me!

Chapter 43

I was feeling pretty good about myself again. I was on the verge of figuring out how to get the computer to 'talk' to me. It had to do with George. He was the key. I had been talking to him every chance that I got. Sometimes it would respond to me and move this way or that or make sounds at me. Somehow I had managed to say or do something that had caused George to follow me all around. I don't know what had caused that, but it allowed me to spend more time trying out different words and sounds on it.

Toni had a droid that would follow her around sometimes but she didn't speak to it as much as I did to George so sometimes it would wonder off and find something to clean. At night Toni and I would sit around and shoot the breeze. When we did George would be sure to be there. We got a kick out of the way it would act just like it was listening to us. I knew that it couldn't really understand what we were saying but it was funny how it seemed to heed us.

Toni and I were both getting more than a little edgy over how long Killer had been gone. The second week we had gotten nervous. On the third week we talked about rationing our food and before the week was out we did begin cutting back on our supplies. Week four brought up discussions on how we might be able to hike out of there. We didn't want to have to put ourselves in a position where we would have to be rescued. If that happened the police would be sure to get called in then we would be identified and hard to answer questions would be asked.

We were just about in a position where we had to consider sacrificing ourselves in order to protect the machine, whatever it was. Toni finally came up with the idea that if Killer didn't show up soon it would fall to us to get out with the information where the machine was so that even though something might have happened to Killer the advantage of knowing about the machine would stay with the CBs.

***

The very last day that Toni and I planned to remain in the alien complex Killer showed up. Toni and I were both fantastically relieved. I didn't relish the idea of walking back to the edge of the frontier. It was probably between 100 to 200 kilometers back to civilization. We would have probably died out on the desert.

Toni was relieved that we didn't have to try to hike out--and the fact that there was a man for her to be around. She was really weird. She was so unbelievably turned on all the time. I found it very hard to imagine what it was like for her.

I was surprised to learn from Killer that Ralph was concerned about my whereabouts. Ralph did have a thing for me. I was shocked. Who would have thought a dweeb would allow himself to feel an attraction for a CB? What made it even harder to understand was the fact that we're talking about a dweeb cop. He should know better than anyone about what he would be letting himself in for. I wanted to put the idea from my mind. I mean I was complimented and all that but I already had a man and besides...

Killer kept talking about Ralph. He was worried what kind of trouble Ralph would stir up looking for me. Dick was in the hot seat. He had to pretend that I was on some hiking trip. I don't know who came up with that excuse for my absence.

We had all the supplies we would need for six months. Killer had brought along a spare computer for Toni as well as a video recording camera to help me. Best of all Killer had a radio for us.

It was a very trick two-way radio with a built-in recorder and clock. It wasn't something you'd find at your nearest pawn shop. Those features weren't just some random collection of gadgets. It was very fresh. You could record a message to send at such and such time on whatever channel. Say you wanted to send a message to Killer and he would be listening at three in the morning, but you didn't feel like staying up that late. Just record the message and set what time you wanted it transmitted. Inversely you could set it to record what was being transmitted from someone else at four in the morning.

That was the deal. Killer would send us messages at four in the morning and we could send him messages at three in the morning and our trick radios would make everything easy to do. By transmitting at certain times we could send messages and not have them traced back to us.

It was a good idea, a great idea!

Killer had brought along some more clothes for Toni and me to wear, brand new clothes. He said he had thought he was just going to be able to get our old clothes at Dick's place but he had been worried about that cop, Ralph, asking too many questions so he had just gotten our sizes and bought new stuff for Toni and me. What the hey, Killer was loaded.

I had been upset with him because he had made me think I was going to starve to death waiting for him to bring me and Toni food then when he had brought along not only food and everything else we had asked for as well as the radio and new clothes I was grateful to him. I was also ashamed of myself for how little I had accomplished while he had been away.

It was embarrassing. I had been goofing off too much. I could've done more. I had been pacing myself so that I wouldn't 'burn' myself out and done such a good job at that that I hadn't done much at all. I was almost relieved when Killer said he would be leaving the following night. The only good thing I could report to Killer was what I had been able to do with George which wasn't really all that much.

Toni was disappointed that Killer wouldn't be around any longer than one night. She had some plans for Killer. She had told me all about what she was going to do with him in bed while we had been waiting for him to return.

That night I slept down in the control room.

Toni embarrassed me with the way she acted around a man. She saw a man and immediately began thinking about getting into bed with him. I mean, I like doing time in the sack with a guy, I'm no prude. All that's great, but not all the time!

