) Do I recognise you from somewhere?
Brian: I used to teach here.
Grint: No, sorry, don't remember you. (Song comes in: J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Relva) {from Angus} by Green Day (Yeah, I REALLY like Green Day :3))
Brian looks hurt.

Scene switches to Kurt's class. He's drawing a diagram of a penis on the board.
Boy: Oi! You're that small-cock teacher from last year, aren't you?
Kurt: (Sighs then turns around) Who ever told you that were lying.
Girl: Mr. Casey told us. (Class laughs)
Kurt: Well, Mr. Casey is an arse hole.
Different boy: I bet you wish you have a penis that big, sir!
Kurt turns around, then writes on the board in massive letters "NOT TO SCALE"

Scene changes to the pub. Brian and Kurt walk in, and sit down.
Brian: Who's round is it?
Ben: Mine. Lager?
Brian and Kurt nod. Damien goes to bar.
Kurt: So, Ben, what's your favourite movie?
Ben: I dunno really. Umm, The Italian Job. Original, of course.
Brian: But the new one has that sexy woman in.
Ewan: Who?
(By now the music had died down sufficiently enough so we can't hear it, just the normal pub noises)
Brian: You know, the one who drives all the minis.
Kurt: Ugh. But the original had Charlie Chaplin in.
Lindsay: What's so good about him?
Kurt: He's hilarious! You know, with that cockney accent.
Penny: That's not cockney.
Kurt: Yes it is! He pronounces "bloody" "bladdy"!
Penny: Oh, whatever.
Damien comes back, all take their drinks, and he sits down. All drink at the same time, then stop at the same time.

Scene changes to Penny and Lindsay's flat. It's very late, and they all stumble in.
Brian: (slurred) Night.
Lindsay: Mm.
Penny and Lindsay go to their rooms, and Brian and Kurt go to the living room. Camera follows.
Brian and Kurt slump down on the sofa.
Brian: God, my head hurts.
Kurt: All ready? You wait until morning.
Brian: Thank God it's Friday.
(They both fall asleep on each other)
(All goes black)

(All goes light to represent morning)
The camera is on a close up of an analogue (one with hands) clock. The time is 12:59 (P.M., obviously), and still ticking. From elsewhere, we can hear Brian moan.

Brian: My head feels like it's about to explode. Hup!
Kurt: Ah!
(Thump)
Kurt: Brian! You bastard!
Brian: Get off, you twat!
(Thump)
Door creaks open.
Lindsay: Oh God, you could have warned me!
Camera swivels to Brian and Kurt on the floor. Kurt had grabbed hold of Brian's leg, and Brian is trying to crawl away. Doesn't really look like they're doing anything, but Lindsay is just being Lindsay. (And Lindsay is behind the sofa (standing up) with her hands on her hips, and dressed)
Brian: (Getting up) What time is it?
Lindsay: One o' clock precisely. You slept through half the day!
Kurt: (Getting up) Shit! Really?
Lindsay: Well, lunch is nearly ready. We're having toast, eggs, beans and sausages.
(She leaves)
Kurt: (To Brian) But what about breakfast?

