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Simon: Where's Jenny?
Susan: Alec's cooked a meal.
Simon: She's coming down afterwards though?
Susan: Slight suspicion she'll prefer sex.
Brian: She never comes to the pub anymore.
Susan: She was here yesterday.
Brian: Alright, she sometimes never comes to the pub. It's almost as if she's got something better to do.
Penny: She's in a relationship isn't she?
Brian: What's that supposed to mean?
Penny: Nothing. Only that when you're in a relationship there's not much point coming down the pub, is there.
Simon: It may surprise you to know that some of us are here because we enjoy the sense of community and fraternity.
Brian: Kurt! Get a move on with my drink you twat.
Penny: I'm not saying that it's not fun being here, it's just I could think of better things to do.
Simon: Some of us are here because there's nothing we'd rather do with an evening. Take Kurt for example. He's thrilled.
Brian: Kurt, tell Simon why you come here every night without fail.
Kurt: I've got to, just in case.
Simon: In case of what?
Kurt: In case one evening a sexy rich lady stumbles across this pub and invites me back to her apartment for sex.
Simon: Shoot me now.
Kurt: I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't here.

[Brian holds two fingers to Simon's head and pretends to shoot him.]

Cut to Jenny's kitchen, the next morning. Jenny puts two pieces of toast in the toaster. Alec turns the tap on and leans down to the cupboard under the sink. Jenny leans over him and fills the kettle. Alec stands back up and turns the tap off. Jenny puts a tea bag the mugs they are each holding, and pours in the milk, as Alec pours in the boiling water. The toast pops up and Alec catches it and throws it over his shoulder where Jenny catches it on two separate plates. They walk around each other and sit at the table. Alec takes a mouthful of cereal and closes the packet which has the caption: Wednesday.

Cut to them driving into the school grounds. Jenny and Susan both get out the car.

Alec: See you at the usual time.

Cut to Jenny and Susan walking outside the school.

Jenny: Aren't you going to ask?
Susan: Ask what?
Jenny: What's up?
Susan: I think I'll be keeping out of this.
Jenny: Since you asked...
Susan: I didn't.
Jenny: Well could you?
Susan: What's up?
Jenny: Nothing.
Susan: I'm glad to hear it.
Jenny: Why do you think something's up?
Susan: No. You've got the job you always wanted, the flat you've always wanted and Alec.
Jenny: For the first time since I can remember I actually feel secure.
Susan: Isn't that a good thing?
Jenny: No it is. I'm just slightly worried it's not all that exciting.
Simon: (coming up behind them) It's a good job I didn't hear that last bit cos it sounded almost as if you were saying your life wasn't exciting.
Jenny: Go away Simon.
Simon: Relax! This is something we've all had to come to terms with.
Jenny: Really?
Simon: I realised your life wasn't exciting ages ago.

[Jenny and Susan go in the door and shut it behind them before Simon can get in. He opens it and comes inside.

Jenny: (to Simon) Don't you think your life is boring?Cut to the staffroom.

Simon: I can't even believe you asked that question.
Kurt: Which question?
Simon: Don't I think my life is boring?
Kurt: You don't think your life is boring?
Simon: My life is a rich tapestry of experience and diversity. (He opens a packet of tea) We're out of English breakfast!
Brian: What are we talking about?
Simon: Jenny's a bit concerned that her life is boring.
Brian: Oh, that.
Jenny: Well, what do we do? We wake up, shag, go to school. Come home, shag, fall asleep.
Brian: Plus we go to the pub.
Kurt: Didn't know we had that much sex.
Susan: You'll have to substitute shag with wank.
Kurt: Yeah...
Jenny: When you were a child, when you were younger, was this all you thought your life would be?
Brian: Maybe with more sex but basically yeah.
Kurt: I never expected much sex.
Jenny: But don't you think it's all a little bit predictable? Watch. Any second now Penny comes in.

[They watch the entrance.]

Brian: But Penny's always late.

[Penny walks in.]

