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On this page, I'll witter on about nothing in particular, hoping to speak some sense by sheer fluke. If I'm astonishingly lucky, I might even make someone laugh! Basically, I'll write down gibberish whenever I'm tired, and whatever I write goes here. Unedited.
That's why this is all such meaningless crap, you see.
(That's called irony.)
Shaving's a real pain, isn't it? I'm looking forward to the time when I work and I'm important enough to dress how I want and not shave. Then I could work 24 hours growing a beard. A foot-long'd be nice.
If you had a gun that had a spring system so powerful it could fire air at a high velocity, then you wouldn't need to pay any money for bullets. Or, if it only stung, you could use it instead of a cattle prod. No money spent on electricity!
Guns are really bad though. I mean, they give people the power to distance themselves from the act of killing, they make killing a relatively easy act, and they basically mean that you could be killed by anyone just like that. It's scary. If a madman had some sort of projectile-firing weapon, then your life could end just like that, without any warning.
Having said that, having the experience of a madman rush up to you with a knife before you get stabbed to death wouldn't be that great either.
It's amazing how at every point in the day, we're at risk of being killed - by a madman, a bomb, a car accident and so on. Man, we take so many things for granted including the notion that we'll live to see tomorrow.
It's remarkable how words try to convey an idea that has nothing to do with that sound or collection of shapes. Kanji's a derivative of pictires, though. And I suppose you can only shout in so many ways...
Music's brilliant.
But, I mean if you read a book, you're just looking at all these shapes, and then an idea comes into your head. It's like a recording of ideas. And those ideas have nothing to do with that collection of shapes. Crazy!
Chloemadmanofantopolis would be a strange name for a child. You'd be wandering down the street when you're 28 or whatever and you'd see this person you hadn't seen since secondary school.
'Hey Chloemadmadnofantopolis!', you'd say, 'How've you been?'
However, if somebody really was called Chloemadmanofantopolis, people would probably just call them Chloe. Unless that person was male. Then they could call him Bob. Or Chlob. 'Hi, Chlob!'
Should you do big things or little things first? On the one hand, little things take less time to do, so you might as well get them out of the way. On the other hand, big things are more important. I suppose you need to assess every situation seperately.
And I suppose I need to stop talking rubbish.
But, thing is, people don't understand how difficult it is to never talk rubbish. Most people talk rubbish a few times a day for the hell of it - just for fun, but when I type it, it has the unfortunate effect of meaning that it will be more closely scrutinised, simply because it is recorded.
If you've read this far, all I can say is 'Wow. Do you enjoy reading a load of rubbish?'
Yeah... I definitely need some better material.
So many things in life are brilliant - things which we never really take the time to appreciate. Things like underwear. And bottles.
I mean, bottles are such a brilliant way of carrying fluids. Don't take them for granted.
And music. The way that you listen to a few sounds which can evoke a variety of emotions, and stimulate various thoughts in your head.
CDs are totally amazing. You have this little silver disk, and you put it into a thing which then starts making noise. And if you put a different silver disk in, you get a different noise. And you can press little buttons and you can change the noise you hear. It's amazing!
If you eat a pack of 'Munchies' (a chocolatey treat), you will notice that some Munchies face one direction and some face the other. Why is this? There is no pattern to the Munchis' orientation. Not one that I can discern anyway. Ah... the mysteries of life.
I had a teacher who used to constantly ask, 'Are you mental? Are you deranged?'
Maybe he was talking to himself. He seemes crazy enough to question his sanity...
Today, I saw 4 cherries whose stalks were connected. Most people have seen 3 connected in this way, but I'm sure it must be rare for 4 to be connected to one-another. If you have seen 4 or more connected, e-mail me and write '4 or more' in the subject line.
It's nice to be able to say goodbye, because you're obviously with the other person at the time.
It's nice to say goodbye, as opposed to saying nothing.
If sausages were alive, would they celebrate Christmas?
I used to think that they all would - after all, sausages seem like a fun sort of food, which - to me at least - would indicate that they'd be fun-loving things, if they were alive. Even if they weren't Christian, they would surely party with everyone else, simply having a good time.
However, a friend of mine recently pointed out my stupidity. After all, thinking that Frankfurters, chipolatas and lorne sausages would behave in the same way were they alive, is surely rather foolish.
I made up a joke yesterday. What do you call someone who can't stop combining numbers to find their total?
An add-ict.
The Milky Bar Kid has really become a selfish bastard recently. I remember the old days, when he used to wander somewhere, stop a criminal from perpetrating some crime and then give away a load of Milky Bars out of the goodness of his heart. 'The Milky Bars are on me,' he'd cry. Now, however, all he seems to do is go about trying to get his own Milky Bars back. He never stops to think that maybe if his plant wants a Milky Bar anough to start moving itself, maybe it deserves it more than him? Surely he could spend 30p (or however much it is) on a gift for his potted plant... but no. He has to have all the Milky Bars himself.
Selfish bastard.
Listen, just because your name's Christopher, it doesn't mean you have to vomit chestnuts into a birds nest. Only do so if you want to - don't give in to peer pressure.
As I watered the plants in the garden, I listened to the rain splashing on the ground beneath my feet. Something was slightly wrong, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Maybe it was the fact that an orangutang was standing behind me, ready to scratch his nuts.
As the Death of Hope said to me, going to the toilet is really important. If you need to urinate or defecate that is - there's not much point in just going for the hell of it. But, don't let me stop you going for another reason if you particularly want to - just remember to goto urinate as well. Don't hold it in; don't ruin your kidneys.
When no-one laughs at one of my jokes, I sometimes shout 'Laugh!' It used to work, but now everyone just looks at me as if I'm crazy. Maybe I am.
What's the big deal about quadrilaterals? Pentagons are much nicer, in my opinion.
I also like circles. And spirals. Spirals are good, trailing off into infinity, retaining its shape all the way as it illustrates the descent of our lives - born at our best and finishing at our worst - all the while doing nothing important, simply existing for no purpose whatsoever.
Sorry about going on a bit there - spirals do that to me.
You know, one day I was just walking down to the shop as normal when people started calling me Jesus. I asked my friend why and he joked that maybe I had long hair, a beard, and was wearing nothing but a dressing gown and sandals.
Strangely enough, He was actually right. Except I was also wearing underpants. And a watch.
No wonder I was cold. In future, I think I'll wear a vest as well.
Why are wires normally black? More wires should be a deep shade of bluish purple. Like that extension cable I bought a few months ago. That's a nice colour.
The worst colour of all though, is that horrible yellowy cream colour. Unfortunately, this is the colour that all telephone cables are.
People often say that violence solves nothing. But killing a few of my schoolmates certainly stopped them picking on me.
What sex do you think hermaphrodites are attracted to?
As we pass fields, my mother sometimes comments on how peaceful and content the cows look. But I'm not really sure if this is true. I personally think that they look incredibly bored.
Bursting spots and bursting bubble wrap are 2 things that I can never understand people wanting to do. However, I just realised the other day that these 2 activities probably excite the same king of people.
Maybe people who do these things are more likely to become bomb maniacs.
Have you ever noticed the fact that the words 'top of page' have the initials t-o-p? amazing, isn't it?