The scene changes to the table, and again, all is cramped. Song: Walking Alone by Green Day (God, such a nice song).
Lindsay: Can any of you two cook?
Brian and Kurt shake their heads.
Kurt: When Simon was living with us, he did the cooking.
Brian: No, he promised to, then just shagged Maggie and forgot about us.
Penny: Oh, that reminds me, I need to phone Susan.
Brian: Susan! Do you have her number?
Penny: No, I'm just going to dial anything, and hope it's her.
She picks us the phone, and dials. There is a 4 second pause, and then she says:
Penny: Susan, hi, it's Penny
Kurt: Wow, lucky guess.
Lindsay sighs.
Penny: Yeah, I have some great news, Brian and Kurt and alive! Seriously, listen:
Penny: (To Brian and Kurt) Say something.
Kurt: (Shouts) Penny and I just had great sex!
Penny: See? (Pause) No, that was a joke. (pause) Sure. When? (longer pause) Okay, whenever you like. (Pause) That's fine. Bye then!
Penny puts the phone down.
Penny: She's coming round now.
Brian: Brilliant! Shit, we need to get changed.
Kurt: Yeah, smart stuff.
Brian and Kurt stand up.
Kurt: Don't come in the bath room! The lock's faulty.
Lindsay: (Chuckles) What makes you think I would want to?
Kurt and Brian go off.
Lindsay: So when's she coming round?
Penny: She said now.
Lindsay: How long will she be?
Penny: Oooh, let me look into my magic crystal ball, shall I?
Lindsay rolls her eyes.
(Doorbell rings)
Penny: Answer your question?
Lindsay: (gets up) I'll go.
Camera follows, and she opens the door.
Susan: Hi.
Lindsay: Blimey, that was quick!
Susan: I only live down the road.
Lindsay: Really?
Susan: ...Can I come in?
Lindsay: Oh yeah, sure, sorry.
They go into the sitting room.
Susan: So, where are they?
Lindsay: (Smirks) Getting changed. To give a good impression, I think.
Susan chuckles.
Susan: Can I go and find them?
Lindsay: I think they're in the bathroom.
Susan walks off, and the camera follows. She knocks on the bathroom door.
Susan: Boys?
Brian opens the door, dressed in a white open-necked shirt, and black trousers.
Brian: Susan!
He goes to hug her, but she backs away.
Susan: What the hell happened?
Kurt: (From inside) Long story.
Kurt comes out in a grey shirt, which he hasn't buttoned up yet, and black trousers. He's holding a light blue tie.
Kurt: We were stuck in Spain. But hey, at least we picked up some on the lingo! "Si".
Brian nods in agreement.
Susan walks back to the sitting room, and beckons them to follow. Penny and Lindsay are already there.
Kurt: So, are you still in touch with Simon?
Susan: I live with him.
Brian: Really? As a couple?
Susan: God, no.
Kurt: Didn't he want to see us?
Susan: He's away, working.
Lindsay: Is this the same Simon who came back one last year?
Penny: Really? You're living with him?
Susan: Yeah. It's not so bad.
Brian: What does he do now?
Susan: He works at a supermarket. It's only temporary, until he can find proper work.
Kurt: Can we invite him round sometime, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Maybe.
Penny: Or, maybe not.
Brian looks at his watch. Brian: Shit, Kurt, we have to go.
Kurt: (Looks at Brian's watch) Oh yeah, we better be heading off. We'll be back in about half an hour.
Kurt and Brian leave, and all say goodbye.
Lindsay: How many bedrooms does your house have?
Susan: Three. I get paid pretty well.
Lindsay: I know this sounds really cheeky, but do you have any space for Kurt and Brian? Its just Penny was complaining there's no room, and they can't sleep on the sofa forever.
Susan: Well, they'd have to share a bed; I'm not sharing with Simon.
Lindsay: I'm sure that'd be fine.

Scene changes to Brian and Kurt standing outside their old flat.
Kurt: Are you sure about this?
Brian: We're not dead now, so we can still claim our flat, right?
Kurt: (worriedly) Right.
Brian pushes the door. It opens easily. Brian grins, and goes in. Camera shifts to their flat, and it's completely empty, except for the sofa.
Brian: Look at it! It's a shit hole!
Kurt: It's so... Empty...
Brian: Looks really big, actually.
Kurt: Check your room.
Brian goes off, and Kurt just wanders round in disbelief.
Brian: (From the other room) Margery!
Kurt: What?
Brian: (Coming in with her in his arms) They didn't take Margery! (Margery is their stuffed chicken/rooster thing.)
Kurt: I'll go and see if there's anything in my room.
He goes off, and then we hear a scream, followed by a crash.
Brian: (Walks over, and camera follows) What are you doing, you great twat?
Kurt is half-trapped under boxes and rubbish.
Kurt: (Moans) Give us a hand.
Brian: The irony. Trapped under a pile of socks and tissues.
Kurt: Fuck off!
Brian: Fine. (He walks out)
Kurt: Hey, come back!