Jenny: She's always late by the same amount of time. And watch how she always goes straight to her pigeonhole, checks it thoroughly even though she knows there's never anything in it, notices Bob watching her, makes polite small talk with him and then pretends she's got to talk to someone else. (Penny does all this) Cue Clare...

[Clapping from Carol as Clare comes in.]

Clare: Good morning. Owing to the extortionate nature of last month's stationary bill, I've decided we're going to have a stationary amnesty.

[The staff all groan quietly]

Clare: Carol will set up a deposit box in the staff room. Please return any stationary you have lying around otherwise you'll have nothing to write with. We can't be having that, can we?

[Clare exits. The bell goes.] JP: How much stationary did they waste printing memos about not wasting stationary?
Jenny: Stationary amnesty. How exciting!
Bob: English department meeting Friday. We're allocating our departmental library funds.
Simon: Can't wait.

Cut to a corridor. Simon: My life's ok isn't it?
Susan: I wouldn't go that far.

Cut to Simon's classroom.

Simon: Good morning! And I hope you all had as exciting an evening as I did. Katherine!
Katherine: (Into mobile phone) Hold on a sec. (To Simon) Can you hold on a sec? (Into phone) Listen, I've gotta go. I will do. Love you too.
Simon: Right.
Katherine: (Into phone) Don't let them get you down. Bye bye.
Simon: When you've quite finished!
Katherine: (Into phone) Bye! (To Simon) Sorry.
Simon: Perhaps Katherine you'd like to tell us what was so interesting.
Katherine: Oh, it's not that exciting.
Simon: Apparently it's more exciting than what we're doing.
Katherine: We're doing registration.
Simon: Well let's hear it then!
Katherine: Well there's this boy, Shane, he's supposed to be going out with Clare right, who's my best mate. (Simon makes yawning gesture) But Clare caught him snogging Julie, who's a cow. So Clare dumps him and starts seeing Dave who's Shane's best mate.
Simon: His best mate?
Katherine: Except Dave didn't tell Shane, so when Shane starts missing Clare, he goes round to her house and catches them snogging.
Simon: What did he do?
Katherine: He went mental. And now he's "not interested". And Clare's not speaking to Dave cos she doesn't really fancy him, and Dave and Shane don't ever want to speak to each other again.
Simon. Right, it's... it's not actually that interesting though is it, I mean, it's quite interesting point taken, but the fact is we're doing registration which is infinitely more important, if not terribly interesting.

[Katherine's mobile rings.]

Simon: Right that's it, give it here. (He looks at the screen) It's Shane!
Katherine: What does he want?
Simon: No. No no no no no. Actually this is confiscated thank you very much.

Cut to outside. Simon is going through the phonebook on Katherine's mobile.

Susan: Should you really be doing that?
Simon: 216? That can't be right. 216 phone numbers! Shit! (He gets out his phone and checks the phonebook) It's not bad.
Susan: How many?
Simon: I only bought it a couple... Six weeks ago.

[Brian takes it and looks through the phonebook]

Brian: 25.
Simon: I'm sure I knew more people than that.
Susan: It's natural; as people get older they shed friends.
Simon: But I'm already down to my last 25. At this rate I'll be a hermit by the time I'm 30.
JP: Oh, Susan's listed twice, mobile and home.
Simon: 24. It's started already.
Kurt: It's only a list of phone numbers.
Simon: It represents everyone worth knowing in my life.
Kurt: Mr Tandoori?
Simon: It's a curry house.

Cut to the staffroom.

JP: You do realise that one of the numbers on that list is likely to belong to the person you end up marrying.
Simon: That's what they say isn't it. Most people have met the person they're going to marry by the time they're 25, often without them knowing it. Susan, Jenny, Liz, Clare, how depressing.
Susan: Well if it makes you feel any better you can delete my name.
Simon: Sorry, I didn't... It's not that I have any objection to marrying you in theory, it's just that I feel I shouldn't really have to.
Susan: You don't.
Simon: But what JP's saying is that I probably will.
Susan: Trust me you won't. I've done it once remember?
Brian: Plus, Liz is already married.
Simon: Jenny or Clare, it gets worse.
JP: I could see you marrying Clare.
Simon: I thought she was married? Please, she's not my type!
JP: You're so her type!
Simon: I'm far too much of a... loose cannon.
JP: She's bossy, authoritarian, officious, she needs someone who encourages those traits.
Simon: I don't want to marry Clare!
JP: Not now you don't, but someday. Soon.
(Zoom in on Simon) Simon: I'm gonna marry Clare.

