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review | transcript | screencaps | quiz Ever notice formulae to some episodes of some American TV programmes? There's one in particular, I call it the 'temporary disability episode', for obvious reasons. In it, the hero of the series suffers some kind of injury, often while saving someone else, and has to learn to cope. During the episode he encounters many difficulties and eventually overcomes them, proving to himself and others that he is no less of a man because he can't walk, or see, or whatever. Then, somewhere near the end he is miraculously healed and everything goes back to normal. When I read the TV guide for this episode, I did, for a moment at least, seriously think that this was going to be one of those. Some crappy, 'uplifting' pile of shite, full of angst and who knows what else. Then I realised, this is Teachers, it wouldn't sink to that! It turns out I was right. The managed to pull of their own version of the formula without being tedious or ludicrously preachy. In fact I think this is one of the best episodes of the series. Okay it was an obvious set up from the beginning, when Kurt says he would never ask for help you just know he's going to have to. Of course Kurt asks for help with everything anyway, so we know he's talking bollocks, but still... I think that scene is saved by look on Kurt's face when he tells the tin shaker to piss off. Have you ever seen anyone look so the pleased with themselves? The sequence as Brian and Kurt walk to school with Kurt trying to avoid yet more tin shakers, each one with T.W.A.T. printed on their backs is fantastic too, it seems strangely reminiscent of shopping in town on a Saturday afternoon. So, Kurt is injured after he and Brian race to the staff room, trying to prove who is fitter, certainly not the heroic cause from the formula, and then manages to lie, groaning, on the floor for who knows how long before Brian comes back in and notices him. I wonder how long he did lie there for, because it doesn't look like anyone missed him in any of his lessons. The first thing I thought when Brian opened the door to find Kurt in his wheelchair was 'he's faking'. It turned out he wasn't, of course, but something about the whole thing just didn't seem to ring true. It looks a lot like Brian dropped him off at the hospital, left him there on his own, and went home. While at the hospital, after waiting for ten hours to be seen (which sounds about average), some doctor tells Kurt that Brian's recovery position has paralysed him, tells him Brian's a twat, gives him a wheelchair and sends him off to make his own way home in the middle of the night. It looks like that is what happened though, because it's obvious from how Kurt is acting that it's for real. I don't think we've ever seen him so pissed off before. Not only that, but don't you just want to give him a big hug when you see that hurt, upset expression on his face when he needs Brian's help to go to the loo, or in the staff room when he goes "someone say something..." The way everyone is acting around Kurt is kind of a caricature of real life; people do do stupid things, like Brian shouting to him and everyone asking questions to Brian instead of Kurt. Not only that, but when he's asked what's the worst thing about being in a wheelchair, Kurt says it's being stared at. These things go very much against the temporary disability episode's formula. American TV doesn't seem to like to show the bad things about people like that. That's why I prefer Teachers! It's a little odd even here though, I mean, even though Teachers is supposed to be set in the real world, we all know that barely anything that happens would happen in the same way in reality. This stuff is a little truer than most, albeit in a funny way. We're back in the Teachers world soon after though, by about half way through the episode Kurt has not only accepted his disability, but the prospect of getting some sex means he actually seems happy about it. When he realises he can walk again, it's the best of both worlds, just look at the satisfied expression on his face in that bit where he rushes back to the sofa, then sends Brian off to get him some chips. Scheming little git, but that's why we love him! From this point on, things just seem to be going better and better for Kurt, he's got his own personal slave in Brian who feels guilty about putting his friend in a wheelchair, and then he's offered a cushy job by Clare, he gets more money and doesn't have to teach, just be in charge of the school's disabled kids. The power immediately goes to Kurt's head as he sets up an office in the disabled toilet. This struck me as more than a little bizarre, won't it be a little inconvenient for Kurt when that kid in the wheelchair needs to use the loo? After a while, (two days, isn't it - or is it three?) Brian starts getting pissed off with Kurt, who wants everything done for him. Well, Brian thought Kurt was taking advantage of him before and it's ten times worse now, so you can't really blame him! When Brian pushes Kurt down the corridor and he sticks his leg out to stop himself, Brian starts getting suspicious of the truth and tries to catch him out. Kurt, meanwhile goes more and more power mad, hiring a signer to repeat things in sign language even though there are no deaf people at the school, insisting that the bell goes because the nonexistent deaf kids wouldn't be able to hear it and asking for the door handles to be removed for the benefit of people with no arms, them, when Carol points out no one will be able to open the doors, saying they should be removed too. This is political correctness times ten, I wonder if anyone sitting at home watching this was actually thinking Kurt was right, I bet there were a few! All Kurt's crazy ideas annoy Clare though, and having the doors removed is the last straw. Kurt gets a taste of the downside of his new job when Clare tells him there are quite a few more than three special needs kids, and he's got to meet some scary parents who will probably want to beat him up. In one of the subplots this week, Brian organises sports day. That bit with Clare insisting on a sack race was great, she gets more and more mental each week, doesn't she? Mind you, so does the whole programme. Kurt forces Brian to put on a disabled race, which he loses, and has the podium that Brian has worked on for days got rid of because a wheelchair can't fit on the top. Brian storms off in a rage, bumps into the parents that want to kill Kurt and show them where he is. This is how Kurt gets found out as a faker, he gets up and runs away, his fear of a beating is obviously worse than his fear of being found out! Another subplot involves a dinner lady, who looks more like a dinner man to me, who hates Lindsay and keeps putting disgusting things in her food. He enters the disabled race and collapses, bringing all the sub plots together when Brian asks Matt to call an ambulance and he doesn't bother. That links to another sub plot where Penny and Lindsay argue about who is more selfish out of Matt and Kurt. You'd have thought Penny was right when Matt doesn't bother phoning an ambulance, but Lindsay takes it as meaning Matt was being nice by letting the evil dinner lady die so she can enjoy her food again. I have to say, I think this thing with Matt is stupid. I know he's not the nicest person in the world, but didn't he seem way out of character here to anyone else? He's not normally that bad, is he? The dinner lady doesn't die though, even though Brian thinks he does. I have to say, I hope Brian's first aid certificate gets taken away after this episode, before he can do any more damage! Did you see how he was doing those heart compressions with his arms bending like that? Even I know that's wrong and all the first aid I've ever done was in PSE at school. Brian is definitely pissed off when he shows the crazy parents where to find Kurt, but he seems remarkable calm later, when he finds him himself to let him know it's safe to come out. Maybe he thinks he's suffered enough, though he's certainly not helping him out any more by the looks of things. Good, serves him right. The final sub plot this week involves Bob, who is about to celebrate his 55th birthday. The poor guy has to organise his own party, I'm going to have to be careful or I'm going to start feeling sorry for Bob soon! I'd definitely give this one a high score, 9/10 I think. It's definitely one of my favourites of season three. Review by Catherine O'Brien | ||