She could be like a machine. I had never seen her wear a guy out or give him a bad time. She was never refused when she started making her little suggestions. It just wasn't for me--not like that. I guess I preferred things more in moderation.

***

Killer had come and gone. Toni had been satisfied for one day. I had began anew trying to do something to justify Killer's faith in me. I felt I had to prove myself to him, still I was up against a stone wall. Nothing I did seemed to help. I tried punching keys on the alien computer until my fingers were sore and I talked to George until I was nearly horse. Nothing worked. Nothing helped. I was still at a loss to get anything more done. I began to believe that Killer had the wrong girl. I just didn't feel like I was pulling my own weight.

That may have been the reason Toni and I got into our first big fight. We had had arguments before. You can imagine how it was with the two of us living so close together with so much time on our hands. There were so many differences between us. My almost being a dweeb had attracted Toni's curiosity--at first, but after awhile the novelty began to wear off. Toni's attitude towards men had been amusing to me at first but the more I watched her the more I felt like she was just a big slut.

We were in the sleeping area and we had watched the video receiver until we had had our fill. We were both restless when she began bragging about her night with Killer.

"I don't get you, Toni. Why do you have to sleep with every guy you meet? I thought you had a thing with Dick but, oh no, you have to go on a conquest every time you see something with a dick!"

She looked at me startled. She had been in mid-brag about Killer when I had burst her bubble and it took a minute for what I said to sink in. "Weeeellll. Look at you, Miss Frozen Pop-Sickle. Maybe if you'd give up a little of it every now and then you wouldn't feel so left out."

"I don't feel left out! I just happen to believe that there is something special about a relationship! I believe in being faithful to the men I love!"

"Ooooo. Aren't we self-righteous! If I were you Cookie I wouldn't talk! When's the last time you got some? Hmmm? Sid, right? I've had him dozens of times, he's ok, but I've had better than that."

"You bitch! I know you've probably been with him but don't you try to throw that in my face! I'll tell you one thing: you'll never have him again!"

"Ha! Watch who you're calling a bitch! I could mop up this floor with you if I wanted to. As it just so happens I love being called a bitch. It suits me."

"It sure does!"

"Ha! Who I go to bed with is none of your business. Think of it like this: I'd rather go to bed with every man ever born than to never go to bed with any of them!"

I looked at her. I was so mad I could fight. "That doesn't even make sense, Toni!"

"Probably not to you. You think you're doing something for Sid and he doesn't even know about it. What good does that do you? Do you like going around horny all the time?"

"You're the one with hot drawers, Toni. I'm doing fine!"

"If you're so great then why are we having this argument? I thought we were arguing because it upset you to think that everybody in the whole world is getting it--except for you. What do you want the rest of us to do? Just because you won't allow yourself to get any doesn't necessarily mean the rest of us have to stop and wait until you catch up! You want to play little Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes? Well that's fine, just don't blame the rest of us when the fit is too uncomfortable!"

"Oh shut up!"I shouted at her. "You just think with your pussy!" I got up ready to fight. "You don't have a brain!" I looked down at her. I was a little bigger than her yet I felt sure that she could have mopped the floor with me, as promised, if I didn't get out of there. "I don't know why I'm even trying to talk with you! You make me sick!" I grabbed my pillow and blanket and I high-tailed it before she started after me.

I spent the night in one of the offices. I felt terrible. I didn't know if it was because Toni and I had fought or because of the terrible things she had said to me. I cried angrily into my pillow until I feel asleep. The next day Toni and I didn't speak to each other. It was several days before we began talking.

We ran into each other in the shower room. There is nothing more alien than an alien shower room/bath room. There were things in there we could only guess what their purpose was. There were things we used as commodes only there were three varieties. We had guessed there may have been three different sexes among the aliens. The showers were next to dangerous. There were nozzles in there directed in every direction possible and when they came on they sprayed hot water, lots of it, and with too much pressure.

Toni had just gotten her shower for the night.

"Cripes!" she growled as she tried to get some water out of her ear. "I think I just got a liter of water pumped into my head. It's a good thing I had my legs together or I'd look like I was pregnant!" she laughed.

I saw a mental picture of Toni with 50 liters of hot soapy water inside of her looking like she was ready to give birth at any moment and I laughed. "When you were ready to give birth and your water broke you'd drown the doctor!"

She looked at me offended for a minute then I think she saw the same picture I was imagining. "Ha! That would be wild. Gad! What a sight! Whew!"