Cut to the canteen.

Simon: The point is we're all gonna marry Clare. Metaphorically. On all our phones there's a Clare lurking somewhere, someone you can't believe you'd ever marry, but who one day you'll start considering them as a maybe, and before long it's not such a bad idea, and (draws his finger across his throat).

[JP and Kurt start going through their phones.]

Brian: I've got Kim Wilde's phone number.

[Everyone looks at him.]

Jenny: You know Kim Wilde.
Brian: Not physically.
Jenny: Why have you got her number?
Brian: Don't worry, it's not like I've ever used it.
Jenny: That doesn't reassure me.
Brian: When I was 13 a mate gave it to me. I dunno, I've always kept it, transferred it from one phonebook to the next.
JP: But you've never called her.
Brian: It's just in case I need to.
JP: Why would you need to call Kim Wilde?
Brian: Sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit lonely, I say to myself, "Well if worst comes to worst, I can always give Kim a call". Cheers me up, knowing that I've always got that option. Knowing that however bad things have got, they're not as bad as they could be.
JP: I wouldn't be so sure.
Simon: How do you know it's still her number? Bearing in mind this was 1985, and people occasionally move house every 20 years.
Jenny: Bearing in mind it was almost certainly never her number in the first place and even if by some miracle of cross wiring you actually manage to speak to her the only thing you're likely to hear is screaming.

[Brian reacts.]

Kurt: Just leave it. So who do you reckon you'd choose if you could have one celebrity's number?
Simon: Nice. Good question.
Brian: Remember it's not as simple as who would you want to have sex with. This is someone you'd have to talk to.
Kurt: (pause) Kim Wilde.
Brian: That's the beauty of it!
Kurt: Can I take it down?
Brian: Sure!

Cut to Simon's classroom.

Simon: War poets. Ordinary men who found themselves in extraordinary times. What do we mean by that?
Michelle: They were just ordinary people you know, like you and me, except they had something interesting to write about.
Simon: We've all got something interesting to write about.
Boy: Yeah but with us lot it would be boring wouldn't it.
Simon: Well speak for yourself, I happen to think there's plenty of interesting stuff in my life, providing it was sufficiently edited. Alright, alright, let's try something. How about... I want each of you to take out a piece of paper and write down some of the things that happened to you last week. Take your time with it. Don't worry even if you get stuck. I'll give you ten... fifteen minutes, I'll even do it myself.

[He sits at his desk and writes "My Week" at the top of a sheet of paper. He thinks hard, and looks around and sees all his students writing. He then imagines himself in a bookstore surrounded by copies of his autobiography, ready to sign them. No one is coming near him. He picks up a copy, and realises that it is a very thin book. He opens it and as he tears off the cover we see him back in the classroom tearing the piece of paper he is meant to be writing on.]

Simon: Alright, time's up. Pens down.
Boy: But you said 15 minutes.
Simon: I said stop! Michelle!
Michelle: Just one more minute!
Simon: This isn't an exam, this is just an exercise!

Cut to Kurt's IT room.

Student 1: (to other student) check this out!
(They both laugh)
Student 2: Go and ask him!
Kurt: What's going on?
Student 1: Sir, is this you?

[Kurt looks at the computer and sees a website headed "Kurt McKenna, A man to envy".]

Kurt: Is this some kind of joke?
Student 1: I just put your name in the search engine, this site came out top. You didn't invent a special Hoover filter did you sir?
(The students laugh)

Cut to later. Kurt: He's done everything. He's scaled mountains, walked across Africa for charity. He even had a bit part in the original Rambo movie.
Brian: Oh, bad luck, mate.
JP: And he's got your name.
Kurt: I always thought I'd make something of myself. But this guy's beaten me to it. When the world thinks of Kurt McKenna, it thinks of (American accent) Kurt McKenna.
JP: Where does the real Kurt live?
Kurt: America.
JP: You could still be the British Kurt McKenna.
Kurt: But I'll never be global.