The scene changes to the outside of Lindsay and Penny's house. Camera is behind Brian and Kurt, and they are knocking on the door.
Kurt: I think I've broken my arm, you know.
Brian: Ah, quit your whining.
Kurt: Seriously though!
Brian: (Punches Kurt's arm) Does that hurt?
Kurt: Um... Not really...
Lindsay opens the door.
Lindsay: Come in.
Brian and Kurt walk through the doorway, and into the sitting room, camera follows. Lindsay sits down, next to Penny (who is already in the room) and Brian and Kurt just stand up (like lemons!!XD).
Lindsay: We need to talk.
Penny: We have come to a decision. You can't stay here any more.
Brian looks at Kurt, then back at Penny.
Brian: Sorry?
Lindsay: (loud) She said you couldn't stay here any more.
Kurt: But why?
Brian: As we said before, you're the only friends we've got.
Lindsay: (makes that buzzer wrong noise like "NE HEH!") You've got Susan and Simon.
Brian: But Susan hasn't got room, has she?
Penny: (Evilly) Oh yes she has.
Lindsay: We're sorry, but it's too cramped here. You can still walk with us to school if you want. You'll only live down the road.
Kurt: Are you sure there's space?
Lindsay: (pause) You'll have to share a bed.
Brian: No fucking way!
Kurt: I've had enough of that, thanks.
Penny: Well, tough. We really are sorry, but there's too much disturbance.
Kurt: Well, we'll see ourselves out, then!
Kurt and Brian leave. We hear the door shut. Penny and Lindsay look guiltily at each other. Then we head the doorbell go. Kurt: (shouting from outside) Where does Susan live?

Susan and Simon (huzzah!) are sitting on a sofa, and if you've ever seen that episode where Susan and Simon are considering living together, then their living room is exactly like that. If now, I will try to explain/remember it exactly. Their sofa is on the left, and the top end of that (to the camera/us) is next to a single chair. Opposite the sofa, but next to the chair is another single chair ('close enough to pass a packet of crisps' - Simon) positioned in the same fashion as the sofa and the other chair. If you don't get it, there's basically one sofa and two single chairs. There is soft, mellow music playing on a CD player (not part of the sound track).

Simon: So when are Brian and Kurt coming? I can't wait to see them.
Susan: There's something else I need to tell you. They're not just visiting; they're staying here.
Simon: (startled) What? I can't cope with that! Do you know how hard it was for me living with them?
Susan: It'll only be until they find their own place.
Simon: Don't you think it's creepy that they don't want to live separately?
Susan: Ah, they're best friends. They depend on each other.
Simon: Well, they better not muck up my life. Again!
(Door bell rings) Simon: (Getting up, excited) I'll get it!
Susan: Ah ah ah! I'm getting it.
Simon sighs and sits back down again. Susan leaves, and we just hear them talking quietly.
Kurt: Can you believe they threw us out?
Brian: It's not like we were doing anything wrong!
Susan: I'm sure there was a very good reason for it.
(They come in)
Kurt: Simon! (Both drop bags)
Simon leaps up and they all hug.
Simon: Oh, you won't believe how incredibly boring it's been living with Susan. I missed living with you so much!
Susan: Oh? What happened to 'do you know how hard it was for me living with them?'
Simon: (hurriedly) Do you want a drink?
Brian: Lager please.
Kurt: Same here.
Simon: Susan?
Susan: Tonic water, please.
Simon goes off.
Kurt: Wow, nice place.
Brian and Kurt sit down in the individual chairs.
Susan: Thanks. It's taken a lot of work to get it this nice.
Brian: We're really sorry about this, Susan.
Susan: About what?
Brian: About the whole 'we don't have anywhere to live' thing.
Susan: You can't help being dead.
Kurt: Ex-dead.
Susan: Whatever. So, is that all you've got left? (She points to their bags)
Brian: Yeah, and Margery.
Simon comes back in.
Simon: Really? You've still got Margery?
Brian grins.
Simon: We can put her on the window ledge.
Kurt: Erm, she's not water proof, Simon
Simon: I meant on the inside.
Kurt: Oh yeah.
Simon: So, do you want to do anything today?
Brian: There's a fun fair on tonight, at 8.
Susan: I hardly think-
Simon: Great! Can we eat at 7 then, Susan?
Susan: You tell me, you're the chef.
Simon: Then it's sorted!
Susan: Excuse me if I don't come with you, I have a serious piece of work to do. Maybe I should get started on it now.
Simon: Ah, you've got all weekend!
Susan tuts.
Simon: Well, we'll go, won't boys?
Kurt: Yeah!
Brian: Brilliant.