"Or you could give yourself an enema anytime you wanted. The army could use you as a secret weapon! Hah!"

"Oh, that's awful, Cookie. I just imagined what that battlefield would look like! The other side would figure out how to do it and there'd be all these women on each side- ready--aim--fire!"

"Ouuuee! Yuk! Stop! It would end war as we know it! It would end war forever!"

We laughed at the thought of it. It felt good to hear Toni's voice again. It felt good to joke around. "Toni, let's be friends again..."

"Sure kid. I kinda missed you. I'm sorry about all those things I said to you. I know you're just trying to be faithful to Sid. I think that's great. I wish I had me one steady man I could count on."

"Don't say that, Toni. There's nothing wrong with playing the field. I guess I just got upset because I have been holding it inside for so long."

"Maybe you do need a guy. If you want I'll leave Killer alone the next time he comes and maybe you and he can get together..."

"No! Thanks, I'll just hold it in and try not to get jealous any more. That's the solution."

"I've got some sex toys. You wanna borrow some of them?"

I wrinkled up my nose.

"I didn't think so, Cookie. Well, I'll just try to not talk about it around you, how's that?"

"No, it's ok. In fact I think it might help some. In any case it doesn't hurt. I'm fine now. I guess I just had one of my days."

"Me too, Cookie. Look, We've got some steaks. You do what you were going to do and I'll be cookin' them up. How's that sound? Besides I just want to talk for awhile, ok?"

"Sounds good. I'll be out in about ten minutes."

"Great Cookie. Uh...sorry about the fight..."

"Me too--now go cook me a steak!" I told her with a laugh. I was glad we had made up.

***

We ate steak and salad and we drank wine. We were very happy.

"I thought you and Dick were going to be a number, Toni. What happened there?"

"You keep forgetting that I knew all the people you live around for a long time before you ever showed up. I think I know what's confusing you. You move in and there's no Toni around so you carve your little niche and you think you're in. Then when I come waltzing back in you think you know those people better than I do. Wrongo Cookie!"

"Yea, I guess. I suppose I wanted to see Dick get a woman--he's a wonderful guy."

"There's a slight age difference, Cookie."

I looked at Toni. She looked like a young woman just beginning to flower into womanhood. About 18 or maybe 20 years of age. That's what she looked like. I knew she was much older than that, at least 40 years old. "How old are the two of you--if I may ask?"

"He's twenty. I'm sixty five."

"Yeow! I never would have guessed!"

"Yeah I know, he looks a lot younger than that." Toni kidded me.

Of course the big news was that she was so old. She sure didn't act it. "Let's see...you're 65 and have the body of a 18-year old...it should last for 60 more years...so you can expect to live 125 years..."

"Would you like to bury me now?"

"Sorry Toni."

"It's ok. I knew I was shortening my life when I had the first revamp at twenty. I don't regret it though. I'm glad I went ahead and got changed when I did. I did manage to find a good husband and I was fortunate enough to raise his son for 19 wonderful years--but I'd never do it again!"

"Which part?"

"The marrying part. The child-raising part. It was great and I'll always treasure what I had but the pain it has left me is too much to risk again. I guess that's why I just like to fool around. I don't ever want any attachments that strong again. When you have that much it's just too big a risk that you might lose it all."

"Ow Toni! You sound like you're giving up!"

"Do I act like someone who has given up?"

"No."

"I'm just limiting myself. At least, that's what it started out as. Now-a-days I just enjoy it. I let 'em know right off the bat that I'm in it just for the kicks. I don't need or want anything more. I like my lifestyle. It's free and open and honest."

"Don't you think you'll ever settle down with just one guy again?"

"I hope not!"

I laughed. "You're hopeless!"

"Yep. I do alright, Cookie."

"What about later? You look great right now, but in twenty or so years you had better have found someone who will stick with you in your life."

"I know that's what you believe, Cookie, but why? What's to say you can't just get along on your own. Being alone means you are available for everyone. Isn't that better than dedicating your life to just one person?"

"When you get old and can't do for yourself you'll need someone devoted enough to do the things you can't do."

"Oh, is that what Sid is--an insurance policy? Will he be your wet nurse when you need one? I don't need or want that."

"Turn it around Toni. I want to be there for Sid when he can't do for himself. I want to be his wet nurse, Toni."

"Yuk! I'll tell that to Sid the next time I see him!"

"Don't you dare! I just mean I want to grow old with him!"

"Bullshit! You might believe that but don't ask me to. That's not love. That's dedication or loyalty. He could get a dog for crying out loud! Love means not wanting to be apart. That has nothing to do with growing old together."