Cut to staffroom.

Susan: When you're young you've got so much to look forward to you don't notice how dull life is. But once you're old you can't entertain yourself by wondering where you'll end up because you're already there.
Simon: It's up to us. We've got to say "That's it. We've had enough. From now on we're going to do something with our lives."
Kurt: Mm.
Brian: Who wants a lift to the pub.
Kurt: Me.
JP: Room for one more?
Brian: Simon?
Simon: The pub's where it all starts. We go in, they give us alcohol, it makes life just bearable enough so we can get out of bed the next day and begin the whole miserable fucking charade again.
Brian: What else is a pub for?
Simon: I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna sit on my sofa and you know what I'm gonna do?
Kurt: Wank?
Brian: Watch telly?
Simon: Television erodes the imaginative capacity, no I'm gonna reawaken my imagination. I'm gonna read a book. And I don't mean porn.

Cut to outside. Jenny walks across the grass as Alec pulls up. She gets in the car.

Jenny: Hiya.
Alec: Hi.
Jenny: I thought we could just go to the pub, with the others, just for a drink. It'll be fun.
Alec: I could pick up a bottle of wine if you want to drink.
Jenny: We don't have to spend every evening, just the two of us at home.
Alec: You spend all day with your teacher friends.
Jenny: I know. I just don't want us to fall into that just where we stop going out just because we've got each other.

[She kisses him.]

Cut to the staffroom.

[Carol walks across to the stationary deposit box with a clipboard. She looks inside where there is a single pencil.]

Cut to the pub.

Alec: Hiya.
Kurt: Hiya.
Brian: Hiya. (They sit down) So, Penny, how do you deal with life being boring?
Penny: I don't think my life is boring.
Kurt: But you're a teacher. That implies failure on some level.
Brian: Pay up.
Simon: (coming in) Reading a book would be like an admission of failure, it's like saying "My life's boring so I'm going to read about someone else's". I don't think I'm ready to admit that just yet. Let's say we drink up and just go to another bar. Somewhere completely different, see what happens.

[They start to drink up and we see them in another bar with fiddle music playing. Then we see them back in the pub.]

Simon: My students get up to more in 24 hours than I do in a month. I've got 24 phone numbers left and my total diet consists of six meals.
Brian: That many?
Simon: I've hardly ever left this town. I don't even know if all the places I hear about actually exist. America, France, Wales...
Jenny: Wales exists. Trust me.
Simon: We're supposed to live in a time where you can do or be anything you want, but I just drift around, incapable of a single original thought or doing anything of any fucking merit or point and even though I know all this I can't do anything about it because... I'm completely shit. (He bangs his head down on the table).
Susan: Why don't you go somewhere then? Take some time off.
Simon: I wish.
Susan: What's stopping you?
Simon: You say that but it's not so easy.
Susan: Just get on a plane.
Simon: Life doesn't work like that.
Susan: Why not?

Cut to Jenny's bedroom.

Alec: Budge up.
Jenny: Go the other side.
Alec: Don't be difficult.
Jenny: I'm not being difficult. I want this side.
Alec: Why are you in such a funny mood?
Jenny: I want to sleep on this side of the bed.

[Alec jumps into bed on her side and tries to push her over. She pinches him hard and he jumps back out again.] Alec: Is this about control?
Jenny: No. I just don't see why we have to get in such a routine about everything.
Alec: What's wrong with a routine?
Jenny: It gets a bit boring.
Alec: I love our routine.

Cut to Kurt and Brian's flat. Kurt and Simon are on the computer.

