Gender: Getting Beyond the Differences
Now I won't deny that women often have it pretty rough in life throughout the world. But being a male isn't necessarily "easy" - - I should know, because I am one.
In the United States alone, discrimination against men is very present, as it is against women. People tend to point out that women have rape in our society (and throughout the rest of the world) to deal with. Well believe it or not, men get raped too. There are many same-sex relationships in which one of the two male husbands is forcively raped by the other. The same can happen in same-sex female relationships. And just because they're gay doesn't make these rapes any more or less severe than heterosexual rapes. Plus males are raped by other males and females are raped by other females in prisons everyday! And children - - BOTH girls and boys are sexually molested and abused on a daily basis. But for some reason, the media doesn't like to talk about it. All we ever hear about is how women are being raped. People will argue that that's because there are more women being raped. But do we really know that? How many times do you think men or boys who are raped fail to report it because they are too embarassed? Society has trained males into thinking that it's "shameful" to show vulnerability or need. It's time for a reality check: rape is wrong no matter who is raped - - it is a violation of human rights, and it is also quite juvenile to classify the rape of one person as "worse" than the rape of someone else.
People too often point to reasons such as menstration, menopause, having breasts, or job discrimination as reasons why "women have it 'harder' than men, men have it 'easier' than women." Well I always think to myself, WHAT FAIRY TALE ARE THEY LIVING IN?! Males also have health problems, and it's unfair to downplay males' biological disadvantages simply because we are restricted to our own male bodies.
For example, males possess larger amounts of testosterone than females do which commonly triggers severe acne. Yes, testosterone dominance in males rather than estrogen dominance in females is a large cause of acne. I have had annoying acne on my back and chest ever since age 11, and it is hell to live with. I would love to make it go away - - there are times when my skin hurts because of this. I envy other males who get to have clear, smooth backs and chests - - I can only hope that my medication will clear up my skin someday before I become too old to enjoy it anymore. Yes, females can get acne too, and the more rare cross-section of females who possess large amounts of testosterone and contract severe acne should be treated with just as much care and concern as males who have severe acne; but testosterone is medically the biological trigger of acne, and while there are exceptions, testosterone is the dominant hormonal gland in the male body.
And don't even get me started on prostate cancer, colon cancer, the numerous psychological disorders found so frequently in large amounts of males (very well attributed to unfair traditionalist expectations enforced upon males by society. Plus there are males who have to get painful circumcisions as teenagers or adults, because their penis foreskin became infected . . . which could have been prevented if they had been circumcised as babies.
Insurance companies charge males higher rates for car insurance than females. Their "reasoning" behind this is that statistically males get into more car accidents than females. So those of us males who ARE careful drivers have to suffer because of males who aren't?! This is blatant gender discrimination! Why can't everyone start off with equal car insurance rates, and then be subject to higher rates based on past vehicle/accident history? I don't see what's so unreasonable about that.
And WHY IN THE HELL do males have to sign up for Selective Service at age 18, but females don't??!! So our government is not only saying that females are "incapable" of serving in combat, but that males are "expected" to serve in a war during a draft??!! I don't think so! I would spend the rest of my life in prison before serving in a war! I would give up my citizenship before serving in a war! I personally believe that females should be able to serve in combat if they meet the applicable military requirements and are militarily-qualified to withstand combat conditions, held to equitable military standards as male soliders . . . but no American, male or female, should be FORCED to fight in a war!! I would have been the first one in line to burn my draft card during Vietnam (had I been alive back then). Selective Service is absolutely and utterly RIDICULOUS, and as a male I am offended by it! I am proud to say as a male that I WILL NEVER ACTUALLY FIGHT IN A WAR! AND NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO FORCE ME TO! If this is the type of country we American males are living in, then I'm not so sure I want to live in this country anymore.
Part of this must begin with how we raise our children. As someone who will never have kids of my own, I become dramatically concerned when I see the types of families some children are raised in. There are hateful, ill-mannered, prejudiced adults who pass on these traits to their children.
So we need to take steps to remedy the situation. First, we need to stop blaming large groups of people for things. What has happened in the past is in the past. Various cultures and ethnic groups have had global conflict throughout history. We can study the past to understand what happened and learn from history...but we MUST NOT make our children feel guilty about their heritage or point fingers at ethnic/racial groups and genders.
We MUST NOT enforce stereotypes. If someone is a certain race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, they should not be socially persecuted. It happens in modern society, and all kinds of people from all walks of life do it. And people of all races, genders, religions, and sexual orientations can be victims of it.
As humans, we must be responsible. We cannot expect all young boys to act "macho" or all young girls to act "demure." From a very early age, preposterous "standards" or social "guidelines" are set to segregate girls and boys: girls' toys and boys' toys, girls' colors and boys' colors, girls' mannerisms and boys' mannerisms.
Boys need to know that it's okay for them to cry and feel vulnerable or hug other boys. Girls need to know that they don't have to keep silent if they have thoughts and opinions to share. It works the other way (as traditionally taught): boys can be vocal on issues that matter to them, girls can show vulnerability if hurt or upset and give affection. Young boys and young girls must be shown that it is okay for them to express themselves multi-dimensionally.
Two of my least favorite myths are how "males are independent, females are dependent" . . . and also the equally stupid myth, "males are dependent, females are independent." Ahem! I consider myself very independent as a person, especially as a gay male. I personally tend to be most "dependent" (if at all) in the company or companionship of other males. I get along well with females whom I share a platonic relationship or mutual trust - - but I very much cherish male companionship (regardless of sexuality). And there's nothing wrong with heterosexual males expressing non-sexual love and closeness for other males, as well.
Who says that the man has to pay for a date when he goes out with a woman? Why can't the man and woman each pay for their own meal/expenses independently? Fortunately, that seems to be a growing contemporary trend. But then there's the old-fashioned notion of women doing the housework and men working outdoors. Well gender shouldn't play a part in hobbies, interests, or abilities. I happen to personally hate being outdoors, while I love being indoors. But it varies from person to person, regardless of gender or sexuality. To each her or his own, I say.
As a male, I am insulted by the stereotype that I am expected to kill bugs or lift things or play sports because of my gender. The same way females shouldn't be expected to cook, clean the house, sew, or "dress pretty" because of their gender. I'm totally unathletic, as are many other males (hetero, gay, and bi). Likewise, there are numerous females who have outstanding athletic abilities. But just because a male is unathletic doesn't mean he's "gay" (although in my case, the stereotype happens to be true simply because of who I am). Just like an athletic female isn't necessarily a lesbian (but there are lesbians who are good athletes - - should that be held against them?!)
How we wear our hair shouldn't matter either. Traditionally, males are expected to have short hair while females are expected to have long hair. Well, some females look great with short hair, while some males look great with long hair. Gender shouldn't matter when it comes to hairstyle.
Go here to read You might be a Feminazi if . . . and its companion piece, You might be a Masculinazi if . . .
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