"Well I do love him!"

"I don't doubt it for a minute, but you're missing the point, Cookie! Shucks. What I'm saying is I don't need love to grow old and be happy. It would be...could be great to find love again, but I hope I don't. I still love my old man. He may be dead but I still remember him and I hate that we are apart. I don't need another love. What I do need is lots and lots of lovin'!"

"Sex."

"Yep."

"I guess that's alright."

"See that Cookie? You're ruined! If it hadn't been for Sid you could have been out there ballin' everything in sight! You're a good-lookin' thang. You could have had your choice of men. Just use 'em once then throw 'em back--until you need 'em again!"

"That's just not me, Toni. I like being in love with Sid and every minute we are apart is just another reason we are going to be happy when we get back together again."

"Mmmm...I remember feeling like that. It was grand, I have to admit. I guess there's no reason you can't enjoy that just as much as I enjoy getting all the sex as I can." She laughed to herself then said, "You're a love pervert!"

It made sense. When you think about it it was bizarre to love a man who was locked up away from me. Look at it from Toni's point of view.

We talked a little longer then retired for the night. I felt good about what was going on around me. If I could have had Sid things would have been perfect!

***

-Sid was frustrated. He had spent his time in prison waiting for the moment he would get out and when he finally had gotten out he had found himself locked up all over again by Killer. He wanted to do what he could to help Killer and the cause. He felt sure that Killer could make things better. Maybe the revolution that many CBs wanted would never come, that didn't matter to Sid as much as the idea of being on Killer's good side. When you hang around money some of it rubs off on you.

Admittedly Sid was more than a little bit proud that his girl, Cookie, was doing something to help the cause. He didn't know what exactly because no one would tell him. Then there was the other side of the coin, Sid was a little piqued that he couldn't get to Cookie and maybe even a little jealous. Sid had more than a year of sexual deprivation to release and was frustrated that he was barred from the one person he should be releasing it on/with. He considered it a blip to be attached to someone who was so much of a dweeb. To Sid it was tantamount to dating outside your own species.

There was one girl/woman near where Sid was being kept and Sid could not make up his mind if he was glad if she was there or not. She was delightful to look at. Sid hadn't realized just how much he had missed the sound of a female voice until he heard her talking. He had missed the scent of a woman too. He was a young man in the midst of his sexual prime.

-Killer had been relieved when Sid had agreed to stay out of sight working in one of his offices. Sid couldn't do much more than act as an errand boy and even then he couldn't be allowed outside of the building. Killer had been ready to offer Sid much more if that was what it took to keep him out of sight and if that hadn't been enough Killer had considered other options--the cause must go on!

-Dick had insisted that Killer let him go to be with Cookie. He was tired of being harassed by Ralph and more than a little worried about the safety and well being of both Cookie and Toni. Killer had offered Dick the same deal he had given Sid. Once Dick realized that there was nothing he could do to convince Killer to letting him go be with the girls he opted to stay where he was and put up with Ralph. The less he knew the less he might be tempted to let Ralph know.

-Ralph was determined to find out what was going on. He had almost come to the point of clubbing Dick over the head to make him talk. If he had thought that Dick could have told him anything that would be useful he would have pounded him, gleefully. Not that he didn't like Dick somewhat, for a CB. He didn't know what was driving him so hard. He was well aware of the fact that if it had been any other woman on his beat he would have just kept an eye open and waited to see where she would turn up. There was something about Cookie that interested Ralph.

-Edward Tegor was worried about his little girl too. His life was supposedly better since she had been gone but he missed her. He had been surprised when he found out she had moved. He blamed himself for that, that she hadn't told him. He hadn't gone to see her as much as he should have. He had been torn in two directions at once. He had wanted to see his 'peaches' but with his wife. That had proved impossible. In all the time that Sue had been away from home he had only convinced his wife to go with him once. She had done everything to stop him from going to see Sue.

"You only have one daughter now. Give her your attention. You are only hurting Sue by going down there to see her. She has her own life now--the one she was meant to live." She had told him.

When he had returned home that day he had found out that Sue had moved and left no forwarding address his wife had told him, "Now it's done. It's finally over with. She cut the cord when you couldn't. She wants you to forget her--either that or she's forgotten you!" That had hurt. He hadn't forgiven his wife completely for saying that. When that nice policeman had come to his door and told Edward that Sue was missing he had been devastated. He felt that he should have been there to protect her. Suddenly it had been too late--she had just become another statistic.

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