Simon: Simon Casey, professional darts player. A couple of minor victories on the pro circuit but nothing to get worked up about.
Kurt: Try another search engine.
Simon: I've tried them all.
Kurt: There's gotta be a Simon Casey somewhere.
Simon: Not of any distinction.
Brian: Look on the bright side. The world's still got room for a Simon Casey. It's already got its Kurt McKenna.
Kurt: Kurt McKenna's everywhere.
Simon: Maybe you're right. Maybe it's time I stopped being another Simon Casey and become THE Simon Casey and did something with my life other than flushing it down a toilet. Maybe.

Cut to Jenny and Alec driving to school.

Alec: What was that?
Jenny: What?
Alec: I thought you just said something.
Jenny: Don't think so. I was just thinking.
Alec: What about?
Jenny: Nothing.
Alec: You must have been thinking about something.
Jenny: Does it really matter?

[A Royal Mail van pulls up alongside them with the caption: Thursday.]

Cut to outside the school where Susan is walking in with Jenny.

Jenny: He loves our routine.
Susan: Who?
Jenny: I asked Alec if he was bored with his life. He's happy. Everything's just as he wants it to be.
Susan: Ouch.
Jenny: That worries me.

Cut to the staffroom where Carol is clapping for Clare.

Clare: Good morning everyone. As we all seem incapable of returning any stationary, we've got no choice but to lock the stationary cupboard. (We see JP react to this) If anyone needs any stationary they will please ask Carol, who will get you to sign for it.

[The bell goes.]

Cut to a corridor.

Simon: Travel agents! You literally just have to go in, say you wanna go somewhere and they sell you a ticket!
Susan: I didn't realise it was such a secret.
Simon: I am now the proud owner of one plane ticket.
Susan: Great! Where are you going?
Simon: Ooooh, let me see... South America.
Susan: That's a long way to go for a holiday.
Simon: Holiday? Please. This is for real, it's an open ended ticket. Simon Casey is going travelling.
Susan: When?
Simon: Saturday.
Susan: Which Saturday?
Simon: This Saturday.
Susan: Tell me this is a joke.
Simon: That's what you said, just get on a plane and go.
Susan: For a holiday! Not forever and without a moment's thought!
Simon: I have thought about it. I wanted somewhere hot, exotic, beautiful women... Susan: So you've thought about who's going to teach your class?
Simon: Penny can take my tutor group, it's about time she did some work. And Clare can get a supply to... I dunno! I'm not an expert!
Susan: This is the most irresponsible thing you have ever done.
Simon: It was your idea.
Susan: I said take a break, not get on a plane, quit and never come back.

Cut to Liz and Carol's office.

JP: This weird thing happened. The more I used it the less there was then it just ran out.

[Carol gets out the key to the stationary cupboard, goes and opens it, takes out a pen, locks it, walks back over a sits down. She puts the key away, and hands JP the pen. Then she hands him a clipboard and pen for him to sign, which he does.]

JP: Oh. Can I have a pencil as well?

Cut to the toilets. Simon walks in, knocks on one of the doors and opens it. Susan: Good.
Simon: It's not that I don't want to go, it's just the timing is a tiny bit
Susan: Fucking irresponsible, stupid, selfish. Shall I go on?
Simon: Although it's not a completely fruitless exercise.
Susan: How so?
Simon: Well now I know I can do it. I know that if I want I can walk into a travel agency and get a plane ticket. There's a lesson there for us all.
Susan: No, there's a lesson there for you, Simon.

[She walks out of the cubicle.]

Cut to a stairway.

Jenny: I'm thinking of taking your advice.
Susan: What advice?
Jenny: About breaking up with Alec.
Susan: I never advised you to break up with Alec!
Jenny: I thought you said "You know when it's right, when you have to ask it isn't."
Susan: When did I say that?
Jenny: Once.
Susan: Why does everyone keep assuming I'm giving them advice?
Jenny: So you don't think I should?
Susan: I don't think it's any of my business.
Jenny: I think maybe I should.
Susan: Good.
Jenny: So you think it's a good idea?
Susan: I think it's good that you should come to a decision.
Jenny: So it's a good decision.
Susan: Any decision is good. Decisions are good things.
Jenny: You got divorced, didn't you? You took a decision and changed the biggest thing in your life. Has that helped?
Susan: To be honest it hasn't made much of a difference. I have the same job, same friends, same amount of sex, just more duvet.