Scene cuts to dinner table. Posh, classical music is playing, and all are sipping wine.
Kurt: This is really great, Simon.
Simon: It's nothing, really, just a few olives in toma-
Brian: (shoots his hand up in the air) I'm done! Can I get down now?
Susan: How old are you, Brian.
Brian: (sarcastically) I'm 3 next week.
Kurt and Simon chuckle.
Simon: I really can't eat any more, I'm stuffed.
Kurt: I've finished.
Brian: Can we go yet?
Kurt: How old ARE you, Brian?
Susan laughs softly.
Susan: Okay, children, you can get down now.
(All rush off)
Susan: (Shouts) And wrap up warm!

Kurt and Brian are waiting by the door, and Simon is putting his coat on.
Brian: Come on, we'll miss the freaks!
Simon: Hold your horses, I'm coming!
Kurt: Brian always gets excited about fun fairs like this, it's not unusual.
Simon: But why?
Kurt: It's the mystery that is Brian Steadman.
Simon laughs, and opens the door.
Brian: We're not walking, are we?
Simon: Don't be stupid, it's miles away. (They walk out, down the steps)
Brian: Oh. WHOA! Is that your car?
Camera swivels to a silver Renault.
Simon: Huh, no. It's Susan's.
Kurt: Are you allowed to drive it?
Simon: Yeah, course!
They get in, and Brian goes in the back, and Kurt in the front. Simon turns on the radio, and on comes Feeder's Buck Rodgers. "He's got a brand new car/ Looks like a Jaguar/ It's got leather seats/ It's got a CD player, player, player..." etcetera.

They arrive in a car park, and walk up to the fair. There's a massive sign saying "CLOSED" on.
Brian: Nooooo!
Kurt: What the hell?
Simon: I think it's closed.
Kurt: (sarcastically) Nuh! You think!
Brian: Oh, this is dreadful!
Simon: Come on, we may as well go back.
They begin walking back. Kurt pats Brian on the back.
Kurt: Never mind, Bri, there's always next year.
Brian: Um, Simon, where's the car?
Simon: (Looks around) Shit! It's fucking disappeared.
Kurt: I'd say stolen.
Simon: Ohh, Susan's going to KILL me.
Brian: What a shitty day!
They begin walking back, and the song Lost in the Supermarket by The Clash comes on. It lasts for 3 mins. 47 seconds, so their just walking and kicking cans along the way and stuff like that. After then song is over, they reach a bridge, and stop in the middle, and walk over to the side. (It's the same bridge Brian kissed Eileen the 'fit dinner lady' on) Brian: I snogged on this bridge once.
Kurt: Lucky you.
Simon: It must have been so romantic; all the scum on the water's surface, illuminated by the moonlight.
Kurt and Simon laugh.
Brian: It was actually.
(Theme music starts playing: The Boy With The Arab Strap by Belle and Sebastian)
Kurt: I don't really fancy being a teacher any more, to be honest.
Brian: Me neither. Everyone's changed too much.
Simon: Well, quit.
Brian: I will.
Kurt: Hey, we should just not go into school, and not say anything.
Brian: (laughing) Yeah.
Simon: It's great to have you back, though.
Brian: You big sap.
Simon: It's true!
Kurt: I missed you too, Simon.
They all hug, and credits come on. They all then start pushing each other over, and other childish acts, and you can hear them laughing behind the music.