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Quotes
What's your favourite quote? Fill in the form below and let us know!
"Year 3 at Loughborough and I still cant spell Physiotherapy" - Kurt taking the Mickey out of Brian
Suggested by Natalie
"What's that thing, politcal...y'know, that thing about dwarves" - Brian's very unPC version of PC
Series 3, Episode 1. Suggested by The Griffs
"And say goodbye to your fruit & veg. Sex toys. If it's not over-ripe it's up for grabs." - Susan
Season 2, Episode 5. Suggested by Chloe
"Has anyone seen Knob? I mean Bob." - Clare
Series 3, Episode 13 Suggested by Simon Fallaha
Lindsay: What would you say separates man from other animals?
Pupil: Fences.
Series 3, Episode 13 Suggested by Simon Fallaha
Brian: "you know what's wrong with Susan, don't you?"
Kurt: "Thrush".
Series 2, Episode 5. Suggested by Matthew Green
"Simon, if you're not happy with your line of work, you should leave. Oh wait, you tried that already, didn't you?" - Penny giving Simon some advice he doesn't need after feeling the strain of Matt leading the English department
Series 3, Episode 8. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
"I never want to see 'for being a mong' in the detention book again." - Clare is having a go at another member of staff after the mental health fair, and this time it's Kurt
Series 3, Episode 5. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
Lindsay: You can't not smoke.
Kurt: Why not?
Lindsay: 'Cause it'd be like YOU (gesturing at Brian) trying to look intelligent! - Lindsay making a valid point following Kurt's decision to give up smoking so he can improve his chances of sex
Series 3, Episode 3. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
"This has nothing to do with you being fat, which you're not, you're just...healthy in a large way." � Brian to Lindsay
Series 3, Episode 1. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
Liz: Have you been encouraging Kayla to engage in casual sex?
Brian: No.
Liz: Well, What's this "Wham, bam, thank you ram" supposed to mean? - Liz reminding Brian that he may have overstepped the line in one of his Biology lessons
Series 2, Episode 7. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
"Because if I stay here I might.....die." - Simon on resigning his job to Clare
Series 2, Epidode 8. Suggested by Dawn Harding
Clare: You can't just buy a f***ing plane ticket on the spur of the f***ing moment
Simon: Well that's what i thought, but travel agents these days - Simon handing in his resignation
Series 2, Episode 8. Suggested by Daz K
Kurt: Brian, word association. Paris
Brian: Croissant
Kurt: Spain
Brian: Bull
Kurt: South America
Brian: Hostage situation - Brian and Kurt on hearing of where Simon is going travelling
Series 2, Episode 8. Suggested by Daz K
"One night of abstinence and she wakes up as Doris fucking Day." - Penny's reaction to Lindsay becoming a superteacher
Series 3, Episode 10. Suggested by Simon Fallaha
"You could always try, 'fuck off and die Carol'" - Simon's advice to Kurt about breaking up with Carol
Series 2, Episode 1. Suggested by Jonny
"If its another suicide attempt, tell them they must try harder." - Kurt
Series 1, Episode 1. Suggested by The Jackal
Kurt: Do you think J.P shagged her?
Brian: No he's gay.
Kurt: Maybe he's bi-sexual?
Brian: Lucky bastard!
Kurt: Hows that?
Brian: Coz you can shag anyone! - Brian and Kurt confused over J.P taking a girl home to the flat.
Series 2, Episode 5. Suggested by Gary Thomson
"Margery's still here; if it was serious he'd have taken
his chicken" - Kurt telling JP not to worry about Brian's disappearance.
Series 2, Episode 4. Suggested by anonymous
"A spastic is someone with cerebral palsy, not someone who misses
an open goal on the football field, Mr Steadman." - Clare giving Brian a ticking off.
Series 3, Episode 5. Suggested by Psi
"I'm trying to manufacture sincerity." - Simon
Series 1, Episode 7. Suggested by Anony-Mouse
"Turn up, say hello, start shagging." - Matt
Series 2, Episode 10.
Suggested by Jennie
Susan: I'm going to have a baby.
Kurt: Can't you get the drinks in first? - Susan telling the group she's going to have a baby
Series 2, Episode 7. Suggested by Tom
"If anybody gets to look at your arse its should be me. It's my birthday." - Simon to Brian.
Series 1, Episode 1. Suggested by Catherine
"Whatever you do, don't fuck it up." - Brian's advice to Simon on interview techniques.
Series 1, Episode 8. Suggested by Catherine
Kurt: It's not looks that are important for the job, is it?
Brian: What is wrong with you? Who killed my friend and put you in his place?
Series 1, Episode 8. Suggested by Catherine
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