Cut to the canteen.

Simon: You're not gonna believe this.
Susan: They wouldn't refund your ticket.
Simon: I went back, I said "I've made a mistake, I was upset..." You knew?
Susan: The real giveaway was the word "non-refundable" printed in big letters at the top.

[Simon looks at his ticket.]

Simon: Well, I only ever read the small print.
Susan: Put it down to experience.
Simon: What a waste of money!
Susan: Don't even think about getting on that plane.
Simon: Maybe this is fate's way of telling me I should go.
Susan: Maybe this is your way of fucking up.
Simon: If I decide to go you can't tell anyone.
Susan: If you decide to go you've got to tell Clare straight away.
Simon: Can't I just run away?
Susan: This one you've got to tackle like an adult.
Simon: Shit.

Cut to Simon in the playground deep in thought.

Cut to the pub.

Kurt: You decide.
Brian: It's your turn.
Kurt: I chose last time.
Jenny: What's the best way of breaking up with someone?
Brian: You've come to the right man.
Jenny: What do you know about breaking up with someone?
Brian: I'm always getting dumped. You wouldn't believe some of the excuses I've heard.
Kurt: I tend to work the reverse angle. You know, I start getting o their nerves, doing the wrong thing, and after a couple of weeks you'll find they'll end it for you.
Brian: Very subtle.
Kurt: Mm. Often I don't even realise I'm doing it.
Simon: I've decided to quit my job and go travelling.
Brian: So, what's Alec done?
Jenny: He hasn't done anything.
Kurt: You don't fancy him do you? Happens.
Jenny: No, I just don't find him that exciting anymore.
Kurt: Right, you don't find him attractive do you?
Simon: I'm serious.
Jenny: I find him attractive.
Brian: Yeah but do you...
Jenny: I like having sex with him.
Brian: So you find him attractive, and you like having sex with him.
Kurt: I don't see what the problem is.
Jenny: We have a personality clash.
Brian: Go on.
Jenny: We don't have anything in common other than we like having sex together.
Brian: Women are very confusing.
Susan: So, how are you going to tell him?
Jenny: These things are always handled with sensitivity and a level head.

[She downs the rest of her drink.]

Simon: I've got a plane ticket and everything!

[Kurt takes it from him.]

Kurt: South America?
Simon: What's wrong with South America?
Kurt: Brian, word association. Paris.
Brian: Croissant.
Kurt: Spain.
Brian: Bull.
Kurt: South America.
Brian: Hostage situation.
Kurt: Practically a national activity in that part of the world.

Cut to outside the pub. Simon, Brian and Kurt come out.

Simon: You've got to promise me, no leaving party, no presents, no ceremony, I just want to go without a fuss.
Brian: No problem.
Kurt: Yeah.
Simon: Seriously, promise me.
Brian: Not even a large cake with a naked woman hiding inside.
(They all laugh)
Simon: What kind of cake?
Brian: Dunno. It was just as a point of reference.
Simon: Not even a naked woman in a large cake, although I think I'd be prepared to forgive you if you ordered one.
Brian: I wasn't going to.
Simon: No, but if you did.
Brian: She'd have massive tits.

Cut to Jenny's bedroom. Alec is in bed. Jenny wanders in and nearly trips over.

Jenny: Fuck.

[She goes to the bedside table and knocks several things over before she finally turns the lamp on.]

Jenny: (whispering) Are you awake?
Alec: How could I not be?
Jenny: We need to have a serious discussion.
Alec: Can this wait until the morning?
Jenny: This is important.
Alec: You're drunk.
Jenny: I like you a lot Alec. You're a very nice man and you have a lovely face. But...Where's the alarm clock?
Alec: You knocked it onto the floor. Jenny: I'm not sure where we are, you know?
Alec: This is your bedroom.
Jenny: I don't mean me, I mean us. Where are we headed?

[She tries to sit at the end of the bed with her feet up, but instead she crashes to the floor.]

Jenny: I'm not in love with you Alec.
Alec: If this is about the side of the bed, you can have this side of the bed.
Jenny: I like having sex with you but that's it.
Alec: Go to sleep.
Jenny: (frustrated) Listen to me!
Alec: You're making no sense.
Jenny: You're very, very boring and I'm going to break up with you. You're broken up with.

Cut to Kurt and Brian's flat. The four guys are lying on the floor.

Simon: It's just occurred to me, I don't think I've taken a proper decision for years. Not a proper one, one that actually changed something. I mean, when was the last time you made an important decision?
Brian: When we got cable.
JP: I tend to see my life a series of happy accidents.
Simon: That's my point. We don't take decisions anymore, we just drift along. Everyday, we're faced with millions of choices but we rarely take any of them.
Kurt: I make choices.
Simon: You don't. You couldn't even choose to, I don't know, stand up. If you wanted to stand up right now and just go over to the fridge and get me, JP and Brian a beer, you wouldn't, you couldn't.
Kurt: (Sitting up) Fuck you.
Simon: Lie back down Moses.

[Kurt gets up goes to the fridge and gets them beers.]

Kurt: There. You see?
The rest of them laugh, and sit up.
JP: I'm really gonna miss you.
Simon: Bender.
Brian: Me too.
Simon: Poof.
Kurt: I'm not.
Simon: Twat.
Brian: Yes you are.
Kurt: I might do, but in a cool way.
Simon: Thanks.

[They drink up and all belch.]

Cut to Jenny's bedroom the next morning. Alec puts two pills in a glass of water.

Alec: Wakey, wakey.
Jenny moans. Alec: Here you go.
Jenny: My head hurts. (She takes the glass from him) What happened?
Alec: You got very drunk.
Jenny: God. Did I do anything stupid?
Alec: You threw up a couple of times, you broke a lamp, and oh yes, you dumped me.
Jenny: Did I? Shit. I feel terrible.
Alec: Don't worry about it. These things happen when you're drunk.
(He kisses her and exits)

Cut to Jenny's kitchen.

Alec: You need to get a move on if you're going to have breakfast.
Jenny: How do you mean "these things happen when you're drunk"?
Alec: Let's just forget about it. Pretend it never happened.
Jenny: But I broke up with you.
Alec: Well we often do things we regret when we're drunk.
Jenny: What if I don't regret it?
Alec: You don't regret the way you behaved last night?
Jenny: I regret the way I did it but not what I did. I was being serious. I know I was drunk and I was insensitive, but I meant what I said.

Cut to Simon biking through Bristol. He pulls up in front of a lollipop lady.

Simon: Morning.
Lollipop lady: Morning.
Simon: This is the last time we're ever going to do this.
Lollipop lady: Do what?
Simon: Me, like this.
Lollipop lady: Oh.
Simon: Only I've been passing you every morning for almost a year now and I know we never say hello, and maybe we should. Although it's a bit late for that. But in a strange way I'm gonna miss you, not saying hello to.

[Cars behind sound their horns and she walks back to the pavement, and Simon bikes on, looking at the sky where a plane spells out the caption: Friday.]

Cut to the staffroom.

Simon; This is the last time I'm ever going to come into this place with a hangover. I'm gonna miss it.
Susan: Have you spoken to Clare yet?
Simon: Give me a minute!
Susan: Do it now before school starts.
Simon: It's not easy. Handing in your resignation is like breaking up with someone. (To Jenny) How did you handle it?
Jenny: Got drunk, called him boring, passed out on the floor.
Simon: And how would you recommend that strategy?
Susan: Simon!
Simon: I'm going!

Cut to Liz and Carol's office.

JP: (To Carol) 15 pens in 2 days, I know. But what can I say?

[Carol looks at him, then unlocks the stationary cupboard and takes out a pen, locking it behind her.]

JP: And I'll have one of those whiteboard compasses as well. (Off Carol's look) Venn diagrams.

[Carol unlocks the cupboard and hands him a whiteboard compass as Clare's buzzer goes.]

Cut to Clare's office.

Simon: (Looking in) Hello.
Clare: Yes?

[Simon makes to leave.]